Forward ~ WRESTLEMANIA XX
The time has come to face your sins... all that has gone down has led up to this moment... the moment where you dreams come true... the moment that all your hard work has paid off... the moment where you celebrate a long and victorious journey... or the moment where you fail... the moment you loss and that you will hear about forever... the moment that was supposed to be yours... it’s finally here... the granddaddy of them all...WHERE IT ALL BEGINS... AGAIN...WRESTLEMANIA XX!!!
Scene 1 ~ LIVE with Regis and Kelly!
The scene opens up on the streets of New York City. It is bright and early, approximately 10:00 A.M. Many fans are shown waiting in line to get in to some sort of studio. In fact, the studio is for LIVE with Regis and Kelly. The fans slowly file in as the show begins to start...
The cameras begin to roll as the opening plays for the show. Regis and Kelly walk out to a big ovation as they settle comfortably in their chairs behind the desk.
| ‘Regis and Kelly’ Announcer | “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to LIVE with Regis and Kelly! And now your hosts... Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa!”
Regis waits for the applause to die down before beginning to speak.
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Welcome everybody to the show. It’s Thursday, April 1st. It’s April Fool’s Day!”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “Oh, that’s right. I didn’t even know that! Man, I should have got my husband, Mark!”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Pipa, we’re trying to do a show! Moving on... anyway, last night I was eating dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, The Four Seasons, and I was eating my salad... you’re not going to believe this, but I am munching away and I have just a couple little leaves of it left when I flip over one and guess what was under it...”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “A fingernail?”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Hahaha... no, but good guess though. It was a fly! A fly! A real, dead fly!”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “OH MY GOD! What did you do?”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Well, I was with a few friends and they dared me to eat it and so I did.”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “OH MY GOD! You ate a fly?!”
As Kelly is grossed out, Regis turns and looks at Kelly, smiling.
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “April Fool’s!”
Kelly’s face immediately turns from disgusted to mad.
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “Oh come on! I could have did better than that!”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “I had you going!”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “I am going to get you before the show is out... mark my words!”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Hahaha! Anyway, we have a great show for you today. Tom Hanks will be here to discuss his new movie, The Ladykillers!”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “Also, star of the hit TV show, The O.C., Mischa Barton is here!”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “And lastly, WWE superstar, GOLDBERG, is here!”
The audience cheer as they hear the celebrities in attendance.
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “And now Travel Trivia!”
Regis and Kelly go through Travel Trivia, giving away a trip to the French Polynesia. Then the show goes to a commercial break.
The show returns as Regis and Kelly are seen sitting in different chairs than earlier.
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Our first guest needs no introduction, he is a dominating force in and outside of the ring, he is Goldberg!”
Goldberg’s music plays as Goldberg walks out to a pretty big ovation from the audience. He smiles as he shakes Regis’ hand and kisses Kelly. He sits down as the music fades out.
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Welcome to the show, Bill.”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “It’s my pleasure to be here.”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “This has just been bugging me all day... has anyone ever called you Goldy for short?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Hahahaha... matter of fact, most of my opponents call me that. But I always prove that I am much more than just Goldy.”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Pipa, do you mind? You’re delaying the show!”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “Sorry, Reg.”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “So, Goldberg, I understand that you originally didn’t start in wrestling?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Actually, that’s true. I’ve always had this deep passion for wrestling, but I always played football, which occupied most, if not all, of the time. So I worked and worked and worked when I received a phone call from the Atlanta Falcons. I signed a contract with them, but never actually got to play a game.”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “Why? What happened?”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “He’s trying to tell us!”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Heh, yeah. I got injured during the preseason and I was soon released. While I was recuperating, I began to watch wrestling. I was fascinated by the sport and I knew that I wanted to try it. Then, luck would have it, I received a call from Eric Bischoff’s secretary saying that the WcW was interested in me. So I joined the WcW and wrestled there for several years. It was there that I got my big start.”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “Yeah, my husband used to watch WcW all the time. You were one of his favorite wrestlers. Didn’t you have some kind of legendary winning streak?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Heh, just a little one. My record was about 176-0...”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “Whoa! That’s outstanding!”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Yeah... but how did you end up in the WWE?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Well, WcW was bought out by WWE. My contract ended right when WWE bought the WcW, so I just wrestled in Japan for a few years. But then I received yet another phone call, this time from Shane McMahon.”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Shane? That’s Vince’s son, isn’t it? What happened to Vince?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Yeah, he’s Vince’s son. I guess Vince passed the WWE down to Shane. Anyway, Shane let me know that there was a spot open for a guy like me and so here I am.”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Well, everywhere I go, I hear about Wrestlemania XX, which will air live this Sunday from Madison Square Garden.”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “Yeah, I’m going to that!”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Oh really? Where’s your seats?”
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “No idea. So, Bill, could you tell us some more about Wrestlemania?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Well, Wrestlemania XX will be the biggest and best Wrestlemania of all time. It’s been twenty years since the very first Wrestlemania, which also took place at Madison Square Garden. So it is kind of a 20th anniversary homecoming. The slogan is Wrestlemania XX, where it all begins again... which basically means that what happened twenty years ago is about to restart and happen again. A new generation of the WWE is coming.”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “I understand that you will be in a big match at Wrestlemania?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Yeah, I will be wrestling in the main event. It’s a triple threat match for the World Heavyweight Title. My opponents are the Heart Break Kid, Shawn Michaels, and the Game, Triple H. Both are tremendous athletes. They both have been in the Wrestlemania main event, unlike myself, and they both have held the World Title at Wrestlemania, which I have also yet to do.”
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Well, I’m sure many fans are looking forward to your match. We’ll be right back, but after the commercial break, I will be getting in the ring with Goldberg!”
The show goes to a commercial break...
As the show comes back, a little ring has been set-up. Regis is seen in his jogging suit. Goldberg, in the opposite corner, is wearing a cut-off t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts. Goldberg and Regis lock-up as Goldberg walks Regis through the match. Goldberg shows Regis how to execute moves to perfection. Goldberg gives a fake Jackhammer to Regis and pins him 1..2..3!
Regis gets up laughing as Kelly jumps on Goldberg from behind. Goldberg throws her off him. Kelly lays on the mat, face down and not moving.
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “KELLY! Are you OK?”
Kelly mutters that she cannot move. She has broken her neck. Regis frantically calls for help.
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “HELP! Please! Kelly is seriously hurt!”
Emergency Medical Technicians (EMT’s) rush out with a stretcher. They begin to place Kelly on it when she suddenly springs to her feet...
| ‘Very Perky’ Kelly Ripa | “APRIL FOOL’S! I told you I would get you back!”
Regis looks to be relieved that Kelly is alright, but mad at the joke.
| ‘The Star’ Regis Philbin | “Pipa! That’s not something to joke about! I have to get you back for that. Anyway, Goldberg, thanks for stopping by. We have a few extra minutes so would you like to say anything to your opponents at Wrestlemania?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Shawn, Hunter... I know you guys are just as ready for this match as I am. But I have waited for this chance from the moment I walked into the WWE. I will not let this opportunity pass me by. There was a reason I won the Royal Rumble, beating out 29 other guys... that reason was to win the World Title at Wrestlemania, no matter what the cost. I am not about to waste all of my hard work and dedication. I will prove once and for all that I am the best wrestler in the WWE by winning that World Heavyweight Title. HBK... Triple H... I know you realize this, but just in case you forgot... YOU’RE NEXT!!!”
Goldberg turns back to Regis and Kelly, shaking their hands as the show goes to a break...
Scene 2 ~ The Howard Stern Show
The scene opens up a few hours later. There is a long white hallway as the door at the end opens. WWE superstar, Bill Goldberg, walks through as he is greeted by a few backstage employees.
| ‘Employee #1’ Jeff | “Mr. Goldberg, I’d like to thank you for coming to the Howard Stern Show. We will be going on-air in about 5 minutes. Until then, you can just sit back in your dressing room.”
Goldberg nods his head as he walks into a room, closing the door behind him.
The Howard Stern Show opening plays as the on-air logo appears. Then it goes to Howard Stern live in the studio.
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “Today we have Goldberg from the World Wrestling Entertainment joining us to talk about Wrestlemania XX.”
| ‘Howard’s Co-Host’ Robin Quivers | “Wasn’t it called the WWF at one point?”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “I believe so... let’s bring Da Man out here.”
‘Step Up’ by Drowning Pool plays as Goldberg walks out. He walks over to the couch, putting the headset on.
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “Welcome to my show, Goldberg.”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “It’s great to be here, Howard. Lately, I have been on quite a few shows to promote Wrestlemania, but I was most looking forward to the Howard Stern Show.”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “Yeah... where else can you find hot naked chicks in HLA?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “The internet?”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “Oh yeah, good point. Anyway, Goldberg, we were having a discussion about why the WWF was changed to the WWE...”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Actually, the other WWF, the World Wildlife Foundation, threatened to sue us if we didn’t change it. Our real name was the WWFE, World Wrestling Federation Entertainment. So we just dropped the F and got WWE. And we also got a great new slogan out of it... Get the F out.”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “Hahaha... good one. So let’s get into the real reason why you are here. This Sunday will be a huge event entitled Wrestlemania. Now this event happens every year, but this one will be the biggest of all time. I understand that it will be you, Goldberg, fighting two other guys... Shawn Michaels and Hunter Hearst Hemsley...”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “That’s correct. I will be fighting in the biggest match of the night for the World Heavyweight Championship.”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “What do you think of these two guys? Are these two little whimps, or what?”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Hahaha... well, let’s just put it this way... I have beaten both before and they haven’t beaten me once.”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “Excellent! So how did you get this match? It says here that you are not on the best of terms with the owner, Shane McMahon.”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Yeah, Shane and I pretty much hate each other’s guts. I actually was once friends with Shane. Then I received a World Heavyweight Title shot at Armageddon, the Pay-Per-View in December. Anyway, Shane screwed me out of the title, giving the win to my rival, Shane Douglas. So I knew the only chance I had left to get the title is to win the 30 man over the top rope elimination Royal Rumble. I entered it and won... giving me an automatic shot at the title at Wrestlemania, whether Shane likes it or not.”
| ‘Baba Booey’ Gary Dellabate | “Who’s been your toughest opponent?”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “Gary, shut the hell up!”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “No, it’s ok. Many of my opponents have been very tough. To tell you the truth, Shawn Michaels was a very tough opponent. I knew what I was going up against when I was first booked for that match. But I still fought and I still came out on top, which is exactly what will happen at Wrestlemania!”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “I’m sure HBK and Triple H are crapping their pants right now!”
Everybody laughs.
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “If they’re not right now, they will be this Sunday when I walk up to them, face to face.”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “Jesus Christ! I am right now just sitting here in the same room with you!”
Goldberg laughs as Howard smiles.
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “OK... ever since we booked you for the show, there has been discussion about who your perfect opponent would be. Unanimously, everybody picked the only one true guy who could stand up to you...”
The camera shows a picture of a midget.
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “The one and only... Hank the Dwarf!”
| ‘The Highly Underrated’ Artie Lang | “Yeah, I’d like to see that. Hank getting his ass speared to the ground!”
| ‘The King of All Media’ Howard Stern | “Hahahaha!”
| ‘Da Man’ Goldberg | “Well, I’m not too worried about Hank coming into the WWE anytime soon. But come Wrestlemania there will be no jokes. I will do to Shawn and Hunter exactly what I would do to that midget, Hank. I would spear their ass to the mat, pick them up and give them a Jackhammer... and then proceed to cover them for the 1..2..3 count!”