...Staggs, my friend .. you have it all wrong. I would have hoped that you would at least have one of your associates there to explain to you what Tommy Grady or myself had said. But it's quite obvious that you didn't. And it's quite obvious that you tried to comprehend it on your own, which is a very scary thing. The idea that he's taking Chris Staggs for granted is beyond a joke, my friends. I think it's quite obvious that Tommy is taking this match extremely seriously. He's focusing on victory. He's focusing on taking that next step to becoming the superstar that he is obviously going to become when the transition is complete. And reguardless of how patheticly low you can crawl -- you are a big step to gaining that respect. Not by your current actions or even your present day ability.. but from your past accomplishments. Nobody doubts that you have the ability within you, Staggs. Nobody thinks you're a no talent limp johnson. You can thank your narrator for that reference. Keep your chin up.. I'd hate for Tommy to smack you down further than the position you've already sank without a little bit of fight in ya...
:::Scene opens up on the outside of a building. As the camera slowly rises up we notice that the sign on the building reads "Skaggs". A bird scatters from within the O as the camera follows it down to ground level where we focus in on two men walking towards the Homeland. The camera cuts to an image of the two walking into the store. It just so happens to be Aaron Everage and Tommy Grady. Aaron walks over to some carts and pulls one out. He begins to push it forward and Tommy steps in front of him:::
Aaron Everage - Move, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - I wanna sit in the basket..
Aaron Everage - That's not possible, Tommy.. the thing would flip over..
Tommy Grady - You callin' me fat, jerko?
Aaron Everage - [moving the cart around Tommy] Yes..
Tommy Grady - WHATEVA! Yo mamma makes two of me, doo! WHATEVA!
Aaron Everage - These shopping cart seats are built for little toddlers, Tommy.. not grown adults..
Tommy Grady - Do they not think adults will come with other adults? A toddler probably came up with the idea, huh? Lazy selfish bastards!
Aaron Everage - They expect adults to be mature enough to walk on their own..
Tommy Grady - They have some high expectations of us, huh, Ev?
Aaron Everage - Not really.. why can't you walk?
Tommy Grady - I can.. but I like being surrounded by a cart of food.. it makes me feel edible..
:::Aaron shakes his head and stops in the fruit section:::
Aaron Everage - You want any fruit?
Tommy Grady - I feel a song comin' on..
Aaron Everage - Please no..
Tommy Grady - I like to eat.. eat.. eat.. apples and banay nays!
Aaron Everage - Stop singing right now, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - I didn't even get to the banoo noos, though..
Aaron Everage - I don't care.. it's hurting my ears..
Tommy Grady - WHATEVA! My voice is platinum and yours is lead, doo! WHATEVA!
Aaron Everage - [to himself, looking at a list] .. let's see.. what's next..
Tommy Grady - You didn't get my banoo noos!
Aaron Everage - I got the apples..
Tommy Grady - BANOO NOOS!
Aaron Everage - Tommy, you didn't eat the last bunch of bananas I brought home..
Tommy Grady - It's not my fault they became african bananas..
Aaron Everage - That's what happens when they get old..
Tommy Grady - Will I become black when I grow old?
Aaron Everage - No..
Tommy Grady - Then why must the banay nays?
Aaron Everage - Because they were grown to be bought and used quickly..
Tommy Grady - No wonder blacks hold such grudges on us..
Aaron Everage - Blacks aren't bananas, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - You sure? I could have sworn one of them was starting to look like Cordozer..
Aaron Everage - I'm sure, Tommy..
:::Aaron moves down an aisle with potato chips:::
Tommy Grady - CHIPS! YES!
Aaron Everage - What kind do you want?
Tommy Grady - MESQUITOS!
Aaron Everage - Doritos?
Tommy Grady - NO! Mesquitos!..... wait.... yeah, Doritos, that's it..
Aaron Everage - [grabbing a pack of doritos] .. that's another thing off the list..
Tommy Grady - Next up, meet with Chris..
Aaron Everage - That'll have to wait until later tonight, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - What?! We pushed back the match so we can meet up with Chris and now he's bailin' on us?
Aaron Everage - Tommy, how many times do you have to have this explained to you?
Tommy Grady - No explaination needed.. I see where we stand with Chris..
Aaron Everage - Do you even know who Chris is?
Tommy Grady - Yeah..
Aaron Everage - Who is it?
Tommy Grady - A lying, ditching mean stack of bologna sandwich meat with moldy cheese and a light portion of Miracle Whip.. is what he is..
Aaron Everage - No, Tommy.. he's your opponent tonight..
Tommy Grady - You mean there are people who oppose me?
Aaron Everage - That's your job..
Tommy Grady - How can you oppose me? I'm a law abiding citizen..
Aaron Everage - Most of the time..
Tommy Grady - WHATEVA! I only break the law when I'm tatwerk a twerk twerkin' yo mamma with the curtains open.. WHATEVA!
Aaron Everage - That hurts Tommy.. at least pull it off better if you're gonna insult me..
Tommy Grady - Oh, I pull it off alright.. and bust it right on her jugglies..
Aaron Everage - Alright, ya carried it too far, Tommy.. lips sealed, now..
Tommy Grady - No, I carried it onto the bed.. onto the kitchen table.. onto the--
Aaron Everage - [interupting tommy] .. One more word and there'll be no ice cream after your match tonight, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - NO ICE CREAM!?!
Aaron Everage - None!
Tommy Grady - I better hush it..
Aaron Everage - You better..
Tommy Grady - ..know why?
Aaron Everage - .... should I even ask?
Tommy Grady - Cuz I scream, you scream, we all scream for ICE cream.. WOOHOO!
Aaron Everage - Do me a favor, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - What can I do you for?
Aaron Everage - Go over and get a WD-40 for me, alright? We need to fix the creaking on the doors.. I'm depending on you.. and by the time you find it and get back here I should be done..
Tommy Grady - But what if I get lost?
Aaron Everage - If you get lost then go to the cash register and I'll meet you there..
Tommy Grady - But what if I get scared?
Aaron Everage - Count to ten..
Tommy Grady - But what if I get to ten and I'm still scared?
Aaron Everage - Count to TWENTY!
Tommy Grady - What if I get to fifteen and can't remember what's next?
Aaron Everage - You should shoot yourself..
Tommy Grady - Suicide is a sin you can't repent from, Aaron.. then I'd go to hell and burn for eternity and I'd never do that to God..
Aaron Everage - Whatever, Tommy.. just go..
Tommy Grady - I don't know if I can do this..
Aaron Everage - Find a bottle of WD40?
Tommy Grady - It's a lot harder than it sounds, Ev! Geez, cut me some slack..
:::Aaron shakes his head and Tommy moves away from him, towards the next aisle. He looks up at the sign and moves on, looking for the correct title above the aisle. He appears satisfied as his eyes light up. He moves down an aisle:::
Tommy Grady - Excuse me.... sir?
Skaggs Employee - Yes?
Tommy Grady - Oh, I'm sorry.. you looked like a guy from behind..
Skaggs Employee - I AM a guy..
Tommy Grady - Oh uh.... right.. hey, do you know where I can find some stuff to make something a little smoother without any eeks or skreeks..
Lesbian Looking Skaggs Employee - Like..
Tommy Grady - Well, my friend Aaron told me to come over here and find it..
Lesbian Looking Skaggs Employee - OH! I get it.. you naughty boy..
Tommy Grady - Um.. I didn't do anything naughty, did I?
Lesbian Looking Skaggs Employee - So you need something to make the back door smoother..
Tommy Grady - How did you know it was the door?
Lesbian Looking Skaggs Employee - We get a lot of people like you.. [grabs something off the shelf] ..and I suggest to them that the thing that works best for me is this..
Tommy Grady - [taking the box] .. Astroglide? Wait a minute.. I know that dude..