Taking out the Trash...

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Narrator: This may come as a shock to the world. John Irons just didnít live up to the standards that he is used to. He just isnít made for tag matches. While it is known that he works well with othersÖ..sometimes, we know now that John Irons does no good in tag matches. Itís not the fact that he canít trust Jack Faust, itsí more of a factor that heís used to one on one encounters. Sure enough though heíll be the first to admit it that heís at fault. He let himself be wide open for the rollup. But that doesnít matter at the moment. What is hurting more than a loss to Disasterpiece is Johnís pride. He could have easily taken both of the two runts single handedly. IF only he was ten years younger. Such a shame. But thereís more to life than winning matches and kissing babies right? Johnís been placed in the main event once again. This time itís not a laughing matter. Itís a ten man battle Royal over the top rope. This next week isnít going to be an easy one. Especially considering that he lost to Steve fucking RamoneÖ.again. Thatís almost as bad as losing to Doug Crashin. This must be eating the big man up. It has to be. A man of Johnís stature and size being beaten by a half pint that canít tie his own shoelaces? What the fuck? Perhaps the age factor is getting to John. He may have been great a while ago, but now maybe time is taking itís toll. After all Andre the Giant lived to his mid forties before he died. John will be 45 in a matter of a month or two. That ahs to be the only answer. Time is taking itís toll, and the big man isnít as invincible as he thought he was. But donít think for one second that the old big man is going to retire. Oh no, he isnít a washed up has been of yesterday like the recent A.P. Feight. No heís going to stick it out. Once a Marine, Always a Marine. John has made a tremendous commitment to this company. Heís been here since it was an amateur fed working at high school gyms and bingo halls. He helped build it into the multi-billion dollar corporation that it is today. He is the fan favorite, and always will be. Nobody will ever forget the working man that came from nothing and built a reputation of being one of the biggest, baddest men on the planet. But only time will tell if the big man still has enough left in him to get back up after this knock down and keep on fighting for the fans. It will only be a matter of time before he crumbles into dust. The big question is when. Now we look to the week ahead and have to wonder what the big man has in store for his opponents. He has been in a match like this previously, and was made out to be the underdog. We all know that the big man isnít the underdog now, but with big names like Sin, Fang, Jaymz, Krusher, Bill Barnhart, Pain, Jack Faust, Blitz Bomber, and James Weck we just have to wonder. The big man has the odds stacked against him once more, but to prevail he must not only defeat two of his teammates, but the very best the business has to offer. Four of the men in the match either have been or are in league with the owners. Then there are Two Revolution members, one of which actually belongs somewhere else. How can the big man overcome? Maybe a miracle is in order, because if Johnny Irons is going to win this thing, he has to be faster and stronger than all the rest. Heís going into this thing with a big target on his back. Itís all or none, and if he manages to overcome with victory, then thereís a one and six chance that he could be facing another stablemate next week: Goth. We donít know what lies ahead, but one thing is for sure, you canít count out the big man just yet.

The scene opens in a strange way, almost like its out of an episode of one of the highest rated cable TVís Drama series, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. We see Detective Stabler and his partner Olivia Benson leaning down on a desk looking over photographs of a crime scene. The camera switches to the photographs and we see two young women laying on the ground with gunshot wounds in the head. Stabler looks to Olivia.

Stabler: Olivia letís look at the facts. Our vics were both twenty five and regulars at Club Guastavino, they walk out of the bar late last night and are both stripped of their clothing and then shot point blank in the head. Our culprit is a male between twenty and thirty five and between six and six and a half feet. We know from bystanders and the gal that called the cops that the culp is an African American male, and had dreadlocks, and had similarities to Milli Vanilli. How we wanna do this?

Olivia: Well letís call the expert on Milli Vanilli look-a-likes.

Stabler: And who might that be?

Olivia: You know him, both of you served time together.

Stabler: Youíre kidding me?

Olivia: What else do we have to go on?

Stabler: alright. Letís track him down.

The scene switches to a black screen with white text lettering that says:

The New Yorker Hotel: The Queen Suite

Wednesday June 13, 2007 6:13 P.M.

The scene re-opens with detective Stabler and Olivia walking into the suite. Stabler looks up at the biggest man heíd ever seen and shakes his hand. This is in appearance the hand of John Henry Irons.

Stabler: John, you look good, how ya been?

John: Been better, how you two doing?

Olivia: Weíre here to ask a few questions that you might know the answer to. Can you help?

John: Sure, anything for a old buddy. What can I do for you?

Stabler: Late last night there were two young women killed and stripped of their clothes at a bar in upper Manhattan. Bystanders saw the culprit was a Milli Vanilli look-a-like and we could use your help.

John: You kidding me? Thereís a guy that I have to face this week that looks like Milli Vanilli, but heís not that stupid. The guy youíre looking for is a player and a womanizer. He looks for attention any way he can get it, and when he doesnít get his way he turns violent and acts a lot like many of my opponents for this week. Try and do and say anything to prove to whomever that heís king rooster of the farm. Heíll likely be there again tonight to not draw attention to himself, thus making him appear to be a regular.

Stabler: Thanks John, youíve been helpful. Weíll let you know if we catch this guy.

Olivia: Actually, I was thinking that we could have John go undercover for us, and have an undercover op car standing by outside for immediate assistance.

Stabler: Iím not too sure the Captainís gonna go for that. Risking a civilian life in official police matters?

From behind Stabler and Olivia walks in the Captain.

Captain Cragen: I like it. No one will suspect him, and heís got experience doing covert ops in the middle east. Heís in.

Stabler: Allright, youíre in. Youíll be wearing a wire, and an earpiece. When you spot the suspect, the code is: ďThe light is greenĒ. You take him down and make sure no one gets hurt. You got it?

John: Funny how itís you giving me orders rather than the way it used to be. But yeah, not a problem Elliot. Iíll get ready.

Captain: Thank you John.

Weíll be seeing you.

Stabler, Olivia and the Captain walk out of the suite. John is seen standing in jeans and a tight black t-shirt. He lights up a cigar and takes a puff.

John: You know, it should bother me that I lost to that runt and his sidekick the vampire wannabe, but Iím not letting it. Iíve moved on to bigger and better things this week. Now Pain, I know that you might not think this is funny, but hey, they called me on someone looking like you. Iím just doing my civic duty to all Americans by catching a criminal. No worries. But then again Anarchy is in Canada, and the land of free medical care if Iím not mistaken. But letís talk about my match. Ten men, and one victor. Thatís how it works. Over the top rope for a chance to face someone else for the global strap. Now it would seem that this match is in my and Jaymzí favor, as we both are the big men of this match. However this is not going to end like the last time I faced the big ugly. This time Iíll have help ensuring that he wonít win. But in the end itís every man for himself. But thatís not to say that my stablemates Jack Faust and Fang wonít be of help. Jack, Fang, you guys both know that I have more than enough reason to be here. You scratch my back, Iíll scratch yours. My biggest threat this week is a man that is just as big as I am. We canít allow him to win this. After heís eliminated, itís going to be every man for themselves.

Iím not going to say that Iím going to win, like every other Tom, Dick and Harry here. What I am going to say that is that Iíll do my best. You see, the last time I was in this situation I went out and did my best, and thatís all Iím aiming to do on Monday. My best will prove that I am the dominate man in this business and can do anything. Now with that being said allow me to address the other opponents I have for this week.

James WeakÖ..I mean Weck. This idiot holds a title that means that heís all brawns and no brains. Of course it doesnít take much to beat an opponent over the head with a baseball bat or a steel chair, anyone can win that titleÖ.hell I did. From what Iíve heard and seen this week heís had a few things to say about meÖ..incorrect and idiotic things nonetheless but heís at least acknowledged me. So Mister Weck, where to begin? Dwelling at the bottom of the barrel? ME? HAH! Hardly you Jersey slacking loser! I havenít lost a singles match since my return from injury, and your mommy and daddy that own this company are favoring you and the other Damage Inc. Nobodies rather than the real talent here in the GWA. Keep in mind, young weak Weck, that I was here before you were. I held that title before you did, and have a more reputable air over you. So before you open your friggin trap and start spewing shit and lies, check your history ya bum. You wonít last more than a few minutes when everyoneís in the match.

Next have Bulldog Bill Barnhart drinking Diet Coke, Clothes shopping, and imitating the great Felix the Cat Hernandez in a dream machine. Please! This guy is a bigger joke than Big Woot Daddy. I think heís trying to secretly tell us something with drinking Diet Coke, the clothes shopping, and wearing pink. What I think is that Lupe is actually a front, a smokescreen of the reality that is Bill Barnhart. Now I know from first hand experience that this guy has it in for guys, I mean look at him. He looks like a construction worker that just divorced his wife for another man. The facts are there, and thatís all Iím going to say about that. Heíll be over the rope faster than Liberace came out of the closet.

next we have the juggernaut Jaymz. Big Ugly. The last time you and I were toe to toe, you were two seconds from tapping out to the Detroit Special. Had Feight not saved your ass, then pinned you, you would have been tapping out like the big bitch that you are. You think youíre tough? Youíre no better than Doug Crashin. At least heís got some looks and some class, and youÖÖyouíre as ugly as the dead carcass of an ass. You may have won the title before, but not this time. You see, when Al Cohol and Grinder left you boys, they ended Zero Tolerance. And just like the old saying goes: A team is as strong as itís weakest link. Well I defeated your weakest like easily at Unleashed III. So ponder on that while your ugly fat ass goes over the top rope, and it will. Because you see Jaymz, Iím slightly taller than you and weigh the same. I can bench and dead lift my own weight times two and then some. It comes from military and growing up working in the GM plant lifting heavy parts to make cars. Your ass is going over one way or another, and you can claim all you want that ďit ainít gonna fuckin happenĒ all you want. You said the exact same thing the last time you and I went rounds and A.P. Feight beat your ass. Of course he also had help from twinkle dee and tweedle dumb, but you get my point Big Ugly.

Then thereís Blitz Bomber. The most overrated undereducated son of a bitch in our industry. Hereís another candidate for James Weakís title, cause this brute has no brains, he just knocks out teeth because it makes him feel better about himself. Get over yourself already Blitz. I beat your ass cleanly for a one two three the last time you and I went head to head, and I sucked then. Then I was in between women, and waiting for my next assignment to head overseas. So if I beat you when I sucked worse than Dougy Crashin, then what does that tell you jarhead? You may have won the very first ever title in this company, but it wonít be won by you anytime soon. I can guarantee that. Why? Because nobody likes you and you have nobody watching your back. Youíre going to have seven regular sized men to compete against, and two larger than life men to compete with to win. Not to mention that you lost to Pain recently and got knocked the fuck out by James Weak. Youíre a has been of yesteryear that belongs in a UFC ring, not the GWA. Granted, I may have gotten pinned by Xander Ashton and lost to him and Steve Ramone, but you know as well as I do that men like us donít belong in tag matchesÖ..we donít work well with others. End of the line, you just plain and simply suck donkey balls.

Sin, Krusher and Pain. The three stooges. Where to begin. Okay hereís a hoot, we have one man that has deranged fans that kills innocent young women here in NYC. We have a man that thinks heís in charge of ruling Hellís Army which weíll eventually get to, then thereís the reluctant returner Krusher. This guy has said a thing or two about me, and truthfully he has no room to speak. This joker has never faced me in the ring and has no idea what Iím capable of. Open mouth insert foot. Apparently olí Goldie Locks puts too much bleach in his hair, which doesnít it seem odd that it grew magically in just a few months from a bald as a babyís butt head? I smell chemical help on that one. Seriously, KrusherÖyour name is as bad as Smasher who I ended his career late last year. I hope you have more talent and prove better this next week than you have been. Getting beat by Blitz and pinned by Pain. Tsk. Such a shame.

Sin, a man that will be a pleasure to face. Iím not going to waste your time and everyone elseís time by just stating the obvious, so letís keep religion out of the topic of discussion. You didnít mention me at all, so all I have to say is that you better watch out for the other big giant. You will not win this match, because you canít get over yourself and canít come to terms with the fact that Zero Tolerance is dead. It became dead once the owners left you high and dry. And since then no one has accomplished much. So that being said Iíll move on to Pain.

Marshall White. The walking, talking Clichť. The man that has a fan that Iím going to take down tonight. You see pain, you were better off in Revolution. At least there they patted you on the ass and told you that you were a good boy. Damage Inc is nothing. You may have the bosses and most of the titles in possession, but know one thing: Damage Inc will be destroyed one way or another. Because while you may not notice this, Revolution seeks to put an end to Damage Inc, Disasterpiece seeks to put an end to Damage Inc, and Revolution, Zero Talent is nothing and Natural Born Killers canít stay afloat. The odds are not in your favor. Whether itís Monday night, or in the near future I can promise you that Damage Inc will come to an end and it will be done by my hands. There are many people that say that they want me to retire. I will retire when Damage Inc is gone and into the ground. Either way, you wonít be winning this. You have to get through me first. And no matter if you hate me or if you like me I will be in this match to the final moments, proving that I am the dominate superstar in this company. Then I will face whomever wins the six man extreme battle royal to win the GWA Global Title. I was screwed out of my shot last time, and Iíll be damned if itíll happen again. As far as Fang and Faust, I wish you boys the best in this match, and I know that you want this opportunity to win. But I want it more. I am going to bring home gold to Disasterpiece, and leave all those other jobbers to rest in my dust. But now if youíll excuse me I need to get ready.

John turns around and takes his shirt off, revealing his muscles and tattoos. The scene temporarily fades to black.

The scene re-opens like it did before with white text lettering reading:

Club Guastavino

Wednesday June 13, 2007 11:38 P.M.

John is seen leaning next to the bar with a drink in hand. There is loud sultry music playing as John scans the scene for the Milli Vanilli look-a-like. After a moment he sees the man that Detectives Stabler and Olivia Benson described walk in. sure enough he looks almost identical to the GWA superstar, Pain. The man begins to flirt with a few women, but they flip him the bird and walk away. John sees the man become angry and hostile and see him pull out a gun. John places a finger up to his ear speaking into the wire he is wearing.

John: The light is green! The light is green!

John runs towards the man with a gun and he points it towards the two females that rejected him. John dives at the man, knocking him over but the gun goes off. In slow motion we see the pistol being fired upwards towards the ceiling. The slow-motion stops and resumes normal play. John head butts the suspect, busting open his nose. The man attempts to take a shot at John, but is overpowered by the giant. John lifts the man up taking his gun away from him. The man tries to hit the big man, but the reaction from John wasnít what he was expecting. John just chuckles and smiles as he lifts him up by the throat and throws him out the window. The scene switches to outside where the man is seen flying backwards through the window. John is seen climbing out of the window as Detective Stabler and Olivia Benson run towards the two men. Stabler steps in front of John and places cuffs on the Milli Vanilli wannabe.

Stabler: Will Donaldson, youíre under arrest for the murders of Lynn Dellman and Kara Smith, the attempted murder and assault of an undercover agent. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of lawÖ.

Olivia: Great job John. Because of you we got him.

John: Yeah, howíd you know his name>

Olivia: Well he left some DNA on one of the vics so we ran that through a database and came up with a match. The rest was a simple waiting game for you.

John: Sweet. Well Iím glad I could have helped. Iíll be looking forwards to seeing you guys again soon. You should watch me Monday night on Anarchy to win the battle royal.

Olivia: Sounds great, but weíre backed up on case files. Good Luck though.

John: Luck? I donít need luck. Iím John Irons: The Career Ender. I donít need luck, because itís fate and destiny intertwined in my favor. Youíll be missing a hell of a show.

Olivia smiles and walks away.

Olivia: You know we could use a good guy like you in the SVU. Maybe you shouldÖ.

John: Maybe in another lifetime Liv! I kick ass and take names. This Monday the Ass Kicking will begin for those other poor bastards.

The scene fades to black.

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