...Do a little dance.. make a little love.. get down tonight. Boy oh boy, is it good to be back in the big apple.. or.. the sunshine state.. ah shit, the state with whores on every corner. You know what I mean. Nevada.. Las Vegas.. with the biggest night in Tommy Grady's career just a few days away, you'd expect him to be a little nervous. Concentrating, plotting the way his victory will be accomplished in the most effective way. Well, hell -- if you thought that, you don't know Tommy Grady. If you knew him, you'd realize that he probably doesn't even know just how big this weekend is. J.D. Lawson -- one of the most storied performers in the wrestling world. Andrew Hurley, one of the fastest rising stars in the wrestling world today. Cordozer.. one of the blackest men that wrestle.. and the buck stops there. You'd think Grady would be worried about getting beat by a legend.. or a young talent.. or at least being tainted by black people sweat -- but no. Not Tommy Grady. Not today.. because today he gets to gamble for the first time...
:::Scene opens with an image of Las Vegas from an afar view. Crowds of people drag along a continuous stream from one casino to the next. Lights fill the screen with advertisements and endorsements. Welcome to Las Vegas. Cut to ground level. We see a limousine pulling up to the front of a casino. The door opens and it's TOMMY.. Hilfiger.. good to see that motherfucker here, even though I think he's gay. Better stay away from him, cuz I have a delicious ass. Here comes someone on a bicycle.. WOOHOO! It's Grady. Hell yeah.. is your hair okay? You better fix it. A horn beeps and people file out of the way as Grady comes along with a few people jogging behind him. He pulls his moped to a stop and drapes a lock over it, as if it's all he needed to do. The group of people continues to jog:::
Tommy Grady - Now men.. what are we gonna do tonight?
Black Man - WIN TOMMY MONEY!
Tommy Grady - And why, black man.. WHY!
Black Man - Because Tommy is not a penguin..
Tommy Grady - That's right I'm not a penguin.. I'm not some silly animal that slides around on ice, men.. OH NO! I'm Tommy Grady.. and I need money so that I can rub it in peoples faces and buy hookers..
Black gelly haired dude - Hookers, alright! I'll take the ass!
Tommy Grady - No.. only I get hookers!
Black gelly haired dude - But but.. but.. but.. I want butt sex..
Tommy Grady - Talk to the black man..
Black Man - Only if ya wear panty hose, nigga..
Tommy Grady - You two are veering off course.. this is about me.. ME!
|ENTER AARON EVERAGE|
Aaron Everage - What the hell's goin on out here?
Tommy Grady - Aaron! I am SOOOOO ready to gamble, dude..
Aaron Everage - Uh.. who's the gang?
Tommy Grady - Don't, they aren't a gang.. don't be racist just because this guy is black..
Black Man - Yeah, nigga..
Aaron Everage - I'm not talking gang..
Black gelly haired dude - Oh sure.. I'd do a gang bang..
Black Man - Where can a black man get some fried chicken in this damn town..
Aaron Everage - I don't know who the friends are, Grady, but they better not be from the internet Dragonball Z chat room..
Black gelly haired dude - WOOT WOOT! SUPER SAYAN! SUPER SAYAN FOUR! WOOT WOOT!
Tommy Grady - Spirit bomb.. pew pew pew pew! [makes explosion sound as he acts as if he throws something at him] .. WOOT WOOT!
Aaron Everage - Woot woot? You two idiots, just shut up..
Tommy Grady - Yeah, you idiots.. shut up..
Aaron Everage - I'm talking to YOU..
Tommy Grady - There's only ONE of me, Aaron.. you may need some glasses..
Aaron Everage - I can see fine..
Tommy Grady - You sure? I don't want you seeing two of me.. I'd hate for you to think my sexiness could be duplicated..
:::Grady rubs his nipples:::
Aaron Everage - ..... I'd never think that..
Tommy Grady - Wonderful.. let's go win some money! WOO HOO!
:::Aaron slowly shakes his head as the crowd enter the casino. They begin walking towards the gaming area:::
Tommy Grady - I hope I don't get drunk and give foreign sailors lapdances again..
Aaron Everage - What?
Tommy Grady - Dude, you read my mind?
Aaron Everage - Uh... what?
Tommy Grady - Phew.. I'm glad he didn't hear my thoughts..
Aaron Everage - What?
Tommy Grady - Oh my God.. can he hear my thoughts?
Aaron Everage - What the hell is wrong with you?
Tommy Grady - Just stare at him and maybe he'll forget what he asked..
Aaron Everage - Quit speaking your thoughts, Grady!
Tommy Grady - .............
Aaron Everage - You are a strange dude..
Tommy Grady - Oh wait.. I was speaking my thoughts and thought what I meant to speak.. silly me..
Aaron Everage - How.. the hell did you do that?
Tommy Grady - Honest mistake, geez.. jump all over a guy..
Black gelly haired dude - Only if he is a post operation transexual..
Black Man - I met a fly ass tranny once.. she had them big thighs.. like them chicken thighs.. crispy.. mmm.. fried chicken sound good, nigga..
Aaron Everage - Who the hell ARE these people..
Tommy Grady - People who are gonna win me money, batch?
Aaron Everage - What'd you call me?
Tommy Grady - Nothin.. sorry..
Aaron Everage - You better watch what comes out of your mouth, Grady..
Black gelly haired dude - I prefer to keep it IN my mouth.. and swallow..
Aaron Everage - ...................
Tommy Grady - ...................
Aaron Everage - I should have known you were pulling something when you told me to meet you here..
Tommy Grady - I didn't pull anything..
Aaron Everage - You know what I mean..
Tommy Grady - Well, I pulled my hair when I got mad at myself for sitting down when the toilet seat was up and I got my balls wet.. but that's all I pulled..
Aaron Everage - ... I should have known you had no idea what I meant..
Tommy Grady - Was that not a good enough explaination?
Aaron Everage - No.. perfect, Grady.. just perfect..
Tommy Grady - Maybe if I dance like a rabid monkey and itch my armpits it will make more sense..
Aaron Everage - ...................
Tommy Grady - I see you begging with those puppy dog eyes..
Aaron Everage - .. but I'm not..
Tommy Grady - Words mean nothing.. your eyes speak all the sense in the world--
Aaron Everage - Grady, shut the fuck up..
Tommy Grady - Wow.. somebody accidentally sat on a stick that still lingers..
Aaron Everage - What?
Tommy Grady - You wouldn't understand..
Aaron Everage - I heard.. I understand.. and I conclude you should stick your finger down your throat and throw up all your other stupid insults before I slap 'em outta ya..
Tommy Grady - HAIRY TOED NUTSACK!
Aaron Everage - .... what the hell was that?
Tommy Grady - I had to get that one last one out..
Aaron Everage - You're lucky I'm nice, Grady.. now shut the fuck up..
Tommy Grady - Hush puppies?
Aaron Everage - Hush puppies, yeah..
Tommy Grady - ONE TWO THREE HUSHPUPPIES!
Black Man - I like dem hush puppies with my fried chicken and biscuits, my nigga..
Tommy Grady - THOSE ARE THE BOMB DIG-DIGGITY!
Aaron Everage - You lose..
Tommy Grady - No this overly black man lost..
Aaron Everage - [growls to himself] .. Grady..
Dealer - One open spot for blackjack!
Tommy Grady - YES! MY FIRST RIGGED VICTORY!
Aaron Everage - What?
:::Grady steps up to the table and grabs a couple chips from Everage. Everage looks angry for him just taking them but the dealer begins dealing the cards. Grady pulls the black man over to him:::
Tommy Grady - BLACK JACK!
Dealer - What?
Tommy Grady - BLACK JACK! I WIN!
Dealer - I.. I don't understand..
Tommy Grady - Jack.. meet the dealer.. dealer.. this is jack.. and he's black.. I WIN! WOOOOO!
Dealer - Good joke.. flip your cards..
Tommy Grady - YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?!
Dealer - ... if you're gonna be all spastic and immature, son -- take your chips, I'll let you back out..
Aaron Everage - Do it, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - FINE!.. I LIED! OKAY?!
Aaron Everage - [sigh]
Tommy Grady - His name is SAM.. alright? SAM! Not Jack.. SAM! THE BLACK MAN, SAM!
Dealer - [throws the chips at Grady] .. leave..
Tommy Grady - It's cuz he's BLACK.. isn't it?
Black Man - Racist sombitches! I whoop dat ass like KKK red knights, my nigga.. fo real sho..
Tommy Grady - FO SHO!
Aaron Everage - Don't do this, Grady..
Tommy Grady - You know what.. I'll leave.. but remember.. you can take my pride.. but you'll never take.. MY FREE DOME!
Black gelly haired dude - ARRRRRRRG!
Tommy Grady - GIMME MY FREE DOME, BATCH!
Aaron Everage - Grady..
Tommy Grady - ALAMODOME! RCA DOME! SOMETHING! GIVE IT TO ME!
:::Aaron grabs Grady by the ear and drags him away from the table. Grady winces in pain as Everage leads him away from the table:::
Aaron Everage - If you don't straighten up we'll go back to the toothless whore street corner and make them smile..
Tommy Grady - NO MORE GUMMY WHORES! NO MORE!
Aaron Everage - Get your act together.. you're acting like a two year old..
Tommy Grady - AM NOT! AM NOT! AM NOT!
Aaron Everage - .................
Tommy Grady - It wasn't me.. it was the black man..
Black Man - Ah shit.. blame it on da black man..
Tommy Grady - Fo sho..
Aaron Everage - [turning towards a bar] .. two Kamakaze's and an Iguana..
Tommy Grady - NO! DON'T KILL YOURSELF JUST FOR JAPAN, AARON!
Aaron Everage - .. it's a drink, dick lick..
Tommy Grady - Good.. I'm thirsty.. [grabs one of the shots and downs it] .. BLAH BLAH BLAH! GROSS DUDE!
Aaron Everage - Didn't say you'd like it..
Tommy Grady - WOOOOOO! VEGAS! HOUSE OF THE PARTY! EVERYBODY GET YA ROLL ON.. EVERYBODY GET YA MOTHA FUCKIN ROLL ON.. WHAT?!
Black Man - Ah shit.. dats my SOOOOOOOOOOONG..
Tommy Grady - Shut up..
Black Man - It's cu--
Tommy Grady - Yes, cuz you're black.. Aaron, my stomach fuckin' hurts.. what the hell did I just drink?
Aaron Everage - Kamikaze.. lime juice.. vodka and triple sec..
Tommy Grady - You're fuckin sick..
Aaron Everage - [downs his iguana] .. and hopefully soon to be drunk so I don't care about your stupidity..
Tommy Grady - Ah, you wanna call me names now, eh, focker? Eh, that's fine. We'll see what kind of names you call me when I'm strutting out of Ammunation with my tag title and a number one contendership label in the eyes of the Superior Wrestling general public. Hey Lawson, Tommy Grady. Pleased to meet ya. And even more pleased to destroy you this Sunday. You may not know a lot about me.. but I know plenty about you. You think your angry, thoughtless bashing is going to seperate you from the inevitable fact that this Sunday you're going to be defeated at the hands of the best tag team in Superior Wrestling history? And that's including you and the Oreo Connection.. as for Cordozer.. ah hell. What to say, what to say. Ya'know, there's a reason why you've been in Superior Wrestling longer than I have and I'm the one going into Ammunation with a shot at number one contendership to the world heavyweight championship. You wanna ignite that rattle jaw of yours -- rattle all ya want. Pretend in Cordozerland that you're the superior. Whenever I roll over you and whipe off the shit stains you leave on my shoe, I think we'll see just who the superior is. You're lucky I have one sexy ass, cuz you'll always be a few steps behind me, Dozer. You'll always be looking up at me and that's just the way the ship shifted. And if you honestly think that you will hold, in your grubby little hands, my title come Sunday -- you've got a big knock in the gut just a few days away. And as for Hurley -- ah, my friend. Quite a month between you and I. I'm sure Syria was quite an adventure, but now that you're back -- you and me, number one contendership to the world title on the line. A dream I know you and I both have held deep within since we embarked on this career -- from day one. The Ultimate prize, the ultimate goal. One of us is only a step away from receiving the opportunity we've waited a lifetime for.. that one man doesn't have girly hair. Sorry, Hurley. That's right, my hair cannot perm or be put in a pony tail.. that must mean.. heh.. I will be the next number one contender. Shoot the goose and kill the hen.. this thing is in the record books. Unfortunately, Hurley -- I actually have to break a sweat.. even though myself and the rest of the Superior Wrestling community knows exactly what will happen come Sunday. That's if you even show up -- I mean, it's the end of the month.. and I know your menstrual cycle is bound to start some time. Brings a new meaning to blood, sweat, and tears.. in all honesty, though, Gurley.. it's an absolute shame that you were even bred into this world. I imagine your mom looks at you now and is literally ashamed for bringing you into this world. She sees her daught--er.. son growing up to be a pathetic excuse for a human being.. and she bows her head in absolute disgust. Your words? Pointless. Your progressive state? Consistently boring. How you went from losing the Overdrive championship to JEFF HARRIS to world championship level is beyond me. You plotted your attacks perfectly, Gurley, my friend. You were at the right place.. at the right time. Worst part about it? This Sunday, your mother won't be the only one wishing you were never born. I will put a pounding on you unlike any you've ever experienced in your entire, futile existence.. I'll pluck that pube chin of yours one by one.. I'll braid your girly ass hair.. there ain't nothin I won't do to humiliate you, Gurley. And best fact of the matter -- when all is said and done.. I'm moving on to the World Heavyweight championship and the Hen while you flutter off into a hole and disappear forever.. sadly for you.. nobody will care..
:::Grady begins to take a step back away from the bar as if he's a little confused. He grabs his head in pain, as if he had a brain freeze. He shakes his head once more and opens his eyes very wide. Once more he shakes his head until he has that dumb look back in his eyes:::
Tommy Grady - I think it's safe to say.... that TOTALLY just rocked my world, baby..
Aaron Everage - You actually made sense for once in your life..
Tommy Grady - Well give 'em back then..
Aaron Everage - Give what back..
Tommy Grady - You said I made cents.. I need that money for my piggy bank, dude!
Aaron Everage - I knew it was too good to be true..
Tommy Grady - Alright.. give me the cents or else I'm going to hit you with my shoe until I give you a bruise, dude.. I hate to be harsh, but I treasure things I make..
Aaron Everage - Oh, give it up, Grady..
Tommy Grady - I once made my mom an easter egg basket and put my heart into it, Aaron -- only to have it run over by a tricycle and crushed..
Aaron Everage - Uh.. and?
Tommy Grady - AND! IT WAS ME WHO WAS ON THE TRICYCLE, EV!
Aaron Everage - AND?
Tommy Grady - AND!..... I don't know, but I crushed my basket and it sucks..
Aaron Everage - Grady.. that was, like.. twenty years ago..
Tommy Grady - NO IT WASN'T! It was five years ago!
Aaron Everage - What were you doing on a tricycle at age 16?
Tommy Grady - I HAD BAD BALANCE, ALRIGHT?! GEEZ!
Aaron Everage - The more I know about you the dumber you appear, Grady.. and that's a pretty damn good accomplishment..
Tommy Grady - Thanks dawg..
Aaron Everage - I just told you you're an idiot..
Tommy Grady - At least it's an accomplishment, Ev! What the hell have YOU done, huh? Pick lint off your gay sweaters? Queery balls..
Aaron Everage - Queery balls? Oh geez..
Black gelly haired dude - I love eating cheese off balls..
Black Dude - Mmm.. cheese.. and garlic.. with some friend chicken, my nigga.. aaaaaaah shit.. dat's the spot..
Aaron Everage - ENOUGH! I'VE HEARD ENOUGH!
Tommy Grady - So are you gonna turn off your ears or something? Dude.. that's impossible.. you're not Mr. Potatoe Head..
Aaron Everage - ....... no, Grady.. I'm sick of this..
Poker Table - One more spot open..
Tommy Grady - POKER! YES! PLAN B! PLAN B!
Aaron Everage - Oh shit..
Tommy Grady - COUNT ME IN!
Poker Table - Alright, here we go..
:::Dealer begins to deal cards:::
Tommy Grady - I GOT A FULL HOUSE!
Poker Table - You haven't even picked up your cards yet, sir..
Tommy Grady - DO YOUR THING UNCLE JESSE!
Black gelly haired dude - HAAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEERCYYYYYYYYY!
Poker Table - This a joke, sir?
Tommy Grady - NO! Did you hear Uncle Jesse? Do it again..
Black gelly haired dude - HAAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEERCYYYYYYYYY!
Tommy Grady - BAM! FULL HOUSE! I WIN! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Poker Table - [snickers] .. who is this guy?
Aaron Everage - Ignore him..
Poker Table - Already done..
Tommy Grady - WHAT?! I WIN!
Poker Table - No.. you DON'T..
Tommy Grady - THIS IS A SCAM!
Poker Table - You expect me to believe that's Uncle Jesse from Full House to begin with?
Tommy Grady - FIIIIIIINE! I LIED AGAIN! ALRIGHT?!?! I GAMBLED WITH A LIE AND GOT STUNG BAD! ALRIGHT?!
Poker Table - Get off my table, sir..
Aaron Everage - C'mon Tommy..
Tommy Grady - NOO! I WANT MY MONEY! FULL HOUSE DAMNIT!
Aaron Everage - C'mon Grady..
Tommy Grady - [walking away] .. Gambling sucks.. they're psychic geniouses..
Aaron Everage - I would explain to you the problem, but you don't have the attention span..
Tommy Grady - Ya'know, if I got burnt in a fire I would try to find water.. in a bath tub..
Aaron Everage - .... much like that..
Tommy Grady - Let's go find some hookers with teeth..
:::Everage shakes his head slowly in irritation. He grabs Grady by the arm and begins to lead him out of the casino. The two props follow them out. The camera scans over towards the poker table as the dealers deals his cards. The camera slowly fades out to black:::
...Lawson.. ya may not have known Grady.. you may not know Grady.. but the fact of the matter is ya still have to worry about him. And Hurley -- you and Grady will be going nose to nose for the first time. Grady has torn through the competition thusfar.. don't expect him to let up. You're just the next victim on a long, wounded line on the path to the world heavyweight championship. Mark it down...
ThIs MeSsAgE hAs BeEn BrOuGhT tO yOu By: