
Preaching. To give religious or moral instruction, especially in a drawn-out, tiresome manner. Well, as I sit here holding this bible in my hand, I can finally relate to who god is and what god wants me to do. God is a preacher, he preaches to everyone in the world in his own way, and that's fine by me, but I have discovered I preach in my own way just like any preacher alive. You see, my church services come right now while I'm talking, with all of you idiots listening and pondering about what I'm going to do next. You have to admit, you are listening to this right now because frankly, you have nothing better to do. I am just like God actually. I preach 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days of the year. My sermons? My sermons come in the ring, where I get my preaching power from my hands and feet and kick the living hell out of anything that walks, talks, or moves. That my friends, IS PREACHING.
Now just like last week, T.J. Hix and I talked the talk. Marcus Swift and Kenyon Jones couldn't walk the walk... hell, they couldn't even talk the talk, which is why Hix and I emerged with an easy victory. Hix, good job to you. You held your own out there like a real competitor. Jones, Swift, spend a couple of more years in the minor leagues before you EVER step afoot up in this federation again because I don't want to embarrass you in front of mommy and daddy. Now back to Hix... like I said, good job. You represented the team that won and I'm proud of you and me. Now, as for the future... I just have one thing to say... STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, AND I'LL STAY THE HELL OUT OF YOUR WAY. That should be easy enough for you to understand... I hope.
Now onto a guy I really don't know much about... or should I say really didn't know much about until earlier... where I found out too much about Jason Sensation. What? Too much? How can that be? Well, it's very easily said. Just sit back, relax, get yourself a drink, and be ready to listen to a very entertaining story if you're a Jason Sensation fan because this is a classic.
Jason, Jason, Jason. How could you do that to her. It's a bond, a commitment, and a sacrifice you hold on to. No, I'm not talking about rooting for your Phoenix Suns Sensation... I'm talking about a thing called marriage that you just don't seem to get or care about. You see Sensation fans, Jason is a liar, a cheat, and a downright idiot. The lying part came when he told his wife he wasn't cheating on her and then went and scored with some chick on the nearby street. Smooth move Sensation... that really shows how "sensational" you really are. Next is the cheating... as I obviously pointed out about a minute ago. But nevertheless you cheated on your wife with a girl named Helga. What was she a cook? A housemaid? With a name like that I'd estimate that she is quite over the limit of about... 400 pounds. And now the idiot part, which I really feel sorry for. Whoever your wife is Sensation... I apologize to her for your childish actions. Now Jason left you and then when Helga found out Jason was married to you Helga didn't want any part of him either. So that's why everyone, Jason Sensation is always mad and not what he seems to be half of the time. I'm ashamed to take place in a federation with people like this.
Now Mr. Sensation… you want to talk about my kind? What exactly of a kind is that? You say I wrestle with second rate stars and that is true, but as I said, I demolished their ass just like I’m going to demolish yours. And when I play kiddie games with the likes of people like Kenyon Jones and Marcus Swift I do talk the talk and walk the walk. And I know it's hard to believe Sensation *laughs*, but I will talk the talk and most importantly walk the walk against you. You see Jason, you think you faze people by trying to get under their skin while you're just making a complete and utter fool of yourself. Look at that stupid gorilla costume you were wearing for example, are you going to wear that in our match tomorrow? Oh Sensation, I checked that shit out as well and that xXx guy who was supposed to debut again here in the W3... no showed. So I could tell stories about how I dominated people that didn't even speak a word and would that impress you? No, it wouldn't. And the same goes for me, that doesn't mean jack shit.
Now you go on to bitch and whine about me wanting the W3 Platinum title? Of course I fucking want my shot! I could go around this whole damn place asking people if they'd like a shot to be the best and guess what? I bet every one would say they would love it. And Sensation, motivation carries you as far as you want it to. The other part you need is skill. I for one have that while you, who has been sitting on your couch eating Doritos for six weeks, need it. And my bodyguard? I have no bodyguard anymore. I have no agent anymore Sensation! All I have is a new business consultant that you will see in this following promo.
[We are seen at a World Wide Wrestling Press Conference with all of the major staff members there except for Rothy and Jason Cruise. Sitting along the table to the right of the podium is Rick Golden with his Aquafina sitting in front of him. To the right of him is a strange man, almost weird looking, but familiar all at once. To the right of him is two members of the lower staff and now we move on to the left side of the podium. On the left side is Malik and a bunch of his corporate friends, snarling at Rick Golden and some blabbing on their cellular phones. We see thousands of bulbs flashing but Rick Golden and the man next to him aren't fazed for they have the most expensive Oakley Sunglasses you can buy on. As Golden smiles more bulbs flash and as some staff member is done Rick Golden goes up to the podium to answer questions. As he gets up there he answers a question from a lady in a red skirt.]
The Wrestling Weekly: Mr. Golden, why have you had a sudden change of heart and you have just decided to "leave" your former agent Malik out in the dust so to speak?
Rick Golden: Well off the top of my head I'll give you two reasons why: First, he was as annoying. Everywhere I went he followed... Hell, one time I tried to go into a stall he tried to follow so from that day I've tried to keep my distance from him. Secondly, how he trained me. He didn't push me to get any higher... he didn't establish any short-term goals for me... all he did was aim for the RICHEST prize in the game and that was and is at the time the W3 Platinum title held by a great and deserving champion in Pete Ebdon. With that goal being first I knew Malik was only in this for one thing and one thing only... and that's the money. He didn't train and wasn't even a good trainer for crying out loud! That's why I ditched him and went off to find a legend that would help me along my way.
The W3 Gazetteer: And who would that be Mr. Golden? Is it your brother Alex Addams?
Rick Golden: No, no, it isn't good old Alex. He was a thought, but then I realized I've done twice as much as him in his career so I said to hell with him. Now all of the W3 wrestlers know who that man is over there *points to man*. Yes my friends, AARON AWESOME has come to the W3 and is MY new business consultant. Did I recruit him? No. He came to me and asked if I needed help... better help then Malik gave me and I said yes. So I fired Malik, which will be a sealed deal Thursday and I finally got some help from a man that knows the sport and knows how to train people. Hell, he beat Pete Ebdon didn't he? He's going to train me like a horse... sometimes off camera, sometimes on, I'll never know and you'll never know until you watch.
[The cameramen and Malik stare in awe as Awesome just smiles like a Cheshire Cat and leans back in his chair. Finally a soft but hearable question comes out of an older mans mouth.]
The Wide World of Wrestling: Aaron Awesome as a trainer? He'll never make you into anything... you're just a cocky old piec...
Rick Golden: NEXT! Old Man River, leave the room before I leave my fist mark in your face.
[The old man hobbles out of the room grumbling curse words to himself. Golden gives the people about another minute or so and he ends the VERY SHORT conference. After the conference is adjourned, Malik approaches Golden and as he walks by runs into him with his shoulder and walks away. Golden just laughs and signals for him and Awesome to leave. They go out where their Cadillac Escalade Limousine is waiting and they hop in the back where four girls are waiting for them. The two blondes go with Golden, and the brunette and redhead go with Awesome. They seem to be enjoying themselves as the driver zooms down the highway toward Golden's Manor in Los Angeles, where he is staying for good now.]
Aaron Awesome: Damn man, that was good for you not to lose your cool. That shows you're maturing more as a wrestler already, keep it up.
Rick Golden: Let's save my new wrestling dynasty for Thursday when I finally sign you officially as my new business consultant. Now, let's just have some fun and when we get to my house we can bang a few chicks and have em’ drink a couple of beers so they get messed up.
Aaron Awesome: Whoa, whoa, whoa Rick... get them messed up? Shit, I'm not getting these fine-ass females messed up because they know they want to do me anyway right girls?
Girls: Right baby.
Rick Golden: Okay, good point. I retract my previous statement. These chicks are way fucking bangable and I'm going to do both of them at the same time... kinda like that guys' wish in OfficeSpace the movie *laughs*.
[The both of them stay silent for about five minutes, keeping their arms around their girls. Then after about five minutes, Golden gets some Champagne.]
Rick Golden: You want some Champagne bro?
Aaron Awesome: Sure man... I need to quench my thirst real quick from all of that talking I did.
Rick Golden: *Pouring him a glass* So what do you think about this Jason Sensation guy? Anything interesting about him?
Aaron Awesome: Well, he's clearly better than your last two opponents but nothing special about him. You'll beat his ass faster than Stevie Wonder could beat his cane around.
[The limousine pulls up to the Manor, and Golden sees that a party is already going on... so he tells the girls to take a hike. As Awesome and Golden step out in their silk suits the limousine goes off and leaves them in front of the house. Awesome and Golden look at each other and then begin to walk in where the music is blaring and people are all over the place having sex.]
Rick Golden: Mother Fuckin lord... I couldn't get this much sex if I ordered every porn magazine in the world...
Aaron Awesome: Ha, ha, ha... this should be a bitchin party. Well, I'm going to go off and bang the hell out of one of these chicks so I'll see you tomorrow probably *laughs*.
[With that Awesome goes off chasing some blonde girl down the stairs to the basement locking the door behind them. Golden sees this and just smiles.]
Rick Golden: Rick Golden and A2... the perfect team... *cackles*.
[The camera then fades to black as Golden takes off his jacket and throws it on the stairs leading upstairs.]
How in god's name did Rick Golden and Aaron Awesome ally? Is what Golden said the complete truth? Did Awesome just... COME to him? We'll have to find out as we continue in the Rick Golden saga...
