Rules of Punk Rock!!
By Fatso Castro and David P.S. Mullen (oh yeah tony said something here and there, the stupid ones mind you.)
now you cyber posers should take the time to read this because now
that tim is dead and jello is going to lose alternative tentacles
we need a new leadership, Thats us fatso and david. Now you people havent gotten use to our scene weve had for
a while now but were here to make some changes. Everyone talks about rules
rules rules. Well we are here today to tell you idiots what the rules are.
1. No metal
2. No ducks.
3. No band names with guns or roses in it.
4. No more mohawks
5. dress code strictly enforced
6. No crust punks
7. No pop-punkers
8. staight edge is out of the question
9. No drugs
10. No fags(cigs)
11. No beer
12. No sex
13. No anarchism (we are all now communist)
14. No more mrr
15. No more talking about starting bands but never ever doing it. RON!
16. No shoes no shirt no service
17. No eatting salad
18. No tossing salad
19. No more I met GG storys
20. No more squatting
21. No more ramen noodles
22. No listening to punk before 1985
23. No listening to punk after 1989
24. No more internet other than myself because im looking for "posers"
25. Noone older than 23
26. Noone younger than 20
27. No more other punk pages other than ours and that includes band pages too.
28. No more htown punk shit
29. no more ikey ramsey
30. no more of this "chuk" shit on everyones walls.
31. No more poor kids
32. No more rich kids
33. No more middle class kids
34. No more korn
35. No more skateboarding, rollerblading only (hahahahahaha)
36. No more emocore (gary your out)
37. 2 eyes required(your out again gary)
38. No more fat indians(your out again gary damn)
39. No glam rock friends(other than us)
40. No staight people
41. No gay people
42. No bisexual people.
43. No doc martens
44 No more devil locks and chelsea cuts. (take note misfits)
45. No more records, cds only
46. No more diy labels. majors only.
47. Must vote hollywood hulk hogan
48. No more drinking beer, wine coolers only.
49. No more ikey ramsey, just making sure he got that.
50. NO FAT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
51. No skinny people
52. Must go and watch football games every weekend (other than myself)
53. No more leather jackets
54. No more hoodyies with patches
55. No more bombers
56. No fucking icp
57. No more Local punk rock
58. No more charleston west virginia
59. No more of this ramones fan worship
60. No more of this donnies big dick this donnies big dick that
61. No more lizzy and micah soap operas
62. No more riot girls hahahaha im glad this one came out.
63. No hanging out with kids thats not involed in the same scene. If they come to YOUR plaza give THEM the boot!oioioi
64. No going to college (other than ourselves.)
65. No more ashland kids
66. No more ben weasel
67. No more felix havok
68. All punks must bath every single day.
69. YOU MUST HAVE A JOB (This rule shall not apply to us of course :)
70. you must send us money every week failure to do so will get you booted out of our scene.
71. Must fill out app to get into the scene, they are now in the mail.
72. A punk rock council has been set up, you must obey their rules.
73. No more huntington kids
74. No more cockblocking (brooks)
75. No more diy shows, all shows must be don "moneybags" maynard approved.
76. No more fatpac
77. No more violence
78. No more peace
79. No more plaza charleston huntington ashland
80. No more " man I went to columbus" storys
81. No more " man I went to cinncinati"storys.
82. No more "man I went to pittsburg" storys.
83. No more "man I went to cleveland" storys.
84. No more " man I went to lexington" storys
85. No more class war ric
86. No more hanging out with ravers (MATT THIS MEANS YOU!)
87. No more cheap clothing, designer wear only
88. No more eatting meat
89. No more vegans
90. No more garys apartment
91. Noone allowed at my apartment. Other than david cause he sucks me off.:)
92. Cover charge at my apartment is required.Unless your david, and or you want to suck my pee bob :)
93. No more ikey ramsey
94. no more ikey ramsey' "bumpin caddy"
95. No irish people jim
96. No more satanist, anthony you are out.
97, No more cell block g, sorry stroud.
98. tyedyes required
99. No more anarchy t-shirts
100. You will be put on a point system
the rules of the point system
are as follows
.
1. You are given points, you will be given points by your superior punk.
Such as, I give 2 peace punk points to tony for hugging dollar bill. or
I give tony 1 point for giving me a cig.(he losses a point for smoking.)
2.You must keep track of your points, your superior must also keep
track, this way there is no cheating. Although it isnt against the rule.
3. the points are used for gaining power in our scene. I have
10000000000000000 points and frankie felcther has 3. I gained these
points by pleasing my superiors. In more ways than one. The more points
you have the higher status you have in the scene. I have the most so
dont say you do because you dont.
LEVELS OF PUNKDOM
Level 1... Raver punk... -1000000 to -10
You like green day but you also like fat boy slim... You have liberty spikes but they glow in the dark. You try to make friends with the elite punk rocker (Fatso and david) but your glow sticks are too blinding. Lay off the acid and speed dork.
Level 2....Redneck Punk...-10 to 0
You like the look but you also like garth brooks. You idea for a perfect show is when you have to go "muddin" to the "ridge" to see the "connie dungs". Also you find yourself hanging out with the likes of edward webb,MATT. You like the dead kennedys, but somehow your still racist. Go figure, but atleast you arent a raver....
Level 3... Welcome to the scene! 0 points!
Welcome! You are new to this big and wonderful thing we call punk rock. Everyone gets along, and there is no drama. We want social, econmical, change. We all just wanna have a good time, and oh, we are so open minded.
Level 4...Your a punk now! 0-5 points!
Your a punk now! you hate other punx now because they like things that you dont. You have found a kliq and you plan to stick with it until you find another job. You like to tell others what punk is now, even though you in your heart you dont have a fucking clue what you are talking about.
Level 5...Mtv punk...6-10 points!
You like the style and fashion but britney spears and n`sync are still in the back of your mind. You still listen to barenaked ladys thinking "yeah man im still underground".
Level 6... Punker than shindig 10-15 points!
You understand what punk is kinda about, but you ignore it. You tell others how you were there, you done it all even though your only 20 years old. You claim punk is trendy but that is the MTV punk in you showing. If you havent made it out of this level by the age of 22, give up...
Level 7... Drug Punk junkie punk unfortunitely 16-20 points!
Mr change change change, but im setting in my piss and cant move my legs.
Level 8... Straight-edge punks 21-25
You did the drugs you figured out you didnt like it. You decide drugs doesnt work for you, and thats all cool. Then you start likeing the earth crisis and you start beefing up those looking to have a good times. You joined punk because you were open minded, but those who beef people up are nothing more than the jocks of the punk rock scene. We would kick you out, however we rather not have our asses kicked.
Level 9...Drunk punk 25-50 points
You figured out there is no future there is no hope, so open a fourty. You have 10 dollars in your pocket, you are going to make some fliers, but you stop at 7-11 for some cigs and end up buying a case of cheap beer.The only change you want to make is enough to buy a 40...
Level 10...Punker than tony...50-100 points!
You got the look, you got some cds, a little bit of creditablity, however, the most underground band you know is "the subhumans".
Level 11...Punker than matt belville 100-200 points!
Yeah you sure youve been to a few connie dungs shows, yet you still dont see whats wrong with ravers. You work with a guy named "scooter" and you say " I was riding scooter the other day" then suddenly change what you say. You like politics, as long as there nice. You dont belive in violence, because your a pussy. hahaha
Level 12...Punker than dominick 200-300 points..
You have traveled around with food not bombs, you made some change. BUT you wear sandals and like blind melon. You are switching to another scene, go to there website www.hippiefucks.com
Level 13... Punker than class war ric 300-500 points
You grow bitter, you start traveling around, you talk about revolution, even though you know it aint going to work. Your failure although, is that you say you know bands that are made up. This results in huge point loss. Lying is a rule you know ric.
Level 14. Punker than jim and paul..500-1,000
You were around in 89', but what was your band called again?
Level 15...Punker than Ron...1,000-5,000
You saw the circle jerks in 83' back when keith morris had straight teeth, but you hang out in coffee shops and you know what kind of reputation that gives you.
Level 16...Punker than Bree...5,000-10,000
You travel around and you have been almost everywhere, but everytime you come back you seem to be wearing more and more hemp.(see punker than dominick)
Level 17...Punker than Beth...10,000-20,000
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha yeah right, Thats a different scene all together, just because you wear a dead kennedys patch dont mean that you are punk.Get out of our scene!!!
Level 18...Punker than Nathan Lawson....21,000-50,000
You are pretty damn punk....just as soon as you make up your mind on what you are.
Level 19....Punker than Scott Butcher...51,000-100,000
You have all the records, but you don't tell anyone. You have been punk long enough to start giving out points.
Level 20.Punker than Fatso & David P.S.Mullen 100,000-5,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 and one half. You are now so punk you can tell people what punk really is, you always say your gonna try to put on a show thats never going to happen. You say things like "My band practiced last week" but they never play again.
And that is the full set of punk rock rules..Remember them and live by them.....thank you!!!
