Straight from the eternal Darkness where the fire burns but does not consume.
Hi everyone, this is Clay writing a rant directly form hell, see I died and apparently this is where I am doomed to spend eternity. but Beelzebub himself says I can get out of it and go back to earth, all I have to do Is spend 15 minutes with him in the shack on the outskirts of town. Anything goes. so I'm debating. I'm sure you are wondering how exactly I died, so, I'll tell you.
Well I had read that they are gonna Realease a new Pauly Shore Movie so right then and there I knew I had to do some drinking. I went over to gibby's and broke into their house and got 1 24-pack of bud cans. I drank them all. In an hour. so you can guess i was pretty intoxicated. so i decided it's about 2:00 AM, I might as well journey into town. So here I am walking along and I step out onto the street and bam this truck slams right into this old Lady, wow she flew like ten feet. but anyway I decide I might as well go down go the local Adult Bookstore and scramble myself up some porn. I walk into the door go straight back to you the Gay Midget Bestiality and who do I see. Mini-me, of course, and David Hasselhoff, I had to get out of there so I ran down the street but somehow I wandered into a showing of Bio-Dome and then as i heard the hoorible detah that is Pauly Shore I shot Myself....in the face.....16 times. and as my spirit floated away I saw mike Beating up the popcorn guy with an inflatable Doll of Ben's Mom.
well that's it that's my story. I think I'm gonna take Satan up on that fifteen minute deal. I'm scared but anything to get outta hell. 'Cuz man, my balls can't take this heat'