Plantiff:All rise for the honourable Judge Joe Brown.
~*After the Plantiff's proclamation Judge Joe Brown takes his bench seat and readies his papers and folders as the crowd shuffles to their feet.*~
~*John Blade, seated next to his cheaply dressed attorney, snickers at the sight of Judge Jackson, and goes as far as to lean over to whisper to his lawyer.*~
Blade:Judge Joe Brown? From TV? What happened? Judge Judy was busy?*Looks around and realises everyone else is standing, and does the same.*
Plantiff:You may be seated. Now calling to the witness stand, Officer Spidanko.
John Blade:Damn that Officer Spidanko. *Shaking a fist* Always following me around, arresting me left and right...
~*Meanwhile Officer Spidanko is being sworn in, and getting comfortable in his witness stand seat. Spidanko and Blade exchange a cold glare, both men's eyelids squinting in thinner simotaneously.
Prosecution:And where was the location of the incident?
Officer:Approximately at the Ol Mills mile post 499.
Prosecution:And where is milepost 499?
Officer:Probably between milepost 498 and 500
Prosecution:Hmm.. indeed. Officer Spidanko, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue Lights flashing?
Officer Spidanko:Yes.
Prosecution:Did the defendant say anything when he got out of his car?
Officer Spidanko:Yes, sir he most definately did.
Prosecution:What did he say?
Officer Spidanko:'What disco am I at?'
~*The entire courtroom breaks into restrained laughter, mostly muffled giggles. John Blade leans back in his chair with a broad smile on his face as he can't deny the fact.*~
Prosectuion:Officer, what first led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
Witness Spidanko:Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronunciate his words.
John Blade:*Standing up pointing a finger* Dats-a friggin lie chico!
Judge:*Pounding gavel.* Order! Order in the court. One more outburst from you Mr. Gravano and you'll be held in contempt for court!
~*Blade sits back down with a slight tilt of his head. Blade fixes his tie's knot with both hands as his lawyer pats him on the back, whispering into his ear. Minutes later the Plantiff calls John Blade to the stand. Mr. Blade rises and heads over to the stand rubbing his hand down his tie to crease out the wrinkles. He crosses paths with the fleeting Spidanko and the two bump shoulders and almost stop to look at each other, but continue in their destined paths just the same. Blade takes the stand and holds up his hand as he finishes giving his oath to the Plantiff.*~
~*The Judge admonished the defendant, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?"*~
Defendant John Blade:I do.
Judge:Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?
Defendant Blade:Sure. Mah side will win.
Judge: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant Blade: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for drunk driving.
~*The Prosecution strolls up to the defendant's bench with his hands behind his back, seemingly confident.*~
Prosecution:All your responses must be oral, OK? What is your full name?
Defendant:Oral. *Perking a few "I dont give a fuck" brows*
Prosecution:*Gives the judge a tired look and then turns back to Blade.* What is your date of birth?
Defendant:May 27th.
Prosecution:What year?
Defendant:Every year.
Prosecution:*Shakes head a bit* What gear were you in at the time you were being pulled over.
Defendant:Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Prosecution:You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Defendant Blade:Yes..*putting hands up, signaling to stop* No wait! My answer is no...wait yes... no... No!..No, thats my final answer..
Prosecution:At what point did you realize that resisting arrest was against the law?
Blade:Actually I didnt stop because of any morale delima... More so I stopped to pay hommage to a great efed wrestling legend, Lord Infamous,The Scarcrow.. and at that time is when your officers brutally beat me into a bloody pulp. Can anyone say Rodney King up in this biotch?
Prosecution:Objection your honour, the defendant is refering to the L.A.P.D.'s most embarrasing moment and should be stricken from the record.
Judge:Objection Sustained. Continue.
Prosecution:Hmpf.. Well Mr. Blade why exactly did you stop and let yourself be captured?
Blade:Like I said before, I didn't turn myself in to you rat-faced pig bastards. You caught me while I was deep in thought, recollecting, remensing on the past. And the next cop I see I'm running from too or running over, cuz straight fuckin out... **Standing up bobbing his head while singing NWA's most famous song.** Cuz.. Fuck the police fuck fuck, fuck the police, fuck fuck, fuck the police fuck fuck, fuck the police, fuck em. *Bobbing his head he begins to do "air humps", thrusting his hips in the air.*
Prosecution:Your honour I rest my case.
Judge:And the defense, it is your witness.
Public Defender:*Sleeping slouched in chair with hands crossed over stomache, and a steady stream of drool puddling on his shoulder.*
Defendant Blade:Ya Honor, I want yaz tas appoint meh another lawyer.
Judge:And why is that?
Defendant:Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.
Judge(to Public Defender):Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?
Public Defender:*Snorting himself awake* I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
Judge:Hmmm. Mr. Gravano, do you have anything to offer this court before I issue my judgement?
Blade:No ya honour, my lawyer took it all.
Judge:Do you find my courtroom as a comedy show like your wrestling program Mr. Gravano or are you drunk right now like you were when you were driving?
Blade:No sir, I’m as sober as you are... *Then adding.* ya honor.
Judge:Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. Since the defendant re-nicked on his previous contract with VCW, and since my niece is such a big wrestling fan, the defendant is sentenced to a 90 day contract with Violent Championship Wrestling and two years probation. The Court is ajourned.
~*A flurry of camera flashes go off as John Blade and crew exit the front doors of the courtroom. John Blade wipes his brow and rubs on his forehead, obviously suffering from a headache. A shirtless painted fatman greets Mr. Blade eagerly with shouts of "Woo hoo John Blade for champ," And "Blade is the man!" John barely notices him as he is coming out of the courtroom.*~
Blade:That judge is a ball buster. I feel like frickin Emilio Estevez and the Mighty Ducks are VCW. What the... *looking up*
The Super Blade Fan:WOOO! John Blade! YES! WOOT! I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy! *Starts jumping up and down waving his Foam finger excitedly*
News Paper Boy:Extra extra read all about it. John Blade convicted for drunk driving charges and resisting arrest! Syrus Falls sighting at Mexican Transgender whorehouse in Tijuana!
John Blade:What da...*Snickers as he walks up to the painted Super Fan* Ya know dat paint could be poisoning your brain. Really Im not dat great. Try worshipin' BG I hear he could use some mo' ass kissers in EWC.
Reporter:*Sticking mic in Blade's face* Mr. Blade how do you feel about the judge's verdict?
John Blade:I have nothing ta say. And I'll only say it once.
Reporter:So I take it you're not too happy about returning to VCW?
John Blade:Tell me why exactly is dis a story?Why do you reporters follow us wrestlers around for interviews when we all know you work for a local paper that doesn't even know about VCW?
Reporter:*Shrugs speaking off camera*Slow news week. You're sharing the front page with a Syrus Falls Tijuana whorehouse sighting.
~*Blade begins to walk off when the reporter bursts out a quick question to keep his attention.*~
Reporter:Well then whats your opinion on athletes setting a bad example for children?
John Blade:*He seems to spasm a quick twitch along his cheakbone and dimples. Turning his chin over to his shoulder he casts a side long glance back to the reporter with a controlled look.* I have opinions of my own...strong opinions...but I don't always agree with them.
Reporter:Oh yah like your opinions on Matt Mehyu?
Blade:Frankly, I'm tired of trying to express that opnion in words. Anyways Mehyu doesnt want none of dis. Mehyu? Every time he hears my name his nose starts to bleed. That chico dont want none of me, but I'll gladly slap his older brother around any time any place.
Reporter:And what about the recent firing of staff member Syrus Falls?
Blade:Syrus Falls retires more than Hollywood Hogan. Frankly Im glad the chico owned up to his legacy of being a loser and up and left with his tail between his legs.
Reporter:What about your relationship with former tag team mate and IC Champ Ace Shocker?
Blade:Ya know someone once threw a petrol bomb at Ace Shocker N' he drank it. Ace has gotten so big lately, he should wear a license plate instead of da IC title. But nah I got nothing but respect and love for da chico, but he better hope I dont join that IC division. Ha, nah Im just kiddin but who knows, you might see a Shocker/Blade match next pay per view for the IC title if Ace wants. Im all game. Cuz personally I think Ace belongs in der World title division, he never rightfully lost his last World title reign due to VCW collapsing cuz of Syrus Falls terrorist bombings.
Reporter:So I take it you will uphold the law and be at the Joe Luis arena this Sunday?
Blade:Chico, ever since the Phoenicians invented money I've been down for the cause. Unlike the rest of dese chicos I'm in it fo' da money. Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. Ya see Vacation is time off to remind employees that the business can get along without them. And now that I see clearly that VCW can survive without me, Im gonna see how well its soldiers can survive with me in it. Cuz Ima send these boys a-running. So get your gerneys and wheel chairs ready cuz the E.R. is about to be filled up once again. Tommy "The Rotweiler" Gigliotti,Blood federation's number one mafia guy, who doesn't sound mafioso, doesn't talk mafioso, his actions aint mafioso but you sure as hell look it. Gigliotti, you verses me is like a Hoopty thats not test driven verses a classic 69 Nova with Nitrus and twin turbo charges. And as they say, if it aint broke, dont fix it. This Sunday Ima go preschool on that ass and show you what the Brooklyn street life is all about, as I introduce you to the curb first hand. Im not saying Im gonna try my best in this fight, Im gonna do my dirtiest. As the ancient philosopher Yoda once said 'Do or do not, there is no try.' Me try my best? My best? Losers always complain about their best. Winners go home and f*ck the prom queen. This Sunday Im gonna curb check Tony and go home and f*ck the sh*t outta the prom queen, and hopefully this time she'll be a legal 18. Tony Balony betta change his name ta Tony Jabroni cuz this aint Manhattan Island no mo'. The Yankees aint winnin' this year, Gulliani aint Mayor no mo', and the Twin towers aint up. You're outta your realm, you're outta your world, and you're outta your league, chico. Not that Im saying Ima vet and you're a rookie, Im just saying you're in my backyard, a street fight, and things aint lookin too pretty for yaz. But Tony Ima fair man like anyone else, Ima give you an offer you cant refuse and 24 hours to reply. You become mah stoogie, carry mah bags ta da ring, and beat up whoever I say, whenever I say, and tommorow Ill go easy on ya for the quick 1...2...3 Think about it, cuz if not you're passin' up an offer of a lifetime. The offer for you to walk upright forever. Now if you'll excuse me Mr. Courtroom reporter I got some jurors ta send a message to!
~*John Blade throws up both hands in "peace signs" and then struts down the hallway, the clicking of his heels echo in the backround as the reporter shakes his head slightly, before talking back to the local news station.*~
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