[The Scent of Jealousy]
...So Whateva Fo Sho gets by one big headed duo and dive right into another. It's quite funny when an opponent considers them as offensive men. I mean, Tommy Grady definitely his intimidating side, but ninety-five percent of the time Chris Staggs and Tommy Grady are pedaling along with a tire. I know the fact that Whateva Fo Sho is not only the number one tag team.. but has a former world champion and a man that has climbed the rankings faster than you can say "My name is Jonathon Collins, and I'm a jealous bastard".. FOUR WEEKS here in Superior Wrestling.. two of those sitting firmly as Wrestler of the Week. Yet Tommy Grady is not a contender for a title? I think it's about time you wake up and smell the freshly brewed coffee, my friend. We're not living in Jonathon Collins-world. This is the real world. And though you may not "see a man, capable of greatness, or winning an SWF Title"... those people whose opinions MATTER.. think otherwise. Or is it that you were just looking into a distorted image of yourself in the toaster? That seems more likely...
:::Scene opens up with an image of a Super Wal-Mart from an aerial view. Cars pile up and down aisles looking for a place nearby to park, people scattering towards their cars with packed baskets and carts. We drop down to ground level where we see Tommy Grady and Aaron Everage making their way towards the entrance to the Wal-Mart. They walk through the door and camera cuts to the inside of the store. The camera begins to follow them as they enter with a basket:::
Aaron Everage - Alright, now we're here so tell me WHY you want to spend your allowance at Wal-Mart..
Tommy Grady - Walma-lart!
Aaron Everage - ... Walma-lart, then..
Tommy Grady - It's a present for a friend, Aaron.. mind your own bees-wax.. you'll tell him with your big nose..
Aaron Everage - What does my big nose have to do with telling him something?
Tommy Grady - How do I know you're not hiding a recorder in that hose?
Aaron Everage - Why would I want to record the stupid things that come out of your mouth?
Tommy Grady - Blackmail..
Aaron Everage - Why would I use blackmail?
Tommy Grady - No, there's a black mail.. [points] .. look..
Aaron Everage -Wow.. should we call the news?
Tommy Grady - That is SO racist, dude.. no we SHOULDN'T call a nuse.. they're no longer slaves, Aaron!
Aaron Everage - I said NEWS..
Tommy Grady - Don't try to push this off on the news!
Aaron Everage - Push WHAT off on the news?
Tommy Grady - The fact that you want want to put a nuse around that poor mans neck..
Aaron Everage - I didn't say that.. look at him man..
Tommy Grady - He's a strand of semen away from being a monkey.. cut him some slack..
Aaron Everage - I am NOT a racist, Grady..
Tommy Grady - .... oh.. okay then.. that's cool..
Aaron Everage - Now what are we looking for?
Tommy Grady - Promise you'll keep it a secret?
Aaron Everage - [sigh] .. Yes, Tommy.. I won't tell anyone..
Tommy Grady - Cuz this is, like.. the most thoughtful present of all time!
Aaron Everage - You're a very thoughtful guy..
Tommy Grady - Alright, well you know how Jonathon Collins had a cough in his promo?
Aaron Everage - It rings a bell..
Tommy Grady - Yeah, well his cough has a mind of its own because it says stuff whenever he DOES cough..
Aaron Everage - I don't think that's coincidental..
Tommy Grady - So I'm gonna get him some cough medicine with my allowance!
Aaron Everage - Do you always have to spend your allowance on your opponents?
Tommy Grady - I can't deny my kind heart..
Aaron Everage - You're just... too nice to them..
Tommy Grady - It's just a present.. it's not like I'm giving them a shimmy shimmy cocoa what..
Aaron Everage - A what?
Tommy Grady - It's african style dancing, doo.. you wouldn't understand..
Aaron Everage - Oh.. kay.. ?
Tommy Grady - If I gave them a present and then dropped it like it's hot.. drop dropped it like it's hot.. THAT would be TOO nice..
Aaron Everage - I'll take your word for it..
Tommy Grady - Where's the cough medicine, Ev?
Aaron Everage - My logical guess would be that it's in the medicine aisle..
Tommy Grady - I dunno.. I'll look in the cough aisle first..
Aaron Everage - They don't have a cough aisle, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - NO COUGH AISLE?!
Aaron Everage - Sorry..
Tommy Grady - They have a diarrhea aisle! What about cough!
Aaron Everage - That says DAIRY..
Tommy Grady - Oh.. depends on how you read it, right?
Aaron Everage - Where do you get diarrhea out of dairy?
Tommy Grady - Dah... reeeee.. uh..
Aaron Everage - Uh? Where do you come up with the "uh"..
Tommy Grady - Where did YOU get the uh?
Aaron Everage - From YOU..
Tommy Grady - Well, then .. I got the uh from you too
Aaron Everage - I never said uh..
Tommy Grady - You just did!
Aaron Everage - Because of you..
Tommy Grady - Well, I said it because of you, too..
Aaron Everage - FINE.. fine fine.. you win, Tommy.. let's move on..
Tommy Grady - What's a clogged knee?
Aaron Everage - Clogged-kne--.. Tommy.. please say you're kidding..
Tommy Grady - I'm kidding.. why did you want me to say that?
Aaron Everage - That says cologne, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - Co.. log.. knee.. clogged knee.. go back to English class, dude..
Aaron Everage - No, it says cologne.. the stuff that makes you smell better..
Tommy Grady - I NEED IT!
Aaron Everage - You already have some, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - I need more.. Tazi said I stink..
Aaron Everage - He didn't mean it literally.. he was saying you suck..
Tommy Grady - Why'd he say stink then?
Aaron Everage - Stink.. suck.. same difference..
Tommy Grady - So I could say.. I want to stink some tatties?
Aaron Everage - No no.. different usage..
Tommy Grady - EXACTLY! DUDE! You really need to go back to english class.. you're slackin.. that's two major slacks in, like.. one minute..
Aaron Everage - Tommy..
Tommy Grady - [picking up a product].. this cologne looks good!
Aaron Everage - It's for women, Tommy..
Tommy Grady - But it's for a good cause! See the bottom? Helps some poor, jealous bastard get rid of his anal herpes..
Aaron Everage - Jonathon Collins?
Tommy Grady - Poor.. POOR bastard..
Aaron Everage - That's actually quite sad..
Tommy Grady - Yeah.. it is.. he must be a really jealous dude.. or chick.. since it's for women..
Aaron Everage - Yeah..
Tommy Grady - DUDE! It just occured to me.. the only way he could get on a chick is if he was cologne..
Aaron Everage - ... uh.. good one..
Tommy Grady - That one RULED!
Aaron Everage - Wasn't THAT good..
Tommy Grady - Well, I'm gonna buy this so that I can help his anal herpes be cured!
Aaron Everage - That's nice of you..
Tommy Grady - Dude! I'm getting him cough medicine.. AND helping his fight for anal herpes.. I should be, like.. a prophet or something..
Aaron Everage - Prophet, yeah..
Tommy Grady - CRAAAAAAAAWLING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIIN..
Aaron Everage - What are you doing?
Tommy Grady - Singing.. that Collins dude makes me want to sing..
Aaron Everage - That's interesting..
Tommy Grady - Dude.. I do a good impression of him..
Aaron Everage - Let's hear it..
Tommy Grady - I watch how the moon sits in the sky on a dark night.. shining with the light from the sun, but the sun doesn't give the light to moon assuming.. the moons gonna owe it one.. [looks at Everage].. how bout that?
Aaron Everage - Impression? You just recited Linkin Park lyrics..
Tommy Grady - FO SHO!
Aaron Everage - That's your impression?
Tommy Grady - FO SHO!
Aaron Everage - That actually wasn't too bad..
Tommy Grady - I know.. Collins is so easy to do..
Aaron Everage - Apparently..
Tommy Grady - Maybe I should pick up the new Linkin Park CD for him so he can have some new spice to his promos..
Aaron Everage - Actually the new Linkin Park is just remaking their old songs..
Tommy Grady - You mean the people Collins rips off are just as unoriginal as he is?
Aaron Everage - Apparently..
Tommy Grady - Poor pathetic trendy bastard..
Aaron Everage - Agreed..
Tommy Grady - .. with a cough..
Aaron Everage - [grabs couch medicine] .. not much longer..
Tommy Grady - GOOOOOOOOOOOAL!
Aaron Everage - What?
Tommy Grady - AND AARON EVERAGE HAS JUST CONNECTED!
Aaron Everage - What are you talking about?
Tommy Grady - You found the cough medicine, dude.. you shot-YOU SCOOOOOOOOORED!
Aaron Everage - Yah me.. now let's go..
Tommy Grady - FO SHO!
Aaron Everage - Alright..
Tommy Grady - WAIT!
Aaron Everage - .. what?
Tommy Grady - Should I give you the chicken turkey jerky dance?
Aaron Everage - Uh.. no thanks..
Tommy Grady - You sho?
Aaron Everage - I'm sure..
Tommy Grady - How about I give you a preview.. I think you'd change your mind..
Aaron Everage - No thanks..
Tommy Grady - Alright......................... you SURE?
Aaron Everage - POSITIVE, DAMNIT!
Tommy Grady - Wow.. who knew what fury lies within..
:::Aaron pulls out a flask and drinks from it. Tommy stops him from putting it into his pocket:::
Aaron Everage - You want a drink?
Tommy Grady - I don't know what came over me..
Aaron Everage - Take a drink..
Tommy Grady - ... alright..
Aaron Everage - [hands flask to Tommy] .. thank God for this escape..
Tommy Grady - [drinks] .. wow.. thank God for this s-scrape..
Aaron Everage - S-scrape?
Tommy Grady - Does it make it go down easier? BLAH!
Aaron Everage - What are you talking about..
Tommy Grady - YOU..
Aaron Everage - ME?!
Tommy Grady - ... donkies have four legs..
Aaron Everage - What?
Tommy Grady - You didn't know that?
:::Grady suddenly widens his eyes and covers his throat. He puts his hands on his knees and stops walking. He takes a few deep breathes and stands back up:::
Aaron Everage - Tommy?
Tommy Grady - Aaron.. good to see you, my friend..
Aaron Everage - And a pleasure to see you, as well..
Tommy Grady - Let's jump right into things since I always run out of time. I saw your comments, Collins.. can't say that they were the most original I've ever seen.. I mean everything you said is something I've heard before. You're just the usual gimmick with slightly altered verbal complexity. Yet you dare call me a rip off? It doesn't hurt. It doesn't even make sense, to tell you the truth. And even if it did, it would be an absolute embarassment for you considering you're the trendy pipeline with, at most, a pinch of originality. Big deal. You can continue to rattle that jaw from here until kingdom come, Collins. It won't make a difference for you or your partner in crime. And believe me.. those promos ARE a crime. Anything that brings a tear to my eye when I try to make myself watch it has to be breaking some sort of law. Code of truth, even, with the lies he spat out in that two minute torture he put me through. So you're undefeated, too, eh? Well, you've been in ONE match. Wow.. should we applaud? An undefeated record is something to be proud of, no doubt, but when you're wrestling the sisters of the poor there's a difference between that going up against possibly the two best tag teams in Superior Wrestling, besides the obvious. It's obvious that the Superior Wrestling brass find no problem with me. Finds me better. Finds my tag team better.. what else do you need, Collins? Do you need to experience it first hand? Hell, I won't even ask you if that's what you want. You're gonna have to suffer the consequences that you've developed in your ranting. Unoriginality, boredom, and lies aside, Collins.. none of that matters when it comes to the ring. And despite popular belief I look past no man. I know my strengths.. I know my weaknesses, but the fact that I know the same about my opponent -- that gives me the mental edge. So I'm confident.. what.. should I come out on television and say "Hey, my opponent is real good so I don't know if I'll win".. truth be known, most of the time I go for the intimidation factor with my confidence.. with you.. my confidence is pure. There is no doubt in my mind that you won't be gazing into the rafters when all is said and done. Another one bites the dust, Collins.. you may think you're talented, but when it comes to Whateva Fo Sho.. you just don't have enough, my friend..
:::Grady moves through a line as Everage stands at the check out stand:::
Tommy Grady - Damnit.. [obviously trying to fight something] .. Ev? ..
:::Grady puts his head down and shakes it:::
Tommy Grady - YOWZAS!
Aaron Everage - Yowzas?
Tommy Grady - That really.. REALLY.. just TOTALLY rocked my world..
Aaron Everage - .. welcome.... back..
Tommy Grady - [picking up sack] .. I just grabbed my sack.. HA!
Aaron Everage - Good one..
Tommy Grady - Yeah, I know.. [scratches the brown bag] .. I'm itchin it now..
Aaron Everage - [pays cashier] .. Wow..
Tommy Grady - Scratchin' my sack.. scratchin' it.. OOO.. scratchin' the sack..
Aaron Everage - It's old..
Tommy Grady - Oh, okay..
Aaron Everage - Let's go..
:::Aaron shoots past Grady, who is standing, hold the sack. He begins to follow Everage out of the store, but comes to a halt on the outside when he notices a horse ride for kids:::
Tommy Grady - NO WAY, DUDE!
Aaron Everage - What.... ah hell, Tommy.. you're too old for that.. get off of it!
:::Camera shows Grady sitting on the horse with a hand in the air:::
Tommy Grady - Look, Ev! I'm in a rodeo.. [wiggles arond looking like he's humping the horse] .. YEE HAW!
Aaron Everage - Stop, Tommy..
Kid Passing By - Mommy, what's he doing to that horse?
Kids Mom - I don't know, son, just don't look.. cover your eyes..
Kid Passing By - Mommy stop him! STOP HIM!
Tommy Grady - RIDE EM! RIDE EM COWBOY! YEE HAW!
Aaron Everage - TOMMY!
Tommy Grady - [stops] .. is the round over?
Aaron Everage - It's over..
Tommy Grady - No horse this size can buck ME off! I'm Tommy Grady..
Aaron Everage - Yup.. pick up your sack..
Tommy Grady - HA! You're gay! You want me to touch myself..
Aaron Everage - Right, and I'm the one with the perverted mind..
Tommy Grady - [pats Aaron on the back] .. it's good that you can admit that, pervert..
Aaron Everage - Yeah.. thanks.. c'mon.. we have some work to do..
Tommy Grady - Whateva.. I get this shiznit wrapped in a sack and tied with bow.. fo sho..
Aaron Everage - [unlocks car] .. Right..
Tommy Grady - [singing] .. Hi ho.. hi ho.. it's off to work we go.. whistle whistle whistle whistle whistle whistle whistle--
Aaron Everage - CUT IT OUT!
Tommy Grady - WHAT?!
Aaron Everage - No more singing..
Tommy Grady - [hums "Hi Ho"]....
Aaron Everage - [sighs] ....
:::Aaron turns the car on and the camera slowly scans to the front of the store as the scene slowly fades out to black:::
...Collins, pal.. talk up all you want. Try to get yourself over verbally, cuz we all know that when you step into the ring the only thing getting over will be your ass -- over the ropes.. over turnbuckle.. and, pal -- there simply ain't a damn thing you can do about it. So let's go. Bring in your best to the match with Whateva Fo Sho, because they'll be bringing their best, as well. Don't doubt that, my friend. Don't doubt it for a second...
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