LORD OF THE RING: IMPACT Match
CHAPTER II: LORD OF THE RING: AS CLOSE TO IN BETWEEN AS POSSIBLE
Josh Carter is standing in the middle of a barracks full of soldiers huddled around him with smiles on their faces. A Big Screen Television (About 54 inches) sits in the background with XWF AUTUMN IN HELL playing. It's the GOLDEN BOY vs. GOLDEN BOY match, and it's about halfway over. Josh Carter smiles as he has his shoulders around two soldiers dressed in desert camo, and two more kneeled down in front of the trio.
"HEY, HONKEY! I FINALLY GET IT! GIVE AND DON'T TAKE! I'M GIVING BACK TO THE TROOPS RIGHT HERE IN BAGHDAD, BABY! I TOOK YOUR ADVICE, THE RIGHT WAY, AND NOW I FEEL ALL TINGLY INSIDE. AND NO, I'M NOT BEING SARCASTIC!!!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
"My name's Jeff Angst and I'm from SEATTLE, WASHINGTON, BABY! I JUST WANNA SAY HEY TO MY WIFE AND MY TWO BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRLS, ANNA AND JENNY!"
"Haha. It feels great to be here, and I brought my own personal b00tl3g of XWF AUTUMN IN HELL 2005, to the XWF fans here in BAGHDAD! But you might ask, why the hell am I in BAGHDAD? Well I wanted to be as close to in between as possible. I mean, Tehran and Cairo are roughly 1,200 miles apart. BAGHDAD is roughly 600 miles from CAIRO, a little less than 600 miles from TEHRAN. I know it's cheesy but any other town would've SUCKED. I felt the need to drop by BAGHDAD when I looked at my virtual globe (THANKS, GOOGLE EARTH!) and realized that, by some mark of God, If I went to BAGHDAD, I'd be smack in between my two cities. Sure, LORD OF THE RING is still a good chunk away but I need to be close to both the IMPACT locale and the LOTR locale, and I smirked when I realized the good I could do just by doing that. So, I'm giving all these troops a chance, on XWF television, to tell their families how much they care and miss them. Oh, yeah, I guess it's my turn. HI, MOM!"
"WE'RE XWF FANS, GO X-DUBYA-F! ROO!! ROO!! ROO!! ROO!! ROO!! ROO! ROO!!"
"My name is Chris Manning and I'm from BALTIMORE, MARYLAND! HEY BABY!!!"
"Heh, stay cool, Chris. Hey, KRETOS. Remember when I beat you, AND TED SOUL, in the same ring? Well it's gonna be more of the same come NOVEMBER 27, 2005. More of the same, I tell ya. Nobody believed in me when I first hit IMPACT. NOBODY. I got bull from each, and every...member...of the IMPACT...roster. EVERYONE. Only a slight few had belief in me, and I let those slight few down. SHANE VALLEY, you were RIGHT. Okay? I gave promises and I let down. NOT THIS TIME. I will be IMPACT's LORD OF THE RING if it flippin' kills me. Speaking of KILLS, FAMINE OF THE VILE. The thorn that just won't die, right? Isn't that what they call you? You and that stupid moron SCOTT YOUNG think the "Sons of Apocalypse" are a match made in heaven, right? BRING SOME OF THAT APOCALYPSE MY WAY and watch what happens. Teams that are IMPACT-borne hardly ever last. Ask JUGGALO about our little one-night tag team. Ask HONKEY about my little one-night team with him. But if you want tips on how to make a team straight from IMPACT last, I suggest you see YOUR NEXT TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, BOSTONGOD & GLASS CASKET. That's right, I'm giving them their props. They're an awesome team and I expect great things from them. Now to get in a little about DR. BADD. Because I know he wants to yell at me. DR. BADD, you're nothing. I beat you once, and I beat you again SATURDAY. This just proves you cannot beat me, man. I'm 2 and 0 against you in our history. There is no rubber match, I 0wned you twice. Sure you'll say somebody cheated. I saw it on your website. You said it was because JONATHYN is a bitch. YOU'RE WRONG. It's because YOU'RE a bitch and because YOU won't take orders from your own boss. Let me tell you, BADD, you won't get anywhere that way. I've never had to deal with someone so ignorant, so selfish, that I couldn't even TALK TO HIM ON THE PHONE without him getting mad at ME for trying to HELP! NEVER! Not even a drug addict I got off drugs, once, and HE WAS FUMING! Okay, I need a break. Two more guys can say hello."
Josh Carter looks back and starts yelling some positive comments at the guys watching AUTUMN IN HELL. The GOLDEN BOY vs. GOLDEN BOY match is over and KORE and MR. AMAZING have just spilled onscreen.
"I'm Matthew McMillain and I wanna say hi to my mom, my pop, and my girlfriend Jackie!!! Love ya'll!!"
"I'm Warner Greene, and I want to say hey to my little bro and my mom back home in Jersey, SEE YA'LL SOON!! YEAAHH!!!"
Josh chuckles, still sitting on Jeff and Chris' shoulders, and turns to face the camera, a serious look now crossing his face. He rubs his nose and pulls something from behind his back. It's a desert camo helmet. Oh if you hadn't noticed yet, Josh is wearing desert camo of his own. He tosses the helmet on his head, leaving it unstrapped.
"JEN...SEN...KENT! My opponent this Saturday. This promo has NOTHING to do with THAT match, but I'm letting you know. If you're in that match, I haven't seen the full roster, but if you are, I can laugh and say I dismantled you NOT JUST TWICE, BUT TWICE IN THE SAME MONTH. A FEAT NOT EVEN DR. BADD HAS ACHIEVED YET! I SAY YET, because he's got the same damn thing coming at LORD OF THE RING. I'll say that about three guys I can remember. PROTOTYPE, you've got hell coming a second time. JENSEN, you've got hell coming TWICE, and BADD, hell comes your way a third time in the span of TWO MONTHS! I'm not flippin' done. NIGHTMARE. RUN LIKE HELL, BECAUSE I'M YOUR NEW NIGHTMARE. WHY AM I DRESSED LIKE A SOLDIER YOU ASK?! BECAUSE ON NOVEMBER 27, 2005, I GO TO WAR WITH THE IMPACT LOCKER ROOM. AND THAT, GOD DAMNIT, IS THE TRUTH!"
Josh hops from the shoulders of the two soldiers, landing in front of a squadron of men. All 16 men from the squadron, including Josh Carter, come forward and charge the camera like hell has broken loose. The camera hits the floor and static pours into the screen, the Lord of the Ring logo appears, this time with the SATURDAY NIGHT IMPACT logo in the corner, and the words "100% SUPPORTED BY THE TROOPS OF BAGHDAD" glistening below the logo. The logo disappears and words appear that read "JOSH CARTER: #1 FAN CHOICE FOR IMPACT LORD OF THE RING", and the screen fades to black.
