"Tonight on 'The Home Shopping Network', we are offering a full collection of WWF memoribilia. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity on this bargain. We've got the phone lines open and ready, and the items on sale in the stockroom. Oh, wait...ok, our producer has just handed me this."
The speaker, Melissa, reads the paper and a worried look creeps over her face. She clutches the paper and drops into a nearby chair. After a couple of minutes, she begins to speak again.
"Umm..we have some quite disturbing news for our customers. Uh..you see...the merchandise we were promoting....was all kinds of autographed pictures, shirts, and the like from the WWF Corporation. Well...Mr. Vince McMahon was to accompany us on the show, but it seems that that isn't going to happen anymore. As it seems, the Ministry has attacked Mr. McMahon on his way here and destroyed the items on sale, so we're going to take a short break and we'll be right back."
A colored bar screen comes over the TV's in households around the world. With the mentionment of Vince McMahon, the crowd outside the Home Shopping Network's building starts up the familiar chant, "Asshole...asshole....asshole...."
The show comes back on, and Melissa appears, still shaken by the tragedy.
"Ok, we have reached into the depths of our collection for this lovely item! A commerative Bill-n-Monica condom package! Now this is a real find! Let's get those phone lines running! And we have a caller...
Oh, we are so lucky! Ladies and gentlemen, it's Linda Tripp! And she has ordered two boxes! Now there's a thrifty shopper!
Ah-ha! Another caller. Oh, isn't this just lucky..it's Kenneth Starr!"
All of a sudden, the lights go out and you can hear screams. An all-too-familiar blue hue lights the room and a raspy, throaty voice is heard. The lights come back on and Melissa is seen tied to the Undertaker's sign or symbol. Then, the UT himself appears. He starts to talk.
"Yet another innocent girl, Vince! How long is this going to have to go on?" The symbol is raised and the UT starts to recite an unknown language as his eyes roll back in his head.
Just then, a man bursts into the room. Through Hellfire and Brimstone, it's Kane! He looks at his brother and the fight breaks out. It seems as though the Big Red Retard is getting his revenge. Then another man comes through the door. It appears to be X-Pac. He helps Kane beat UT. It's true they are an unbeatable team. UT fell down in the floor against the desk and immediately X-Pac began trying to get the employees' support for the Bronco Buster. Finding none, he charged for 'taker anyhow, but just as he was in mid-air, a red gloved hand comes flying from nowhere and 'pac is lifted to look at Kane eye-to-eye. He grabs Kane's hand, trying to free himself, and finally the Big Red Machine puts him back down. When able to breathe again, he wheeled Kane around to look at him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" he shouted, ducking as Kane made another grab for him. Kane tilted his head, about to answer, when in ran the Outlaws. Jesse James takes a headset from a nearby table and puts it on.
"Okay, let's do this thing dog-gy styyyle! Me an' Billy have boxes of our stuff up here seeing as though the Corp. isn't going to show. But first...a little speech.
Lllladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. d-gener...." Road Dogg is cut short by yet another entrance.
It's Jeff Jarett and Owen Hart!
The crowd starts up with the familiar "Nugget" chant. Just then, the booming music comes over the speakers. The Big Show walks in, ducking as he comes through a door. D-X look at each other and an all-out war begins, the whole time X-Pac fighting with his enemies AND his teammate, since Kane insisted on doing this the hard way. Through the fight, more men enter the building. An announcement table is quickly set up and J.R. the King take their ringside seats. Just then a show-stopping tiger road is head and the one and only Sable sashays into the room. The men quit fighting at once and stare wide-eyed at the women's champion. Two guys follow Sable, carrying boxes of her top-selling Playboy magazine.
"This is for all the men who want to see me! I'm selling my Playboys, autographed and sealed with a red lipstick kiss. Get the sales started!"
A line quickly forms in front of the two boxes. You can hear people asking if they can borrow money and see others digging into their pockets.
Once again, Sable steals the show.
