Penile Complaints

Penis, I love you but we need to make some rules.

1.) No Morning Wood No more stretching when we wake up I don't like that. When you do that it really hurts to put on pants. And when I pee I have to bend over to get it in the toilet. That is very uncomfortable.

2.)Why do I pee so loudly Stop that.. we don't want the neighbors to hear. Some people think I have a pet horse.I 'm gonna develop "You" cancer if you don't stop peeing so loud. Don't do it.

3.) Go to sleep while I'm at school Don't stand up when I see hot girls at school.... it hurts.

4.)Don't venture out of your house. When you stick your head out the first door when the second door is closing that isn't safe. You could get stuck... that hurts. You could even get your head cut off.. that really hurts. So it's better to be safe then sorry. And sometimes you do that in the locker room. Don't! The guys yell at me. (They're just jealous of how big and strong you are.)

and the most important of all

5.) Learn How to Scratch Yourself Dammit!! (No Explanation Necessary)