I Love Ya Tomorrow, You're Only A Day Away
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Launchcast
Well, that's it, it's done, it's over! No more daycare! SWEET! And tomorrow, I go to Alabama. Meh. It's still very up and down for me, all I know is that when I get back, it'll be me and Elliot in the Morning, if only for a bit!

The graduation was better than expected, but the boss is such a dumb cow. When she was describing the kids, she would slip in negative stuff to say. Like for this one boy, she said that she sees him becoming a politician, because he can go one way, than another. Why would you say that? In front of his parents! That's not cute. Whatever, it's not my problem anymore. I'll miss the kids, but that is just too little money and appreciation for too long of hours.

Well, I've run out of things to say, but before I go, as always, I have to put up a Ben photo. I'm running out of good ones, this will have to do for a week:

I guess if I can have NASCAR, he can have golf.

Of course I'll put up any interesting happenings from the hol when I get back.

I'm phasing.

Six Days And Counting
Mood:  don't ask
I'm so stressed. I just started packing, and I have to get through this week. I was a little better until my mum just came in and wanted me to look some stuff up, and when she didn't find what she needed, well, her mood just spreads around. It's not my fault you don't know exactly what you're doing.

One more week at this stupid job, and then this stupid lady can kiss my ass goodbye (for good this time, hopefully). The day that I really just have to get through is Wednesday. Ms. Christian is taking that day off, and I'm a bit freaked for that, but a good thing is that it is Movie Day. Another good thing is that the children have been whittled down by like six or seven. Four are gone for the summer, two are on vacation until next week, and one will only be there sporadically.

When I get back from holiday, I'll have to really buckle down and look for a job. Anywhere. While I really did dislike the center, actually just the boss, I loved having money. It's so great! And in order to keep that rolling, I'll have to look everywhere that is accessible to me.

My time is winding down, so I'll just say that yesterday, I went to Pentagon City, and bought three CDs. I bought Oasis (What's The Story) Morning Glory? (the one with Wonderwall), The Rolling Stones Exile On Main St. (the one with Shine A Light!), and The Dan Band The Dan Band Live. Three very cool additions to my CD collection. I still couldn't find Soul Asylum anywhere. Well, I didn't look in like Sam Goody's or exclusive music stores like that. But I'd rather not find the CD than pay $17+ for what I can get at Best Buy, Target, and Wal-Mart for like $13.99. Oh yeah, also while I was at Best Buy, they had DC101 bumper stickers that you're supposed to stick on your car, and if they spot you and you mailed the back of the sticker to the station, you'll win a new car. But I knew my mother wouldn't want such an awesome sticker on her car, so I just put it on my CD wallet.

And of course, before I go, I'll upload a Ben-Ben picture. It'll be a long time before there will be another one.

That's so hot, but I'm debating with myself, it kind of looks like one of Ben's eyes are brown, and the other maybe blue/green. Whatever, it's still so sexy.

I'm phasing.

Memorial Day Weekend
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Launchcast
Wow, it's almost June. This year is going fast, but not as fast as last year. And I only have three more weeks at this stupid job. (Launchcast music break: Guns N' Roses Sweet Child 'O Mine) But the best news is that it's really like one full week. This week gets cut short because of Memorial Day and our field trip to the circus, then it will be the full week, then the week after that, that Friday the center will be closed when we have graduation for the ones going to kindergarten. I'll probably have to go in for the party, but whatever. Then, the next day, off the Alabama. I can't wait to leave that center behind.

On Tuesday, I ordered some shoes off the internet, and they came yesterday. They are so awesome! I got two pairs of Sketchers. One white/pink, the other white/blue. I'm not wearing them until I get on the plane, so they can keep their freshness. When I get my next check, this coming Friday, I'm ordering two shirts, then I'll be set. I'm trying to get some more pink in my wardrobe to match my shoes.

On Thursday, Marcus called. At like 9:00. He was all like, "Long time, no hear." And I said that it'll be even longer, because I had to get up at 6:00 the next morning. So, it'll be a while before I talk to him. Even though I told him I talked to Lisa last Sunday. She's working at Slave Camp... er, Six Flags this summer. Sweet! She'll be there all flippin' day, so she'll be too tired to bug me. I am so anti. (Launchcast music break: Spice Girls Stop)

Now that there is no more Lost or Desperate Housewives, I haven't any idea what I'll do with myself. (Launchcast music break: Nickelback Someday) The Desperate Housewives season finale was pretty good. It answered a good portion of questions, but Lost... OH. MY. GOD. That show is off the chain! I keep trying to tell my mother that Lost = Best. Show. EVER! American Idol, not so much. The first 10 minutes of Lost were just too much. I can't believe that Artz just blew up. It was kind of obvious that he was going to die, but, just like the only thing Hurley could say, "Dude!" (Launchcast music break: Etta James At Last) I just know that next season, those shows should be so awesome. Cross fingers, because I thought the same thing with Joan of Arcadia, and I didn't make it too far into that shows sophomore season. But those two shows are way better than Joan of Arcadia. (Launchcast music break: AC/DC You Shook Me All Night Long)

I wanted to get out on Monday and go to Best Buy to get four more CDs, but I don't know. I might wait for the next check. (Launchcast music break: Aerosmith Love In An Elevator) I want GNR Appetite for Destruction, Oasis What's The Story Morning Glory?, Bowling for Soup A Hangover You Don't Deserve (75% want it), and the first Puddle of Mudd album (Maybe, not really sure, kind of on the 50% side). But I really have to get the first two before I go.

I just realized that seven years ago today, my favorite actor, Phil Hartman was murdered. I used to light a candle for him, I may do it today, but I didn't realize that it was going on after 7:00. Wow, where has this day gone. But I just can't believe that it's been seven years. SEVEN!! Seven years ago today, the world lost a great and underrated actor. And I haven't been the same since. I may watch his SNL DVD.

R.I.P. Old man.

Since that was kind of sad, I guess I can upload a Ben photo to lift my spirits. That site is such a godsend. (Launchcast music break: Lumidee Never Leave You {Uh Oooh, Uh Oooh}) Ben is so hot.

You can't say that doesn't look like his senior yearbook/prom photo.

(Launchcast music break: Poison Every Rose Has Its Thorn) After this entry, the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince countdown was going to disappear, so I thought I'd put it up again.



Less than two months away! I'm too tired to be excited, but I'll get there, and I'll read that book in one day, or my eyes will fall out trying.

That's it for me, hope to post a couple more times before the trip.

I'm phasing.

Times Are Getting Hard For You Little Girl
Now Playing: Launchcast
Dude, I've been working my ass off lately. But I guess it'll be okay. The money is definitely better. (Launchcast music break: Poison Every Rose Has Its Thorn) I've also been shopping like my last day on earth is coming soon, but it's so nice to have money. It really is, I've been adding to my CD collection slowly, but it's coming along great. Last weekend I bought the Jimmy Eat World album with the song Pain on it. It's so great. It's a double CD, I haven't had time to listen to it all, but I'm sure I will. The second CD contains the demos of all the songs. They sound mostly the same, but like the lyrics will be different and stuff.

Last night it was storming like crazy, and all the lights went out around 8:30 and didn't come back on until 7:09 this morning. (Launchcast music break: Guns N' Roses Welcome to the Jungle. I was supposed to buy this album today, but they didn't have anymore.) It was pretty cool, except I missed most of the race last night. But Kasey Kahne won. I still would have liked to see it, but that's okay because there is more night racing next Saturday at the NASCAR Nextel All-Star Challenge! That should be great. (Launchcast music break: Bon Jovi Lay Your Hands On Me) I love me some night racing, it's so awesome. But I'm just so tired by the end of the race.

I talked to Lisa like on Wednesday or Thursday, I can't remember, and it wasn't for long. Anyway, she wanted my to come over on Saturday, yesterday, but I was like no way. She also asked when a good time for me to talk on the phone. But working at this place full time, the answer is never. (Launchcast music break: Jet Are You Gonna Be My Girl) I told her that like when you are there all day, you have to be up early, so you can't stay up late and talk, then when you get off at 6:30, or whenever the last parent shows up to get their child, I usually get hom at like 7:00, then I have to make time to try to eat, shower, get a little down time to relax (that's usually television) , then go back to bed. There is very little time for the phone. And you almost never feel like going out on the weekends because you're so tired. Even though I've been out for the past two weekends. But that was with my parents, so they'll drive, if I go out with friends, I have to get out on the Metro, and wait for them when in that time I could have almost been done with what I needed to do. (Launchcast music break: Foo Fighters Hero)

Man, next month I have to go to Alabama, but I don't want to. My parents made me buy my ticket on Friday. This is gonna suck. It's so boring down there. The only good thing down there is CATO, but after that there is no point. What am I going to do for a week without being online. Oh well.

I don't want to end on a down note, so I saved the best for last. Ben finally got a picture gallery up at his website. And what a gallery! Awesome could not even begin to describe those yummy pictures. (Launchcast music break: Train Something More) He's got some shots with him in uniform, and with his dog Zeus, and some other ones that are just, oh god they are so hot. I can't really put into words, and they say that a picture is worth a thousand, so...

It's wrong to want to lick the screen, isn't it?

(Launchcast music break: Immature Please Don't Go) I'll go steal, um save the other pictures when I have more time, but all this means that the Ben-Ben photos are back. And hotter then ever. I wish the last music break had been AC/DC Back In Black, because that suits that picture so well.

I'm phasing.

It's Been A Long Week
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Backstreet Boys
Shut up! I needed a change of pace, so I put some really old, non-threatening music. Sometimes I miss being 15.

The reason I'm down is because I'm sick. It is allergy season, and it's kicking my ass right now. Also, I worked all day at the center all week. And I am so dead tired that it's not even funny. Even though I am about to get crazy paid, this career is just not for me. If you work full time in child care, you have no life. You can't spend time with friends because you are there extremely early in the morning, when the parents drop their kids off before they have to get to work, to late in the evening when the parents get off of work. And some of them take their sweet ass time to get there. They need to realize that there are days when we'd like to be home before the sun sets. Then, when the day is finally over, all you want to do is eat something, bathe, and go to bed at a reasonable time, because you have to be up early and do it all over again the next day. And on the weekends, all you want to do is sleep and rest up for the long, long week ahead. But my check is going to be so awesome this week.

The reason I've been there all day is because this lady was supposed to come sometime and check the center over. But she didn't, and I have to do it all over again on Monday. While I would like to thank this woman for the serious boost in my pay, still this bitch better come on Monday, because I miss my sleep. And Elliot. If it weren't for the little kids, I'd bring a radio and turn him on. Oh well, that's one of life's sacrifices. Maybe with this check, I can open a savings account and get some interest on it.

Today, my grandfather went in the hospital. The same one that went in right before this past Christmas. He was complaining of dizzy spells, and his wife, my step-grandmother (I wanted to emphasize this, just to show I'm not related to her) wouldn't take him to the hospital! And they live almost an hour away, because some parts of D.C. are very difficult to get through, so my parents had to go. But they didn't get there in time, so they had an ambulance take him. Now, he's getting a blood transfusion. This beeping sucks. He's so awesome too. I'll be really blown if anything happens to him. His wife is so mean, she never liked any of his kids anyway. What the hell is wrong with people?

The only reason I didn't go was because I was resting with these really bad allergies. Obviously I'm better now, but earlier it was unbearable.

I just want my granddaddy to be okay.

I'm phasing and sneezing.

A Not So Negative Update
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Elliot In The Morning
I was reading some of my past postings yesterday, and I realized that a better title for the Sunday, April 3 entry would have been I Keep Setting Myself Up, And They Keep Knocking Me Down. Hindsight, 20/20, yeah.

I've had a pretty good week this week. It's been pretty decent. Plus the fact no one has really pissed me off this week. Been avoiding the phone like a tax collector.

Dude, 5 kids got some mysterious virus at the center this week. Three of them got sick just yesterday. Hopefully, if any other student got sick, it was last night and their parents had to deal with it. And maybe there will be way less kids today.

I put in my resume and cover letter to work for the Washington Nationals. Anything other than the center. I hope I get something. There are probably more openings.

I'm shocked I hadn't said anything, probably because I've been so upset at everything/everyone lately, but I changed my 21st birthday wish. It was Vegas/Atlantic City to go gambling, but now, it's something better. The Pittsburgh Steelers are coming to play the Washington Redskins for a preseason game on August 26, 2005. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, BABY!!! I was on Ticketmaster yesterday, and tickets aren't on sale yet. No NFL preseason tickets are on sale yet, but I will be trying to check up on this on a weekly basis. I can't wait. That is way better than drinking my ass off. Even though it's so perfect that my 21st birthday will fall on a Friday. I only hope that I still love Ben. But I am jonesing for football so bad, there's a really good chance that I will want Ben/football so bad, I'd give up swearing.

I think one of the best things to happen to me this week was yesterday, Elliot did not go off until after 11:00. It was so great, and as of this moment, they are just now going off and it's a quarter of eleven. I love this show.

I'm phasing.

Just Let Me Be, Please?
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Elliot In The Morning
That irritated mood just won't go away.

I wanted to get on yesterday, but I just didn't have time. I washed my hair, watched the race, went grocery shopping, finished watching the race, and pressed my hair. I did come on the net, but I still didn't have time to update.

Dude, I know I keep complaining about my friends, and right now it'll be no different. OMFG!! Okay, Lisa called like on Thursday, I think. And I couldn't get out of it, but the conversation was okay. She told me about this "new" place that you can download music. I think it's called Limewire or something. It sounds familiar. But the thing is that I'm not downloading jack anymore. One, the RIAA is still trying to bust people for it, and two, even if you can get away with downloading, most music sharing programs are filled with spy-ware. This was cool and all, she wanted me to come over to her house to download and burn, but yesterday just kind of killed that. I know it's gonna sound stupid, but I'm pissed off because she called during Desperate Housewives. That is one of my two shows, man, you don't DO THAT! She called right when it went to it's first commercial, lucky for her, and wanted me to get on the computer. I had to cut her off and say, "No, I can't. Desperate Housewives is on." "Just get on for a little bit." Then I just lied and said that my mother was on it, which she sort of was, but I put on Windows Media Player, so it could save the screen and not shut itself off. The thing that is just irking me to death is that I don't bother people when they have their thing. Whatever the hell it is. When I say my show is on, I'm not doing anything, if it's not of the utmost urgency, the answer will always be no. I don't call them whenever their gay-ass WB shows are on. And it's not like it was a rerun, but a NEW show. And there are only four more left before summer hiatus. She better be lucky I was just as confused as I was angry. The only person on the phone should have been my grandmother.

And she was real lucky that it wasn't a new episode of Lost, or I would have hit the roof. If the incident had happened during a new episode of Lost, I would have said, "Hell no, Lost is on", and hung up the phone. I'm sorry if I hurt feelings or whatever, but it just wasn't that important to me at the moment. Plus, I'm trying to go a new way with my music. I'm trying to buy more Cd's, and there is no reason for me to download because I can't burn.

I need new friends so bad.

I'm phasing.

Going Under
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Launchcast
Well, it's a week later, and Spineless hasn't called. That's the new name I gave Jason. I unconsciously ripped it from Elliot, but it just fit so perfectly. The only thing I can say is that he better be thankful that I'm not obsessed with wrestling like this time last year, or else he would just be making things worse for him, making me stew for this amount of time. I even wrote out a nice little, and surprisingly non-profanity laced statement I want to say to him. The worst thing I say is that he needs to grow a set of balls. I was talking to Marcus, I know, but I was desperate to tell someone, and he had it so right. I'm an adult, if you have to call and say that nobody is able to pick me up, that's okay. I might be upset a little, but at the end of the day, I'll have respect for you.

I'm not going to put the speech up until it's all said and done, you know, there maybe a few things I add, change, and/or remove (doubtful). But one of my favorite lines in it is that I'm going to remind Spineless that I was the only one of his friends that called him and wished him a happy birthday. He told me this. He said that kind of upset him, especially when Antoin had called him earlier that day and told him that they were going to move laser tag to the WM21 date, and to go ahead and go to work. Antoin did not wish him a happy birthday at all, he only called to change plans. And this is that thanks I get.

The race today was pretty awesome, until Tony Stewart had a bad pit stop, and it just went downhill for him from there. At one point after that, his right front tire fell off and he was rolling on three! It would have been so cool if Tony hadn't been so close to winning. I was so blown, I know Elliot's going to be depressed tomorrow. They were so awesome this week. It was great having them back! One day, I think it was Wednesday or Thursday, they didn't go off until 10:45. Elliot was like, "Dude, is it quarter to eleven? The Power Lunch starts in 15 minutes!" LOL.

Real quick like, I've been boycotting Lisa for like 2 weeks straight. I keep the phones tied up on Tuesdays by using the house phone to vote on American Idol, and I turn the ringer on my cell phone off. I almost had to talk to her last night. The phone rang, I screamed, "I'M NOT HERE!" But my step-dad picked up the phone in the basement at the same time my mum picked it up, so she tried to give it to me, but then I mimed the "I'm sleep" thing to her. I'm so terrible.

I gotta go, my pinkie is KILLING me. I need to get it looked at.

I'm phasing.

Fool Me Once, Shame On You, Fool Me 89,342,789 Times, Shame On My Ex-Postman's Dead Cat?
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Launchcast
Yeah, it's really starting to get to me. Why haven't I learned my lesson yet? Do I need someone to break down my front door and beat me with a blunt objects while yelling that my friends are stupid gits, with absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever. But I can use this to my advantage. I can start to phase them out, big time.

I know, I know, I said that I would have just put my foot down and said no. But I talked to Jason, today! And it was still on. But whatever. I hope they enjoy their loser non-sport. Wrestling is so 2000-2002. It's time to let it go. I know that I'm all into NASCAR now, and it has the redneck stigma, but it's more mainstream than wrestling could have ever hoped to be. Hundreds of thousands of people go to see it, week in and week out. Wrestling can't even sell out a 20,000 arena anymore. Unless it's Wrestle Mania.

And I just have no one to bitch to about this. God, I need new friends in the worst way. I'm at my wit's end, I just don't know what to do anymore. And the thing it with friends, is that you really can't just end the relationship, like a boyfriend or girlfriend. Most of the time, people just tend to drift apart. Except I feel like I'm on a lily pad in a stagnant pond while everyone else is on a raft, going down a river headed towards the ocean. (Launchcast music break: Marilyn Manson Sweet Dreams/Hell Outro. Some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you, some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused by you. Hmm, how eerily appropriate.) It would be pretty sweet whenever the next time any of these people called, I could say, "I think we need to start being friends with other people." I can't really say that though. Because in reality, nobody ever gave the "let's see other people" speech without already having someone else in mind.

I just finished watching Desperate Housewives. Great eppy! To think I wanted to miss this for some gay-ass fake sport. What the hell is wrong with me? It's not really fair for me to blame wrestling, it's just that anything associated with them is pissing me off. The previews for Lost are looking good though.

There really wasn't any specific reason for this entry. I guess I just needed to vent, and see in writing what my mind told me all day. Why did I get my hopes up? Why did I trust them? Why do I let them get under my skin like this? I have no clue. Some people would call me stupid, and they're probably right. But I hope others would think that I like to have some sort of hope that there is good in all people. But I'm starting to go the way of the former. I'm a complete idiot, who needs to get her life together. They are screaming to be left behind anyway. There's a reason that most people don't keep their high school friends. This has to be one of them. (Final Launchcast music break: Spice Girls Lady Is a Vamp. Thank you very much)

I'm phasing.

Before The Parade Passes By
Now Playing: Launchcast
(Opening Launchcast music break: Guns N' Roses Mr. Brownstone)I have a couple predicaments that I've gotten myself into. Just this week! I'm not sure which one to do first. I guess I could do the Jason one. Okay, so Wrestle Mania 21 (they quit using the roman numerals) is this weekend, and like earlier this month, Jason invited me to go. See, I kind of gave up on professional wrestling last September, so there's no reason for me to go. (Launchcast music break: George Michael One More Try, it's been a hot minute since they played this.) But Jason said that I should go because everyone else was there, and they hadn't seen me since October, except for Phil, but that doesn't count. Anyway, I was kind of up for it until like last week. I didn't get any NASCAR on Sunday, maybe because it was Easter, I don't know, I can only confirm this next year if there's a pattern. And Desperate Housewives is finally back. So is Lost tonight, I'm so very happy! Back to what I was saying, like I said as the date approaches, I find myself a bit more apprehensive to go. I mean, okay, Jason's birthday was last Wednesday, and Antoin, Keith, and him were supposed to go out to Springfield to go play laser tag. Which is stupid because you can't play laser tag with 3 people. The least you can maybe have is like 8 or 10. Then, Antoin told him to forget it and postpone it until April 3, Wrestlemaina since everyone was going to be over there for it anyway. Going back to the archives, it is evident that they have a history of tardiness and all that jazz. (Launchcast music break: Holy God! Rolling Stones Shine a Light! I love this song more than You Can't Always Get What You Want and Brown Sugar combined. I felt this song from the first time I heard it.) This is getting long, but it will all come together in the end. Right, so this upcoming Sunday is also Daylight Savings Time, and we "spring" forward and lose an hour. (Launchcast music break: AC/DC Back In Black) So, going to Springfield is like an hour, then it being Sunday, the trains are going to run like every 12 minutes, so we have to factor that in, everyone is going to show up an hour late due to DST plus the late they were already going to be. It's going to be hell. Even if they manage a decent time, they're still going to be late for Wrestle Mania. They have a history of it. Or at least with me they do. The past two years I've watched it with them, I've never seen the first 40-60 minutes of it. So now, I have to weigh my options.

On one hand, I had no plans on going to Springfield with them because I don't have any money. Like in bill form, so I couldn't pay for Metro fare or laser tag. So with that, I'd be waiting at home, for hours, waiting for someone to pick me up, for something I'm not pressed to see. It's really only one match, Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle, it's so like WWE to have my dream match when I've given up on this sport. But I'm not that fussed to see this match, because if I was really dying to see it, I'd download it off the internet. You just have to know where to go. Like I said, I'd be waiting at home, for these people who'll be late, for something I don't care about, in a hot basement, with people who I really should start to phase out of my life. But if I stay home, I get the Food City 500 and Desperate Housewives. Plus I'd be at home, so I could eat whatever/whenever I want, I could come on to the internet if I felt like it, and I wouldn't be stressed out to hell and back over people who will most likely be late for their own bloody funerals. I'm leaning towards the latter. (Launchcast music break: Aerosmith Dream On)

And it matters not one bit at the fact that the race doesn't start until 12:30, which means it should be off by at least 5:30. But fooling around with these people would still make me miss Desperate Housewives.

Now, I guess my other problem is Marcus and Lisa. (Launchcast music break: Jessica Simpson I Wanna Love You Forever. This was back when I used to be able to stand her. But she's way better than her sister, that stupid c*nt.) Okay, one "friend" calls me too much, and the other keeps saying stupid, inconsiderate things to me. There is no relief. I've no one else to turn to. This blows. Marcus called, again, on Monday! It was so gay. I had taken a Benadryll at like 8:30, I was planning on washing dishes and brushing my teeth between 9:30-10:00, so I could drift off into my drug-induced slumber. But, no, someone is always messing up my plans. It never ends.(Launchcast music break: Bon Jovi Livin' On a Prayer, Live) I made sure I talked to absolutely no one yesterday. I used my mobile and the house phone to vote for American Idol. I know, I'm usually not that pressed, but I needed to keep the line busy. And anytime I got through, starting at like 9:58, I would just not hang up, so if anyone tried to call right back, they would keep getting the busy signal. Now, the trouble with Lisa is the things she keeps saying. She could say them in better ways. Like, a couple of years ago, I got super pissed off at her when she told me that if I didn't go back to school, I'd end up a single mother of three, trying to go back and get my education on, while trying to balance family, job, and school. To say I was horrified and disgusted at the fact that someone I had come to know as my best friend could label me as a statistic, especially that one, is a gross understatement. She said the same thing last Tuesday, except, thank the deities, she left out the kids part. (Launchcast music break: Boyz II Men End of the Road) My take on higher education is that if you know, or have a general idea of the field that you want a career in, then it is absolutely helpful, and I 100% agree with it. But, then you have people like me, who have no idea what the hell they want out of life, and college wasn't helping. It was a colossal waste of time, and money. That my mother reminds me of. Constantly. I mean, like, she's always talking about this guy who's like majoring in General Studies. WTF is that? What does that help? I mean, maybe you'll stumble on your future that you'll be happy with, but it seems unlikely. My two closest associates are not looking too good in my eyes, which leaves me with the question of, "who do I turn to?" (Launchcast music break: Radiohead Creep)

I guess, to me, this all ties in with my title, Before The Parade Passes By. One of my biggest fears in life was that everyone was going to move on without me, and lately, that seems to be what's happening. If something HUGE, I mean of enormous proportions does not happen to me this year, I might as well just give up on life, and just see if I can muddle through some how. Sometimes I think that all my friends, or whatever they should be called, don't have all these problems, and that it's really me. (Launchcast music break: Matchbox Twenty Disease) I don't know anymore, I guess I just need sometime to myself, where no one is around to just grate my nerves to death, for a nice, significant amount of time to somehow set a goal for myself. Just as long as it happens before that metaphorical parade passes me by.

Before the parade passes by
Before it goes on, and only I'm left
Before the parade passes by
I've gotta get in step while there's still time left
I'm ready to move out in front
Life without life has no reason or rhyme left
With the rest of them
With the best of them
I wanna hold my head up high
I need a goal again
I need a drive again
I wanna feel my heart coming alive again
Before the parade passes by...
Before the parade passes by
I've gotta go and taste Saturday's high life
Before the parade passes by
I've gotta get some life back into my life
I'm ready to move out in front
I've had enough of just passing by life
With the rest of them
With the best of them
I can hold my head up high
For I've got a goal again
I've got a drive again
I wanna feel my heart coming alive again
Before the parade passes by

I'm phasing.