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//Disclamer\\Yadda, Yadda, Yadda... you know how this works, it's my RP... dont steal any of the content, I'm not associated with the real WWE, any other wrestling company, or the real Buff Bagwell, you know how this stuff works. If you have any problem with this Email Me. Enjoy! //Disclaimer\\

Record: 0-0(Tag Team) 0-0(Singles)

Titles Held: None Yet

People Used: Buff Bagwell, Randy Orton, Ryan Shamrock, and Chris Jericho

People Mentioned: Only those used

Location: The Ring

Next Match: None Booked

I'm Buff... I'm The Stuff... And The Girls Just Can't Get Enough!!!!
Buff Bagwell

Randy Orton is seen sitting in the back, talking to Ryan Shamrock. he seems rather up-tight about something, just then Buff walks in, in a great mood as always with a huge smile on his face.

Buff Bagwell: Damn, it's great to be the Buff Daddy... Randy, check this out... Apparently at RAW I'[m in a Royal Rumble match... and if I win, no... WHEN I win... I FINALLY get a shot at some gold...

"The Legend Killer" Randy Orton: That's great, Buff...

Buff Bagwell: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa... what's with the straight face, buddy... this is GREAT!

"The Legend Killer" Randy Orton: Well Buff, I heard about the match, and... it's my title you'll be getting a shot at.

Buff Bagwell: Whoa, shitty... well, I hate to say it buddy, but I can't afford to give up this kinda opportunity. I gotta give it my all man, but hey.. it's not so bad, you know what? I'm gunna go out to the ring, just watch on the screen, I got somethin' I wanna say about that... but I'm gunna say it in front of all my loyal fans...

Randy sort of turns away and nods, accepting.

Buff Bagwell: Ready to go, baby?

Ryan walks over to the door as Buff hooks an arm around her and they walk toward the ring asthe camera goes to a commercial break. When the scene fades back to arena, the music hits…

as the voice are heard chanting "Buff....Daddy....Buff...Daddy" Buff's voice cuts in; "I'm Buff, I'm the stuff... And the girls just can't get enough!!!" Just then, Ryan comes out and stands on the stage at the top of the ramp, Buff struts out and stands behind her, wrapping an arm over her right shoulder and across her chest, putting his hand on her left shoulder. She turns her head as Buff leans down and kisses her, then he takes off at a slow jog, passing her and heading down to the ramp, going along the barricade, giving high five's to his fans. Then he heads up the steel steps, a few steps ahead of her as he holds the ropes open for her to step in with a long pause in the ropes (Stacy style). When they get into the ring, Ryan goes to the far ropes to get a microphone from the announcer as Buff poses on the ropes for the thousands of camera flashes. When he gets down, she hands him the mic as the music fades out. He raises the mic to his mouth and begins to speak.

Buff Bagwell: So, this is the part of the show when a superstar would come out and talk about their match. So... who better than me? I mean, if this place does have anybody who brings new meaning to SUPERstar... It's the BUFF DADDY! And as far as my match? Well, I'm involved in a little something you may have heard of, it's called... THE ROYAL RUMBLE!

The crowd pops so loudly, Buff knows he wouldn't even be heard, so he holds off, then raises the mic again.

All hail King Buff...

Buff Bagwell: Well, if this match is supposed to name royalty, then I guess.... you can all get up on your feet and bow your heads... ALL HAIL KING BUFF! But you know what, I'll get into that in a minute... first, let me address the referee situation in this match. It would appear as though Triple H decided to base this entire match around yours truly, because not only did he give me a chance to earn the title shot I so rightfully deserve... but I have my best buddy in the whole company and the biggest JACKASS I've ever met... both wearing referee shirts. Well, Jericho... I gotta commend you. You're one lucky son of a bitch... a million smacker-oo's, a shot at the world title... a spot refereeing the match of the man who you've disrespected night in and night out. And most of all... you even get out of a steel cage match with THE GREATEST STAR THIS COMPANY HAS TO OFFER! But you know? You're luck runs out right now... 'cause you might have earned yourself a title shot at the next Pay-Per-View... but I bet you didn't take into account that you might be dealing with a slightly better champion than what you expected, no offence, Randy. But Jericho, consider this... you escaped me once... you got out of the match that would have certainly snapped your lucky streak in half... but now, once I win the Royal Rumble... and I will, and once I take the world title... our paths shall cross again... and I'll still remember all of this shit about me being gay... which of course makes no sense, considering the next day you were insinuating that I only took Ryan in as a manager for... sexual purposes.

He takes a step back and looks her up and down, slowly.

Buff Bagwell: Not that any straight man with a pulse wouldn't do the same.... he he he.... but you know something, Jericho... I don't need to worry about whether you call it down the middle or not. I don't gotta worry about you being jealous of my relationship with this sexy young lady, 'cause I got THE LEGEND KILLA' to watch my back... and to make sure that when I eliminate the last sorry jackass to cross my path... that I get the recognition I deserve, and my shot at the world title.

Oh, and Randy... No offence buddy, but I do plan on giving you a damn good fight for that title, but I want you to know this aint personal... it's all about business. Not only do I want that title more than you can possibly imagine, but I want that chance to pound the living PISS out of that Canadian S.O.B. with every fiber of my being... so let's keep this to what it is; a match between partners to establish a winner... and nothing more. And then, once I beat Jericho.... I'll give ya a re-match any time ya' want, no questions asked. And hey, don't look at it as loosing the title... think of it this way, now you'll have the WORLD CHAMPION for a tag team partner, and that's not so bad, is it? Anyway, for now, I gotta focus on THE ROYAL RUMBLE.

Clearly, it's something about the name... cause the crowd gives another huge pop and Buff has to wait an even longer time to speak again.

Buff Bagwell: Now, I got ten different opponents to talk about, so you're gunna have to keep it down, 'cause I got tons o' burns to throw out, and not much time to do it in, so hey... let's start with the most obvious, the most brutally easy to make fun of, being one of the bosses little sluts... VICTORIA! That's right folks... your hero, the man with the greatest body in the company has to face... A WOMAN. If you can all her that to begin with. Now, normally Victoria... I would never be reduced to hitting a lady, but hell... with pipes like that... and that jaw line, I think I've caught on to your little secret, and... well, just 'cause a brother get's his best friends surgically removed and has some work done in the chest area... that don't make him a lady, So Vicky... I think this should be JUST FINE!

The crowd gives a mixed reaction. They don't exactly LIKE Victoria, but many of them think that suggestion might be going a little far, so the arena is filled with a mix of extatic cheers, resounding boos, and a few assorted undure head shakes.

Buff Bagwell: But you know, Victoria... your questionable gender aside... let's look at you career. have you done anything of any significance? Beaten a reasonable opponent who DIDN'T have a set of tits? And that's beside the likes of your co-boss blower, Stacy Keibler (more boos) Ah, settle down... I'm just kidding. The point I'm trying to get at, Victoria is that you pose no threat to me what-so-ever; you have no career highlights worth mentioning, no real talent to speak of... and most of all, NO IDEA what you're getting yourself into. So as of right now, I have nothing more to say on the subject than; watch your back... and don't expect any special treatment just 'cause you aint got a set o' balls! So, let's see... who's another one o' my opponents? Oh, that's right... THE UNDERTAKER! Well, 'Taker... I'll be the first to admit.... you're one of the closest things I have to competition in this match. I respected the hell out of you back in your real hell-raisin' days. Key word there is respect-ED!!! as in past tense... as in you're getting old 'Taker... it's about time you moved to the side and let the young pups like me take our rightful place as the dominant forces in this business that you once were. And you know, thinking about finally getting my chance to go toe to toe with The Undertaker got me to thinking about that phrase... DEAD MAN WALKIN'. And as any educated man knows, that's what they used to say while hauling a prisoner off to their execution, and how fitting. You see, 'Taker... from the minute you ditched your Lord Of Darkness persona and starting this whole Harley Riding Redneck shit you've been walking slowly toward your own execution. And it's been a long road, that's for sure... but this Monday, I will take over Randy's job for the night... for one night its BUFF BAGWELL who plays legend killer; and just like I did to Goldberg when I had him fired from the WCW... I will make your career.... wait for it, wait for it... Undertaker, I will make your career... REST... IN... PEACE!!!

The crowd really goes boo-crazy.

Buff Bagwell: Speaking of Goldberg, let's take a look at one o' my opponents in this Royal Rumble.

A picture of Goldberg comes onto the screen

Buff Bagwell: Wow... now that's a pretty picture, isn't it? Doesn't he look like a champion, ladies and gentlemen? HELL NO!!! He looks like the result of Stone Cold Steve Austin raping a Grizzly Bear!!!

The crowd boos the loudest they have all night.

Buff Bagwell: Besides the way he looks, all this guy is, is a football player in wrestling tights. This guy is no wrestler... how many matches has he one by submission? None, that's how many! How many technical wrestling moves does he use? None again... His move total; three... maybe four. Wow, Goldy... I'm impressed. I'm only gunna give you this one piece of advice; Stay the hell out of my way... and I won't have to give you a wrestling lesson and embarass you infront of all your misguided friends. I'm sure 'Taker, Victoria, and all these other second-rate clowns will be more than happy to take you out... and they won't make it look nearly as easy as I would. That way, everybody gets what they want... well, as close as it gets.

Well... that's three over-rated pieces of trash down; seven more to go... but you know? I just realized that there are two more guys who are near carbon copies of Undertaker when it comes to their chances in this match; Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels... so let's take a look at them, shall we? Bret, my friend... your own demise is started in your own catchphrase. You say that you're "The best there is, the best there was... and the best there ever will be." So, let's look at this shall we? But in the interest of logic, something I know you aren't very familiar with, I'm gunna jump around the list a little bit. Let's start with... THE BEST THERE WAS. Well, okay. I can see how you'd think that. I think it's a close battle you know; You, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker... back in the day. There were a few of ya, but okay... I'll give that one to ya. Best there is? HEEEEEEELL NO! Bret, I dunno if you're blind... deaf... or just plain stupid, but allow me to teach you a little lesson. Nobody gives a shit about you any more... you're old news. I bet you couldn't even wrestle your way out of a wet paper bag anymore. You're a crippled old man... for christs sake Bret, I even heard you had a stroke about a year ago, so how do you expect to beat a guy like me? Look at me... look at Randy. We're in top physical condition... we're in our prime... WE my friend, are the BEST THERE IS... NOT YOU! And as far as best there ever will be? I dunno who the hell filled your head with this self-centered, egotistical bullshit, but there already are guys beating the hell out of you, and I'm sure there will be more to come. Best there ever will be... don't get me started. You're just another old man who needs a humiliating loss to a much younger, much more primed wrestler than himself to show him that his time has passed. And Shawn Michaels... I hate to break it to ya, man. But you're the same way. You're getting a little on in years for this my friend, now... I'm gunna spare you the humiliation of my whitty, quick tounge and just give ya the straight truth. Why, Shawn? It's simple... cause I still think there is SOME spark left in you. I'd more than enjoy watching you take out Hogan., and Taker, and even that black and pink bastard, Bret Hart... but you need to take a look at yourself and realize that you're not who you were any more, Shawn. You aint the show stopper no more... that's my job now. So my advice to you Shawn is to pick your opponents wisely, so you don't end up gettin your back broken again. Or even better, why don't you stick with this whole dancin' thing... I mean, that's something that still gets cheers. I mean, I'm no dancer, although...

Buff glances over at Ryan, then looks back at the camera.

Buff's very happy with him... "managerial status"!

Buff Bagwell: ...although from what I saw backstage, Ryan does know how to shake her ass pretty damn well... but that's beside the point. Shawn... stick with what you can do, and stay out of my way... I don't wanna have to hurt you, but rest assured I will. Now people, I hope you can forgive me... but I'm gunna skip ahead a little bit. I could get into RVD and how he's the only representation of the "flower power" movement in ICW... or get into Lita and how it's probably not the best idea to wrestle in a thong.... ouch....

The crowd laughs... most of them anyway.

Buff Bagwell: Or I could get into some stuff on Shane and how Daddy's trust funds he opened for him gave him a big head and convinced him, through some kind of rich-boy psychopathic delusions, convinced him he could wrestle... or I could get into this Platinum Playa guy, but then again I'm guessing that, like me, none of you people have even heard of this guy... so that'd be a waste of my time. So instead... I'm gunna skip to somebody who atleast has SOMETHING that REMOTELY resembles talent; The Rock.

Huge pop at the mention of the people's champion.

Buff Bagwell: Now Rocky... I guess once all the smoke is cleared? Did I say smoke... I meant shitty wrestlers... ha ha ha... once you take all them out of the picture it comes down to you and me; The People's Champ and The Stuff... two of the most eligable men in the wrestling business. The only ladies that don't fall for you, Rock... are just distracted by my magnificent body. We are on a smiliar level you and I, so you know what? After I beat you in the Royal Rumble... and after all that is done; I have a proposition for you. You give me and Randy a shot at those tag team titles... we win; the belts are ours... you win, and who knows? Maybe I'll give you a shot at the title I will soon be winning from my friend over here... but Rock, let me make one thing perfectly clear... I respect you, hell... I could even say that as a wrestler, I even like ya a little bit... but I don't fear you, I won't back down from you... and I MOST CERTAINLY don't smell... what you're cookin. As a matter of fact, Rocky... last time I smelled anything to do with you, it was the over-powering stench of WAY TOO MUCH COLOGNE, so you might wanna take it easy on that shit man. But there's a bright side to all of these people I'm facing on RAW... it could be worse, all o' you... YOU COULD BE CHRIS JERICHO! Now, HIT THE DAMN MUSIC!

As the music kicks in again, Buff holds open the ropes for Ryan to climb out of the ring as they walk into the back.