FROM THE DESK OF THE STALKER

 

TO: Hunter {iamthegame@iamthegame.com}

FROM: Stalker {stalker@rightbehindyou.com}

SUBJECT: It was fun while it lasted

Heeeeeeeeey!! Even I will admit, you were more fun to follow around than that Olympic Skier Kurt Angle. But of course, all good things must come to an end sometime. And to paraphrase your old entrance theme, it’s our time. Ok, well…my time to find somebody else to stalk.

You see, although you have a hot bod and a fantastic head of hair, I just can’t box myself in to stalking a man with your nose. I mean, I try to ignore it, but it’s always there!! If you would just consider, you know, cutting it off, then I might put you back on my list of all time favorite people to stalk.

But I’m not so petty that your nose alone would be enough to turn me off. Nooo. I didn’t realize when I stalked you I would also be stalking Stephanie. I mean, come on, can you even go to the bathroom alone? Apparently not, and I have the pictures to prove it.

Besides that, I’ve already done the whole wife-stalking thing, and it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. DDP gets famous and I get stuck with a Visa card that’s overdrawn and frequent flier miles they say I can only use during the vernal equinox. What’s up with that?

Where was I? Hell, whatever. Hm, Oh yeah!! Stalking you. You know, a friend of mine said it would be more effective if you actually knew I was stalking you, but I say where is the fun in that? And if I stalked you more and start showing footage of you and Steph doing….well, I don’t know what the hell that position was called, but if I showed it somebody else would just take the credit and where would that leave me? I can just see Angle taking the credit for it, just so he’ll get a push like DDP is getting from Taker. Hey, did you know Kurt Angle is an Olympic gold medallist? It’s true, it’s true. You know, if I hadn’t already stalked him, I’d think of stalking him again. I’ve never seen a gold medal up close. Of course, I don’t really know if I want to get too close a look at his since they went ‘down under’ so to speak.

Oh well, best of luck on your injury, I hear spleens are fairly easy to replace these days what with prosthetics and new plastics and things like that. Wait, were you the spleen or the pancreas? It’s so hard to keep up with wrestler’s injuries! I don’t see how you do it!

Give all my love to Mr. and Mrs. C, Joanie, Chachi, and the rest of the gang at Arnold’s. If its not too much trouble, can you get me Ralph’s autograph? I have a thing for red heads. J

Laterz

Stalker