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Beakless Chickens!!!
Beakless Chickens

Well, I haven't written one of these in awhile, but here goes...

My topic this time is Beakless Chickens, because of popular demand.

I wanna start off by saying that chopping off the beak of a chicken isn't quite as amusing as chopping of its head and watching it run around with blood splattering everywhere. And with that comment I've probably lost about 5 readers already.

Anyway, I can see why factories want to do this. Its simply because they dont want the chickens to kill each other. Duh! I mean, they'd rather "de-feather" them alive, and then chop them to bits while they're dieing - that is so much more ammusing. And for the rest of you who thought that was sarcasim, just stop reading now.

Oh beakless chickens,

We don't want you to fight.

We'd rather chop you to peices,

It just feels so darn right.

Eventually we will eat your insides,

That we got from a food mart.

We Americans don't give a crap of how cruely we got it,

'Cause we ain't really all that smart.

I'm sure you are sitting there thinking, "It would be so cool to have my own beakless chicken, but I don't wanna go through all that dirty work myself."

Well, I, as always, have a solution. Buy your own midget to do it for you! You can find your own special little buddy at!

And thats all I have for now, until next time, I'm Gary Burns! And then hopefully I'll be Gary Burns next time too!

This insight was brought to you by the "Always Starting A Sentence Imporperly With 'And' Company (ASASIWAC)"