God Hates me...

If god had a list of all the things he hated...

I would be #1

I bet you are all really don’t want know why I think god doesn’t like me, BUT YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO ANYWAY!!!! SO DEAL WITH IT!!!!

Some the things I am about to tell you may shock and appall you. This rant is not for the weak or squeamish. We don’t want you to get scurvy now do we?

6 good reasons for god not liking me:

1. Do you know how many doors I have ran into in the past three days?! A lot! (10 to be precise.) And all of this is not because I am clumsy but because god is in smite mode 24/7, but he’s not smiting anyone else accept Osama Binladin (die you mother friker. sorry lost my temper there) and my bum, and I got to tell you that’s a lot of smite for one man to handle.

2. I have only had one friking girl friend in my entire life. This really sucks. It’s like gods sick, twisted way of saying “no sex for you dummy! I don’t want any of your annoying offspring running around and screwing things up in other people’s lives” 3. Every single girl I have ever liked (until this year) has liked mike. It’s like someone went around and told every girl I the entire world Brandon is AOL 6.0 and mike is AOL 7.0 so screw Brandon and go for the newer, better, smaller, and faster (if you know what I mean) mike. (at this point, Mike promptly kicked me... The pain is gone, but this is in print... heh heh)

4. I have already had 3 concussions in the freakishly weird thing I call my life. If I take one more good shot to the head I could go into a comma and die. If this is not a sign would some little midget please come and kick me in the balls………………………………………………………… Nope no midget.

5. Mike I have something to say you. You might be the systems bi-atch, but god hates me so much I am the system’s bi-atch’s bi-atch. That’s right I am your bi..…. Wait a minute that doesn’t sound right. MIKE THIS IS NO WHERE NEAR WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE.

6. I have like the biggest hemroid on my Booty..

So there you have it 6 good reasons to say god hates me if you agree that god hates me please sign are guest book with a reply. O R E L S E !!!!!

Note From Mike:

Okay, just so everyone knows the backstory, I've been smited by god for most all of my life. I swear, I bug flying towards a car driving 90 miles an hour has better luck in life than I do. But if there is anyone who can compair with me in bad luck, Brandon is that person. Trust me, we don't walk through many antique stores anymoe...