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Quips and Quotations of My Own

Initially this section had been titled 'Capricious Quips' in the hopes that most of what was written is in a lighthearted vein but now and then I come across bits and pieces of my consciousness that are sort of in the middle of the scale; not necessarily pleasant or unpleasant in tone. Nevertheless, I feel I should write them down anyway because I think writing things down is a good way of keeping track of how you think.

You'll notice that parts of this section have been taken from the main page at Et cetera simply because they fit in well amongst the rest of them. However, most of this page consists only of things that I think about that have amused at least one person in the past. Those are the credentials for putting my quips on a page like this. That way I know that at least somebody thinks that it's worth my while.

By definition a homosexual is a person who is attracted to another of the same gender, correct? Correct. And by definition, a bisexual is someone who is attracted to members of both genders, right? Right. Now, suppose you're a hermaphrodite and you're only attracted to other hermaphrodites. Are you a bisexual or are you a homosexual?

I sometimes wonder if we have enough of it to cover the entire world in a thin layer of instant gravy.

I think the band Semisonic would still be around if they didn't choose to release "Closing Time" as their debut single.

You rarely here the adjective "supple" in a sentence that isn't describing breasts.

Solids, liquids and gases just don't cover it. We need a fourth state of matter for things like pudding, mayo and cheez whiz.

Every once in awhile, I throw a fresh tomato in the garbage for my own amusement.

Have you ever been standing where there's more than one refridgerator standing side-by-side? And you're just casually backing up while your mind wanders. Then, out of the corner of your eye, you see someone else in the room open one of the refridgerator doors at the exact same time as you accidentally back into one of the other ones? And for just a second, you think that the other person was purposely opening the door just to hit you with it? But then you realize that they're not even the same fridge and it was just a meaningless coincidence? But even then you somehow believe that the other person had malicious intentions? So then you hold a grudge against them forever? No? Hm, I guess I'm the only one.

2 plus 2 equals 4, but nobody seems to give a shit.

I realized that I have absolutely no idea what mayonnaise tastes like. I consume it frequently and actually order extra mayo when I have the opportunity, but I do that purely for the creamy texture. I don't know what it tastes like. I would just have a spoonful but...well, it's just sacrilege.

I've looked it over and purple is definitely a derivative of brown.

Aladdin was the protagonist in the movie of the same name and I'll bet there were over a hundred overprotective mothers in this country that bitched about the film because it somehow communicates that stealing is condonable. Yes, that's right, because Aladdin is the protagonist who lived on the street and stole bread to survive, this movie is evil. Now I'm just waiting for the "If Aladdin jumped off a bridge, would you do it to?" lecture to echo in homes across the nation.

You know what's dreadfully annoying? REALLY enthusiastic British people.

I've been wondering exactly how much soda pop I have consumed in my lifetime versus my brother. I have three years living experience on him but christ he drinks a lot of pop. I'd like to see a graph or something. Additionally, I also wonder how many full heads of human hair I've eaten over the years.

If you've ever read a piece of poetry that speaks to you, you're probably hearing things.

Have you ever seen a crudely drawn and badly colored image of a hamburger? If you ever see these, you'll notice that all of the condiments are very similar in shape and you can only distinguish between them by what color they are. Yellow is mustard and ketchup is red, etc. When we see that green blotch of paint, we automatically assume it's lettuce. But I've been thinking....what if it's all relish?

It seems so much quieter in the bathroom if you turn the lights off.

In the land of the free and the home of the brave, you're not free to say certain things because others are too cowardly to listen to it.



moc.emani@12406310