...Bum Bum.. another one bites the dust. It feels awfully good to see a worthless human being like Jonathon Collins become mat scum after all of that big talk. You were awfully big, Collins. Let me tell you that. Just made for a louder thud when you fell, though. And as for your itty bitty tag team titty Colibri or whatever we should call him -- I think you both experienced, first hand, the best tag team in this business. Absolutely TEARING through the tag team rankings with their destination the tag team championship belts. But the teaching is not over. There is plenty more teaching to be done. Most notably, this Sunday when Hunter Tazi receives a long overdue ass kicking courtesy of Whateva.. Fo Sho...
:::Scene opens with an image of a hospital. The camera scans around with an aerial view before cutting down to ground level. We see Tommy Grady crawling out of the car with an unfamiliar face. The two make their way towards the hospital and through the automatic doors. The camera cuts the inside of the hospital. Tommy and this mystery man sit down on a couch and Tommy breaks the silence:::
Tommy Grady - What's Ev doing in THIS stinky old place, Willy B?
Willy B - He be in the hospital, jigga-man..
Tommy Grady - Why are we HERE then?
Willy B - Dis is da hospital..
Tommy Grady - Oh.. well, where is Ev?
Willy B - He be her some'wer..
Tommy Grady - OH! Do we get to find him?! I love hide and seek!
Willy B - Nah, jigga-man.. he's gettin' his eye fixed..
Tommy Grady - Ev NEVER wants to play hide and seek..
Willy B - He ain't playin' man!
Tommy Grady - One time I played hide and seek at Discovery Zone and got kicked out of the ball pit because I hit a little kid in the eye..
Willy B - No hide and seek, mang!
Tommy Grady - He hit me in the head with the ball first, though!
Willy B - I ain't arguin' dawg!
Tommy Grady - Then the guy said I was too old to be in the balls when he was obviously my age and he was in there, too!
Willy B - He was gettin' you out, doe!
Tommy Grady - Baseball is a whole nother story, doo!
Willy B - Whatchu talkin' bout Grady?
Doctor - Family of Aaron Everage?
Willy B - He be my boss, nigga-rotchy!
Doctor - Alright... Rotchy..
Tommy Grady - Rothy is gay..
Willy B - WILLY B DOCTA JIGGA MAN!
Tommy Grady - Willy B.. calm down, doo!
Willy B - ... callin me Rotch and shit.. shit..
Doctor - I apologize.. uh.. Willy B.. the latest diagnosis results are in and we have decided to take Aaron in for surgery..
Tommy Grady - HE'S DEAD?! NOOOOOOOO!
Willy B - Calm down, cracka-jigga-man.. he ain't dead..
Tommy Grady - Yeah.. he's not dead, Doc!
Doctor - You're right..
Tommy Grady - YOU LIAR!
Doctor - I never said he was dead, sir..
Tommy Grady - This is no time to rhyme, Doctor SEUSS! Where's your top hat, liar?! Where's the whiskers and tail, dirty liar!
Willy B - Shut yo cracka-ass up, Grady!
Doctor - Now as I was saying.. surgery on the eye should last at least an hour. We will reattach the eye..
Tommy Grady - WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIS EYE?!
Doctor - It's out of his socket, sir..
Tommy Grady - WHAT?! YOU SICK BASTARD!
Doctor - His eye has been out of his socket for almost two hours now, sir..
Tommy Grady - GROSS!
Willy B - It was 'dat Tazi freak dude again, jigga-man..
Tommy Grady - I can do the humpty hump..
Willy B - So what, doo!
Tommy Grady - Wanna see it?
Doctor - I'll let you all know how the surgery went after we get out of surgery..
Willy B - T'anks docta!
Tommy Grady - Do the humpty hump .. [does the humpty hump].. do the humpty hump..
Willy B - AAAAAH.. no you di-int..
Tommy Grady - Don't even make me drop it likes it hot, dude!
Willy B - Sit down, doo!
Tommy Grady - I have to go TEE TEE!
Willy B - Go 'den!
Tommy Grady - [cups his crotch].. OKAY! OKAY!
:::Tommy runs towards a restroom marked 'Men' and he slams through it. The camera sits for a moment before cutting to the inside of the restroom where Tommy is zipping up and walking towards the sink. He washes his hands, soap and all, and dries them with a paper towel. Suddenly a man come in with a Hunter Tazi mask on his face and a gun in his hand:::
Masked Man - STICK EM UP! C'MON STICK EM UP!
Tommy Grady - Put your hands up where I can see 'em.. see 'em.. see 'em.. great song, man! Nice pick!
Masked Man - See the gun?
Tommy Grady - Tazi? Is that you?
Masked Man - It's a mask, dumb shit! HANDS UP!
Tommy Grady - You didn't say simon says..
Masked Man - SIMON SAYS HANDS UP!
Tommy Grady - I was gonna say.. if you WERE Tazi.. you should seriously be a puppet dude because your lips aren't moving at all..
Masked Man - Because it's paper..
Tommy Grady - See that? No movement at all!
Masked Man - I'm wearing a mask!
Tommy Grady - That's a gay mask..
Masked Man - Shut up..
Tommy Grady - BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Masked Man - STOP IT!
Tommy Grady - .. didn't say Simon says Shut up.. BLAH BLAH BLAH!
Masked Man - SIMON SAYS SHUT UP!
Tommy Grady - [noticably tucks his lips into his mouth] .......
Masked Man - Do you have any money on you?
Tommy Grady - ............
Masked Man - ... [sigh] .. Simon says do you have any money on you?
Tommy Grady - Nope.. just a pack of Pokemon cards for winning my match tonight.. BOO YAH!
Masked Man - SHIT!
Tommy Grady - No dude.. I said a pack of Pokemon cards.. not a Hunter Tazi promo..
Masked Man - Oh my God..
Tommy Grady - That's such a nice thing to say, thanks, dude!
Masked Man - [lowers the gun] .. Tommy Grady?
Tommy Grady - Yes.. your God, as you said! I won't be offended if you wanna bow..
Masked Man - [brings gun up] .. You've caused me absolute BOREDOM! YOU BASTARD!
Tommy Grady - WAIT! I'LL BE ENTERTAINING!
Masked Man - IMPOSSIBLE!
Tommy Grady - I can do the robot..
Masked Man - .... you can?
Tommy Grady - .. or we could just play cops and robbers.. and I'd be the cop with the gun since you're the robber.. so give me the gun..
Masked Man - Do you play me for a fool?
Tommy Grady - Look at your MASK, dude..
Masked Man - BERSERKER!
Tommy Grady - Dude..
Masked Man - FOOK YOU!
Tommy Grady - Please stop..
Masked Man - TOOMY GRADY! TOOOOMYYYYYY!
Tommy Grady - AAAAAH!
Masked Man - HOONTER! I'M HOONTER!
Tommy Grady - Then you're dull and boring..
Masked Man - I'm not really him..
Tommy Grady - Good, because I was about to get a head start and just go to sleep on my own..
Masked Man - Let me tell you why I'm here, Toomy..
Tommy Grady - Hunter?
Masked Man - I'm PRETENDING! SEE? MASK?
Tommy Grady - Oh yeah.. oh yeah..
Masked Man - I'm here to finish what I staw-tid, Toomy..
Tommy Grady - You're here to make me sleep for all etenity?
Masked Man - No.. eh..
Tommy Grady - You're here to not only bore me to tears, but more me to DEATH as well?
Masked Man - No, Toomy.... eh!
Tommy Grady - You're here to steal the rest of my tight ass killa moves?
Masked Man - NO NO NO! Let me talk, man! This is me! I have the gun! I have control..
Tommy Grady - It's okay.. everyone is probably asleep anyways.. you're Hunter Tazi, doo!
Masked Man - [looks at camera] ... WAKE UP! IT'S MY SHOW!
Tommy Grady - You're losing it, dude with an ugly mask..
Masked Man - Any last words, TOOMY?
Tommy Grady - If I could.. I just want to tell the real Hunter Tazi that I can't wait to get my hands around is psycho little dumb neck and squeeze it til he's even more red than he already is. And then I'll pop him like a zit on a crack-whores ass!
Masked Man - Correction.. ya won't much make it to next Soonday! I'm aboot to shoot ya, Toomy, eh!
Tommy Grady - Oh yeah! I forgot we were playin.. Tazi, if I was gonna wrestle you.. you'd be black and blue by next Monday, and I'm talking 'aboot' a butt kickin' that you would receive, pally! You're lucky this ugly dude.. or this dude with an ugly mask is right here to kill me or else you would be in some serious trouble, mister! My partner, Staggers, will take care of you though! Because you're mean and crazy and belong in a shelter for mean and crazy people, ya'know that?
Masked Man - I've heard enough.. [raises gun] .. I'm goona pop yer ass now, eh!
Tommy Grady - Gross, dude.. I don't mind playing like you're about to shoot me, but I'm not into acting gay..
Masked Man - Nuff games, Grady, eh?
Tommy Grady - Alright, if you're through.. then so am I..
Masked Man - Say your prayers..
Tommy Grady - I always do..
Masked Man - In the name of Hoonter Tazi, Toomy..
Tommy Grady - His last name is Tommy?! Sweet! That's MY first name! I knew we had a lot in common..
Masked Man - NO TOOMY! I was referrin' to YOU, eh?
Tommy Grady - A-okay!
Masked Man - EH?!
Tommy Grady - EHHHHH! MUST BE THE MON'AY! If ya wanna go and take a--
Masked Man - RIDE WITH ME! WITH THREE.. dudda dudda somethin' bout a BEN-ZEE!
Tommy Grady - That's lyrical piracy!
Masked Man - What?
Tommy Grady - I was singing first, doo!
Masked Man - I started it myself..
Tommy Grady - WHATEVA! You said eh and then I sang, doo.. WHATEVA!
Masked Man - I HAVE CONTROL DAMNIT!
Tommy Grady - You lost the accident..
Masked Man - DAMNIT!.... I have controol damnit! EH?
Tommy Grady - .... must be the monay..
Masked Man - SHOOT YOUR MOUTH, TOOMY! 'Dis boolshit ends here, eh?
Tommy Grady - This was fun and all, but being in the mens restroom is just uncomfortable.. we can go outside and play on the playground if you want, but I think there's been a guy in that stall right there taking a doo doo this entire time and it's starting to smell like a skunk with diarrhea..
Man in Stall - It's da American-Mexican food, essa!
Masked Man - I won't let you leave until blood is shed, Toomy..
Tommy Grady - I said it's not fun anymore..
Masked Man - Don't mean it to be fun, eh? Mean to be deadly, vatos..
Tommy Grady - Vatos?
Man in Stall - VATOS LOCOS, ESSA!
Masked Man - DAMNIT!
Tommy Grady - Wrong side of America, FAILURE!
Masked Man - SHUT UP!
Tommy Grady - You are the worst Canadian actor since...... a bad canadian actor or your choice! LOSER!
Masked Man - STOP IT!
:::Door swings open quickly and the masked man is hit hard in the back. He flies forward and smashes his head into the wall. He falls to the ground unconscious:::
Chris Staggs - TOMMY!
Tommy Grady - STAGGERS! What up, doo!
Chris Staggs - Just went on a root beer run..
Tommy Grady - Did ya pick up a sixer for me?
Chris Staggs - Dude.. I just took someone out and didn't even know it..
Tommy Grady - I know.. you shoulda seen it.. it was so unbelievably awesome, dude..
Chris Staggs - How good was it?
Tommy Grady - It was, like.. an event that.. TOTALLY.. just rocked my world..
Chris Staggs - Is that a water gun?
Tommy Grady - I dunno, dude.. check it out..
Chris Staggs - WOOOOOW! Who am I?
Tommy Grady - DUDE WITH A GUN!
Chris Staggs - DUDE! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D GET IT!
Tommy Grady - Whateva.. I rule.. you know that.. WHATEVA!
Chris Staggs - Let's get out of here..
Tommy Grady - Yeah.. fun game, dude with an ugly mask.. talk to you later..
:::Grady and Staggs leave the restroom. The door slowly closes behind them as the camera switches to the outside of the restroom, where Grady and Staggs are making their way back towards the waiting room:::
Chris Staggs - So we're three and zip, dude!
Tommy Grady - I know.. we are da bomb-diggity..
Chris Staggs - FO SHO!
Tommy Grady - No one can mess with us..
Chris Staggs - Nope.. NO ONE!
Tommy Grady - And if Coonter and Steele think they'll beat us.. then they're big liars!
Chris Staggs - HUGE ONES!
Tommy Grady - SUPER huge ones!
Chris Staggs - Like the size of an elephant - liars!
Tommy Grady - More like two elephants and a zebra, doo!
Chris Staggs - FO SHO!
Tommy Grady - Whateva Fo Sho.. tag team champions.. we SO rule..
:::Staggs nods his head as Grady takes a sip of water from the water fountain. The camera stops in its tracks as Grady and Staggs make their way away from the camera. The camera scans to the receptionists desk and slowly fades out to black:::
...The masked man may not be Hunter Tazi, but like the gunman -- Tazi will fall at the hands of Whateva Fo Sho. They may may not be too swift, but they know how to do their job. And there isn't a person in Superior Wrestling that can come between them and their goal of the SWF Tag Team Championship straps. You can take that to the bank...
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