In a move of desperation, I hit Prototype with a missile dropkick, and brought him back down again. He’d had the advantage for most of the match but now it seemed I might get a chance to come back. Still holding the third apple, I stood up, and walked to the side of the ring to drop it down with the other two. However, when I got to the edge, I saw that one of the rings was missing. Shocked, I looked at Prototype, but he was still down. Suddenly, I heard a crunch outside the ring that could only be one thing.

“What?” said Philly Fats, looking up at me and speaking through a mouthful of apple.

“There’s acrylic paint on that, you know!” I shouted at him, in mixed anger and concern.

“Little paint never hurt no one,” he replied, taking another bite.

Resigned, I groaned. Since Philly Fats was eating the apple and not physically unraveling before my eyes, I assumed the apple he’d stolen was not the Golden Apple of Discord. That meant the right apple was either the one in my hand, the one outside the ring, or the one still hanging from the tree. I dropped the one I was holding and turned around to make for the fourth.

When I turned around, I saw that Prototype was back on his feet, going for the apple in the tree. He had climbed on to the top rope but his back was turned towards me. I ran across the ring and put my head between his legs. I put my hands against his thighs and stepped backward. Now Prototype was sitting on my shoulders, fumbling for the apple, but not managing to grab it before I took him out of reach. He began punching me on the top of my head, so I dropped backwards, slamming both of us down.

“That’s an excellent counter-move by Necropus,” said Davros. “He’s managed to stop Prototype for now.”

“PROTOTYPE IS DEAD!” said Zeus.

“Really?” Davros asked.

“HOPEFULLY!” said Zeus.

“Now Necro is going for the apple,” said Fats, “but Proto is right behind him. Proto with a back body drop on Necropus! That might put him out for a little bit.”

“I don’t think so, Fats,” Davros remarked. “Necropus is getting back to his feet. He grabs Prototype and yanks him back. And Prototype grabs Necro! They’re going back and forth, each man is trying to gain control and get that apple.”

“THAT MAY NOT EVEN BE THE APPLE OF DISCORD!” said Zeus. Blood was thundering in my ears and I could barely hear them talking over my own heartbeat. “PERHAPS ONE OF THE APPLES ALREADY TAKEN IS THE APPLE OF DISCORD!”

Finally, I grabbed Proto by the sides of his head, and cracked his skull with as hard a headbutt as I had ever given to anyone. Prototype staggered, his eyes glazing over, and I let him drop to one knee as he tried to regain his senses. Taking advantage of that moment, I began climbing the ropes. When I was half-way up, I reached out for the apple, still unable to reach it. Prototype was beginning to stand back. I struggled desperately to grab the fourth apple. My fingertips grazed it but I could not get a grip.

By this point, Prototype was standing at his full height, moving towards me. Desperately, I jumped forward, planting my feet on his shoulders. In the instant before I pitched forward, I grabbed the apple, breaking the string with ease. I held the apple against my body as I fell over Prototype and landed, face-first on the canvas. I felt something squish and felt liquid oozing between my fingers.

“You stupid ****,” said my darling husband.