Taken Advantage of No More!!
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: NIN- Closer
My head hurts. It's been hurting since last night, but last night was nuts. It involves prostitutes, severed friendships, and frizzy hair.

Like I stated before, Jarrett came back Thursday, a few days before he leaves for Cuba for 2 years. FINALLY!! I didn't really want to go, but Antoin and Jason were all like, you should come over, we're gonna go out and do stuff. I went for their sake. Plus, I hadn't seen a few people in a bit, and I wanted to. I was pressing my hair when Antoin called, and it looked great when they came and picked me up. The only thing is Jason has a really hot basement, so it's not a good place for my hair. When we got to the house, I said hey to everybody, and still being miffed at the whole Backlash Incedent, I breezed right passed him, and went into the room where they play video games. I was following Antoin out, when he cornered me, and I had to give him a hug, but I wasn't really into it, because I was interrogating Antoin about the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (He said they geeked!! ). Like 10 minutes after I arrive, Jarrett leaves with Shelby and her girlfriend. There were so many people there, I wasn't upset yet, I thought they were going to get more people or something. Later, while we were discussing the Presidential/Vice Presidential Debates, Jarrett calls and says he's getting tatoos with Shelby. WTF? Then, we got drawn into a video game tournament, which was okay, but I gave in to GNR and a game of 'Snake' on my mobile. I think Jarrett called again and was angry that everyone else is upset, and told Marcus R. that he was going to Jillian's (I think), and we could meet them up there, and if we didn't then eff us. Oooooooooooo, let the seething begin. I made myself known by saying fuck Jarrett with a lead pipe (only thing I could think of at the mo). Then, someone suggests a movie, okay, why not. But then they're like, call Jarrett and tell him, I was like hell no, I'm not having it, he does this every time, fuck him!! So, we're leaving the house, and we're in the van. Well, it took them ages to get in, so Jamie and I chatted, she's awesome! We finally get rolling, and who calls Jason? Jarrett. Oooooooooooo, I got choice words for him, but at that time we were all like, don't answer it. I took it upon myself to press the 'End Call' button on the phone. Then, he called right back, I was ready, at first I was like, no I'm not, but then I was like, no I can do this, he needs to be put in his place, so I tell Jason to answer it, and I just let go. I screamed obsenities at him. I basically said that it's unfair that you do this all the time to us. You get us all at your mother's house, and abandon us to do god knows what, and has the FUCKING AUDACITY to be ANGRY at US!!! If I ever see him again, no matter whether he tries to be nice to me, or wants to kill me, I'm telling him he's already dead to me. Decent people don't do shit like this. This is what I was telling Marcus when he asked what my deal was with him, he has no consideration for the people he calls 'friends'. He has a "the more the merrier" type of mind frame, you know, like if I had this much fun doing something with 3 of my friends, it will be so much better with 13 of them. And that is not the case, unless it's laser tag, but even then we've had problems. He would ask why I would never bring Marcus around them. THIS IS FUCKING WHY!!!!! I don't like to put people I really do like being around in situations where they'll end up hating me or questioning why they are friends with me. I don't like people being pissed off at me. And the fact he gets upset when people are angry. He always tries to go on the defensive like, I'm trying to please everybody at once. The fucking STOP!! No one is asking you to. It is we who always bend over backwards for him. Hell, his own brother called in sick to spend the day with him, and lost money. Then after I yell at him, he calls back, and Jason tells him that was me, I hope he was surprised, then lets Jarret guilt-trip him with the whole brotherly bond stuff: Come on. He lost fucking money! That he could have used to put toward something to make him happy, even for five minutes. The thing is, and I didn't say this last night, but I suspect that Jarrett has chosen us over Jason PLENTY of times. And did Jason do that? I doubt it, he might have been angry, but I doubt he ever tried the "you're choosing your friend over your own brother". Well, that's the way life is, doll. You gotta get used to that. I had never felt sorrier for Jason then at that moment. He called this morning and I asked if he had to put up with much bitching, but he said not a lot.

After all that, I should make a new paragraph. There didn't seem like a good break, but I was just letting my emotions pour over the keyboard.

Then we dropped Jason back over his house, and went to the movies. We saw Friday Night Lights. I liked it, not loved, but something I would watch again. After that, we went to K Street. We went to see prostitutes. I have no idea why I went, but you only live once. We only saw three, there were like a bunch of police around, and that was my night. I'm sure there is a lot I've left out, partially to anger, but it was a life-altering night. I have broken off a relationship with someone I have known for four years. I know, that's not a long time to some people, but from the ages of 16-20, it's a bit of a major thing. The only weird thing is that, I'm still okay with everyone else. And I met them all through Jarrett. But, I did know Jason first. So, I may be an ex-Renegade, or I may not be, but whatever I am to him, I don't give a fuck because for the first time in my life, I got really angry, and I let it out on the person I was angry at, and it felt really, really good.

By the by, I learned late in the evening that we were all over there to sign a shirt for Jarrett. Hmph! I GOT SOMETHING TO SIGN ON HIS GODDAMN SHIRT!! FUCKING BASTARD!! From this point on, Jarrett will be known as "Jason's Brother". And if anyone thinks I'm lying, it works on She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

This entry was supposed to be about something else, but when shit like this happens to you, you just gotta let it out. Hopefully I'll get the intended one for today up tomorrow. Or at least Tuesday, but I'm not making any promises.

I'm phasing and choking.

Epidemic
Mood:  special
Man, I went out today, and when I got back, both my parents were home, ill. My mum said she had chills and stuff, and my step-dad hurt his back yesterday, and came home early today. Yeah, I need a job because my parents are all broke up.

I went to Springfield Mall with Jason and Antoin today. It was cool, my feet hurt because I wore boots instead of trainers, oy, when will I learn my lesson. I GOT ALADDIN!!!!! I'm going to try not to spend too much time on the net today, cuz I wanna watch it!

I also bought a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans! I persuaded Antoin to get some. He tasted some on the train, thinking they were faking, but he was WRONG!! He tasted Black Pepper, Dirt, Green Apple, Toasted Marshmellow, Buttered Popcorn, Spinach, Tuti-Fruiti, and Vomit! That is so AWESOME!! He made me taste the Toasted Marshmellow, it was really good. I only bought a box just to have it, I don't know when (if) my curiosity will give in and I'll have a taste. I don't even like Jelly Beans, but these are a must have!

Jason, Marcus R., and Antoin reminded me that Jarrett comes home sometime this week. Damn.

On the plus side, like my feet hurting, I had a really great hair day! I can't believe I actually went out somewhere, for a few hours, plus there was a wind factor, and came home with a decent head of hair. That's awesome.

Marcus and I have given up on wrestling. And when you know that Shawn Michaels can't do anything for me, then it's time to just pack it in. We barely turned to it last night, and at 10:30, I taped That's Entertainment parts II & III. I would have gotten all 3 parts, but I had no idea that part one was on. I was a bit miffed at that. It was really cool, I can't wait to watch the third part, I watched the second one when I was taping.

I missed OLTL today, so I'll catch it tonight, I hope it was good, I need my Michael Easton fix.

I'm phasing.

It's October! Yay!
Mood:  lyrical
Now Playing: Runaway Train (In My Head)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I HEARD RUNAWAY TRAIN TODAY!! YES!YES!YES! IT WAS AWESOME!!!

I'm lunchin, I know, but I love that song, it's so great. I just don't understand how it gets played on the "Arena Rock" channel, it's a little after that time, but whatever, it's a really great song.

It's October 1, that means there are only 30 more days until Halloween! YAY! I LOVE Halloween. The best bit is that the ABC Family channel brought back 13 Days of Halloween. They took it away from me last year. I guess/hope people complained. 13 Days of Halloween is the best. My favorite stuff is when they go to real places that are believed to be haunted. It's always some really creepy kid that narrates the show. I also liked when they would send families into infamous haunted places, like I think they sent one into Dracula's castle, or whomever Dracula is based on. I wouldn't go on that show. Maybe if I could go with someone, but most of the time, they make you split up, and you're exploring some haunted place all by your onesy. Not cool.

Also, next Tuesday, Aladdin comes out on DVD. I can't wait until I drag Marcus out so we can get it. I'm trying to get my favorite four Disney cartoons on DVD. I have Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King. I'll get Aladdin sometime next week, then all I have to do is wait for The Little Mermaid. I didn't really like Pocahontas, so I won't be waiting for that. Whenever we go out, I'm also gonna start looking for Christmas presents, my other favorite holiday. I can't wait until ABC Family does 25 Days of Christmas, that's almost better than 13 Days of Halloween.

I STILL NEED A JOB, I STILL WANT A JOB, I NEED MONEY!!

I was really depressed on Tuesday after I put up my last entry, but once again, I wrote it down on paper, and I felt better. But I may post it, it was a really good emotional thing for me. God, there were tears and everything.

Oh yeah, my step-dad's in Alabama! I feel comfortable around the house again. WHOOOOOOOO!! LET IT ALL HANG OUT NOW!! But, my mum wants to go to Alabama for Christmas. There's got to be a way to get out of that.

I'm phasing.

Runaway Train
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Runaway Train
I LOVE this song! Runaway Train Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
A little out of touch, little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train (Never comin' back)
Runaway train (Tearin' up the track)
Runaway train (Burnin' in my veins)
Runaway, but it always seems the same

It just got stuck in my head because someone used it in a story at FF.net. It was really cute. It had Snape as Harry's father, but a lot of people tend to really like that so, whatever. When reading fan fiction, you have to suspend your beliefs a bit.

OMG! I had this dream on Sunday morning, that I must put up here before I forget it. I dreamed about Michael Easton. It was really weird. It had him, and they guys who play Antonio and Tico. Antonio was like this secret agent or something, and he kept getting blown up. I remember twice where he should have just been dead, both of them had to do with boats. The first one he was on a yacht, coming up on another one, and everyone just started to open fire on one another, and the yacht with the bad guys on it exploded, and the second yacht caught fire as well and exploded, too. Then the second time Antonio was underwater next to a boat, and that one exploded. Oh yeah, for some reason, all of the boats had a bunch girls in bikinis on them. I guess they're all dead, too. Anyway, then the dream skipped to John McBain's(drool) office, and he was talking to Antonio. Then, all of a sudden, Tico burst through the door and either shot Antonio at point-blank range, or slit his throat. I can't remember. WHY DIDN'T I PUT THIS UP HERE ON SUNDAY WHEN IT WAS FRESH IN MY MIND?! Then, the dream cut to Tico and John in a car driving, and Tico was threatining John about something, probably saying not to tell anyone he killed Antonio, when the car broke down. While they were waiting on the side of the road, two teen-agers (like 13/14) showed up on bikes and said that Tico owed them some money for doing something for him. While Tico was distracted, John made his break by dismantling one of the bikes by making it a unicycle (yeah, extremely strange, but it's a dream, and they rarely if ever make sense) and rolling down a hill full of trees and stuff with the unicycle. Then a car stopped at the bottom of the hill (it seemed like it was waiting for him, hmmmm?), and just as he jumped in the passenger seat and the car sped off, I woke up. I heard someone come up the stairs. I was so blown! John (Michael Easton) looked SOOOOOOOOOOO HOT! Right after he was finished falling down the hill full of trees, his face was all dirty and stuff.

I'm phasing.

Not Much
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Singing In The Rain songs
I have got to stop reading spoilers for OLTL. But I just can't help it. It's like I have to know. This whole Evangeline/John(mmmmmmm)/Natalie thing is just about to heat up, and I'm dreading it something terrible.

I can't wait for next Friday. The fourth season of Degrassi: The Next Generation starts. It's gonna be kind of hard to watch it, I'll just have to catch the 10:00 repeat because I can't miss Joan of Arcadia. It's off to a good start. There's hardly an episode that I almost don't cry at, and last night was no exception. Kevin's ex-best friend's family is suing them for emotional damage. WTF? That dude didn't even get injured in the car accident, where as it left Kevin paralyzed from the waste down. That is so wrong. But the TV Guide said that next week Kevin confronts his one time friend. It should be good. Oh, and Joan is continuing ignoring God. Hot God and Goth God will be on next week's episode, that should be awesome, those are my favorite two. And Little Girl God, she's okay. But I think something bad is going to happen to Adam, and that's bad!

This week is Banned Books Week. From September 25-October 2. According to the website it "emphasizes the freedom to choose or the freedom to express one's opinion even if that opinion might be considered unorthodox or unpopular and the importance of ensuring the availability of those unorthodox or unpopular viewpoints to all who wish to read them." I think that's awesome. Of course I'm all for it when the Harry Potter series is on there. They have a neat little icon that they are happy to let you copy so you can spread the word. That's so nice, of course I snatched it right up and put it in my sig on the HOT 99.5 message boards. I had to get rid of Michael Easton, but he'll be back on October 3. I can't go without him for to long.

Peace and Banned Books Grease!

EDIT: I'm going to be transferring some of my entries from another online journal over here, so some of the lengthy periods of time might make sense.

I'm phasing.

Meh
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Mariah Carey (In My Head)
I have Vision of Love stuck in my head. It's only because I can't ever hear the entire song. I only catch the end for some reason.

I know, I've been gone for a minute, but stuff happened. I was really pissed of at something, and wrote it down, and meant to post it here, but the physical action of writing seemed to make me less angry. It's so weird.

Here it is, another year almost gone, and nothing's changed.

Michael Easton is still way hot. But there's been an intruder, who shall remain nameless. I did mention him on my Birthday Blog, but you'll have to guess who.

I have found a new nickname. It suits me to a tee. I even, sort of, have it like a logo:






La Dimenticata. Italian for "The Forgotten One". I chose Italian because, a) I'm obsessed with Italy, not as much as England, b) It was no where near as awesome sounding in Spanish or French. The reason it fits so well because, I always feel forgotten. Think about it, with the Renagades, stuff always happens, then they call me the next week and say, "Oh, it was so tight, you should have been there!" I would be there if a motherfucker would call a bitch! Unless Jarrett is there, then where ever they are is the last place I want to be. Another reason I like the name is because, well, no one ever seems to notice or remember me. I'm always overlooked. If I actually had plans to go to my 10th high school reunion, no one would even remember me. Unless Patrick showed up. Yeah, I had some friends in my year, but most of them probably wouldn't go. I doubt Rhonda would, she hates everybody. Katia might show up, but she's scary. She has bone-crushing hugs and if my parents think I'm heavy-handed, then she would break they're fucking arms with one hit. But to go back on topic, the name has awesome written all over it. It's almost crime-lord worthy. Hell, it is crime-lord worthy. Think about it, no one would ever suspect "The Forgotten One" a.k.a. Ol' What's Her Name.

My Jags are 2-0. Whoooooo! Go Jags!

Well, that's it for me today. Along with a new name, I've fashioned (stole) a new motto for me to go by, I think it will work for years to come: If at first you don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

I'm phasing.

Bored, Definitely Bored
You'd think that there would be a 'bored' emoticon.

Man, I'm so bored, I can't think of anything to post.

Well, OLTL was interrupted 20 minutes in due to a weather report. He was on today, too. Oh well, thank the many dieties for digital cable, I can see him at 9:00 tonight.

I know I've posted the same pic of Michael Easton many times, but I was excited that I finally figured out the picture thing. And that is my favorite pic. I'll get some new ones, but really good ones of him are, sort of, hard to find. I'm such a critic on pictures of him. But I have three more, one of him with Evangeline. I adore them as a couple!

Today is blah. This week is blah. My life is blah. Maybe I'll go watch a movie or something, because I'm bored and blah.

I'm phasing.

Confused
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Bon Jovi
Man, I keep thinking it's Monday. It kind of makes sense, yesterday was Labor Day.

My Labor Day weekend was alright, just as long as I wasn't near my step-dad. It's like, ever since he forgot my birthday and how old I turned, it's been going downhill between us ever since. But there were some cool things that happened, like DC101 had Mullet Wars this weekend, and whatever I caught of it was usually awesome. They said that Def Leppard won it all by defeating Bon Jovi. Poison put up a good fight as well, Def Leppard took them down in the Final Four match-up. Man, I wish it had been Bon Jovi, because they made my weekend! I heard so much Bon Jovi this weekend. The best one was Sunday/Monday at like 2:00 AM, I had turned to the Baltimore rock station, 98ROCK, and they were playing Bad Medicine, and I was like, "OMG!" But then, they played Lay Your Hands On Me, and I flipped. I love Lay Your Hands On Me! I wish I could have downloaded it, but it's too late now.

On Thursday, I talked to Marcus, it feels really good to talk to someone who understands, because sometimes I feel like I'd go mad if I didn't have another person's perspective on things. I haven't heard from him since then, he went to South Carolina. I don't think they said that the hurricane got there, but I know it was crazy traffic on there way back home. People getting the hell out of Florida.

On the Michael Easton thing from last week, he went four for four on OLTL, but he wasn't on Friday. He was on today (YAY!), but there wasn't any yesterday. OMG, he's so hot! I think I might have a way to solve the picture thing, but it might take some editting. so let me try this again.



YAY! I did it! That's awesome! Well, that made me feel better, so I'll be off now.

I'm phasing, and will be editting.

...But If You Try Sometimes, You Just Might Find, You Get What You Need (Even If You're Not Really Trying)
Mood:  lyrical

"Life's just a blast, it's movin' really fast, you better stay on top or life will kick you in the ass"
 -Limp Bizkit

As much as Limp Bizkit sucks, that is true. Or a better saying is from Calvin & Hobbes, I think, where Calvin says something like, "Life is never so bad that it can't get any worse." My point is that I know I was really angry yesterday, but I saw something that just makes me feel so stupid for being angry about that. I was watching this show called Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and this family had it so bad. There were 8 kids, and their parents died within 16 days of each other. It was just too sad. Their new house though, AWESOME! Like I said, it was 8 people living in a two bedroom house, with one bathroom. And they left their parents' room exactly the way it was before they passed, so like the youngest two shared a room, it was like two sets of bunk beds in the living room, and the other two lived in a room that you had to go through the garage to get to. They deserved what the show gave them, not only the new house, with eight separate rooms to match the kids' personalities, but a tight pool, a mini-golf course, AND this guy came and arranged something with some people and they didn't have to pay on the mortgage any longer. Even though it's my favorite word, awesome wouldn't even begin to describe that. All they have to do is just pay like utility bills and food. The kids ranged in age from like 23 to 12. And the youngest two or three would have had to go to foster homes if the older two hadn't wanted to keep that family together. A really sweet thing they did was that it was only one boy, and they gave him his own bathroom that was connected to his room. But you know, eight people now with three toilets, I don't care, if the other two are occupied, you know one of his sisters would haul ass to his room to use the toilet. He'd probably let them of course, but I thought that was great. Because you know, three toilets is way better than one. The girls' bathroom was too ill. It had seven sinks, two toilets, a shower, and a big Jacuzzi tub. The sinks were so tight in both bathrooms, I can barely describe them. They were like square, and came up from the sink. The girls' were blue, and the boy's was black. It was pretty sick.

All in all, after watching that show, I felt really foolish for being upset.

I heard my song Runaway Train again today. It's awesome.

And, Michael Easton was on OLTL today, he did the 'Stay tuned...' part, but he wasn't on the previews. Uh-oh. Well, we'll just have to see tomorrow.

I have to do some stuff for my mom now, and I'm not putting in anymore pictures until I find out why none of them want to come up anymore, it's beginning to get frustrating. I need to find a synonym for 'awesome' soon. It's just that Elliot uses it all the time, and it has become one of my favorite words.

I'm phasing.

There's Gotta Be More to 20 Than This
Mood:  irritated
Man, it's only been a few days since I turned 20, and it sucks.

I don't really know what else to say but that. Yesterday was absolutely atrocious! My step-dad ripped me from Elliot in the Morning to tell me to cook some hamburgers for lunch. I cooked them, and they were a little overdone. Mommy says she would have eaten them. But he said it was some half-ass job, and it was, but I was so pissed off at him already. I mean, he forgot my birthday, not to mention he forgot how old I turned as well, ruined one of my birthday cakes, and he complained about that. Jesus Christ, am I allowed to have an off day? I guess not. Today, I woke up with a headache, and he kept annoying me. First he tried to make me eat cereal, but the crunching wasn't going to help my head. I said that I was going to make a grilled cheese sandwich later, but he kept pestering me and gave me a melted cheese sandwich. I think he put it in the microwave it, because neither slice of bread was toasted. But, one part of the crust was burned. WTF? I just wish he would have left me the hell alone. I can cope by myself. I have mechanisms to help me deal with anger. Like I need to be pissed off for at least a week with people. He said that he wasn't mad. So? I'm still angry, I'm dealing. But he always wants me to talk. Whatever. But yesterday, he made me cry, I'm not good at much, but when someone calls my food substandard, well, I'm out for bloodshed I guess.

I'm just soooooooooo upset that he forgot it was my birthday. My twentieth birthday! I mean, yeah, I hate it when people ask me 'What does it feel like to be 20?' The truthful answer: The fucking same as it does to be 19! There is absolutely nothing that I can do today, that I couldn't do last Wednesday, August 25, 2004. Turning 20 is like a training two or something. Like training wheels on a bike, it's there just for you to get used to having a '2' in front of your age. But like I was saying, even 'That Man' remembered my birthday. Actually, he's been pretty good on that since I turned 18. *wink wink* Plus, his anniversary was the day before it. I totally forgot about it this year. Oops. Maybe next year. Lisa called me, Marcus called me on his break at work, I felt so special! Plus, my mom really came through to make that a good day. But for my 21st birthday, VEGAS!

I also didn't get the Waldenbooks job. I knew I bombed that interview. I'm not a good interview person. I wish you could be judged on your work. I just don't get it, how do Jason and Marcus R. keep getting jobs that they quit or get fired from for fuck's sake, and I can't get job one? Fuck life, life sucks.

But, there is one person, one man, that just makes life feel so much better:



I printed that picture last night, put in in a protective cover, and put it in my lyrics notebook. God, is he hot! He's two for two this week! He was on the previews, so he might be three for three. AND, he did the halfway thing yesterday, then today he did the end again. That is so AWESOME!!

I'm phasing.