On December 26th, 1999, around 1:00 am, I received a rather odd "instant message." For those of you who are fortunate enough to not be burdened with America OnLine, (or don't use newer versions of NETScape) an Instant Message is a method of online communication only slightly less annoying than a "chatroom." Anyone who knows your "screenname" (that's an AOL thing) can send you one, as well as unsolicited mail (SPAM) as it is also your E-mail address. This is the actual exchange that took place, though a few names have been changed, to "protect the innocent," although I can't say that this idiot really deserves it.
If the text is the wrong colour or wrong size, don't bother telling me. I've done all that I can.

Snokpeal 12:           hi
Snokpeal 12:           what is up
Snokpeal 12:            lol
Snokpeal 12:            lol
Snokpeal 12:           lol
Snokpeal 12:           hii
Snokpeal 12:           my name is ??
Snokpeal 12:          i live on clear view road
Roneldo:              Is this Ian?
Snokpeal 12:        no
Snokpeal 12:          do u like scary movies
In this case, "Ian" is referring to one of my
brothers, whom I assumed to be sending me this
from a friend's computer, as has happenned in
the past.
Roneldo:                   Who is this then?
Snokpeal 12:           well lets see
Snokpeal 12:           my name is shik
Snokpeal 12:          well i come from india
Roneldo:                   What kind of a name is "Shik?"
Snokpeal 12:           i am a gondi
Snokpeal 12:           j/k my name is gina
Snokpeal 12:           i live near u and ur brother i am good friends with him
Snokpeal 12:           he is not here
Snokpeal 12:           lol
Snokpeal 12:           lol
Snokpeal 12:           lol
Snokpeal 12:           lol
Roneldo:                  Are you that gay midget "AJ?"
Snokpeal 12:          yeah lol
I said "gay" because "AJ" is the type of person
who takes great offense at such a word.
Roneldo:                   "Gay" as in happy.
Roneldo:                   Happy to be a midget.
Roneldo:                  Visit The Spam Headwound. I really did put that  link in there.
Roneldo:                  Because I said so.
Snokpeal 12:          oh ok
Snokpeal 12:         this is gina though
Snokpeal 12:         i am like umm totally col
Roneldo:                  I don't know who that is.
Snokpeal 12:        cool
Roneldo:                  Shut up.
Snokpeal 12:          well now u do
Snokpeal 12:          il kick ur ass
Roneldo:              No, I don't.
Snokpeal 12:         umm yeah
Snokpeal 12:          yeah
Snokpeal 12:          yeah

Snokpeal 12:         lol
Snokpeal 12:         lol
Snokpeal 12:         lol
Snokpeal 12:         lol
Snokpeal 12:         lolololololoolololollolo
Snokpeal 12:  Most of these page breaks are not my doing.
Roneldo:                 Are you going to stop?
Snokpeal 12:        yeah sorry
Roneldo:             How do you know my "screen name?"
Snokpeal 12:         mike onry
Snokpeal 12:         conry
Snokpeal 12:         he likes u
"Mike" refers to the regular sized cousin
of the afore mentioned "AJ," whose
abbreviated name was oddly enough
not changed.

Snokpeal 12:         he says ur sexy
Roneldo:             He told you my screen name?
Snokpeal 12:         no
Snokpeal 12:         aj
Snokpeal 12:         did
Roneldo:             Then how did Mike come into this?
Snokpeal 12:         well a membe of the clear veiw road is at my house
Snokpeal 12:         he is at my house
In the case that you are confused,  I live
on a street (actually, in a house) known
as Clearview Avenue. I do not however,
know what this person is talking about.
Snokpeal 12:         lol
Roneldo:                 You are an idiot. I speak the truth.
Snokpeal 12:         yeah right
Snokpeal 12:         thanx
Snokpeal 12:         i wish
Snokpeal 12:         well scince i was 12 i am 13 and then 14 and then 15
Roneldo:            You should look into "Hooked on Phonics."
Snokpeal 12:         yes
Snokpeal 12:        ok
Snokpeal 12:         thanx
Snokpeal 12:         do they hereaol
Snokpeal 12:         u do school
Roneldo:                 What?
Snokpeal 12:         u do school
Roneldo:                 "Hereaol?"
Snokpeal 12:         well hooked on phonics works 4 me
Roneldo:                 Clearly it doesn't.
Snokpeal 12:         well like i said u do school?
Snokpeal 12:         do u have a doggy
Snokpeal 12:         or a minie me
Roneldo:                 Like I said, "what?"
Snokpeal 12:         ur stupid!!
Roneldo:                 U R 2!
Roneldo:             U R N F N S O!
Roneldo:             ROTFFLMAOOMFB!
I stopped being civil at this point.
Snokpeal 12:         yeah u speak japonise?
Snokpeal 12:         r u jewish
Snokpeal 12:         do u speak quanza Apparently Kwanzaa is a language now.
Snokpeal 12:         ???
Snokpeal 12:         dont spill it drink lololololololo
Snokpeal 12:          j/k
Roneldo:                  l/m/o/p
Roneldo:             q/w/d
Notice how cleverly I covered up
my mistake.  Because I'm clever.
And stuff.
Snokpeal 12:         what?
Snokpeal 12:         speak english
Snokpeal 12:         so what r u doing
Roneldo:                 My, how the tables have turned...
Snokpeal 12:         r u normal
 Remember that I hadn't finished typing
most of my responses before this
person had sent me more garbage to
respond to.
Snokpeal 12:         or r u retarted
Roneldo:                 I'm responding to your idiotic Instant Messages.
Snokpeal 12:         ok
Roneldo:                 ko
Snokpeal 12:        well i think ill go i ahve company
Roneldo:                 lo
Roneldo:             lolololoolololololololollololololololololollllllll
I attempt to communicate with the locals.
Snokpeal 12:         my cousin candace
Roneldo:                 The dime lady!
Snokpeal 12:         lolololololoolololololoololololololololoololololoolololol
Snokpeal 12:         well do u do drugs??
Snokpeal 12:         i think so
Snokpeal 12:         tell ian i said hi
Roneldo:                 "You can do drugs, or you can do school, but you can't do both."
Snokpeal 12:         aj is online that is how i got it
Snokpeal 12:         i like that
From one of NBC's more oddly
worded public service
Snokpeal 12:        but ill pick drugs?
Roneldo:                 I can't tell Ian anything because I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
Snokpeal 12:         OK FROM THE BEGING
Snokpeal 12:         MY NAME IS GINA I COME IN PEACE!!
Snokpeal 12:         ET PHONE HOME
 I swear (not literally.  I should
say promise) that this is all true.
Except for the names.
Roneldo:                 What is a "beging?"
Snokpeal 12:         I CANT SPEEL
Snokpeal 12:         SEE TOLD U
Roneldo:             And who is "Gina?"
Snokpeal 12:         UMM ..... ME
Roneldo:                 And you are...?
Snokpeal 12:         GINA
Roneldo:                Gina who?
Snokpeal 12:         DO U WANT ME TO SAY IT WITH U
Snokpeal 12:        G...
Snokpeal 12:         i...
Snokpeal 12:         n...
Snokpeal 12:         a..
Snokpeal 12:         ok my last mane is ibm i am a millonar
Snokpeal 12:         ok and hooked on the phoics didnt work 4 me
Snokpeal 12:         i got my money back
Snokpeal 12:         i hate spam
Roneldo:                Have I ever met you?
Snokpeal 12:         yes
Snokpeal 12:         i am at ur door
Snokpeal 12:         y hello!!
Snokpeal 12:         hewfbwyudvchids
Roneldo:               That's impossible.
Snokpeal 12:         y
Snokpeal 12:         u live in a little shack
Snokpeal 12:        r u in agood mood?
Roneldo:                No. I never am.
Snokpeal 12:        oh then y do u talk to gina???
Snokpeal 12:        she liiiike uu
Roneldo:                What?
Snokpeal 12:         will u go out with me i really like u
Snokpeal 12:         i seen u walk at deli
Snokpeal 12:         ok??
 I live near a place called simply
"The Deli." It's run by Italian people,
much like everything else in the tiny
hamlet of East Haven.

Snokpeal 12:         u r 16'???
Roneldo:                 I can't recall ever meeting a "Gina."
Snokpeal 12:         ok end the """"
Roneldo:                 "Why?"
I was wondering when that
would start bothering people.
Snokpeal 12:         because .. they r """""gay"""
Snokpeal 12:        ok""
Roneldo:                 Is "gay" an insult now?
Snokpeal 12:         happy
Snokpeal 12:         do u liek spam
Roneldo:               I realize that.
Snokpeal 12:         i liek it very much
 "Realize" with a "z" never looked
quite right to me.
Roneldo:                Whoopth.
Roneldo:             You just said that you hated SPAM.
Snokpeal 12:         well ummm i like it now
Snokpeal 12:         can we eat it tomarrow at ur house?
Snokpeal 12:        i like ur spam shirt
Although I do have a Spam shirt,
I still don't know who this is.
Roneldo:               No.
Snokpeal 12:         u wore it
Roneldo:                No.
Roneldo:            No.
Roneldo:            No.
Roneldo:            And... NO.
Snokpeal 12:       can i call u
Snokpeal 12:        wanna talk
Snokpeal 12:        talk?
Roneldo:              No.
Snokpeal 12:        talk
Roneldo:                Yes. My legendary confusion tactics.

Snokpeal 12:        y not i like talk
Roneldo:                 No.
Snokpeal 12:        so cani ahve it ill give u mine! Isn't this scary?

Snokpeal 12:         lol
Roneldo:                WHAT?!
Snokpeal 12:        cn we trade #?
Snokpeal 12:         can*
Snokpeal 12:         i live near u
Snokpeal 12:         mine is
Roneldo:               I can't understand your unusual language.
Snokpeal 12:        ok me have # me want urs
Snokpeal 12:        You can do drugs, or you can do school, but you can't do both."
Snokpeal 12:      ohh
Snokpeal 12:        k?
 Up until this point, we were
using different FONTs, which
indicates that a "copy and paste"
prodedure was employed.
Snokpeal 12:      i stole ur line
Roneldo:            I'm putting this on my "web page."  You don't think I meant it, do you?
Snokpeal 12:      what?
Snokpeal 12:      well i ahve to go!
Snokpeal 12:      bye
Roneldo:            Finally.

Oh Pog no! There's more!

''In the year 2000, computers will be convinced that it is the year 1900. They will support president McKinley, grow handlebar mustaches, and crack the heads of the filthy Irish.''

This was originally uploaded on 12/26/99 by Roneldo. I think.