A woman goes to her local pet shop in search of a pet. There she finds a brightly plumed parrot. "How much for the bird?" she asks. "Oh, you don’t want that bird," replies the storekeeper. "He used to live in a whorehouse, so he’s got a dirty mouth." "But he’s so pretty," she gushes. "I’ll tell you what. Take him home, try him out. If it doesn’t work, bring him back." When it arrives at its new home, the bird looks around and squawks, "New house, new madam." The woman is disturbed, but ignores it. Hours later, her daughters come home from school. Again the bird looks around and screeches, "New house, new madam, new hookers." The woman is bothered, but ignores it—after all, the bird hasn’t actually cursed. A few hours later, her husband comes home from work. Again, after looking around, the bird squawks, "New house, new madam, new hookers. Hi, George."
JOKE OF THE DAY
A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the TV and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts." The wife gets him a beer. Ten minutes later, he says, "It hasn't started yet. Get me another beer." She looks annoyed, but goes to the kitchen, gets another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and 10 minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer. It's going to start any minute."The wife is furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of the TV? You're nothing but a fat, lazy, drunken slob, and furthermore. . . ." The man sighs and says, "It's started."
JOKE OF THE DAY
A dog walks into a butcher’s shop with a purse in its mouth and sits in front of the meat case. “What is it, boy?” the butcher asks, joking around. “Want to buy some meat?” “Woof!” barks the dog. “What kind? Liver, bacon, steak--” “Woof!” interrupts the dog. “And how much steak? Half a pound, a pound--” “Woof!” barks the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog’s purse. As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow. It enters an apartment building, climbs to the third floor and scratches on the door. With that, the door opens and an angry man starts yelling at the dog. “Stop!” yells the butcher. “What are you doing? That’s the most clever animal I’ve ever seen!” “Clever?” counters the man. “This is the third time this week he’s forgotten his keys!”
If you have a joke please e-mail it to me at the address below. Please make sure that there is no foul language in your joke.
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