LIfe TrUly DoEs sUCk...(I hope I'm the first one to say that so I can copyright it)

You know

When I look at a hot girl in a mag or something, I think, I am such a lazy bum… Why can't I get a girl that hot? You know what it is? It's because I am a prodigy ready to grace the media with my extremely potent skill and comedy (and to score with every sexy chick alive) but not one big star or director has discovered me. I am like a freaking landmine in a third-world country ready to blow the next little 3-year-old kid's leg off when he walks over me. But see, we live in this small little excuse for a town and you know what? Here is what:

1. I can't be a really good skateboarder because we don't have any good skateparks around.

2. I can't become a really famous actor because no one even cares to LOOK for talent in West Virginia because it's a little state that sucks chink wang.

3. I can't be a guitarist in a really good rock band because, once again, no one looks for talent here in the armpit of the universe…

4. My name isn't Fat Jonny or Pookie, so that kind of sucks.

5. I don't have any socks to wear tomorrow.

6. Haggis is the closest thing I have ever tasted to something that smells like crap.

7. Wait, Haggis IS crap…

8. hemroid...

I am looking at a picture of Cindy Margolis right now, but I am not happy like I usually am. I am crying. Crying like a little schoolgirl, BECAUSE JOSH CAN'T HAVE!!! JOSH CAN'T HAVE!!! JOSH NO LIKEY!!! Why not? I want to know why… Oh well, my girlfriend would get mad anyway. I have included a pic of her in my email to MiKE so all of you can see her and I HOPE that mike PUTS IT UP instead of KEEPING IT!!!

Her name is Emily and she goes to University and that's all I'm saying b-cuz you all suck and can't get none of this!!! This is what you get when you Snowboard!!! This is what you get when you Skate!!! Kiss my lucky belly button! She is the only reason life doesn't suck soooooooooo bad.

Mrs. Raspa sucks too. I hate her like a mad crazy guy with a chainsaw. I would probably stab her in the shower if I didn't have to look at her big fat lard naked. I wish she would just…..go away somewhere…..where fat people live…. Fattyland………..