KELLARVISION IS NOW BROADCASTING

 


From Icon to Unknown

Starring: Dyna Might, Kev Mania, Jon Kellar, Sean O'Gara
Co. Starring: Randy Anderson

~Jon Kellar is sitting in front of the television reading a newspaper, while Dyna is sitting in a chair off to the side.~

Kellar: Dyna, is something wrong?

Dyna: Huh?

Kellar: You've been acting strange since Glory Through Honour...

Dyna: I'm fine...

Kellar: No you're not... something's troubling you... what's happened?

Dyna: Well I...

~Enter Sean and Kev, Dyna quickly shuts up~

Sean: Am I interrupting something?

Dyna: No not at all...

~Dyna gets up and leaves, not looking at Sean on the way out~

Kellar: You noticed anything strange about Dyna?

Sean: Like what?

Kellar: She seems like she's frightened of something...

Sean: My advice on trying to read women... don't! Waste of time which often leads to a waste of money...

Kellar: Do you ever get bored of being a pessimist?

Sean: I prefer to think of myself as a realist, and living in the real world is preferable to whatever world Vernon Vanderbilt was living in during his match at Glory Through Honour...

Kellar: I cannot tell you how great it felt to see that little shit fall flat on his arrogant little ass...

Sean: I share that sentiment however it looks like we've got more of a problem this time around.

Kellar: How so? I mean I made a Ring of Honour Icon twice the size of me look like development fodder in the first round...

Sean: And who have you got in the next round exactly?

Kellar: ...

Sean: Precisely, you've ended up with the wildcard, and no matter where we look we can't find the information we need.

Kellar: Where have you been looking...

CUT TO GZW HQ'S HEAD OFFICE, A FEW NIGHTS AGO

~We hear the smashing of glass, and a rope descends to the floor from the ceiling. A man in black, wearing "Splinter Cell" style goggles slides down a rope on a harness. He twists until he is upside down, and presses a switch on the goggles, causing them to zoom in and out. A few seconds later the door opens and Sean O'Gara walks in~

Sean: When you're quite finished arsing around...

~Kev presses a catch on the harness and falls to the ground, crashing through the secretary's desk~

Kev: OOF!

Sean: Smooth... real smooth...

Kev: How did you get in?

Sean: I have my ways....

Kev: So what exactly are we looking for?

Sean: Any documents pertaining to the Lord of the Colisseum tournament. I'm guessing that somewhere there's going to be a piece of paper that reveals Jonny boy's mystery opponent. I dont like surprises and I don't want to muck this one up...

Kev: Does Jon know we're here?

Sean: No, and he doesn't need to...

Kev: Why not?

Sean: Because if we get caught and Jon knows we're here then he becomes an accessory and could be disqualified from the tournament and thrown in prison. Whereas if he doesn't, they've got nothing to pin on him, and it'll just be our arses thrown in prison.

Kev: That makes me feel a lot better...

Sean: Don't worry, I aint been caught doing reconnaissance yet... I've got a 100% record.

Kev: Funny... so have I...

Sean: Really?

Kev: Yeah... 100% of the times I've done something like this I've been caught...

Sean: Well for the purposes of sanity let's say that gives us a 50/50 chance of pulling this off... it could be worse...

BACK TO REALITY

Sean: It was at that point that the night staff began work and we ended up hiding in the storage cupboard for 6 hours...

Kellar: Sounds like fun... did you find anything out?

Sean: Yeah... that we were in the wrong office.

Kev: ...and by the time we noticed it was too late to go there as the regular staff had moved in.

Sean: Apparently the records concerning the LOTC are kept under lock and key to prevent spoilers leaking out, so I went to my next reliable source, the Internet.

Kellar: Any luck?

Sean: The only thing I could get about the LOTC from them was that they're still crying their eyes out because "the future has been killed" in the form of Vernon's elimination, or their sulking about their nostalgia bug being gone because Nathan Williams went out in the first round.

Kellar: Nothing new there...

Sean: So anyway, the way I see it we can guess who your opponent's going to be and train for him, or we can train extra hard and then take it as it comes.

Kellar: You got any inklings?

Sean: Well Monarch springs to mind straight away. After all you're supposed to be part of his little faction but you two haven't spoken in months... it's not like he wouldn't enjoy reminding you whose in charge. Plus he's got the added incentive of the fact that Seth Raide is still in the tournament, and there's revenge afoot...

Kev: Or alternatively they may go for a shock entry to boost the ratings, say... Billy the Brilliant or someone else from a while back.

Sean: Alternatively there may be a wildcard draw to put through one of the eliminated contestants from the first round... the fact is, we just don't know.

Kellar: So what do we know?

Sean: Well to put it simply Jon, people have written you off already due to your lack of communication with the outside world.

Kellar: I've been busy!

Sean: Yeah but unless it's on TV it doesn't count in most people's eyes...

Kellar: Funny, since the almighty Vyle was telling me not so long ago that it was the work off tv that mattered.

Sean: Vyle is a moron.

Kev: Hear hear!

Kellar: True, but he has reached the second round, and is therefore a threat right?

Sean: Depends how the draw goes... he's in your bracket and I have a feeling he's got what's required to pull it off against Chris Cairns, so we have to prepare for that possibility. Right now, however, he's treating you like a washed up stand up comedian and made jokes about him getting it on with George from Rainbow for the good of America...

Kellar: What??!!

Sean: Well that's what it sounded like anyway, to be honest I had my attention elsewhere when it was playing. I recorded part of it for you but the VCR committed suicide after the third cheesy patriotic line so I didn't get all the information I wanted. What I do know is that there was something about America liberating you from your own stupidity, you living in your own little world detached from reality, this coming from a man who still thinks about "Rainbow", and then he went off on a rant at someone else...

Kellar: Who?

Sean: Does it matter? The point is that if he wants to get his twanger out and play with his balls that's his own problem. The fact of the matter is that because you ain't talking, he's not buying you as a threat. I mean what exactly have you been doing?

Kellar: Err...

~He sees a pair of Dyna's knickers sitting on one of the nearby armchairs, and quickly hides it~

Kellar: Nothing...

Sean: Well then might I kindly suggest, and indeed persuade, that you get your head back in the game before this chance slips away. Right now you have a disadvantage in the form of not knowing who your opponent is, so you need to be more focused than anyone else on what you've got to do!

Kellar: Ok ok...

Sean: Right... now the others.... Fever, Quake, Taylor, Raide, and Cairns.

Kellar: What have they been saying?

Sean: Quake hates your voice...

Kellar: I'm hurt...

Sean: I can tell, in any case Quake's going on about running a business and some other rubbish, and apparently he wants you to die from some exotic disease so that you don't speak anymore.

Kellar: That's a little harsh... what did I do?

Sean: You showed him up to be a talent less pile of goofy crap, stole his spotlight, cost him the match against John Taylor by tapping out, and put laxatives in his Quake shake reservoir...

Kellar: I did?

Sean: Not yet... but the night is still young...

Kellar: Sean...

Sean: Look I'm putting ideas out, the only thing you've been putting out is...

Kellar: Alright alright, point taken... what about Christ Cairns, I have to admit I wasn't expecting to see him in this round but, lo and behold, there he is!

Sean: Well obviously he's been drawn opposite America boy, and they're quite good friends, so naturally he's looking forward to that as he believes it's a crowd winner.

Kellar: That Cairnsy... always looking out for what's hot and what's not... what did he say about me?

Sean: Well the general consensus in his column is that a future with you would be uncertain, and that your mystery opponent is Monarch, however the names Pimp Bizkit and Magic have been floating around too, and it is legends night so it would be in keeping with the name if any of them showed up.

Kellar: Indeed, and the other two?

Sean: Taylor is still frolicking around in his own little world living on the fact that he wont last year, and Eddie Fever reckons he's gods gift to wrestling.

Kellar: That's all you're going to tell me?

Sean: For now... right now I have other business to take care of...

~Sean leaves~

Kellar: Kev, is something wrong with Sean, other than the obvious?

Kev: Not that I've noticed, but then I'm thick...

Kellar: True... but I've never seen him this wound up about something. I mean, I'm determined to win the LOTC just like everyone else in the tournament, but since when was Sean O'Gara concerned about me winning it? I mean... we're not exactly the best of friends...

CUT TO DYNA'S BEDROOM

~Dyna enters, finding a suitcase, already packed, sitting on here bed~

Sean: It's for the best Dyna...

~Sean steps out of the darkness~

Sean: You were the inspiration Jon needed to get back on track, now your purpose is done. Your relationship with him is a distraction, and you are a liability... your stuff is packed, anything I missed you just let me know and I'll have it sent on.

Dyna: This is my mansion!!!!

Sean: Not anymore, your father was very easy to persuade once I found those documents concerning that "Iraqi Export" account he'd been hiding in a Swiss bank. It was his mansion, and now...

~He pulls out a peice of paper~

Sean: ...it's mine. And as the legal owner of this house, I am demanding that you leave. Let's make this as painless as possible...

Dyna: YOU BASTARD!!!

~Dyna slaps Sean, very hard~

Sean: I'll put that down to shock... once... and only once... will I put that down to sh...

~Sean catches Dyna's hand pulls her towards him and kisses her flat on the lips. There is a flash of light, and Sean pulls away~

Sean: Thank you Kev...

~Kev walks in and hands Sean the camera~

Sean: Now think this through carefully bitch... either I can throw you out now in a peaceful way and we can dress it up as you "going away for a while", leaving Jon with the idea that you're somewhere safe and will be back soon... or I can show him this, he can throw you out, and he'll remember you as the slut who cheated on him with his manager...

Dyna: But I'm his...

Sean: Not anymore, as far as he's concerned you're the woman whose about to leave his life for a while, and as far as I'm concerned you're a liability...

Dyna: But if he sees that photo then...

Sean: ...Kev will explain that you through yourself at me.

Dyna: Kev???!!! How c...

~Kev is almost in tears~

Kev: I'm sorry Dyna... this is the only way it can work...

Dyna: But he's...

Kev: I'm sorry...

Sean: Jon has a lot of preparation to do for the LOTC Dyna, so he's sleeping now... I suggest you leave and we keep this civil...

~Dyna, crying, picks up her suitcase and makes her way past Kev, who can't bring himself to look at her. She turns around~

Dyna: I don't know how.... or when... or where... but somehow I will make you pay Sean... I will end you once and for all and....

Sean: Get out Dyna... nobody likes a scene...

~Dyna leaves, and Kev just loses it and throws himself at Sean. Sean grabs him by the neck and pins him on the bed~

Sean: Maybe I underestimated you Kev... maybe you're not as loyal as I thought you were... maybe I should just tell Kellar your little se...

Kev: OK!!! OK!!! Just let me go!!!

~He releases Kev~

Kev: Well, now that you've just split Dyna from Kellar after manufacturing it so that they'd get back together... would you mind telling me why you're...

Sean: I have my reasons Kev... all will become clear....

 

TO BE CONTINUED