Worker's Compensation

Dear Unimportant Fans,

Due to a recent lack of funds, I decided to take up a job as a bricklayer. I was injured and therefore filed a request for Worker's Compensation and extra aid of medical bills from my insurance company. When they sent a letter asking for an explanation of the forms I had submitted to them, this was my reply.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of an 80-foot parking garage. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools, mortar and spare bricks. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which was fortunately attached to the railing at the top of the building. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the building loaded the tools, mortar, and bricks into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 300 pounds of tools, mortar, and bricks.

You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 126 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools, mortar, and bricks hit the ground, and upon contact with the sidewalk the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. However my head hit the pile of brick with great force, explaining the major concussion.

I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, mortar and bricks in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope. The barrel the proceeded to speed back down the side of the building towards me. It made contact with my face and cause the broken jaw, nose, and the sever lacerations and contusions.

Read it a few times... You'll get it...