Proper Vocabulary for Speed Demons
Two friends of mine created these definitions. It pretty much explains how they drives (and how they taught me to drive)
1. Rabbit - someone who drives at least 10mph above the speed limit most of the time. They are usually followed by a line of cars going about the same speed.
2. The Rabbit Theory - the idea that if you follow someone who is speeding, they will be pulled over by the police before anyone else.
3. Turtle - someone who drives at or below the speed limit all the time causing traffic problems and annoying real drivers.
4. Snail - someone who drives so slowly that you could probably get out and push you car and still pass them easily.
5. Accelerator - the long flat pedal on the floor of most cars that turtles and snails rarely ever use, but that speed demons find especially helpful.
6. Brake Pedal - the small wide pedal on the floor of most cars that snails and turtles use constantly while speed demons only use when absolutely necessary.
7. Stereo Warfare - the use of a car stereo to frighten or otherwise intimidate the slow moving vehicle ahead of you. Useful sounds are Nirvana, Greenday, Offspring, and Phantom of the Opera. Also, a battle between two drivers of two vehicles to see who can outblast the other for reasons of musical preference. Example: blasting opera or classical music at the redneck in the rusted out pick-up truck ahead of you who thinks everyone wants to hear his country music!
8. Tailgating - a useful method to hint to the slow moving vehicle ahead of you that you don't enjoy going 35mph in a 55mph zone. This method works particularly well when combined with Stereo Warfare!
9. IFRS - (Internal Feminine Radar System) a wonderful talent held exclusively by women to sense an approaching police car or speed trap in plenty of time to slow down to the speed limit! Usually characterized by a guilty feeling when a 'threat' is near. Also works on debris in road, wrecks on the road ahead and animals such as deer or stray dogs in the road.
10. Zombie - a person who insists on going the speed limit at all times and refuses to go even 1mph over it. They also obey all trafic laws because of the unrealistic belief that they will spontaniously combust if they exceed the speed limit!
11. Doughnut Patrol - police officers who sit around eating doughnuts, fried chicken, Big Macs, etc. in their cars in hopes that the sight of their cars will deter speeding or reckless driving without them actually having to move.
12. Driver's Ed Students - a source of endless amusement for more experienced drivers who can enjoy showing them how they should really drive despite the hysterical screams from the driving instructor.
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