If god had a list of all the things he hated...
I would be #1
I bet you are all really don’t want know why I think god doesn’t like me, BUT YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO ANYWAY!!!! SO DEAL WITH IT!!!!
Some the things I am about to tell you may shock and appall you. This rant is not for the weak or squeamish. We don’t want you to get scurvy now do we?
6 good reasons for god not liking me:
1. Do you know how many doors I have ran into in the past three days?! A lot! (10 to be precise.) And all of this is not because I am clumsy but because god is in smite mode 24/7, but he’s not smiting anyone else accept Osama Binladin (die you mother friker. sorry lost my temper there) and my bum, and I got to tell you that’s a lot of smite for one man to handle.
2. I have only had one friking girl friend in my entire life. This really sucks. It’s like gods sick, twisted way of saying “no sex for you dummy! I don’t want any of your annoying offspring running around and screwing things up in other people’s lives” 3. Every single girl I have ever liked (until this year) has liked mike. It’s like someone went around and told every girl I the entire world Brandon is AOL 6.0 and mike is AOL 7.0 so screw Brandon and go for the newer, better, smaller, and faster (if you know what I mean) mike. (at this point, Mike promptly kicked me... The pain is gone, but this is in print... heh heh)
4. I have already had 3 concussions in the freakishly weird thing I call my life. If I take one more good shot to the head I could go into a comma and die. If this is not a sign would some little midget please come and kick me in the balls………………………………………………………… Nope no midget.
5. Mike I have something to say you. You might be the systems bi-atch, but god hates me so much I am the system’s bi-atch’s bi-atch. That’s right I am your bi..…. Wait a minute that doesn’t sound right. MIKE THIS IS NO WHERE NEAR WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE.
6. I have like the biggest hemroid on my Booty..
So there you have it 6 good reasons to say god hates me if you agree that god hates me please sign are guest book with a reply. O R E L S E !!!!!
Note From Mike: Okay, just so everyone knows the backstory, I've been smited by god for most all of my life. I swear, I bug flying towards a car driving 90 miles an hour has better luck in life than I do. But if there is anyone who can compair with me in bad luck, Brandon is that person. Trust me, we don't walk through many antique stores anymoe...
Okay, just so everyone knows the backstory, I've been smited by god for most all of my life. I swear, I bug flying towards a car driving 90 miles an hour has better luck in life than I do. But if there is anyone who can compair with me in bad luck, Brandon is that person. Trust me, we don't walk through many antique stores anymoe...