Ah Valentine's Day. A time for young lovers to
share a special time and remind each other how lucky
they are to have found that one sole reason for living.
Or maybe a better definition would be a sickening
nauseating excuse for the greeting card industry to
capitalize on horny individuals, who want a pretty
euphemism to say, "I want to screw you." Call me a
sour-ass or a cynic, but I think I'll stick with the
You probably already guessed by the way I describe
big ol' V-day that I am not involved in some sappy
relationship. (Or any relationship for that matter).
And while some people may say, "Oh how sad to not have
someone to spend the day with." I'm actually rather
happy. Unlike some sorry individuals, I didn't have
to spend the majority of the daylight hours making
gooey doe eyes at some thickheaded, clueless male.
No, I am pleased to say I had fun this Valentine's
Day. By refusing to buy into the belief that all
single people must be miserable on a.k.a. Lover's Day,
I went out and had a great time. How, do you ask?
Well fasten your seatbelts because you're getting the
The day didn't start out that great, but only
because I had to work. I was grateful though that
I work in a restaurant that serves mostly older
clientele. No starry-eyed, nauseating, young lovers;
just old married couples who don't lean across the
table every five-minutes to stick their tongues down
each others throat.
What's so amusing about these seasoned couples is
that on holidays like this one, they enjoy teasing
and engaging in good-natured bantering. Sometimes
they even involve me and everyone shares a good laugh
as we lid about how the mister isn't allowed to steal
the missus' French fries.
There is only one downside to beware of. Some of
the older generation is convinced that a young man is
the only thing in the world that can make a young lady
happy. Their questions usually consist of "How's you
young man?" or "A young thing like you should have a
fella around." Thank you very much sir, but I think I
can do without!
But moving on. After a lovely day at work, I
fought through the normal dumb-butts on the road with
my still sick car and ended up at my dorm room. My
roommate Amy arrived a little while later, after
finishing her day at work at Foodland and we waited
for Bill, the third member of our little party to show.
I bet you're saying "Now hold on! Didn't you just
bash males and say you didn't need one to have a good
Valentine's Day" Yes I did and I still mean what I
said. But Bill is no ordinary guy. Amy and I have
known him since middle school and he has since been
one of out best friends. He's definitely not your
typical man: he has brains and basically knows what's
going on the majority of the time. Plus he's just cool.
Anyway, Bill goes to Westminster College and only
comes home on the weekends. We were using this day so
he could help me celebrate my birthday, which would
take place during the coming week.
The three of us traveled to the mall where we
endeavored to cause mass chaos. I wanted to blow up
the Hallmark shop, but Amy wouldn't let me. I tried
to explain to her that due to the mass amounts of
paper products, the store would burn quite effectively,
but she refused to relinquish my explosives.
So to otherwise amuse ourselves, Bill Amy and I
took turns playing delightful little pranks on
unsuspecting love-struck couples. Upon seeing a
particularly sickening couple one of us would approach
them and declare loudly to the member of our opposing
sex "Why didn't you call? Did those 12 hours of
passion mean nothing to you?!" I especially liked
scaring the crap out of the guy by saying "What about
the baby! You promised you would be there for us!"
Satanic you say? Evil and deranged you mutter?
Yes, but a hell if a lot of fun! Don't worry though.
No doting couples were harmed during this little
After all that fun, the three of us took in a
movie. Once again we added some holiday fun by
targeting extremely horny couples. We used our
popcorn as projectile missiles trying to get across
that lovely message of "Get a Room!" It required
almost an entire bag to convince one couple that we
didn't want to see them consummate their relationship
right in front of us.
Unfortunately we used all our food in our de-love
mission, so we had to search for a place to consume.
Eat'n Park was the favorite choice, mainly because of
their desserts. After all, who can say no to
strawberry pie or a cookie fudge fantasy?
We were so hungry the three of us decided to
bypass the Eat'n Park ritual of seeing how fast one
can get themselves kicked out of this high class
dining establishment. Not that we were model customers.
The immaturity that had run rampant all day didn't
slow down just because we were eating. But we were
having fun, and no one was permanently injured.
After such a productive day, Amy and I headed
back to our room and Bill started his journey back to
Westminster. Before we went our separate ways, it was
decided that this was definitely a great way to
celebrate Valentine's Day, and, if we weren't
arrested, we would have to do it again next year.
(I made Amy promise I would get to use my explosives
So, to all those moon-eyed, horny, love-struck
couples out there, you may think you had the best
Valentine's Day ever. But let's not delude ourselves.
Next year I bet you'll be celebrating with Amy, Bill,
and I. We had fun. And isn't that what a good American
holiday is all about?