|
"Our conservative estimate is that Iraq today has a stockpile of between 100 and 500 tons of chemical weapons agent. That is enough agent to fill 16,000 battlefield rockets. Even the low end of 100 tons of agent would enable Saddam Hussein to cause mass casualties across more than 100 square miles of territory, an area nearly five times the size of Manhattan."
-- Colin Powell, Secretary of State, speaking before the United Nations Security Council (5 February 2003)
"We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories. You remember when Colin Powell stood up in front of the world, and he said, Iraq has got laboratories, mobile labs to build biological weapons. They're illegal. They're against the United Nations resolutions, and we've so far discovered two. And we'll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong, we found them."
--George W. Bush, interview with Polish television TVP (29 May 2003)
Oh, George, you silly monkey!
He took us to war to find them - but where'd they go?
Don't worry -- now YOU, through the magic of eBay, can own the genuine article! IN LESS THAN 45 MINUTES, THESE ITEMS CAN BE DEPLOYED...IN YOUR LIVING ROOM!
As (not quite yet) seen on TV!
As promised by screeching, right-wing talk radio!
As advertised by George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, and many, many others!
Be the first on your block to own the fabled WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!
- Don't be fooled by cheap imitations!
- Don't be fooled by bullshit intelligence!
- Don't be fooled by ideologically-driven, unelected, war-bloated American officials!
Buy now, while the buyin's good! Those cannisters of sarin gas aren't getting any more potent! That uranium from Niger ain't gettin' any more weaponized! Act now, and you'll enjoy hours of fun with the entire family.
- Recreate the DRAMA and the THRILL as your family rushes hungrily to war!
- RE-ENACT the shameful Congressional capitulation, and authorize the head of your household to remove former American allies!
- "STOVEPIPE" the intelligence and reach your own WACKY CONCLUSIONS with the help of corrupt exiles!
- Write your own FOX-NEWS-STYLE theme song -- pretend you're a TV STAR!
- Spy on your make-believe UNITED NATIONS SECURITY COUNCIL!
- Lie to the press (and see how fun it is to get away with it!)
- Pursue your own UNILATERAL, NEOCONSERVATIVE, FUCKED UP FANTASY!
You'll never get tired of your very own supply of WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!
SHOCK AND AWE YOUR FRIENDS....TODAY!
SPECIAL DISCOUNT FOR UNITED STATES PRESIDENT, VICE PRESIDENT, SECRETARY OF STATE, NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL ADVISER, AND OTHERS ON APPROVAL!
Note to Justice Department, Department of Homeland Security, FBI, CIA, Richard Perle and the rest of the Defense Policy Institute, Ahmed Chalabi, "Scooter" LIbby and others in the Office of Special Plans, prospective bidders, my wife, my mother, my lawyer, and other concerned parties: The winner of this auction will receive absolutely nothing. No weapons. No uranium. No sarin gas. No trailers. No shit. What you will receive is more of the same nonsense that George W. Bush has been offering the world for the last several years. But you already knew that.
|
(
)
