So Very Angry
Mood:  irritated
Seven days ago, we were celebrating motherhood. Today, I want to super kick mine in the throat. It?s just a vicious cycle between us. Even though the disagreements have started to become few and far in between, when we?re there, it gets ugly. Somebody please tell me what getting a job has to do with not opening a door. I don?t know either.

It all started yesterday. She called from somewhere, telling me she was on her way home with groceries. I was asking her a question when we got disconnected. Now, instead of going to the kitchen and waiting on her like I normally do, I stayed upstairs. This was my fault. You see, I got caught up doing something on the computer and completely forgot. I make mistakes. While I was doing my thing, I heard this pounding on the door, I jumped up and ran to open it, and EVIL ITSELF was on the other side. That was such a horrible look, you just don?t understand. So, she starts bitching about me not opening a door, and it?s hot outside (it wasn?t that hot), and she called, she?s had a long day and I?m doing nothing, blah blah blah. Yeah, so I?ve pissed her off for one day. She went to sleep and I stayed out of her way for the rest of the evening, until I saw a roach in the bathroom, and was trying to kill it and I woke her up. I was so paranoid last night, I didn?t sleep well at all, I just kept thinking about that bug. Now we?re up to this morning. So she comes in my room saying stuff about breakfast. I get up out of bed and go to the kitchen. We have no sausage. Hmmm. Okay, so I go to the basement to get bacon out of the freezer. It has to thaw out, of course, so I go upstairs to tell them this. She gets pissed about there not being any sausage saying she bought two packs last week. Hey, we didn?t have any milk last week, so I couldn?t eat cereal. So, bacon thaws, I put it in the pan, and I burnt the first four strips. I get upset when I do stuff like this because I can cook. So, I?m frying the rest of the bacon, and I discover that there are only three eggs in the house. I panic, because one would think they might be upset about this, then the phone rings. It?s Jason. While I?m on the phone, I tell them that we only have three eggs. She?s all like, whatever just scramble them. Then, she complains that she?s still hungry. I tell her that I?m cooking as fast as I can, then she says, just put the sausage on some bread and send it up. Nobody ever listens to me. I remind her there is no sausage. Anyway, she starts yelling down the stairs and stuff, she told me to get off the phone, and she storms down in the kitchen and just lays into me. She?s just like, ?I?m working, and you?re not, you didn?t open the door for me (SHE HAD A KEY GODDAMMIT!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, SHE HAD A KEY!!! THAT?S WHAT THEY?RE FUCKING FOR, YOU OPEN DOORS WITH THEM!! DUH!!), and you sit up here and eat all my food, and if I have to work, everybody has to work!? Now, with the exception of the food thing, even though we didn?t have any food in the house anyway, I go back to my original question: What does getting a job have to do with not opening a door? I?m just as stumped as the next person.

Oh yeah, if she wants/needs someone to jump all over her when she comes in the door everyday, I suggest she gets a goddamn dog!

I'm phasing.

A Few Days Worth, All In One Post
Okay, my computer was acting up so badly this past weekend, that a certain Churrito lover would say, "Damn, it's being gay!" *so angry*

Quick recap of the past few days:

Saturday: Avoided the phone and my "friends" like the plague. Had night terrors and got very little sleep.

Sunday: Mother's Day. It was okay. My "friend" Jarret tried to contact me again, he called my cell phone, so I ignored it. Bless Caller ID. We hung up curtains in the living room, it's beautiful. Watched all 4 hours of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I had pretty much guessed that the "bonus footage" was gonna be all the deleted scenes on the second disc from the DVD. Normally, I would be upset, but it is hard as hell to get to the deleted scenes, plus it was nice to see how seamlessly they fit in with the rest of the movie. THEY SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN CUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! I know that would have made the movie even longer, but it would have made more sense.

Monday: Wanted to kill my computer. Kept giving me errors everytime I went on the internet. I fixed it today (hope, hope). I cleaned the kitchen and the living room, it looks so nice. Jason called my cell phone two minutes before Raw, I ignored it again. Shawn Michaels was suspended from Raw last night. This deserves an entire *rant to itself. Plus, there is no reason for me to even watch Raw next Monday, but I have a feeling I will anyway.

Today: Step-dad made me tell him my views on religion. He was fair, but I still really hate talking about it to other people. Fixed the computer (hope, hope again) but my Windows Media Player still has been acting up for the past few days. And it knows I'm going through withdrawal from not hearing I'll Be There For You since Friday. Maybe I can fix it tomorrow.

*RANT TIME: *takes deep, calming breaths* Okay, I am dealing with the fact that some of the internet *rolls eyes* does not like Shawn Michaels. And I'm sort of fine with that. It's just that now, they are really, really starting to get on my nerves. Last week, when Triple H interfered with the end of the Shawn Michaels/Chris Benoit match, it was okay. He's just doing what the script called for. But when Shawn wants revenge, he ruins a good match. *Whispers under her breath, while rolling her eyes*: OMGSTFU! If you're going to hate on Shawn, that's fine, whatever, I don't care anymore; but at least be CONSISTENT about it! *Whispers under her breath, while rolling her eyes, again* stupidbloodysmarks!

That's it for me today.

I'm phasing.

It's Friday *YAWN*
It's Friday. I don't care. For some reason, I seem disillusioned with everything. I just don't care about anything anymore. My "friend" Jarret is leaving for Cuba or something next Thursday, so of course, they are going to have a get together at his house this weekend. He told me that it was going to be the whole weekend. I was like, "Hello, Sunday is Mother's Day." And he said he hadn't realized that at the time, because they're going to the movies tomorrow, and on Sunday, they're having a cook out. But the funny part was when he said my mother could come to the cook out. OMFG!! It was too funny! When I told Marcus that, we had a good laugh. I'm not going on Sunday, of course, I'm spending time with my grandparents. I realized that Sunday was May 9. That's the night that ABC is showing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone with all the bonus footage. And I'm pretty sure there is going to be a new episode of The Simpsons too. I'm going to have to do some major recording. Anyway, I got off topic, the thing is, how do I weasel my way out of tomorrow. Yeah, I know, I probably won't see Jarret for a couple of years, maybe ever, if I get my life together and move on with it, but there is no point in me going. They are going to be very late in picking me up, even if I rode the train to their house, I know for a fact that we would sit over there for hours doing absolutely NOTHING! And to top it off, they want to go see that new Van Helsing movie. Whatever. I only have like $10 to my name, and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is getting that. Whenever I go to the movies with them, it is always so horrible, so, using logic, something religion and WWE are very uncomfortable with, I shouldn't go based on the facts that I'm going to have a shitty time, I don't want to see the movie anyway, and I'm already angry for who knows what reason at everything, why set myself up for that. I should have learned the lesson a while ago, but Backlash was the last straw. But the good news is that Jarret is leaving, may the fun and games begin. I think my friend Amar, who's in the army, is coming back from South Carolina soon. Summer is so looking up!

I don't think Shawn is turning heel anytime soon. I'm so very sad about this. *fighting back tears* It's just not fair, all I wanted was for him to be the egotistical, self-absorbed bastard he does so well. Maybe someday. :*(

I'm phasing.

And Still I?ll Watch.../Carlinism
There was no heel turn last night. :( I?m so sad. But, I?ll give Shawn the benefit of the doubt, he was lying in the ring when it went off, so he couldn?t snap or something, so I will have to wait until next week. The ending was so fucking messed up though, Triple H just had to stick his big nose in main event. The worst part about that is that he has like three possible mini-feuds he could be involved in, but does he tend to them? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! He just has to be included in the title scene. FUCK HIM, I HATE HIM!! All I wanted was a nice, 20 min.+ match between Shawn Michaels and Chris Benoit, I guess that is just too much to ask. I know it sets up one of two matches at the June PPV Bad Blood, either Shawn vs. Benoit, or Shawn vs. Triple H. I?d rather it be the former than the latter, because we?ve seen HBK vs. HHH! At three PPVs, now that I think about it: Summer Slam 2002, Armageddon 2002, and Royal Rumble 2004. Like I?ve stated, WE HAVE SEEN IT! WE GET IT! THEY DON?T LIKE EACH OTHER. NEXT FUCKING FEUD FOR BOTH OF THEM! I swear to Jebus, if Shawn doesn?t turn heel soon, I?m just going to stop caring, I?ll still watch, I just won?t care. There was one positive thing about last night, when Benoit and Shawn were outside of the ring, Shawn was trying to go to the top of one of the turnbuckles, and Benoit pulled on his tights, and I saw ass. NICE. I was very happy last night, needless to say. Marcus was SO hating. But boo wwe.com for not putting up those pix, but that is alright because I taped the whole match anyway, so :P !

***********************************************

Now, I shall put up some stuff on Carlinism. As I previously stated, I do agree with a lot of things George Carlin has to say on religion, not god, because he is an atheist, I question if there is a god, but I?m not sure if I go that far, yet. Plus, I don't want to get into it today. I believe that everyone has the right to question theirs and others beliefs, but think it is totally wrong when you push your beliefs on others. I?m not 100% on Personalism, I just said it sounded good, but now, will just put up some things Carlin has stated that I agree with.

? Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
? The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
? I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
? When it comes to BULLSHIT...BIG-TIME, MAJOR LEAGUE BULLSHIT... you have to stand in awe, IN AWE of the all time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion.
? I want you to know, when it comes to believing in god- I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a god who created each one of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize...something is FUCKED UP. Something is WRONG here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is NOT good work. If this is the best god can do, I am NOT impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind of sh*t you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful-ass a long time ago.

I?m so torn between Carlinism and Personalism, they?re both so tempting. *frustrated*

I'm not looking for a belief structure, just trying to get some ideas. I was going to put up his views on the Ten Commandments, but, 1) it was too long, and 2) I usually refrain from discussing stuff like this, so I'll just end it today with this entry.

I?m phasing and Shawn Michaels has a cute little bum. *HAPPY SIGH*

I Think I Have Found What I've Been Looking For...
I mean on a spiritual level. It's a mix of two. The first one was that I am a practicing Carlinist, which basically means, anything George Carlin has said about religion, I have agreed with most of it. He's a very smart man, the second one is called a Personalist. This guy from a message board explained it the best, so I'll copy and paste:

Chris B.- For lack of better words I call it Personalism. It goes like this:

I believe in a God, not Jehovah or Budda, just God. He/She's a cool being with a relaxed attitude (explains the whole free will thingy) and a great sense of humor. This God lets us live our own lives and does not enforce petty rules. He just asks us to respect each other.

I do believe in a heaven and hell, but I think it's a lot easier to get into Heaven than Catholics and others would have you believe. My God is forgiving and he definitly wants us to enjoy our time on earth, he just wants us to be nice to each other.

That kicks all kinds of ass! Tomorrow, I'll put some of my Carlinist beliefs up. I won't do it now, because I'm just too damn lazy!

I'm phasing.

...And Junk Like That
I have braved the RIAA and re-installed Kazaa! Of course I had to uninstall my anti-spyware stuff to get it back, but I'm re-installing those back. The reason I did this was because, I NEEDED to download Bon Jovi's I'll Be There For You! If I didn't get it, I would have gone mad!

Right now, I'm looking for better anti-spyware than I had before, because I accidentally downloaded something, and not only did I not get what I kind of wanted, but it did something to my computer where it gave me pop-ups that weren't affected by my anti-spyware program! Oh well, I hope this new stuff will be better.

I can't believe it's Friday already! Yesterday was kind of boring, Smackdown was actually more interesting than it had been in weeks, but it still had that Smackdown suckiness it always has. Triple H should have stayed on that show! I think the whole lot of Evolution should have gone. All in exchange for John Cena! He would be too vicious live!

3 1/2 days left until we see if Shawn FINALLY turns heel!

I'm phasing.

Just One More Week...
The wheels are set in motion for the turn next Monday. :D Some wrestling websites said that the crowd was booing Benoit at the end of Raw last night. I swear, if Benoit turns instead of Shawn, I will do my nut for sure. That would just be so wrong. Triple H talking to a tree = ROTFLMFAO!!! It was GOLD! That was the funniest thing WWE has done intentionally in YEARS!!

I'm phasing.

Time Bomb Ticking
I CAN'T STAND MY MOTHER!!!!!

I'm phasing.

Uh-Oh
Have I reached my creative peak? Hopefully not yet. The reason I abstained from the website for a few days was because I didn't know how to top my previous entry. I still don't, but I had to return to say, I'm not fuming any more. I had to let that stew for a bit.

The only thing I can think of to say is, American Idol is on WWE crack. It has been reported that they have stolen a mass amount of it. I CANNOT believe that red-headed freak is STILL there, and Jennifer Hudson got voted off. Do girls actually think he's cute? YUCK!! But, these are the same girls that think Clay Aiken is attractive, SICK!! But, at least Clay can SING!!

If Shawn Michaels doesn't go heel in the next two Mondays, I swear, I will almost be done with wrestling.

I'm phasing.

Sick and Tired of It All
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Limp Bizkit "Break Stuff"
Here are the things I'm sick and tired of, just off the top of my head: Untrustworthy, undependable, unreliable, unpredictable, unstable, inconsistent, indecisive, erratic, fickle, capricious, flaky, wishy-washy, take-more-than-they-give, shitty-ass friends, whose sole purpose in life is just to use me for body count than just to hang out; being scared of failure; knowing that when I wake up tomorrow, that I will still be doing the same thing I did the day before: FUCKING NOTHING; the fact that I'm in TWO abusive relationships, and can't shake either one of them; being scared to drive; the wait for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban movie; pop-ups; not being able to download music for free anymore; SMARKS (yeah, I know I'm one, but we are an annoying bunch when more than one is around); MARKS who think they are SMARKS (they are more annoying than smarks, believe it or not); people who have way too much money, and spend it on stupid shit, like spinning rims, and the fact if I had that much money, I'd invest, so I could have MORE money; having a bunch of cable channels, and there is never shit on them; haters who hate just to be hating; the fact that when I'm angry at a certain person, I can't ever just tell them that they are a major asshole, and they should go fuck themselves and stop bothering me, I keep the hurt inside, well, I tell everyone else, BUT that person; the fact that music SUCKS now, and will probably never be to my standards again; hypocrites; the feeling that I'm wasting the best years of my life; stupid people who don't wear their signs (inside joke); being angry; allowing other people to piss me off; people who call me, then NOT talk to me; the Atkins diet; not having a job and being broke; the fact that I don?t deal with reality; never being able to hear the whole song of Bon Jovi's I'll Be There For You(I've only heard it twice); Launch radio being more controlling on skipping and what songs they will play, and you have to pay a subscription for it to be unlimited (I wondered why they stopped playing GNR on my station, but they have a whole station dedicated to the 80s, and GNR is the picture they base the music on, MOTHERFUCK LAUNCH RADIO); not being skinny; being single; that lost and unsure feeling; Shawn Michaels screwing with my feelings EVERY week by not turning heel ( he STILL hasn't done it); and caring, in general.

Although, I suppose that turning heel in Canada would have just been too easy, and some wonder whether or not it would have carried over to the States. If the heel turn does not happen after his title match with Benoit in Phoenix in two weeks, I might just give up.

There are probably a lot more things I could be upset about, but I was just about to boil over with anger, and needed to siphon these thoughts out of my head.

I'm phasing and pissed the fuck off!