Many people are familiar with the term “computer nerd,” which usually refers to someone who is skilled with computers, and devotes most of his/her/it's time to them. But what about the complete morons, who have no idea what's going on, yet hog computers anyway? They are the dorks. But how can you distinguish the dorks from the nerds? More importantly, how do you know whether or not you ARE a dork? Read on, and you may soon understand that...


I think I got a little bit ''carried away'' with this graphic.
Using the Operating System...

(note: many of these apply specifically to Windows 9x dorks. If you use Unix, MacIntosh, or whatever the Hell those other operating systems are called, don't rule out the possibility that you might be a dork. There will always be hope, little friend>

...all of your alert sounds are 5 second long quotes from “The Simpsons” or “South Park.”

...you have purchased a device that allows you to watch television on your computer, and use “WebTV” on your actual television.

...you spent more than $2,000 (United States currency, not that weird Canadian “money”)on it and just play Minesweeper all day.

...you have an extensive library of sound files featuring a media figure (ex. Barney) saying something, followed immediately by a violent sound effect (ex. gun shot), and laugh hysterically every time that you play it.

...you think that no one can beat your high scores in the tetris type rip-off games that you play.

...you refuse to believe that a problem might be the computer's fault.

...you refuse to believe that a problem might be YOUR fault.

...whenever the computer displays an error message, you reformat the hard-drive because it “had a virus”.

...after you heard about the Year 2000 problem, you set your computer's clock back a few years.
Online...


...all that a web page needs for you to bookmark it (or send to the “favorites” menu, whatever) is to say “bookmark this page!”

...you thoroughly read every “once in a lifetime offer” that you recieve via E-mail/post.

...you honestly consider clicking on “pop-up” advertisements, and sometimes do.

...you leave annonymous death threats in the guestbooks of people who don't agree with you.

...you replace the letter S with Z as frequently as possible.

...you think that blinking/scrolling text “looks cool.”

...you consider yourself to be a “hacker” after downloading “WaReZ.”

...you use lots of  “quotation marks.” Heyyy... Well, I never said that I WASN'T a dork, did I? Did I?! Answer me, Pogspammit!
In Chat Areas...


...every line that you type includes a “smiley,” misspelling, vague acronym or letter/number(s) in place of words (ex. “u r gr8” in place of “you are great” ).

...you use special programs that scroll windows, manipulate text, or disconnect people from their “service,”. And then you call yourself a “hacker.”

...you think “TOS” is a verb.

...you can't feel secure without making an “age/sex check” every time a new person appears.

...you conduct polls and repeatedly enter your own choice.
@--}--} a rose 4 ya! :)
...YoU aLtErNaTe BeTwEeN cApItAl AnD lOwErCaSe LeTtErS.

...YOU ALWAYS TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS.

...you refer to people as “newbies” if they don't understand your weird jargon.

...you pretend that you really ARE whatever your “online persona” says you are.
The America OnLine screennames are allowed to be really long now.  I suppose that it's better than having those ridiculous ''36Ma309h'' type names.
...you have “LOL” ready on your clipboard, at all times.

''My hideous, fixed gaze will haunt you to your grave.''
Thith wuth firtht uploaded on 9/19/99, but it wuth made a few daythe earlier by Roneldo, mmmkay? It wuth theriouthly edited on 11/21/99 mmmkay? Buh-bye.