One On One With The Gothic One...

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Irons Thinking: I did it just how I saw it. I called it down the middle and John Harper was the better man. He won it fair and square. Though I guess I’m in some sort of exhibition match this week. I really don’t know what to think of this. I mean Goth is my friend, and maybe he’s not anymore. Perhaps he’s upset at the way I treated Nick Adams in the US title match. Maybe he’s just as surprised as I am. One thing is for sure, and that is I have to face him at Anarchy in New York. I wonder who booked this match? Chaos? A.P. Feight? Grinder and Al Cohol? Or the late GM Tony Jackson? Whoever it was, they have a plan set in motion for Goth and I. I can’t say entirely that I’m happy to face him, but at the same time, I wonder what’s going on inside his head. None the matter, I’ll get a hold of him sooner or later and we’ll have a chat. I’ll find out if he’s planning this or not based on if he avoids me this week. Of course he could be cordial to me all week then BAM! Kicks me out of Disasterpiece. Who knows with this man? I mean after all, he just had a pretty tough match against the 2006 Psycho Circus winner, Lady Ashe. He defeated her, and that’s something to be proud of.

But why have I been summoned back to the squared circle as a participant? Why now? Do they need me that bad? Does the talent that they have now suck so bad that they need this retired has been back? From the looks of things they do. My how sad is it. Let’s take a look at what’s happened recently. Darcy Dynamite got his ass handed to him…again. At least this time around it was by a worthy opponent. Malvolio Kohut lost as well to Stacy Kissinger. Doug Crashin was in the mix somewhere too, but the fact is that Kohut has sucked since he broke up with Darcy. Wait, that didn’t sound right. Kohut’s always sucked. Crazy J took the extreme title away from pain, which is a surprise considering that I beat the fool up and down the ring not that long ago. My opponent this week beat Elizabeth Ashe, who saw that one coming right? Ramone and Havok lost to Billy Bob Barnhart, while King got canned. Who saw that one coming? Harper beat out Jaymz and Nick Adams in the Iron man match to become the new US Champion. Rex Butler made a comeback and Staniak was made James Weck’s bitch. Sounds about right. Too bad about Tony Jackson. But I can’t complain about his replacement though. Who saw this coming? A.P. Feight as new co-GM of Anarchy? The boss men tried to weasel Chaos in, but everyone knows that Feight is the true GM. I mean, he’s a nice guy, and I helped him find his way to Unleashed III. Course IF he hadn’t been so stubborn he could of came in with style via a bon-a-fide USMC Huey. But that’s his loss. I like Feight as the GM. Fits him well. But enough of him, I need to focus on Goth.

The man that has done it all. How can I go out there and try and beat him? There is no beating Goth. He’s just that much better than me. Of course though, I am gonna put up a fight, I have my pride to worry about. I just don’t see myself beating him. He’s been a Global Champion how many times? He’s the 2007 Psycho Circus winner. There is no competing with that, and I can accept that. I’ll just do what I’ve always done, and that is go out there and give the fans a show for their money. Lord knows I don’t do it for the money or the fame. I do it because it’s my job and there is no GWA without John Irons. I helped shape this company into the multi-million dollar company that it is. I am indeed a legend. A legend past his prime, but a legend. Something Goth will realize this week. Sure he’s fought A.P. Feight, and Elizabeth Ashe and won. But he’s never faced a GWA original. He’s never faced me, and that in itself is an honor. But in terms of sheer skill and ability? Goth has me beat by a mile. At anarchy I’ll teach him, I’ll school him in the theory of hard knocks. I’ll show him exactly why John Henry Irons is a legend, and why this company is where it is today because of what I have done. He’ll be thinking to himself: John Irons is a great man, and he has done so much for this company. He really is a legend. The legend of John Irons.

The scene opens after Critical Mass IV. John Irons is in his locker room already changed out of his referee clothes and into a pair of jeans and an ‘Iron Legion’ T-shirt. He sees the camera crew come in and groans.

Irons: Don’t you guys have anything better to do than to film me? I’m just a referee. I can’t be that interesting.

Jade Green: Actually you are, since you’re facing Goth this week.

Jade Green walks into the locker room un-announced. She has a smile on her face and a microphone ready to do an interview.

Irons: Great. Since when have I come back from retirement status?

Jade: You haven’t. This is an exhibition match. They needed an extra person to fill the slot and Goth wasn’t facing anyone. So the owners, being as clever as they are, booked you.

Irons: Go figure. Leave it to twinkle dee and tweedle dumb to be so creative. So I’m facing Goth huh? Imagine that.

Jade: John, do you really think that tone of voice is appreciated by the co-owners? I mean you did retire, and then come back as a referee. Don’t you think you owe them a bit of gratitude?

Irons: I beg your pardon? I could give a damn less what the co-owners think. I’m not here for fame, money or glory anymore, Jade. I am retired. I am here to give the new guys schooling on how real wrestling is done, not like it is in those fake orginizations like the WWE and TNA. And as far as gratitude? I owe them nothing. I helped them build this company when they were still booking matches at high school gyms and bingo halls. I was the reason why half the fans showed up to begin with. If anyone owes anyone gratitude, it’s them to me. They should be thanking me for help keeping their company alive and into the multi-million dollar company that it is. Not to mention, the ‘salary’ that I get now? Is more than you make in a year. Just be thankful that I donate it to the wrestling school, and the childrens charities fund.

Jade: Wow. You….you have a heart of gold John. I didn’t know that. I guess I owe you an apology. I’m sorry.

Irons: Don’t be. You’re doing your job. It takes a special person to do what you do, and you are under appreciated. The least I can do is get a little huffy and puffy to make my ego look bigger than it is. On camera it makes me look like an idiot, but makes you look like you’re doing your job right. Now about Goth….

Jade: Thank you John. You know, you’re right. I am under appreciated. I have to put up with the worst conditions, and travel and find people to give the fans a good interview, just to get shit on. I try! I really DO!

Jade starts crying, and John just stands there, looking like an Idiot. After a moment, he pats her on the back and tries to comfort her.

Irons: Hey…look. It’s okay Jade. I can talk about Goth now, if you’d like…

Jade: GOTH!? YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT GOTH WHEN I’M CRY…CRYING MY…CRYING MYSELF ON YOUR…..chiseled…chest…how….dare you….John, do you know the last time I got laid was three weeks ago?

Irons: Um…no…no I didn’t. That must really suck for you. Now about Goth, you see I’m going to go in there and…

Jade: Oh screw Goth! We both know he’s going to beat you by a mile anyways! Why don’t we go, um…to your motel room and get jiggy with it?

John looks at her, and his eyes bulge a bit as the camera pans out and sees jade grabbing John’s rear. He laughs nervously and tries to back away, but falls backwards onto a leather couch.

Irons: um…Jade….I’m…uh….married.

Jade: John…look at me. Do I look like I’m kidding? I’m going to bed with you tonight whether you like it or not. I could care less about Chloe. Now. Get your things and let’s go….NOW!

Irons: Yes Ma’am!

As he says this he quickly gets up and grabs his bag as the scene fades to black.

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Email: gwa.john.irons@gmail.com