Look at the Size of that one!

I can hear you!

Plain and simple, I want my bathroom to be sound proof... Seriously, do you hear the stuff that goes on in there? I can hear someone peeing from in my room! I was in the bathroom at a McDonalds recently and I hear this:

'Oh my god... ARRRGGG!! Come on! Get out of there! Oh jesus! *HUGE FART SOUND WITH WATER SPLASHING* OH YES! Oh, thank God.. Man. Look at the size of that one!"

True story... I don't want someone to hear me taking a piss and groaning... Man, that would suck!

Speaking of bathrooms, I hate cleaning mine (remember?) and I'll take any shortcut around it. Like if the inside of the bowl is dirty with, uh, stuff, then next time I take a piss, I just aim it at that spot and by the time I'm done, BAM! Clean... Or when I take a shower, I just squart soap at the wall and point the hose thing at it, clean! Say the mirror's dirty, a few squarts of windex and a paper towel, Boom!

Now, not to sound repetative of about a billion stand up comics, but what is the point to having guest towels?? Or soap I'm not allowed to touch because it looks like a duck? If I want to get clean, I'ma wash my hands with the frickin' duck and dry my hands with the guest towels, screw you!