KELLARVISION IS NOW BROADCASTING

SEALED WITH AN X


Teach me all ye know... (Part 2)

Starring: Jon Kellar, Sean O'Gara, Dyna Might, Kev Mania


~Jon Kellar and Sean are sitting in the den in the mansion, watching Vyle's latest promo. Kellar is laid back as he watches, while Sean is transfixed by the screen, frantically making notes in a small book on his lap. The promo comes to an end~

Kellar: After that I feel like my brain's just melted...

Sean: With useful information causing overheating??

Kellar: No, I think it was trying to kill itself in order to end the pain...

Sean: I know the feeling, but the fact of the matter is that we've learnt a lot from these promos.

Kellar: "We?"

Sean: Well I have, and I'm about to teach you, so take away the time between those two events and there's no difference...

Kellar: Fair enough...

Sean: Right, lets go back to the chart room and see how this fits onto our masterplan map

~And so we follow them to Sean's room, but as we enter we can see that it has been drastically updated, with Sean having completed every for each of the members and factored in just about everything~

Kellar: Sean... do you ever sleep?

Sean: Occasionally, but then I have nightmares...

Kellar: About what?

Sean: My career highlights.... bit difficult to stay asleep when every one of your dreams involves you plummeting to the ground from a great height...

Kellar: Freedom of choice Sean...

Sean: Well not all of us have your technical talents so we have to compensate for that in other ways... mine happens to be putting my body through hell.

Kellar: And through the other person usually...

Sean: Well naturally... anyway... what did Vyle say about you... 

~He checks his notebook~

Sean: “You like to play with pictures... blah blah.... I can do the talking, and I can do the walking.... a glorified battle royale, and pin people sometimes, and while I was in the Contest of Champions match, you managed to succeed....The thing is, while you have that distinction, you’ve never wrestled me one on one, and you’ve never pinned me. You can talk about... I excel in... think...ing.... Paul Spartan's... parts...” Ok... so he's obsessed on what you haven't done, i.e. pinned him one on one, rather than focusing on trying to counter what you have done... so he'll be looking for a quick pin one way or another if you two get drawn together and he'll be looking to stay off the mat as much as possible because if he loses that record he wont have too much to be proud of apart from his sick-inducing American pride....

~Sean makes a note of this and pins it under Vyle's picture~

Sean: Now how does that affect the rest of the chart?

Kellar: The rest???

Sean: Yeah... the important thing to win a match like this is to know everything about everyone... so in Vyles case... 

~He flicks through the notebook again~

Kellar: Well?

Sean: I'm getting through the American act and all the anti-foreign mush... that doesn't tell us anything we don't already know. It's a daft gimmick carrying off the QVC attitude to life quite effectively... not exactly groundbreaking. Ok, here we are... “Wait, why do I need to do that, really? I've talked about everyone at least once anyway, it’s a waste of time repeating myself.” “But John Kellar does it and uses amusing pictures to get his point across.” “John Kellar’s a moron. He completely ruined his point about Lord Vyle being a stupid name, when he showed a picture of Master Vile. Lord and master aren't the same, obviously.” 

Kellar: So what does that tell us about him other than that he has a better knowledge of kids tv than me?

Sean: If he thinks you're an idiot and feels the need to mock you by sending up the Kellarvision production methods then obviously you're not one of his higher profile targets... so we shift this towards....

~He moves an arrow marked "focus" ever so slightly away from Jon Kellar towards the picture of Amun Maat~

Sean: The Root....

Kellar: Why?

Sean: Have you been living on this planet long? September 11th? Afganistan? Iraq? London Bombings?

Kellar: Ok point taken...

Sean: "I don't care about anyone else, I just want to ruin it for you, Amun. Just for you." said Vyle... a statement born out of the unpleasantness that seems to have arisen recently. Part of it's born out of this American trip that Vyle's on lately, and of course Root attacked his buddy Quake and ruined that segment on Storm. So Vyle sees it partly as patriotic duty, and partly as mindless revenge that he be drawn against Root and beat him... to him, you're just an extra piece of the puzzle that might become relevant but as far as he's concerned isn't yet....

Kellar: That little shit... clearly he's forgotten the CoC....

Sean: I doubt it, with you bringing it up every two minutes... but I see your point. When he was going for it, it was the most important thing in the world, now it's a "glorified battle royal"... funny how times change. In any case... Vyle sums it up best when he says "“I don't care about anyone else, I just want to ruin it for you, Amun. Just for you. Sure there are others in the tournament..." because after that everything else he says is just for extra boost. Kinda like bonus marks on a school test...

Kellar: I see... 

Sean: No you don't, but you will... in any case, you can't rule out Vyle as a threat, but bear in mind that he sees you as a guy who hasn't scored a pin over him, and if you two get drawn together then you're just someone who's in his way, nothing more. Bear in mind that if you two get drawn together he'll have one eye on you, and one eye on Root... plus there's another connection we need to go over briefly....

~He points to another arrow, coloured green~

Sean: Just so you know, red is hate, green is team, blue is respect, and pink is love... any other arrows have what they are written on them. It's to save ink...

Kellar: Right...

Sean: Quake... the master of the shake, the bald buffoon and the man with the winning streak... Vyle's team-mate.

Kellar: What about him?

Sean: Well we need to figure out how he fits into this equation, and the answer seems to be contained in the statement " I mean people like Jon Kellar, Vernon Vanderbillt, Seven or John Taylor all made their names here in GZW they are all the stars of GZW because the management likes them."

Kellar: Management like me? First I've heard of it...

Sean: They like the money and fans you pull in, not you as a person... don't get too excited...

Kellar: I was kidding...

Sean: Well don't. Anyway... when Vyle's with Quake he suddenly has more to say... but don't let that fool you. I think Vyle's solo promo gave us the better idea of how he truly feels... in any case Quake's problem seems to be less with you personally and more with the way your promos are delivered, with the whole snapping thing and the funny images and videos... but there's more too it I feel. So what do we know about Quake...

~He scoots over to the computer and taps a few keys, sighs and shakes his head, then taps a few more~

Kellar: Problem?

Sean: Well unfortunately Quake is such a common-as-muck name in the wrestling world that it's difficult to find the righ... ah, here we go. It's a little out of date but Vyle and Quake have been friends for some time, but had a falling out when Vyle took Quake's vacant title. Nothing we can really use to split them up, and they seem prepared for that eventuality. But there's something about Quake that is plaguing the hell out of me... we're missing something...

Kellar: He's an arrogant prick?

Sean: It's a little difficult to miss that... there's something else...

Kellar: What about Jameson being in rehab?

Sean: That's true... 

~Sean slides back over to "the wall" and shifts a few things around~

Sean: Ok, so Jameson is bound to be in the back of Quake's mind somewhere, because they're great friends, but this doesn't quite fit....

Kellar: JOHN TAYLOR!!!

Sean: Huh?

Kellar: Quake resents John Taylor because he lost the Clash of the Champions match to him... in Quake's mind Taylor robbed him!

Sean: Got it!!!

~Sean places a red arrow leading from Quake to Taylor~

Sean: Hello triangle...

Kellar: What?

Sean: Look... Vyle is pissed off with Taylor for some comments he made about Vyle's career choices in so far as they relate to the US title, so Taylor's pretty high up on Vyles "Ihatecha" list too... and with Quake hating Taylor too and the hatred being mutual on the grounds that Taylor hates everyone on the planet... we have a triangle with two hatred sides, and one team point....

Kellar: So?

Sean: It's been my experience that if ever there are more hatred lines in a triangle then trouble is a-brewin'. Here we have 4 hatred triangles and 2 team triangles giving a ratio of 2-1. Quake's gagging to get his hands on Taylor after that clash of champions... and Vyle's got no great love for the guy either. Plus Quake puts Taylor in the same boat as you, getting the breaks because management likes him, and leaving him to delude himself in the TV division. Vyle and Quake are self destructing and they don't even realize it!!! That's perfect!!!

Kellar: Plus Quake hates Root too, and said he would beat the hell out of him regardless of the draw's result.... 

Sean: This is perfect... 4 guys and not a single one is looking at you... and what do you do when a guy's not looking in wrestling?

Kellar: Twat him over the head with a chair?

Sean: Well less graphically, but you've got the idea...

Kellar: Anyway, Root and Vyle have this thing going on, and Root was dumb enough to bring Quake into the equation... despite the fact he's got his eyes on John Taylor too. John Taylor of course has issues with Seth Raide so he's looking at him...

Sean: And no doubt Taylor's loving the fact that he's beaten you twice... if you include the end of the CoC... so I doubt you're registering too high on his threat list. As far as he's concerned you're a guy who had his moment and then fizzled out all too early... which incidentally is an opinion shared by a lot of people, not least your old friend Zander Frost.

Kellar: Where does he fit in?

Sean: Well let me put it this way, when was the last time you mentioned him?

Kellar: He's not in the LOTC so I've been focused elsewhere....

Sean: So you've not got your eyes on Zander possibly sticking his nose in?

Kellar: If I know anything about Zander it's that he'll rarely get involved in something if it doesn't directly involve the GZW Extreme Title in some way... he wants to be the one to beat me to a blood pulp one on one but he can't because of the ban.

Sean: Good... it's important that you've considered him at least... now, John Taylor himself.... what do we know about him?

Kellar: Loner, distrusts people, tries to stir up problems when and where he can... has Sincere to worry about in addition to the would-be Lords... and everyone seems to have their eyes at least partly on him, not least Seven who continues to have a vendetta against him due to the fact that he keeps wiping the floor with him at any given opportunity.

Sean: Well done, you remembered... now if we take this chart literally we can see that Quake and he have a history, so they'd love to meet each other, however Quake also has problems with The Root who, coincidentally, has his eyes on Vyle due to the American connection and his obsession with the US Title... and the US in general. Vyle returns that hatred due to what Root did to Quake and the threats made against his "family"... so while these guys are still big threats you have to acknowledge that the all have other problems. You can use that against them... and if I have anything to say about it you WILL use that against them.

Kellar: Yes sir!

Sean: Funny... anyway... as we've established, these guys do not have their eyes primarily fixed on you. Now if we look at the others they all fit in slightly differently...

TO BE CONTINUED