Mood:  down

Okay, so, at school, there is to be a pizza party on Friday, June 7, and there are these 5 kids that got onto a list that meant they couldn't participate. Now, the local Papa John's runs a special where it's $6 a pizza if it's delivered to the school. Yesterday (Sunday, June 1), my mother says she wants to let the kids back into the party to cover the pizza and drinks. Now we have 12 kids with permission slip and payment (13 kids in all, but one of them has a terminal parent, and she's going through a rough time, even though she was being a bit much because she's in desperate need of attention, she's since been straightened out; it also doesn't help that she has like 3 or 4 siblings and some of the other ones have been acting out, but I digress) Today (June 2), she had the other students who weren't in trouble stand and take a Survivor type vote to let the other children back into the party. I think the point I'm trying to make is that my mother talks about how these children don't get disciplined at home and how when you threaten them with punishment, and you don't follow through with it, then the kids don't learn anything. That makes sense to me, but hypocrite say what? I know there's the cost to consider, but we're basically set. Still, ALL the kids have to pay and bring the permission slip that they can even eat the pizza (because EVERYBODY is allergic to something nowadays).

We charged the kids $3 each, and with 12 payments, that has us at $36. We bought the drinks, and 3 packs of Capri Sun cost us $7.50, which leaves us with $28.50, $28 will give us 4 pizzas, which is 32 slices. Now, the school is hard pressed that even if you have a class party where you feed the children, they still have to go to the cafeteria and eat, so most of the kids should only eat one slice (but there are greedy/wasteful ones). The earliest the pizzas can arrive is 1:00, because Papa John's doesn't open until 11:00. Last year I think all of her students (well, most, but enough where she didn't let them get back into it), and we took home like 2 whole pizzas. Like I said, all the kids have to get permission to eat and we'll only accept permission slips with money. I also have a theory that the 5 kids let back into the party will bring the slips and money back faster than some of the other kids who haven't paid. If I receive less than 3 tomorrow, I'll be stunned. God, I can't wait for this week to be over.

Today on Elliot in the Morning, they had this woman on named Stephanie Klein who wrote a book called Moose detailing about her years at fat camp. I might have to get this book. I didn't go or anything (I still live at home out of fear at however old I am, seriously I have trouble remembering some days, like I got sent away to any type of camp) but it sounds like I could probably relate to some of the stuff in it. She was also talking about how parents don't go out and play with their kids. Not do deliberately take them to exercise like jogging 10 miles, but just to get them out and active, and this really hit home. My mother tells all these stories about how when I was younger and doctors would ask about my activity and she would talk about how she (my mother) walked 7 miles a day, and when she would drag me along, I would slow her down. WTF? I'm shocked one of them didn't say something like, "How about you slow your pace for the 6 year old?" You have to build up to shit like that. 10 more days and she's gone. I hope I'll make it.

Tony Stewart has had some terrible luck lately. He got wrecked like 3 laps in at Dover yesterday. Elliot said that Tony said something like, "I take full responsibility for it; I should have known better than to drive that close to Elliot Sadler." After the wreck, my attention waned heavily to the Internet. I basically stayed on Lostpedia and listened to my new favorite song (Bow Wow Wow Aphrodisiac) on YouTube.

Lost's (bestshowever) season finale was AWESOME! Unfortunately, I can no longer be in denial that I'm watching a sci-fi show because they've totally introduced time-traveling into the show, I mean, Ben turns "The Frozen Donkey Wheel" in January 2005, then is instantly transported to Tunisia October 2005. Sure it's not thousands of years, but I can't deny it's science fiction. Benjamin Linus may be the coldest guy on television, and I love it. Not only did I love what he said to Juliet after he showed her Goodwin's body when he purposely sent him on the mission hoping he would die since he was jealous of their relationship (Because you're MINE; take a much time as you need). He may have topped that with ONE single, monosyllabic word- Locke: You just killed everyone on that freighter. Ben: So? It was so good. I was also so emotional when Desmond reunited with Penny. The Desmond-centric episode "The Constant" was the best of the season I think, and the fact that Penny ended up finally rescued him was great. One downer point was that it felt that Desmond might not be on the show anymore, but Ben is out for Penny's blood. Ben blames Penny's dad Charles Widmore for the death of Alex, and Ben's doing the whole "eye for an eye" thing. Charles said that Ben would never find Penny, so I'm thinking that she went into hiding with Desmond, because Jack warned Desmond to be careful since they know how dangerous Charles Widmore is (after all, he did send people to the island to kill everyone on it not named Benjamin Linus). So that leaves me to believe that Des and Pen are hidden somewhere. Still, that's one less hot guy, and that sucks, well two, because they (may have) killed Jin. There are some who believe Jin made it into the water and disappeared with the island, so we won't really know until next season. I wonder how I'll make it until 2009, but football season will carry me through, unfortunately I'm 2 solid months from any type of NFL action. "No football and Lost make me go something, something."

Other random Lost thoughts:

"We have to go BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!" Yes, yes we do.

**June 9, 2008**

The pizza party is over. The pizza was late, we ordered 10 pizzas, took home 6 and I don't want pizza for a long ass time; which kind of sucks because I would haven't minded to have some while they were gone. Oh well.

I have a new favorite movie, Hot Fuzz! That movie is AWESOME! It's hysterical, my favorite lines from it are: "This shit just got real!" and "You're off the fucking chain!" I'm sure there are more, but those are the two that I quote all the time for no reason whatsoever. I first saw it a few months ago when they were having a free Cinemax preview, only one channel, but they gave us all the OnDemand stuff, and I watched it there. Now it's on HBO and I've been watching it like mad; might as well, not like there's anything else on now. The only thing is that I wish I would have watched Shaun of the Dead, because there are a few reprises from that movie since it's made by the same people. I saw a couple minutes of it on Easter when it was on Comedy Central, but it's not the same.

**June 19, 2008**
Man, this is taking forever!

That was the fastest week, EVER!!! Seriously, everytime I looked up, it was always night time about to be the next day. I would have maybe tried to post, but on Monday, there was a bad storm and I was without cable AND Internet (the lightning or something was so bad, it fried the modem and they had to give me a new one). At first it wasn't that bad, I watched Eddie Izzard's Dressed to Kill some more (more on Eddie later), lots of Monty Python, but after two days, that started to wear thin, but it was really funny at first because I hadn't seen it in a while, then I finished up yesterday watching the AFC Championship game between the Steelers and the Broncos. So good. The cable came on sometime that day, but like I said the modem went *tbttht* and died, so no computer. Man, I loved being here by myself, I didn't do anything, but it's so peaceful and relaxing.

I don't feel like elaborating too much on their trip, mostly because I got daily updates and I just now got another recap. All I will say is that my brother's dickishness reared it's ugly head, and now he and my mother aren't speaking. Whatev.

Oh dear, we are in trouble, part deux. Okay, I know from past experience that I'm not over Ben, it's just that the off-season he's a bit scarce, and I don't ever mean for it to happen, but I usually start fancying somebody else. The surprising thing is that this is a repeat offender. I don't think I've mentioned fancying him before, and I don't feel like looking up, but I'm pretty sure. Any road, the new (temporary) object of my affection, back for the first time is Eddie Izzard!

I'm not sure what happened, well, like I would be bored and I would look up his stand-up clips on YouTube, and in one of his shows, Sexie, he is just that. He looks so goddamn good. He has on a red boustierre with a jacket over it, a short black leather mini skirt, fishnets, and knee-high boots with the really thin heels, OMG! On the other hand, he's quite cute when he's in like jeans and a shirt, or has he calls it "blokey mode" like he is in his new tour, Stripped. Of course, being attracted to a guy almost twice my age is nothing new, but Eddie brings something new to the table. It drives me crazy that I get so hot over him when he's dressed like a chick, and he looks SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fucking hot; I think what makes me slightly angry is that he looks fantastic and much better than I ever would in his outfits. So jealous. Football season can't come soon enough.

I have a summer show I'm kind of feeling, Swingtown starring old temporary flame Jack Davenport! I'm all for these British actors to get American TV gigs; we've fucked their accents up enough, and it's payback! Swingtown is set in 1976, and I think the one thing I don't like is that the lady who plays Jack's wife is not hot enough for him. I don't know, she's quite plain. I mean, I know they were looking to make average '70s couple, but there's nothing wrong with the girl next door look. However she did look better in the second episode when she had the "Farrah-do"; really, she was just "blah."

Downloading songs from Amazon.com could TOTALLY be my undoing.

**June 21, 2008**
I just found out the closed the movie theatre at Springfield; that sucks, it had been there forever and it was never sold out when a big movie was opening. It would be crowded, but you could always get a good seat, and not have to buy you ticket 3 hours ahead of time. I say this because my mother wanted to go see some movie, she doesn't even know what she wants to look at, just go to the movies, even though there's no food in the house. Genius. Any road, after I told her that Springfield was closed, I suggested Hoffman, it's so nice, and I get, "I'm not familiar with it, I'm hurting and I don't want to do a lot of walking." Springfield is a fucking mall, so there would be walking. Hoffman is just a theatre with a Ruby Tuesday's in it. It's also like a mini, not really shopping center, but it has a couple of restaurants and a Cold Stone's (best ice cream ever). Whatev. In the end, we went grocery shopping and bought her two DVDs, Mad Money and Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins. God, she has such sub-par taste in movies.

**June 23, 2008**
I learned very early this morning that last night America lost a truly great icon, George Fucking Carlin died. Goddammit, I was so fucking blown when I heard about that. I fucking adored George Carlin. All the truly great ones are practically gone man. If anything I learned from him it was to question everything people told me, especially about politics and religion. I even had the same stance on (not) voting as he did, before I heard his views on it. Basically, if you vote you can't complain. People like to spin it the other way saying the opposite. To me, if you voted for "Dubya", you consciously made a decision for him to be your leader and you have no right to complain about the mess he's gotten us all into.

Then there is religion. I basically grew up in a Christian household, I went to a private, Christian school, so I had these beliefs forced upon me. Now, George was an atheist, I've never had the balls to go that far (the term for this kind of pussy is agnostic). I really want to believe there's a just, kind deity with a plan, but shit is just too fucked up. If there is a God, I feel a bit like the movie Dogma (which George Carlin was in), he/she was in human form, was kidnapped, but not killed (because then they would go straight to heaven), but incapacitated so nobody could find him/her (i.e. coma). When I heard George have a go at religion (it was in his 2001 HBO special, the bit on the Ten Commandments), I felt like something had been lifted up from over my eyes, it was just so true. Then I heard older stuff, and basically agreed with most of it. Unfortunately, for me, I can't openly share any of these feelings with anybody I know. However, I do have a blog that NOBODY sees! With that, I'll share some of my favorite quotes from George, mostly on religion:

• Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
• The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
• I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
• When it comes to BULLSHIT...BIG-TIME, MAJOR LEAGUE BULLSHIT... you have to stand in awe, IN AWE of the all time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion.
• I want you to know, when it comes to believing in god- I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a god who created each one of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize...something is FUCKED UP. Something is WRONG here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is NOT good work. If this is the best god can do, I am NOT impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind of sh*t you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful-ass a long time ago.

And the Ten Commandments bit:

"Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10?

You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened:

About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a mountain, when no one was around.

Well let me ask you this- when they were making this shit up, why did they pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sound official. Ten sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade, it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted, the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing decision! It is clearly a bullshit list. It's a political document artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.

Let's start with the first three:

I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME

THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN

THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH

Right off the bat the first three are pure bullshit. Sabbath day? Lord's name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7. Next:

HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER

Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people. The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.

Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with, we're going to jump around the list a little bit.

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL

THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS

Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to 5.

And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:

THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE

Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But, marital infidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it "thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.

But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS

This one is just plain fuckin' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:

THOU SHALT NOT KILL

Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, Cashmire, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I give you my revised list of the two commandments:

Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.

&

Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a different invisible man than you.

Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his fuckin' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself."

May they blow up Mt. Rushmore, start over, and put George's face on it. Furfuckingseriously!

Joe Bless You, George!

I'm phasing.

Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits!