[I Declare War!]


...Poor Gator. Feelings hurt. Feels like victory was snagged out of his blindly illiterate human frame. Let's see, Gator -- you look talented... but too bad looks don't win a match, eh? You're going up against the top talent in this business. If you wander your eyes for half a second you're gonna be flattened by experience and determination. Two things you acted as if you had. But look now.. who is holding the torch at this point? Tommy Grady. Who is number one contender? Tommy Grady. Who is a little girl that can't take the taste of defeat? That be you Gator.. that be you. Now that Superior Wrestling's top superstar has run off one of the biggest jokes in the industry -- not to be outdone by my boy Jeremy Riley -- Tommy Grady now steps into the ring with another high rising superstar in Superior.. Trent Paul. My friend, may the best man win -- I realize you're on top of the world right now, but you're stepping into the ring with Tommy Grady. You DO realize what is on the line. The first punch has been thrown, my friend.. we'll see if you can stay up with the best in the business.. but I'm putting my money on a total knockout.. and your eyes will be the ones glazed over...

:::Scene opens with an image of a home. We zoom in and begin to recognize this home as that of Aaron Everage, which shelters Tommy Grady. The camera travels up the same worn down steps that we're accustomed to crawling up. We push through the front door and take a right down a hallway. We pass the computer room to our left and continue down the hall. We cut into a room to the left where Grady and Everage are sitting at a table in silence. Grady begins chewing on something suddenly and breaks the silence as we listen in:::

Tommy Grady - Mmm.. coconut!

Aaron Everage - It's been two hours since you ate that coconut..

Tommy Grady - Apparently a little piece was hiding!

Aaron Everage - Apparently..


Aaron Everage - Call me stupid, but I don't think it was trying to hide..

Tommy Grady - Stupid..

Aaron Everage - Fuck you..

Tommy Grady - You TOLD me to call you stupid.. and now you verbally attack me? You must be the meanest man in this whole continentinent... tinent..

Aaron Everage - What?

Tommy Grady - .... tinent..

Aaron Everage - Shut up, Grady.. seriously, you're looking like a fool..

Tommy Grady - But I WANT to look cool..

Aaron Everage - FOOL, Grady.. like a FOOL..

Tommy Grady - Cool?

Aaron Everage - FFFF! FOOL! WITH AN "F"!

Tommy Grady - F'n cool?

Aaron Everage - NO!

Tommy Grady - FINE! I GET IT! .. I was trying to deny that my friend would call me such words, Ev! I tried, but NO! You wouldn't let me..

Aaron Everage - If you think fool is bad, you should see what people call you behind your back..

Tommy Grady - People call me names behind my back?

Aaron Everage - They do..

Tommy Grady - That's a lie.. if they did I would be able to hear them.. I mean, I hear myself when I pass gas.. even when it's a quiet wind.. and that's LOWER than my back..

Aaron Everage - .... that's just gross..

Tommy Grady - It's only gross if you look at it grossly..

Aaron Everage - ..............

Tommy Grady - Think of it as my ass taking a breath and it's not so gross..

Aaron Everage - [gag]

Tommy Grady - Did you choke on a coconut piece that came loose? BEND OVER! I KNOW HOW THE HINDE LICK!

Aaron Everage - I'M FINE! .. and it's Heimlich.. you sick retarded bastard..

Tommy Grady - Oh.. I always wondered why licking an ass helped people who were choking..

Aaron Everage - .................

Tommy Grady - Uh oh.. [moves his mouth as if tasting something] .. another coconut.. THIS RULES! They're dropping like flies!

Aaron Everage - Relax, Grady..

Tommy Grady - How can I relax? I won't rest until all coconut has been cleared!

Aaron Everage - Point being?

Tommy Grady - I don't have to have a point..

Aaron Everage - I guess that's a point..


Aaron Everage - What are you talking about?

Tommy Grady - I would like to announce.. I am going to wage war with the coconut that remains in my mouth..

Aaron Everage - Grady, c'mon!

Tommy Grady - Alright.. let's take a vote.. who thinks we should go to war with the coconut?

Aaron Everage - Not me..

Tommy Grady - Well me and my two eyes vote yes.. so that's three to one..

Aaron Everage - What?

Tommy Grady - Wait.. you only have one eye.. looks like it's three to two.. I win! WOO!

Aaron Everage - You are such a douche bag, Grady..

Tommy Grady - Who thinks I'm a douche bag? Uh oh.. still three to two..

Aaron Everage - Shut up..

Tommy Grady - Who thinks I should keep talking? THREE TO TWO AGAIN!

Aaron Everage - .. if you don't shut up, Grady, I'm really going to put you through pain you've only imagined..

Tommy Grady - Bondage?

Aaron Everage - What?

Tommy Grady - Wait.. that's pleasureful pain, isn't it?

Aaron Everage - What are you talking about?

Tommy Grady - Nothing.. you're mom told me she was into bondage and I agreed to it before I realized what she meant..

Aaron Everage - Fuck you..

Tommy Grady - I thought she meant being better friends.. since when was bonding being tied up and getting your penis spanked?

Aaron Everage - FUCK YOU!

Tommy Grady - .. sorry..

Aaron Everage - .. I hope you got yourself checked..

Tommy Grady - Nah.. I'm not a big hockey fan..

Aaron Everage - What?

Tommy Grady - Not a big hockey fan.. dude, you really need to go see about your hearing..

Aaron Everage - I heard what you said.. it.. it's just still an amazing thing to hear just how absolutely stupid you truly are..


Aaron Everage - What are you talking about?

Tommy Grady - Mission: Saliva Freedom..

Aaron Everage - Umm..

Tommy Grady - Coconut is hiding in there, man.. we must free it or else maybe I'll wake up with coconuts of mass destruction..

Aaron Everage - Now you're just talking silly..

Tommy Grady - It's silly until you get pegged in the nose with a CMD..

Aaron Everage - I'll keep my eyes open for it..

Tommy Grady - No.. it's there.. I promise.. look..

Aaron Everage - [looks into Grady's mouth] .. nothing, Grady..

Tommy Grady - You barely even looked.. look again!

Aaron Everage - No..


Aaron Everage - Shut up, Grady..

Tommy Grady - Don't try to stop me, Coconut Inspector..

Aaron Everage - What?

Tommy Grady - Oh yes! My goal is very clear.. we will free my mouth from these coconut lingerers..

Aaron Everage - Enough..

Tommy Grady - [picks up flask] .. WE WILL FLOOD YOU COCONUT! COME OUT NOW OR BE FLOODED!

Aaron Everage - Do you expect coconut to listen?

Tommy Grady - You're right.. those coconuts are too stupid to think for themselves..

Aaron Everage - .. well, they can't think at all, but --

Tommy Grady - You're right.. we must think for them!

Aaron Everage - .. okay?


:::Grady tips his head back and fills his mouth with the alcohol, holding it inside until he can't any longer. He swallows it and has a disgusted look on his face:::

Aaron Everage - You happy now?

Tommy Grady - I think the battle is over..

Aaron Everage - See.. no coconut, eh?

Tommy Grady - Just because you didn't see them doesn't mean they weren't there..

Aaron Everage - Right..

Tommy Grady - They must have escaped the mouth and gone across the border to the throat.. DAMN THEM!

Aaron Everage - [sigh] ..

Tommy Grady - I bet they took their Coconuts of Mass Destruction with them, too!

Aaron Everage - You've been watching too much FOX News..

:::Grady stands up and is suddenly hit with dizziness, which is very apparent. He drops down onto the seat:::


Aaron Everage - It's like you reverting back to toddler.. now you can't even stand..

Tommy Grady - Good one, dipshit..

Aaron Everage - Uh.. what the fuck did you just say to me, Grady?

Tommy Grady - [stands up] .. got beef, pal?

Aaron Everage - Ah ha! I completely forget the alcohol consumption.. great to have you back..

Tommy Grady - I'm sure it is.. it's a constant torture being trapped inside the mind of a retard..

Aaron Everage - I can only imagine, my friend..

Tommy Grady - Even further than being inside the mind of one.. how is it being one? Or how about being one that is totally oblivious to the fact that he really is fresh off the short bus. The scenario that I knew would happen.. Nightgator would be overmatched and no one would care. Now look at him.. he's running out of Superior Wrestling with his tale between his legs cuz I made him look like the little girl he truly is under his incompetent attempts at harmful words. Trying so desperately to get under my skin.. but I flick him off like an ant and make him look twice as moronic with half the effort. Awfully sad when that's the case, isn't it, Nightgator? Awfully frustrating. Welcome to the world of quality, my friend. We settle our business in the ring. I don't know what pipeline corporations you've been a part of that allowed you to gain any title at all, but I guarantee you that you could throw your absent-minded, self obsorbed rubbish that nobody cares about, my less understands -- for years.. and years.. and the only thing you'd accomplish is a track record full of defeats and sprinkled with victories few and far between. It's an awfully sad story.. and it's probably better that ends now instead of wasting the time of your competition when the end verdict is as obvious as it gets. You came to Superior Wrestling, Nightgator.. nobody really cared.. but you came. And now, after a one and one record.. you've made your grand exit. And still.. nobody cares.

It was fun competing against someone as untalented as you, though. It really gave me the rest I needed going into these next two weeks. Beginning this weekend when I go head to head with Trent Paul.. no pushover. Not at all. And you better believe that I'm gonna be ready to step into the ring come Sunday. Week after week the thought that I'm going to overlook my opponent is become more and more cliche. Back in the day it was "I'm better than you, you goin down, punk..".. and the people preaching that ended up with a loss. So now has it come to this? Is it just a consistant hope that I'll "waltz" to the ring thinking about an event that's three weeks, two weeks, and now one week away? When it's time to get in the ring and do my job -- I do my job. Plain and simple, my friend. If you wanna toss some dialogue and act like it came out of my mouth, feel free to do that.. but know one thing. Both of these eyes are firmly planted on Adrenaline for one reason.. and it's not doing something I do day in and day out, in signing my name. It's competition.. it's what I feed off of. It's what you, yourself, are overlooking. You can hope all week long that I'm going to overlook you for a petty signing.. you can hum it to Buddha or shake your hands in the air to Jesus Christ.. it ain't gonna happen. I'm gonna be ready, my friend. And your undefeated record is gonna mean absolutely nothing to me.. I've put an end to two already, why not notch another one up, eh? Let me tell you.. this match may be meaningless to you.. but to me it's a door to shut the traps of the people that utter those same words that you did. I'm undeserving.. I only get the shot because SWF is sinking like Jim Harper in chocolate pudding.. that chatter is fine with me. The match means something because I'm in it.. the match means something because you have a chance to prove yourself as a contender in SWF.. and this match means something because, quite frankily -- every match wreaks importance regardless of whether it's Nightgator or JD Lawson.. I'm boring.. I'm dull.. and I'm generic.. but I don't particularly think any of those are gonna matter when you're lying on your back staring at the lights.. unable to think clear enough to realize that you're 8-1 and now have nothing to boast about but how your momma no longer has to pick up her welfare check.. but the bright side of things, however -- when you lose.. maybe you'll prove that you have a pair of testicles, unlike some whom are defeated and can't handle it. Can you handle it? I think you can.. I'll bring it, Paul.. I'll bring it all.. but be careful what you wish for..

Aaron Everage - You just might get it..

Tommy Grady - How dare you interupt me in mid-intimidation mode, bitch..

Aaron Everage - Oh.. I'm sorry.. go on..

:::Grady suddenly grabs his head and quickly snaps his eyes back up to Everage:::


Tommy Grady - Whoa..

Aaron Everage - Go on, Tommy..

Tommy Grady - That.. TOTALLY just rocked my world, yo!

Aaron Everage - Oh..

Tommy Grady - Dude.. I blacked out and I was like.. WHOA! IT'S BLACK IN HERE!

Aaron Everage - Hence the term "black out"..

Tommy Grady - For REAL!

Aaron Everage - ... yeah..

Tommy Grady - At least I'm safe, though, right?

Aaron Everage - .. as if you wouldn't be?

Tommy Grady - No..

Aaron Everage - No what?

Tommy Grady - I dunno.. I forgot the question..

Aaron Everage - [sigh]..

Tommy Grady - [points to something falling from a tree slowly] .. LOOK! A SNOWFLAKE!

Aaron Everage - That would be cotton, Grady..

Tommy Grady - Snow is cotton?

Aaron Everage - No.. but that is..

Tommy Grady - Cotton doesn't just grow on trees, Ev..

Aaron Everage - It doesn't?

Tommy Grady - Most certainly not..

Aaron Everage - Oh.. silly me, huh?

Tommy Grady - Yeah.. you sure are awful silly, Ev! TEE HEE!

Aaron Everage - Don't you ever do that again..

Tommy Grady - But.. but..

Aaron Everage - I don't care if the Teletubbies did it or not..

Tommy Grady - But they are SO in right now..

Aaron Everage - Next thing ya know you'll be caring a purse like that queer purple one..

Tommy Grady - [hiding a purse behind his back] .. I.. uh.. no.. never do that one..

Aaron Everage - [shakes his head] .. when will you grow up?

Tommy Grady - Uh.. look dude.. I'm all tall and stuff.. how much more am I supposed to grow? I don't want to look linky and retarded like Shawn Bradley..

Aaron Everage - I'm not talking physically.. mentally, Grady..

Tommy Grady - My mental is supposed to grow?..

Aaron Everage - Your what?

Tommy Grady - You said mentally.. I assume my mental needs to grow, right?

Aaron Everage - [slaps his forehead] .. God kill me now..

Tommy Grady - Don't ask for that, dude.. you should live life to its fullest regardless of the situation..

Aaron Everage - .................

Tommy Grady - I think I have a booger in my eye.. look.. do you see a boogar?

Aaron Everage - Sweet God..

:::Everage storms out of the room, obviously terribly annoyed:::

Tommy Grady - I'm glad he's repenting for what he said earlier.. GO EV! IT'S YA BIRTHDAY.. wait.. I think that's old, isn't it?

:::Grady puts his finger to his head as if thinking. The camera slowly scans away and begins to fade out to black with the image the back yard:::

...My friends, Tommy Grady is a week away from PPV week.. Trent Paul will pose quite a defense against the offensive front of Grady, but I tend to agree with Paul.. Grady has bigger fish to fry. That doesn't take away from the fact that you, Paul, will be defeated and humiliated by the man you claim to be overrated. We'll see just who's overrated when the pinfall is counted Sunday on Adrenaline.. and you no longer have a zero in the second column...

ThIs MeSsAgE hAs BeEn BrOuGhT tO yOu By: