There's Gotta Be More to 20 Than This
Mood:  irritated
Man, it's only been a few days since I turned 20, and it sucks.

I don't really know what else to say but that. Yesterday was absolutely atrocious! My step-dad ripped me from Elliot in the Morning to tell me to cook some hamburgers for lunch. I cooked them, and they were a little overdone. Mommy says she would have eaten them. But he said it was some half-ass job, and it was, but I was so pissed off at him already. I mean, he forgot my birthday, not to mention he forgot how old I turned as well, ruined one of my birthday cakes, and he complained about that. Jesus Christ, am I allowed to have an off day? I guess not. Today, I woke up with a headache, and he kept annoying me. First he tried to make me eat cereal, but the crunching wasn't going to help my head. I said that I was going to make a grilled cheese sandwich later, but he kept pestering me and gave me a melted cheese sandwich. I think he put it in the microwave it, because neither slice of bread was toasted. But, one part of the crust was burned. WTF? I just wish he would have left me the hell alone. I can cope by myself. I have mechanisms to help me deal with anger. Like I need to be pissed off for at least a week with people. He said that he wasn't mad. So? I'm still angry, I'm dealing. But he always wants me to talk. Whatever. But yesterday, he made me cry, I'm not good at much, but when someone calls my food substandard, well, I'm out for bloodshed I guess.

I'm just soooooooooo upset that he forgot it was my birthday. My twentieth birthday! I mean, yeah, I hate it when people ask me 'What does it feel like to be 20?' The truthful answer: The fucking same as it does to be 19! There is absolutely nothing that I can do today, that I couldn't do last Wednesday, August 25, 2004. Turning 20 is like a training two or something. Like training wheels on a bike, it's there just for you to get used to having a '2' in front of your age. But like I was saying, even 'That Man' remembered my birthday. Actually, he's been pretty good on that since I turned 18. *wink wink* Plus, his anniversary was the day before it. I totally forgot about it this year. Oops. Maybe next year. Lisa called me, Marcus called me on his break at work, I felt so special! Plus, my mom really came through to make that a good day. But for my 21st birthday, VEGAS!

I also didn't get the Waldenbooks job. I knew I bombed that interview. I'm not a good interview person. I wish you could be judged on your work. I just don't get it, how do Jason and Marcus R. keep getting jobs that they quit or get fired from for fuck's sake, and I can't get job one? Fuck life, life sucks.

But, there is one person, one man, that just makes life feel so much better:



I printed that picture last night, put in in a protective cover, and put it in my lyrics notebook. God, is he hot! He's two for two this week! He was on the previews, so he might be three for three. AND, he did the halfway thing yesterday, then today he did the end again. That is so AWESOME!!

I'm phasing.