The UnAmericans v.s Booker T, Goldust,Buh Buh, Kane
The Un-Americans make their way down to the ring first, carrying the upside down American flag to a chorus of boos. Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross are doing commentary for this match. The fan favorites emerge next in this order for anyone that cares: Booker T, Goldust, Bubba Ray Dudley and Kane. Goldust and Christian start things off for the two sides with Christian gaining the upperhand before Goldust quickly turns it into a pinning attempt. Tag to Storm but Goldust double clotheslines them both and tags out to Bubba Ray Dudley who along with Goldust simultaneously punch the tag team champions. Bubba then turns around and gets a chinbreaker and Storm backs him into the corner and aggressively works away. They botch a top rope spot and Storm almost lands on his head so they try it again but Bubba gets distracted by the other Un-Americans allowing Storm to recover. A flapjack by Bubba gets a two and he tags back out to Goldust who gets tripped by Christian and pulled to the outside behind the referee's back. Back in, Storm shoves Goldust into the enemy corner and tags to Test who nails a bunch of elbows and kicks in one of the corners. Goldust hits a clothesline off of an Irish Whip and tags out to Booker T who cleans house on all the Un-American members but Test comes from behind but runs into a Booker T reverse kick. Regal interrupts the three count and they make an illegal tag behind the referee's back. In the meantime, Bubba comes in and sets up Regal for the Whassup headbutt before signalling for the tables. Outside, Booker T and Bubba set up a table but Christian and Storm baseball slide into it knocking the table into Booker T. Storm shoves Booker back in where Test rams him into the corner and follows up with more elbows and punches. Irish whip and a clothesline and a cover, but Booker T kicks out at two. Tag to Regal who goes to work with forearms that knock Booker down but again he kicks out before three. Regal with a modified suplex bodyslam before tagging to Christian who kicks Booker about four times before putting on a reverse chinlock. Booker T fights his way up and elbows Christian in the gut breaking free but running into a knee to the gut which prompts Goldust to come to the rescue. Christian backs Booker back into a corner and sends him to the other side but Booker T catches him in a rollup and gets a near fall. Spinebuster by Booker T has both guys on the mat and the ref starts the count as each wrestler makes his way to their respective side. Kane and Storm are tagged in with the Big Red Machine dominating, backdropping Storm and punching the other Un-American members, including a side suplex on Test and a tilt-a-whirl slam on Storm. Regal interrupts and all hell breaks loose with all eight men in the ring. In the ring, Kane tries to hit Regal with a big boot but Test comes in and tries for a pump handle slam. He hits it but can't get the cover so Booker T comes in counters a full nelson slam and hits a Scissors kick. He does the Spinaroonie but Christian hits a reverse a DDT so Kane tries to chokeslam Christian, but Storm comes in and tries for superkick. Amidst tons of chaos, everyone basically gets off their finisher including Goldust who hits the Shattered Dream on Christian but turns around and gets greeted by a big boot courtesy of Test. Kane hits a flying clothesline on from the top on Test, and then turns to Storm and chokeslams him. Regal tries to interfere with the brass knucks but Kane catches him and clocks him for the victory. Winners: Kane, Booker T, Bubba Ray Dudley & Goldust. Backstage, Stephanie tells Billy & Chuck to pay attention to what she is saying. When they beat Rosey and Jamal tonight, it will be about the pride of Smackdown! but Billy asks if it's just to make sure she doesn't have to kiss a lesbian. Stephanie tells them to be serious and Chuck says they are serious and they are gonna win for Smackdown! and if Bischoff doesn't like it, he can just kiss Steph's ass. Stephanie likes the sound of that.
Chris Jericho v.s Ric Flair
Jericho and Flair make their respective entrances and we see some video clips from the past few weeks involving these two. They lock up and break in the corner but Flair slaps Jericho and they try it again. Jericho gets a side headlock then drops Flair with a shoulder block before heading to the top and falling into a shot to the stomatch. Chops by Flair and a quick figure four attempt but Jericho counters and kicks Flair to the outside. Jericho doesn't let Flair back in, hitting him with a dropkick just as Flair was about to come back in but then he heads out and beats him somewhere before sending him in and getting a two count. Jericho with some slaps and taunts and he moves Ric over to the ropes and chokes him on the second rope. Punches by Jericho in the corner and Flair is down so Jericho picks him up and puts him in an abdominal stretch. Flair gets out of it with a hiptoss takeover and then chops Chris twice but gets an eye rake. Jericho then misses a clothesline and gets more chops before getting hurled over the top and to the outside. Ric follows him outside and rams Jericho into the steel steps and follows it up with more chops. Finally, Flair sends Chris back in where he kicks him over and drops a knee into his chest/neck area. Flair heads to the second rope and drops another knee into the back of Jericho's head but he only gets a two count. More punches and chops by Jericho and he then turns his attention to the leg with another figure four leglock. Jericho fights back and misses a Lionsault and then starts saying that he "heard something pop" pleading with Flair to just stop and give him some time. Jericho continues to say that he's hurt so Flair lays off him for a while. The ref calls for some trainers and Ric turns around so Jericho springs up to his feet and attacks Ric, putting him into the Walls of Jericho. Flair taps so the ref is forced to call it a match. Winner: Chris Jericho via submission. Backstage, Eric Bischoff talks to Rosey and Jamal and says that tonight is their night. They are not only representing Raw tonight, they are representing Eric Bischoff. To stack the deck, Bischoff has brought someone to help them tonight - someone who knows Billy and Chuck better than anyone else: Rico. Rico comes in and says that Rosey and Jamal are 100% prepared to defeat Billy & Chuck tonight. And when that happens, he tells Bischoff to grab some popcorn and some vaseline so he can sit back and watch some Hot Lesbian Action involving Stephanie McMahon. They show Shaquille O'Neal in the crowd with his son I presume. The kid punches Shaq a couple times for fun.
Eddie v.s Edge
Eddie Guerrero and Edge come out to totally opposite reactions and we are told that Edge has suffered a mild concussion due to the incidents on Smackdown!. Edge chases Eddie around the ring for a bit and the match officially gets underway but Edde bails to the outside once more. The ref starts the count so Eddie comes in and rolls Edge up from behind and then runs to the outside again with Edge hot in pursuit. Eddie gets in the ring first and kicks Edge but soon the tide turns and Edge hits a back bodydrop followed by some punches that back Guerrero into the corner. Edge continues to work away with some chops but Guerrero fights back with some shots of his own. Irish whip is reversed into a bodyslam into a pinfall, but Guerrero kicks out. Edge suplexes Eddie but again only gets a two. Edge then gets put into a Tornado DDT and Eddie takes the opportunity to kick away and suplex Edge which gets a two count. Guerrero works away on Edge's face and head area, twisting it into a submission move. Edge kicks Eddie and finally gets out of it but he takes a long time getting to his feet and Eddie just kicks him in the gut and suplexes him again, getting another two count. Front face lock as Guerrero continues to work away on Edge's face and the audience erupts into an "Eddie Sucks" chant. Edge fights back but Eddie hits a reverse elbow knocking Edge out and following up on it with several punches. Edge desperately tries to fight back with punches of his own but they miss the mark but finally one hits Guerrero square in the face, knocking both men out. They finally get up and Edge charges at Eddie but runs into the corner where Eddie goes nuts with aggressive punches to the back of the head. The ref breaks it up and Eddie tries to mock him but Edge sneaks in and gets in a rollup. Neckbreaker by Edge but it seems to take a lot out of him and both are once again down and staggering to their feet. On their knees, they trade punches and Edge gets the better of the exchange hitting an Atomic Drop and a face plant. Cover but Guerrero kicks out so they do a little sequence that ends in another pinning attempt which Eddie once again kicks out of. Jawbreaker by Guerrero and he heads to the top but Edge counters a Hurricanrana attempt into a sitdown powerbomb but he can't get the pin. Edge measures Eddie up with the Spear but Guerrero moves so Edge hits him with the Edgecution instead. Cover but Guerrero puts his foot on the rope and so Edge heads to the top and it seems a pro-Eddie chant has now started. Anyway, from the top, Edge tries for a missile dropkick but he catches nothing but air so Guerrero takes the opportunity to expose one of the turnbuckles. He tries to swing Edge into it, but Edge reverses it and Guerrero ends up going in himself, back first. They both head to the top where Edge's head meets the exposed turnbuckle after a superplex attempt is foiled. Guerrero then sunset flips Edge into a powerbomb and hooks the tights to get the 1-2-3 win.Winner: Eddie Guerrero.
HHH Meets RVD and Ric Flair
Backstage, Triple H meets up with Rob Van Dam. Triple H observes that RVD is cool, calm and collected before such a big match which shows one thing - he has no passion, no desire. Triple H points to Ric Flair and says that he used to have passion and desire that made him the Heavyweight champion of the world. But not anymore and it explains why RVD is getting ready for his match alongside a loser like Flair. RVD says that he would rather be associated with an alleged "loser" like Ric Flair than an alleged "winner" like Triple H any day. Triple H just smirks and walks away. They show a recap of the series of events involving Eric Bischoff and Stephanie, as well as Billy, Chuck, Rosey and Jamal.
Rosey and Jamal v.s Billy and Chuck
Eric Bischoff and Rico accompany Rosey & Jamal to the ring, while Billy & Chuck come out by themselves. Billy & Chuck rush the ring and all four men go at it. In the ring, Chuck and Rosey go at it but Rico kicks Chuck allowing Rosey to suplex Chuck right on his head. Forearm to the back drops Chuck to the mat so Rosey starts punching away Chuck's head, backing him into a corner where both he and his partner isolate Chuck. Tag to Jamal and he doesn't do much and tags back out to Rosie who bodyslams Chuck and goes for the cover. Chuck tries to fight back with punches but Rosey just headbutts him and tags back out to Jamal. Jamal drops an elbow and goes for another cover but Chuck kicks out at about two. Jamal with several right hands to Chuck and he goes over and cheapshots Billy, prompting Billy to come into the ring and affording them the opportunity to double team Chuck. Rosey then talks smack to Billy, while still continuing to dominate Chuck and he once again cheapshots Billy. Rosey heads to the corner and tries a moonsault from the second but he misses and both guys tag out. Following the hot tag, Billy goes nuts on both Rosey and Jamal and he tries to double headbutt them but since they have strong heads or whatever, it has no effect. Rosey fights off the One and Only and hits a full nelson into a throw but Chuck superkicks him only to have Jamal superkick him in return. Fame-Ass-er by Chuck brings in Rico so Billy handles him allowing Rosey to feed Billy to Jamal who hits the tossup into a Samoan Drop for the win. Winners: Rosey & Jamal. Backstage, Jonathan Coachman is with Eric Bischoff who has three lesbians who are ready to perform HLA with Stephanie. Bischoff asks them which one wants to go out and they all want to so Bischoff makes them chant HLA.
HHH v.s RVD
We're given the rundown on how the Triple H/Rob Van Dam match came to be. They lock up, break and do it again with RVD taking Triple H down with a side headlock takeover. RVD acknowledges the fans but it seems a lot of them boo him. They go at it again and Triple H drags RVD down by the hair and they break and try it yet another time. Arm bar by Triple H is reversed into another armbar by RVD and they tumble to the ground where Triple H gets a two count. They reach the ropes and break so Triple H pushes RVD who returns the favor with a slap that pisses Trips off. Kick to the midsection by Triple H and he follows it up with some punches and an Irish Whip. Another side headlock takeover by Van Dam but Triple H reaches the ropes so they break again but this time Triple H takes some time to recuperate on the outside. RVD then grabs a water bottle and imitates Triple H's water spitting ritual and Trips is once again displeased. He comes charging at Van Dam but is taken down with more headlock takedowns. Triple H backs RVD into the corner and knees him into the abdomen before punching him in the head. Irish whip to the other side is turned into a rollup, but Triple H kicks out and they engage in a power struggle with both men trying a backslide. Takedown by RVD again and another couple of covers but Triple H keeps kicking out. Triple H bails to the outside and RVD tries a somersault plancha but Triple H moves and RVD lands on the ground hard. Triple H sneaks back in and the ref starts the count and RVD barely makes it into the ring before ten...in fact, Earl Hebner just stopped the count at nine. Anyway, Triple H slams RVD into the steel steps and comes back in to break the count then heads back towards his opponent and shoves him back into the ring. Cover but Van Dam manages to kickout so Triple H kinda sits on him and nails him with some closed fists. Trips then lays RVD between the bottom two ropes and slingshots him into the ropes choking RVD and allowing him another pin attempt. Suplex by Triple H but RVD counters it into a rollup but the Game kicks out and hits a neckbreaker and tries for another cover but gets only a near fall. Trips then flings RVD to the outside where he tries to slam his head into the announce table. RVD blocks it though and slams Triple H's head instead and they head back in where Triple H hits Van Dam with a high knee that gets two. Match progresses until RVD gets caught in a sleeper hold and slowly fades away but he gets out of it but misses a splash in the corner but manages to get off a spinning heel kick. RVD continues his momentum getting the better of an exchange and hitting a modified Rolling Thunder. Monkey flip by RVD and another Rolling Thunder but Triple H kicks out and quickly rolls to the outside. RVD comes flying at him with a high cross body and he continues to assault Triple H before sending him back in and heading to the top himself. Kick from the top and a cover but Trips won't stay down. Earl gets bumped and RVD hits a spinning heel kick but since there's no ref, there's no count. Triple H fights back and tries for the Pedigree but it's countered into a slingshot. RVD then quickly heads to the top, hits the Five Star Frog splash but there's still no referee. As RVD tries to get the ref's attention, he's caught with a low blow and Triple H crawls outside where he looks around under the ring and finds his sledgehammer. In the ring, Triple H tries to use the hammer on RVD but Van Dam kicks it away and out of nowhere (well actually I'm sure he's here to turn heel) Ric Flair comes and picks up the slegehammer and approaches Triple H. They look eye to eye and Flair instead turns around clocks RVD with it (told ya!). Pedigree by Triple H and Flair goes out to get the ref who comes in and counts the easy 1-2-3. Flair takes the title and hands it to Triple H. Winner: Triple H. Backstage, D'Lo Brown and Billy Kidman talk about Ric Flair being the dirtiest player in the game. Behind them comes Eric Braeden (Victor Newman) from the Young and the Restless. They ask him what he's here for and before he can answer, Dawn Marie enters the picture and tells D'Lo and Kidman that Eric is with her
Molly v.s Trish
Trish and Molly lock up and Trish puts her in a modified full nelson but Molly wiggles out and throws Trish to the mat with a handful of hair. They go at it with some lockups and reversals before Molly takes Trish down with a Fireman's carry. They get back and Trish hits Molly with a dropkick and a neckbreaker and goes for the cover, but just near fall. Molly knocks Trish down and then tries to charge in after her but runs into a kick. Molly recovers though and hits a snap suplex and slams Trish to the mat with another handful of hair. She grabs Trish by the hair once more and throws her to the outside where she further slams Trish into the steel steps. Irish whip into the ring barricade and they head back in where Molly twists Trish's arms around her own neck in some odd submission move. Trish finally flips Molly over but Molly comes running back with a dropkick to the head. Molly tries for a suplex, but Trish counters it into a rollup, but gets two nearfalls instead. Drop toe hold by Molly but Trish maneuvers out of it and hits a modified bulldog that gets two. Trish with a chick kick and another cover but Molly fights out and heads to the top where she gets crotched. Trish tries a handspring but Molly ties her up in the corner and hits a handspring from the other side. Kicks to the lower back by Molly and they do a little sequence that ends with Trish getting in a bulldog. And that does it as she covers Molly and gets the win. Winner: Trish Stratus. As Trish makes her way up the ramp, Coach interviews her about winning the championship. Trish basically says that she lives for moments like this, waves to the crowd and then leaves.
Chris Benoit v.s Kurt Angle
We see a No Mercy commercial with Pete Rose and Kane. Backstage, we see a bunch of women (lesbians?) celebrating with Rosey, Jamal and Rico. Bischoff tells them to go out and party and if they have any trouble to simply use his name. Bischoff stops two women and tells them to stick around to help him with some HLA later on tonight. Then we're shown a little video about the Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit feud. Angle enters the ring first and Michael Cole confirms that Seattle will get Wrestlemania, talking about the press conference next week. Benoit enters next to very minimal reaction. The two men lockup and they refuse to let go and keep the lockup on for many seconds as they tumble to the outside. Back in, they lock up again and go through several mat-related moves and counters which Angle obviously gets the better of. Angle quickly puts on the Ankle Lock in another struggle but Benoit reaches the ropes and they stare at each other. They lock up again and Angle gets a hammer lock and they go through the motions again with even more counters and reversals. They both try backslides but Benoit ends up getting the Crossface on but this time, Angle reaches the ropes. Another lockup and they wrestle around before Angle shoves Benoit to the outside. Angle follows him and attacks him with some shots to the back of the neck. Clothesline off the top of the barricade and we're back in. Backbreaker and a cover by Kurt but Benoit gets the shoulder up. Angle stands over top of Benoit and kicks him a bit, and then hits some sort of modified sitting grapevine bearhug. Benoit gets out of it but they do an Irish Whip with Angle hitting Chris in the stomach with a knee. Kicks by Kurt and continued work on the mid-section area but he misses a charge and eats post. Benoit picks Angle up and sends him flying into the other ring post before hitting a belly to back suplex. Benoit starts to work on the left shoulder but then resorts to a clothesline and some more knees to the midsection but he misses a shot and Angle puts him into a belly to belly into a suplex. Both men are down so the ref starts the ten count but they manage to get up at eight at which time Benoit treats Angle to two German suplexes. Angle blocks the third attempt and gives Benoit two German suplexes of his own and Benoit too blocks the third attempt. They each trade one more German suplex each but Angle hits two in succession. He then goes for the Angle Slam but it's countered and Benoit tries for another German suplex that is overrotated into a throw. Benoit heads to the top but Angle runs up there and grabs him into a belly to belly throw. Cover but Benoit kicks out. Ankle lock by Angle but Benoit rolls over and kicks Kurt in the head and gets out of it. Bodyslam attempt is turned into a tombstone, countered into another tombstone before Benoit finally hits a shoulder breaker. Flying headbutt by Benoit and a cover but Angle kicks out so Chris goes to the Crippler Crossface. Angle doesn't give up and grabs Benoit's ankle and puts him into a modified Ankle lock which turns into a full fledged one. Benoit reverses that into a Crippler Crossface and then Kurt does the same but Benoit reaches the ropes. Angle drags Benoit into the middle of the ring and puts on the Crippler Crossface but Benoit once again goes for the ropes so Kurt uses his feet to push the ropes further away. The ref calls for a break and out of nowhere, Benoit rolls up Kurt, puts his feet on the ropes and sneaks out a victory. Winner: Chris Benoit. Backstage, Chris Loyd interviews Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. Loyd says that this feud has gotten personal so Heyman interrupts and says that's always been personal. Whenever you try to take away the championship from Brock, it gets personal. And if Undertaker wants to be personal with Brock Lesnar, they will be personal with him. Brock then says that he's not sorry for what he did to Taker's wife and he won't be sorry for what he'll do to Taker tonight.
Eric Bischoff presents HLA
Fink introduces Eric Bischoff along with "the lesbians". Eric says that he loves the fans. LA has always stood for Los Angeles but not tonight. Tonight it will stand for Lesbian Action, Hot Lesbian Action. He introduces Peaches and Cream, the two lesbians. Bischoff says that they are here for only one reason to provide HLA so he asks them to give the fans a sneak preview. The ladies are about to kiss when Eric stops them saying he has changed his mind. The only HLA that will take place tonight will involve the losing manager on the losing team - Stephanie McMahon. With that, he introduces Steph. Bischoff says that the reason they have two lesbians tonight is as the french say "menage a trois". They will have a three way. So Eric tells the lesbians to begin by losing some of that clothing. The lesbians begin to strip by taking off their top and Bischoff tells them to help Stephanie by taking off her jacket. Bischoff says that Stephanie looks tense so he recommends a back rub. He still feels that she's tense so he calls for a full body massage. Finally, he says "screw the foreplay", let's get some HLA. The lesbians start kissing Stephanie's neck but Bischoff stops them and says that he changed his mind. He dismisses the lesbians and tells STephanie that he wants this to be most humiliating event of her life so he's brought the most ugliest, fattest lesbian he could find. So he introduces another lesbian who is quite obsese and looks an awful lot like Rikishi (hmmm). Eric introduces Stephanie to the lesbian and says that she's done prison time and she's used to this type of thing. Oh the lesbian's name is Hildegard or something. The lesbian approaches Stephanie and they engage in a long kiss to which Bischoff asks what the hell is going on. The lesbian unmasks and it's Rikishi who kicks Bischoff and then gives him the stinkface. Rikishi and Stephanie dance for the fans to end the segment.
Brock Lesnar v.s Undertaker
Another one of them video packages is shown, this one about the history of the Undertaker/Brock Lesnar feud. Undertaker comes out first to his usual music but with lyrics. Taker and Lesnar stare face to face to start and Taker pushes Lesnar back so they circle and go at it again. Lockup and Lesnar shoves Taker back so they do the circle thing again before trying once more. Taker overpowers Brock and pushes him all the way to the outside so Lesnar charges back in and puts Taker in a side headlock. Shoulder block by Brock knocks Undertaker down but Taker responds with a hiptoss and a clothesline which sends Brock flying to the outside once more. Brock is angered and kicks the steel steps in disgust before pacing around for a bit and re-entering the rings from the other side. Taker with an arm drag and a shoulder to shoulder collission but Lesnar knees Taker and then pounds away in the corner. Taker fights back and gets a quick pin attempt, but Brock kicks out. Taker wrings Brock's arm and walks the top rope old school style before dropping an arm on Brock's shoulder. Taker kicks Heyman but Brock spears him in the corner and suplexes Taker and then pounds away with shots to the back and gut. Brock then uses the ringpost to afflict more damage and gets a two count and Taker's pants seem to be pulled up higher than he wants them cause his nice white socks are exposed so Taker casually tries to fix it a couple times. Thought I'd throw that in there. Anyway, Brock with a bearhug and they fall all the way to the ground where Lesnar gets a two count. Taker battles out with shots to Brock's head and with both men on their knees, Taker continues to punch away. They get up, and Lesnar hits Taker with a shot to the ribs and then picks him up and drops him on his ribs, putting another bear hug on in the process. Another drop to the side but Taker finally manages to get out of the bearhug by swinging Lesnar to the outside. Brock comes back in and gives some uppercut shots and then throws Brock outside. Taker follows him out and they battle away in front of the announce table. Taker grabs Brock in a side headlock and then shoots him into the barricade before charging after Heyman. From behind, Brock nails Taker with the belt busting him open. They head back in where Lesnar dominates Taker with vicious punches and works away on the open cut on Taker's forehead. Undertaker though fights back with shots to the head. Irish whip across the ring and Taker charges in with a couple clotheslines. Taker signals for a chokeslam but Brock elbows Taker and then runs into a big boot. Cover and Lesnar is up at two. Whip into the corner and Lesnar springs up and walks into a bodyslam. Cover and another two count. Taker corners Brock and tries to swing him to the other side, but they reverse and end up bumping the ref. Taker hits a chokeslam but there's no ref so Matt Hardy comes running in and gets greeted by another Last Ride. Taker turns around and walks into a Brock spinebuster but kicks out and ends up hitting a DDT. Cover but Brock Lesnar once more gets a shoulder up at the last possible second. Taker signals for the tombstone but Brock counters it and the ref gets bumped once more. Heyman throws in a steel chair which Brock grabs but before he can use it, Taker kicks him with a big boot. Taker then grabs the chair and hits Brock square in the head twice, causing Brock to go falling to the outside. Taker goes to the outside and punches Heyman and then goes for Lesnar, who is also cut. Taker drags Brock back into the ring where he hits him with a big boot and a leg drop, but Brock kicks out. Taker sets up for the Last Ride but Brock counters it via a back body drop. Lesnar picks Taker up for the F-5, but it too is countered. They battle away into the corner where the referee tries to break it up, but he's thrown to the side by Brock who then levels him with a right hand. The bell rings but the wrestlers continue to brawl and it assumed that one of them has gotten DQd. Several more referees spill into the ring where Taker hits a chokeslam. Officials escort Brock Lesnar away and Taker is left in the ring with the original ref Brian Hebner. Taker comes running up the ramp and the two wrestlers continue to fight all the way to the back. Taker picks Brock and sends him hurling through an Unforgiven sign. Winner: Undertaker via DQ (I think).
