KELLARVISION IS NOW BROADCASTING

 


ONE LAST PUSH

(Part 1)

Starring: Kev Mania, Jon Kellar, Sean O'Gara
Co. Starring: Randy Anderson

Kellar: Yeah... my popularity is soaring after that interview! What a complete and total waste of t...

Sean: Jon, newsflash, I couldn't give a flying fuck how inconvenient this is for you, it needs to be done. Right now the world doesn't give a fuck about you and we need to change that pretty damn sharpish. So from now on... shut the fuck up!

Kellar: Well then what would you call THAT!

~Randy Anderson is passed out on the studio table~

Sean: A man who throws everything into his work and tires himself out doing it?

~Kellar folds his arms~

Sean: Look, Mickey Greer is on his way, this interview is going ahead, and then we can move on to other things, in the meantime stop whining!

Kellar: Whatever.... where's Kev?

Sean: He's gone out, clear his head. He's upset...

Kellar: About what?

Sean: Beats me...

CUT TO KEV

~Close up on Kev's face~

Kev: So then Sean makes it look like he's trying to help Jon win the Lord of the Coliseum but really he's just helping himself back to the top. He know GZW wont give him a shot at his age so he has to work his way up on Jon's back by pretending to be his friend. Of course that means he had to get rid of Dyna, because she's Jon's manager, so he blackmails and frames her in order to make sure she's out of the picture, and now he's manipulating Jon into forgetting about her so that she'll never come back. Sean's power mad and he's dragging Jon through the mud and Jon doesn't even realise it! But you know what... let him, when Jon wins the Lord of the Coliseum and the GZW World Heavyweight title he won't need Sean anymore, and we'll finally be free of that Irish bas...

Speaker box: Sir, do you want fries with that or not... yes or no?

~Pan back to reveal Kev at the local McDonalds drive through~

BACK TO SEAN AND JON

Kellar: Well so long as he's back before dark, last time he stayed out late on his own they put out a werewolf warning on the news...

Sean: Huh?

Kellar: A drunk Kev in a fur coat is a dangerous thing... apparently.

Sean: No doubt... anyway where is that Greer guy?

CUT TO MICKEY GREER

Mickey: COME ON YOU STUPID BASTARD, I'M LATE FOR WORK!!!

~The camera pans back to reveal that he is, in fact, stuck behind Kev in the drive thru queue~

BACK TO SEAN AND JON

Kellar: He's probably just hit traffic, Mickey's pretty professional usually...

Sean: Look, Jon.... we're running out of time to carry out this big push as it is. We need to do the interview now...

Kellar: Oh yeah, how?

Sean: Get the raw coffee...

CUT TO KEV

Kev: So my doctor says I should get the lump looked at, but you know how it is when you're a professional wrestler. On the road so many days a year and...

Speaker box: Sir... if you don't move on I'll call the police...

Kev: ...the thing is I don't think the lump can be that bad. I mean, I'm a healthy guy, I exercise...

BACK TO SEAN AND JON

Kellar: Sean, he's completely smashed, this is not going to work...

~Sean has found a very long toilet-roll style tube and placed it in Randy Anderson's mouth with his head tilted back~

Sean: Shut up! I've done this loads of times...

~Sean begins pouring coffee granules down the tube into Randy Anderson's mouth~

Kellar: This will all end in tears...

Sean: Much like Vyle's Lord of the Coliseum campaign but you don't see him whinging now do you?

Kellar: If the price of covering up the truth is dressing and acting like him then I'd rather whinge...

Sean: You're no fun you are...

Kellar: This isn't meant to be fun, the LOTC is on Sunday and this "interviewer" you've got me is smashed out of his brains and will pretty soon choke to death on Nescafe!!! What the hell is fun about that?

Sean: He might die if I don't time this right...

Kellar: That could be fun...

CUT TO KEV

Kev: And they made me their cheif...

Speaker box: Sir... if you don't stop talking I'll hang myself... and my death will be in your hands... you wouldn't want that would you.

Kev: ...and the Mgumbu tribe make very good rice dishes...

BACK TO SEAN AND JON

~Randy Anderson is propped up in a chair, and Sean is slapping his face~

Kellar: Well?

Sean: Well he's either dead or still drunk, I can't tell... either way he can't do the interview.

Kellar: So what do we do?

Sean: Something we should've done a long time ago...

Kellar: What's that?

Sean: Go and find Jeff...

~Enter Kev~

Kellar: And where the hell have you been?

Kev: I got held up talking to someone.

Kellar: Therapist?

Kev: ....yeah, lets go with that.

Kellar: Well at least you weren't talking to a speaker box again... sheesh, the last guy hung himself, very messy stuff....

Sean: I'm sure... did you pass Mickey Greer on your way here?

Kev: Yeah, he's outside actually, getting the equipment ready.

Sean: About bloody time.

~The camera follows the toXic trio out the door of the mansion towards the GZW production van in the drive~

Sean: YOU! MOUSEBOY! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN???!!!

Greer: It's not my fault! There was some guy holding everyone up at the drive thru!

Kellar: Oh really?

~He looks at Kev, who retreats into the house~

Kellar: Can we get on with this? According to my Irish friend I've got a busy day... so let's get it done...

Greer: We're ready when you are...

Kellar: Let's go then...

Sean: Jon... a word...

~Sean takes Kellar aside~

Sean: Just a pointer, the whole "I hate the media" thing you do is cool and everything, but for now, smooth sailing ok?

Kellar: What, why?

Sean: Because I told you do that's why! NOW GET ON WITH IT!!!


**GZW LIVE**


Greer: I am standing here with one of the eight hopefuls that will battle it out for the Lord of the Coliseum....

Kellar: Correction... you are standing here with the future Lord of the Coliseum... I don't need to hope, unlike my opponents.

Greer: Well Jon Kellar, you sound confident, but there's a lot of people out there that still don't buy you as the real deal at the top level.

Kellar: You mean my old boss Monarch? Or perhaps Vyle, or was it Quake? One told me I drop the ball at the top level, and the others feel the need to give me advice about staying below the top level, and even go so far as to provide an example. Vyle is stuck without a single title reign to his name, and Quake is lusting over a belt that only the development fodder and the fallen superstars could give two hoots about.

Greer: and Monarch?

Kellar: Well, as he delights in telling us, he is "the franchise"... or "the messiah"... oh, and lest we forget he's the only CCC Triple Crown Champion in history, not that we could with him bringing it up every thirty seconds. It seems to me that MJC's got the cake of victory in the oven, but I'd advise that he keep it warm, because if he does manage to force his way into this tournament, as everyone seems to be predicting, the Human Dynamite will take great pleasure in making a change in the recipe and giving him humble pie to eat. Like the wise man once said "Keep your words tasty, to prepare for when Jon Kellar makes you swallow them."

Greer: But what about what he said?

Kellar: About dropping the ball when I get too high, he's right, I admit it. I've been so close to the GZW main event that it's not even funny anymore... and like Monarch says, each and every time I hit the glass ceiling I bounce off... but now, if Monarch is the mystery man, then I don't have to push for the glass ceiling anymore, because it's coming to me. When I take MJC out, the glass ceiling will lie smashed all around me, the second icon in as many weeks will be lying at my feet, and I will be one step closer to the Lordship of the Coliseum.

Greer: And if it's not Monarch?

Kellar: Then it'll be the same story... except it'll take me a little longer to smash the ceiling. Whether I smash Vyle, or Taylor, or Raide, or Eddie Virus or whatever the fuck his name is... it's all good to me. Maybe I'll take Cairnsy's little trophy to ringside with me if we end up crossing paths, just to remind him just how good I can be when the moment comes... and on Sunday I'll be better than I've ever been. Whether, in the course of things, I have to end Taylor's Lordship, Raide's title reign, Fever's dream, Vyle's patriot trip, Quake's winning streak, Monarch's legacy, or Chris Cairns' chances of ever appearing on TV again, I will be the man left standing. Many paths, one destination, one true Lord of the Coliseum... me... the Human Dynamite... Jon Kellar.

Greer: Well, Jon Kellar sounding incredibly confident... but can he back it up? Only time will tell....

TO BE CONTINUED