"UHF"Put down your remote control,
throw out your TV guide
Put away your jacket,
there's no need to go outside
Don't you know that
we control the horizontal
We control the vertical, too
We gonna make a couch potato out of you
That's what we're goin' to do, now

Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job
Just crank up the volume and yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all on UHF

Disconnect the phone, now, leave the dishes in the sink
You better put away your homework,
prime time ain't no time to think
All you do is make yourself a TV dinner
Press your face right up against the screen
We gonna show you things you ain't ever seen
If you know what I mean, now

Don't change the channel, don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job
Just crank up your volume and yank off your knob
We got it all, we got it all on UHF

You can watch us all day, you can watch us all night
You can watch us any time that you please
You can sit around and stare at the picture tube
Till your brain turns to cottage cheese

Well, now, don't change the channel, don't touch that dial
We got it all on UHF
Kick off your sneakers 'n' stick around for awhile
We got it all on UHF
Don't worry 'bout your laundry, forget about your job
You gotta crank up the volume, yank off the knob
We got it all, we got it all on UHF