[Abuse Hotline]


...The abuse poured out from Tazi towards Grady is getting a little old, isn't it? We've resulted to puppy-murder. You want to sink that low, Tazi -- I don't think Grady has a problem with it. I don't even think Grady really cares. You don't get to him.. he just considers you the big bully of first grade. Big deal. So you gonna hit him in the nuts with a teather ball next? Of course not -- your vengeance is much more sadistic. I can put up with that, as a viewer. Grady can put up with it as a participant.. and when KITNO comes around the corner -- you'll have to put up with the consequences.. plain and simple...

:::Scene opens with an image of a home. Of course, the same home we've been witnessing Tommy Grady stake his claim in for the past month. The same run down old white, chipping building as every week. We have a different feel from the last time we were here, though. Last time we were here, Grady wasn't so well known. Grady wasn't ripping apart Superior Wrestling by any means. In fact, he was gingerly plastered but his nemisis, Hunter Tazi, just days before. Now? He hasn't lost since. One loss in his entire career.. against Hunter Tazi. This vibe we feel is a positive vibe. One that makes us feel secure that Tommy Grady is going to lead us into the future of Superior Wrestling.. and there's no prethought or postthought about that. Doesn't need to sink in.. or "marinate".. it's understood. As we enter the home, the camera immediately enters the kitchen, slowly, where Tommy Grady is sitting at the table on the phone. We tune in:::

Tommy Grady - .... I mean, he beats me up every single time I see him.. not to mention he made me miss work because he hit me with a hockey stick..

Voice - So he hit you with a hockey stick and you couldn't go to work?

Tommy Grady - Is there an echo in here? .. echo in here.. echo in here.. oh wait, that's me.. HA!

Voice - This "bully".. does he work with you?

Tommy Grady - HELL YEAH, DOO! He was jealous of my mizad SKEELZ and he tried to take me out.. so I'd be weak or some stuff!

Voice - Was there a promotion on the line?

Tommy Grady - Promotion? You don't know the half of it.. a TITLE, man..

Voice - Oh really? C.E.O.? C.O.O.? A position like that?

Tommy Grady - What the hell are you talking about? It's the T.A.G. title..

Voice - T.A.G.? What position is that..

Tommy Grady - Earth to dude on the phone.. earth to dude on the phone, do you read me dude on the phone..

Voice - Uh.. yes.. yes, I hear you..

Tommy Grady - You don't know how to SPELL or what?

Voice - T.A.G... ? OH! TAG! Tag title.. wait a minute.. what?

Tommy Grady - What what?

Voice - So you are a ...

Tommy Grady - Professional superstar athletic acting wrestling dude.. SLASH.. super-sidekick.. SLASH.. all around cool stud and a half!

Voice - So you are in the wrestling business?

Tommy Grady - There's that echo again... echo again.. echo again.. echo again.. echo again --

Voice - ENOUGH!

Tommy Grady - DUDE! Calm down.. you're supposed to help me..

Voice - I'm trying, but you keep... keep.. getting off the topic..

Tommy Grady - For an abuse hotline, you're awfully abusive.. leaving scars right in the depths of my heart..

Voice - I apologize, sir.. that was out of line for me..

Tommy Grady - You're standing in a line? For what? If it's ice cream, I'm SOOO unbelievably jealous right now..

Voice - No.. I'm not in a line.. it was out of line of me.. I shouldn't have been so offensive..

Tommy Grady - Speaking of offensive, I think we should get back to talking about ME!

Voice - Right sir, you are being abused by a co-worker in the wrestling business.. and he caused you to miss work..

Tommy Grady - What is this, the summary hotline? I thought you were helping..

Voice - I AM, sir.. I was just showing I was listening..

Tommy Grady - OH! So NOW you think I'm not listening..

Voice - No.. I was saying that I was listening.. ME!

Tommy Grady - Is it always about you? Geez..

Voice - Sir.. it's not always about me, I was just explaining myself..

Tommy Grady - NO NO! It's fine.. since YOU are getting abused lets hear about y-- OH! Wait a minute.. I picked up the phone and called YOU.. so it's about ME! ME ME ME!

Voice - Fine, sir.. fine..

Tommy Grady - Now, when will you guys be available to abuse this co worker of mine for me?

Voice - Abuse him?

Tommy Grady - Dude.. if I wanted an echo I would go into a cave or something, okay, dude? ENOUGH!

Voice - Yes sir..

Tommy Grady - Now yes.. when will you be available to abuse Mister Tazi..

Voice - NO NAMES!

Tommy Grady - No he has a name.. Hunter Tazi..

Voice - NO! Sir, don't give me names..

Tommy Grady - Why would I give you a name? That's your mothers job.. not mine.. I know my place, dude..

Voice - No, you can't tell me your name or the other parties involved.. this is an anonymous hotline..

Tommy Grady - I can tell you if you want..

Voice - No you can't!

Tommy Grady - Yes I can.. what.. you don't think I'm not capable?

Voice - No.. [sigh].. I KNOW you are capable.. but we're told not to know..

Tommy Grady - OOOH! It's like.. secret undercover stuff..

Voice - Right..

Tommy Grady - Like Superman is Clark Kent, but nobody knows it that he lives around.. man, if he came into MY hometown.. EVERYONE would know he was superman.. I can't believe people like Lois Lane don't just watch TV and see that he's Superman.. you just can't trust peoples intellect, though.. nowadays..

Voice - What?

Tommy Grady - OH WAIT! Or Darkwing Duck! HE RULED!

Voice - Who?

Tommy Grady - I AM THE TERROR.. that FLAPS in the night!

Voice - You're the what?

Tommy Grady - ...... the main man with the masta plan?

Voice - No.. what did you say?

Tommy Grady - [sigh] .. am I just gonna talk to myself all night or will I have some sympathy, huh?

Voice - I'm trying to help, sir..

Tommy Grady - Then give me a time you can abuse TAZI!

Voice - Sir, we don't abuse.. we help the abused..

Tommy Grady - What do you help the abused do?

Voice - We help the abused get over their abuse.. and tell them whether they should seek legal action, parental opinion, or go to other adults..

Tommy Grady - What are you saying? You don't abuse the people back for abusing the victims?

Voice - It would be in poor taste that we do that..

Tommy Grady - What the.... do you think people care about talking through things when they're gonna go out and get attacked with a hockey stick and a derranged little monkey running around?

Voice - Not.. everyone deals with people with hockey sticks..

Tommy Grady - Those people in the Friday the 13th movies did..

Voice - That was a hockey MASK, sir..

Tommy Grady - Hockey is parellel with evil..

Voice - Just because some stupid wrestler uses a hockey stick and some stupid movie uses a hockey mask.. doesn't mean a sport is evil, sir..

Tommy Grady - You think Tazi is stupid too?

Voice - I think WRESTLING is stupid.. in general..


Voice - ...... I am?

Tommy Grady - So don't you just like beating up stupid people? Who do stupid things?

Voice - At times, yes..

Tommy Grady - So beat up Tazi for me..

Voice - How.. many TIMES.. do I have to tell you, sir.. WE DON'T BEAT PEOPLE UP!

Tommy Grady - Dont' raise your voice..

Voice - I'm getting FED UP!!

Tommy Grady - I'm gonna hang up..

Voice - Do it..

Tommy Grady - ............

Voice - Hello?


Voice - You are a LOSER..

Tommy Grady - I'm fo REAL this time.. that was mean..

Voice - This has been a long day and you are just.. ruining it..

Tommy Grady - [mouth drops] .. I hope you fry in a tight cell in hell.. and have clostrophobia so you vomit all the time while you burn.. you mean mean man!

:::Grady clicks the phone off. He looks down at the phone:::

Tommy Grady - DAMNIT.. I was a bad man.. I'll call back..

:::Grady picks up the phone:::

:::Speed Dial One:::

Sexy Voice - Welcome to the help you get off hotline..

Tommy Grady - Oops.. wrong hotline..

Sexy Voice - So what do YOU like to do..

Tommy Grady - Uh.. watch Cartoon Network and eat fruit roll-ups..

Sexy Voice - .. what about in bed?

Tommy Grady - Yeah.. I do it in bed sometimes.. only when I'm about to go night night..

Sexy Voice - I mean, SEXUALLY.. in bed..

Tommy Grady - Oh... OOOOOH! I like to get down in the bomb diggly with a big jiggly..

Sexy Voice - A what?


Sexy Voice - And what's that?

Tommy Grady - Uh.. try.. a bomb diggly with a big jiggly.. DUH!

Sexy Voice - Wanna play? Press one four times to charge for a little one on one phone sex..

Tommy Grady - PHONE sex? Ma'am, this is a cordless phone.. there's no way I could have sex with it even if I wanted to..

Sexy Voice - What?

Tommy Grady - Like I said.. I had the wrong help line..

Sexy Voice - What are you looking for?

Tommy Grady - The ABUSE hotline..

Sexy Voice - I'll abuse you, baby.. just press one four times..

Tommy Grady - NO!

Sexy Voice - I'll change that no, baby.. just press one four times and I'll make you say yes yes yes..

Tommy Grady - How about no no no.. HO! HA!

Sexy Voice - Ho?!

Tommy Grady - You heard me right..

Sexy Voice - This is the only job I can get.. what would you do if your son was at home.. crying all alone on the bedroom floor cuz he's hungry.. and the only way to feed him is to.. phone sleep with a man for a little bit of money and his daddy's gone. Somewhere smokin rock now, in and out of lockdown.. I ain't gotta job now.. so for you this is just a good time, but for me this is what I call life..... UH!

Tommy Grady - That was beautiful..

Sexy Voice - ... thanks..

Tommy Grady - FOR A HO BAG!

Sexy Voice - NOOOOOOO!


:::Speed Dial Two:::

Voice - Abuse helpline..

Tommy Grady - I'VE BEEN ABUSED!

Voice - Please elaborate, sir..

Tommy Grady - I got hit with a hockey stick by the evil Jason!

Voice - Not YOU again.. geez.. get a life, pal..

Tommy Grady - I HAVE a life.. as a WRESTLER.. so suck on those potatoe slim jims, jacko..

Voice - Right.... GET A LIFE!

Tommy Grady - Well what kind of life do I need?

Voice - A DECENT one.. anything but what you are, loser..

Tommy Grady - HELP ME! Don't HURT me!

Voice - I'm so sick of going in circles with you..

Tommy Grady - Well, stand still.. sit down.. we can just talk and you don't have to walk in circles..

Voice - Not LITERALLY..

Tommy Grady - You people and your blatant verbal LIES!

Voice - I never lied..

Tommy Grady - You said you were walking in circles and then you said you weren't..

Voice - It's a FIGURE OF SPEECH!

Tommy Grady - I never saw any figures or else I would have known that's what it was..

Voice - SEE? A figure of SPEECH?

Tommy Grady - FIGURE.. yes.. I must see a figure before knowing it's a figure of speech.. DRRRR! Retard.. smack your chest with your wrist like the big retarded jerk that you are..

Voice - Now we're getting into childish name calling, sir.. I've had enough.. call the mental helpline..

Tommy Grady - Do they beat people up for being abusive? Because SOMEONE I KNOW.. DOESN'T!

Voice - And we're SUCH bad people because we won't beat up a professional wrestler who is beating up a retarded little childish idiot..

Tommy Grady - See, it wasn't that hard to be honest, was it?

Voice - Shut up..

Tommy Grady - There you go.. ruined it AGAIN..

Voice - Have a good day, sir..

Tommy Grady - I will.. now that I'm done talking to YOU!

:::The camera shows Tommy slam down the phone and slowly zooms in on him a tears swell:::

|Enter Aaron Everage|

Tommy Grady - HAHAH! Thanks, Ev.. I NEEDED a good laugh..

Aaron Everage - ... I hate you..

Tommy Grady - I knew I could count on a friend with one eye..

Aaron Everage - ..........

Tommy Grady - A pretty.. eye..

Aaron Everage - Why did you look like you were gonna cry?

Tommy Grady - ME!? CRY!? PFFT!

Aaron Everage - You cried just last night when Scooby Doo was lost in a haunted castl--

Tommy Grady - ALRIGHT! Let's not talk about it.. [sniff].. I'm already welling up again..

Aaron Everage - [sigh] .. Was it really that upsetting?

Tommy Grady - WAS IT THAT UPSETTING?! What if they didn't find scoobers.. then what, Ev.. THEN WHAT!

Aaron Everage - They would draw him again..

Tommy Grady - Just because it's in cartoon world doesn't mean someone can just replace him, Ev..

Aaron Everage - [shakes his head] .. You're right.. I'm sorry I'm an idiot..

Tommy Grady - It's okay.. I've known you long enough that I've come to expect it..

:::Everage somewhat laughs and walks out of the room:::

Tommy Grady - Why must life be so frickily dickilin difficult!

:::Grady shakes his head and looks at the flask that Ev left sitting on the cabinent. Grady stands up and walks over to it:::

Tommy Grady - I must forget my problems.. drink them away.. then the problems will fly away like two fish...... wait..... fish don't fly..... do they?

:::Grady looks to be in deep thought as he untwists the flask. He cocks his head back and takes a big drink:::

Tommy Grady - YOWZAS! This is some strong shnazit.. [his eyes glaze over and he slowly looks up] .. well well well.. Been a LONG time since I've gotten to take a deep breathe..


Tommy Grady - Well hello there, Superior Wrestling. Long time no interaction, eh? I mean, it doesn't appear that Tommy needs me anymore with all of these piss poor athletes around here making him look good. But there's one common problem. Hunter Tazi. And by common, I mean consistent.. and annoyingly consistent. Obviously, Hunter.. you have no morals. You have no standards or line you won't cross. You've proven that through brutal assaults on Tommy and myself.. as well as poor little Killer.. you really are losing it my friend. Whether you're losing it because of jealousy.. or flat out cold-heartedness.. the fact is.. when it comes to KITNO III.. you'll be lying with your face flat against the mat. Whether it's face to face or you have you Steelman next to ya.. you don't stand a chance when you aren't coming from behind or attacking a person incapable of defending themselves.. a midget.. a dog.. a manager.. how about you attack a man. Face to face.. mano y mano. Why can't you scoop together enough testicular fortitude to step up to the plate when the man you are attacking can give you a struggle? Oh that's right.. because making you struggle is like making a dog "heel".. one word and you're just a little woman. Talk your big game.. strug your stuff.. do all of those things that you're pathetic ass enjoys doing.. "Toomy" this.. and "Gatcha" that.. You can "gat" me all ya damn well please -- fact is.. when it matters.. in the ring.. you'll have NOTHING on me. Because I will be the Superior Wrestling Tag Team champion.. I will be thrusted into the SWF limelight while you sit on your thumb trying to pay for another friend.. hell of an ego ya have there, my friend. You may find it impressive.. I find it .... the opposite. Intimidating? There's no doubt you are.. but it's an absolute joy to see you step into the ring without your pitbulls.. without your pride.. where you have to perform in front of thousands of people.. and ya wilt like a puny flower on a dry day. You can kill.. you can abuse.. you can do whatever the hell you want to do. The same result will be there any way you slice it.. ya just don't have what it takes, Tazi. Simple as that.. and that will be proven for a second time at KITNO..

:::Grady sits back down at the table and leans on his elbows, crossing his arms on the table:::

Tommy Grady - And as for my opponent this week? Hell.. I ain't even ABOUT to try to say your name. Till.. I'll call you Till. I know very little about you..I've see you on the television on occasion, but Grady turns the channel early enough that I don't know who the hell you are. What I do know, however.. is that I hold the ball in my hands.. wait a minute.. that doesn't sound right.. I hold the throne. I am the man right now.. and Till.. you wanna step into my world? Try to steal MY spotlight? You better pinch your damn arm and snap out of that dream world because you ain't got a shot in the dark at me. Not only do I have what it takes to absolutely destroy you -- I have the ability to be world heavyweight champion and rub my boot all over your face on my way to the top. You're anothe rdamn stepping stone of pipeline talent that would linger at the bottom for years to come.. while I.. I will be rising to the top. And while you look up at me holding that Superior Wrestling World Heavyweight championship.. you'll say to yourself.. "man.. he told me that's exactly what he was gonna do.. and by golly he did it." People like you are constant.. people who have what it takes to get to the edge of that step, but can never put together what it takes to climb it. I've seen your kind time and time again.. you're cliche.. you're just like the next guy, and buddy - that's exactly how I'm gonna treat your ass. When I whoop your tail from pillar to post.. and look down at your brutally beaten body.. I'll crack a smile, Till.. cuz I told you it'd happen.. I told you, and you didn't think it would. Maybe one of these days you can kiss my feet and shine my title.. but that's as close as you'll ever come to a champion..

|Enter Aaron Everage|

Aaron Everage - Did you get the mail today?

Tommy Grady - AAAAH! [grabs forehead] .. damnit..

Aaron Everage - Uh oh.. was somebody not themselves?


Tommy Grady - Wow dude..

Aaron Everage - You alright?

Tommy Grady - Yeah yeah.. fine.. but.. that TOTALLY.. just rocked my world..

Aaron Everage - As always..

Tommy Grady - Yeah, but.. usually it rocks it but this time.. it like.. SUPER rocked it.. like... SUPER time..

Aaron Everage - Really?

Tommy Grady - Like.. if normal was a #3 plain with a coke at McDonalds.. this would be that -- SUPERSIZED!

Aaron Everage - Nice..

Tommy Grady - SUPER.. nice..

Aaron Everage - Right.. super nice.. did you get the mail or not?

Tommy Grady - I did..

Aaron Everage - And what was in it?

Tommy Grady - An ant.. and it crawled all the way to my elbow before I hit it with a magazine.. it was going for the nipple, I know it.. everything likes my nipples..

Aaron Everage - Really?

Tommy Grady - Don't you remember when Killer licked my nipples the other day, may he rest in peace..

Aaron Everage - He licked it because you spilled ketchup on it..

Tommy Grady - He would have licked it anyways.. my spicy hot nipples are irresistable.. it's a curse..

Aaron Everage - Okay, Tommy.. cursed with good nipples, I guess, right?

Tommy Grady - I wish you knew how I feel.. but your nipples are fat and dark red.. not small and pink like mine.. I bet you're jealous..

Aaron Everage - Enough nipple talk..

Tommy Grady - UH OH! JEALOUSY!

Aaron Everage - I'm not jealous.. I'm FAR from it..

Tommy Grady - Sure thing, Ev.. and I'm Popeye the Sailorman.. TOOT TOOT!

Aaron Everage - Okay..

Tommy Grady - Dude, I'm not Popeye..

Aaron Everage - I KNOW!

Tommy Grady - Well, you gave up like I was.. just because I gave the toot toot doesn't mean I'm the Sailor..

Aaron Everage - Do you think I am an idiot?

Tommy Grady - ..... nnnn.. NO?

Aaron Everage - NO!

Tommy Grady - YES!

Aaron Everage - NO!.... NO!

Tommy Grady - Oh.. NO! Of course not..

Aaron Everage - I can't believe an idiot just called me an idiot..


Aaron Everage - After yes..

Tommy Grady - Ya heard that, eh?

Aaron Everage - YES.. I heard that..

Tommy Grady - DAMNIT!

Aaron Everage - [sigh]..

Tommy Grady - Take me in, coppa.. I'm guilty..

Aaron Everage - What?

Tommy Grady - I did it.. guilty as charged.. I'm ready to face the court..

Aaron Everage - Quit saying dumb things..

Tommy Grady - OOOH! And everything YOU say is SOOOOO smart..

Aaron Everage - I didn't say that..

Tommy Grady - You don't have to say it.. I can see it in your one eye! It's OOZING it..

Aaron Everage - That's the lotion I put on my eye..

Tommy Grady - Oh.. it still looks like it's oozing cockiness.. [pouts] .. that's all that matters..

Aaron Everage - Tommy, can we just talk like civilized human beings?

Tommy Grady - I dont know.. I know I can.. but I don't know if it's possible for you..

Aaron Everage - I have a college education.. what about you? Yeah..that's right..

Tommy Grady - I learned everything I needed to know by second grade, Ev!

Aaron Everage - It shows..

Tommy Grady - I know! I was the smartest person in my class..

Aaron Everage - Because you got held back for two years in second grade..


Aaron Everage - Soo.. anyone could take a class three years and come out smarter than his classmates..

Tommy Grady - Not just anybody.. a SUPER somebody.. like Tommy Grady.. right?

Aaron Everage - No..

Tommy Grady - RIGHT?!

Aaron Everage - [sigh] .. Yes, Tommy.. yes.. now where did you put the mail?

Tommy Grady - The question is.. what did YOU do with the mail?

Aaron Everage - Shoved it up your ass.. now tell me.

Tommy Grady - Up my ASS?! YOU ASSHOLE!.. wait.... MY ASSHOLE! NOOOO!

Aaron Everage - If you think I really did that, then maybe you should go jump out the window..

Tommy Grady - [stands up]

Aaron Everage - TOMMY..

Tommy Grady - What?

Aaron Everage - Sit down..

Tommy Grady - What about the window thing.. will that make the mail get out of my ass..

Aaron Everage - YOU got the mail.. how could I have shoved it up your ass.. and why WOULD I.. geez..

Tommy Grady - You mean it's a false threat?

Aaron Everage - ... I guess..

Tommy Grady - Oh yeah.. I get it..

Aaron Everage - Mail?

Tommy Grady - Oh, it's in the mailbox.. I looked at it, but I didn't bring it in..

Aaron Everage - Wha? WHY?!

Tommy Grady - Nothing for me..

Aaron Everage - Why couldn't you just bring it in?!

Tommy Grady - It's raining and I didn't want it to get wet..

Aaron Everage - Who cares?

Tommy Grady - What if you wrinkled when you got wet.. would you like that?

Aaron Everage - If I were a letter, I could care less..

Tommy Grady - Ya never know until you're a letter, Ev.. ya never know..

Aaron Everage - Geez, Tommy.. you drive me CRAZY..

Tommy Grady - [sings] .. I just can't sleep.. I'm so excited.. I'm in TOO deep.. WOOOOAH! CRAZY! BUT IT FEELS ALRIIIIIIIII--

Aaron Everage - STOP IT!

Tommy Grady - Baby thinkin bout you keeps me UP .. ALL .. NIGHT!

:::Holds a pose pointing at Everage:::

Aaron Everage - Great..

Tommy Grady - That one went out to my one eyed pal --


Tommy Grady - Wait a minute.. you have one eyed SHIT, too? Wow.. I'm in too deep now.. Britney was right..

Aaron Everage - Grady.. [sigh]..

Tommy Grady - Yes?

Aaron Everage - Nothing.. absolutely nothing..

Tommy Grady - Just like Tazi's in ring talent.. BOO YAH! I SAID IT! I SAID IT!

Aaron Everage - Watch your words, Grady.. your words got me this patch..

Tommy Grady - And you're SOOO much cooler now.. thanks to my big mouth..

Aaron Everage - Yeah.. pain is worth being cooler.. no doubt..

Tommy Grady - I know.. I wish I could break a leg and then everyone would come visit ME in the hospital and feel bad for me..

Aaron Everage - Yeah..

Tommy Grady - And the girls would come see me because I was hurt and they feel bad..

Aaron Everage - Yeah..

Tommy Grady - And then I could have Jenna Jameson as my nurse and we could make some hospital bed love..

Aaron Everage - What?

Tommy Grady - She's a nurse now.. I saw it in a movie..

Aaron Everage - Right..

Tommy Grady - [sigh] .. another day well spent.. WELP! Off to nap time..

Aaron Everage - Did you make your bed this morning?

Tommy Grady - Ummm.. doesn't matter..

Aaron Everage - Yes it does!

Tommy Grady - Nope, doesn't matter..

Aaron Everage - You didn't make it, did you?

Tommy Grady - ... no I did not.. BUT IT'S NAP TIME! IT DOESN'T MATTER!

Aaron Everage - YES.. it DOES.. it's teaching you responsibility..

Tommy Grady - WHATEVA! I'm gonna be tag team champion and I'm responsible for that.. so WHATEVA, DOO!

Aaron Everage - We'll see.. Tommy.. we'll see..

Tommy Grady - [yawn] .. wake me up for dinner..

Aaron Everage - You wake up for dinner yourself..

Tommy Grady - FINE!

:::Grady glares at Everage and turns around, walking out of the room. Everage slowly shakes his head in disbelief as he trots towards the couch and flops onto the cushions. He relaxes as the camera scans over to the room of Grady as the door closes and the scene fades off to black:::

...The time for Hunter Tazi is close.. but the time for Till Rammstein is even closer. At Adrenaline, my friend -- you will come face to face with the future of Superior Wrestling. Look eye to eye to the man you will be looking up to the remainder of your career. You're nothing. You'll be nothing today.. you'll be nothing tomorrow. Grady will be champion. Grady will rise.. and you'll be left in the dust. Get used to the view, Rammstein.. cuz all your good for is having your shoulders against the mat.. and there ain't no voodoo that can save ya from that...

ThIs MeSsAgE hAs BeEn BrOuGhT tO yOu By: