KELLARVISION IS NOW BROADCASTING

SEALED WITH AN X


Oh Brother...

Starring: Jon Kellar, Sean O'Gara, Dyna Might, Kev Mania


~Jon Kellar has his feet up on the coffee table in a rented apartment somewhere in Japan and is "enjoying" a protein shake in front of his widescreen TV. Enter Dyna~

Dyna: Get your feet off the table!

~Kellar sighs and obeys~

Kellar: Woof!!!! *panting* can I have a biscuit?

Dyna: Fuck you

~Exit Dyna, and Kev appears from behind one of the sofas~

Kev: What's up her ass today?

Kellar: It's that time of the month...

Kev: ... what time?

Kellar: You know... that time...

Kev: ...have you been sniffing the fridge gas again?

Kellar: What?

Kev: Oh wait... maybe that was a dream...

Kellar: Look Kev... Dyna is in a bad mood because of her cycle...

Kev: Oh... her cycle...

Kellar:...

Kev: Does she want me to adjust the saddle again?

Kellar: Kev... shut up. I'm trying to watch TV. 

Kev: What's on?

Kellar: Friends

CUT TO THE SCREEN

Phoebe: Look, I'm a ditzy blonde!

Ross: YES... YOU ARE... A DITZY... BLONDE...

Joey: Hey... that's funny!!! I want food...

Chandler: The man is a garbage can on legs...

Monica: SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU! I'M IN CHARGE!!!

Rachel: Oh God! I've slept with yet another guy!!!

Back to Reality

Kellar: Well, that's episode 1 out of the way... and they've already run out of material... bring 10 series of recycled crap!!!

Kev: Let me guess... the satellite here in Japan can't isn't picking up the British TV channels...

Kellar: The Yanks claim that British humour doesn't travel, and they're right... it doesn't, because as soon as it reaches their borders it gets watered down and replaced with American crap that doesn't fit the context.

Kev: I'll take that as a yes... 

Kellar: Let me tell you, as soon as this "Summer Tour" is over I'm flying straight back to Britain and spending some much needed time with quality television, and I'm going to get planning permission to have a DVD library put in the den at the mansion... don't get me wrong, the people of the far east need exposure to the toXin revolution just as much as anyone... but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy living out here.

Kev: Why don't you watch Japanese tv instead?

Kellar: Kev, if you had ever seen Japanese tv you would not have to answer that question...

~Enter Sean~

Kellar: Top of the mornin' to ye Mickey...

Sean: Fuck you...

Kev: Is it that time of the month for Sean as well?

Sean: WHAT???!!!!

Kellar: *laughing*

Sean: Jon I've been out in the fricking rain all morning, I'm really not in the mood for this crap.

Kellar: I sent you out there to sober up... and it worked didn't it?

Sean: That's why I'm pissed at you.

Kellar: What did you find...

Sean: Well I was watching the Misfits and they all went into this room somewhere, then NeCro separated from the rest of the group so I decided to follow him. He led me to this place where the people smelt of sewage and garlic...

Kellar: Joke... too... obvious... must... resist urge to... mention.... France.... aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!! So he flew to France then? DAMN!!!!

~Kellar smacks his head on the table 4 times. Then sits up, quite calm and cool~

Kellar: Continue...

Sean: O...kay... so anyway, I was hanging upside down from the fire escape in the alley.

Kellar: As one does...

Sean: As I do, and NeCro seemed upset about something. Apparently he's contemplating an incestuous relationship with his sister.

Kev: But isn't she going out with Damien Ar...

~All three members of toXin smile~

Kellar: Are you pondering what I'm pondering...

Kev: I think so Jon... but where are we going to find a blue whale around here?

Sean: Right, well before we get sued by Warner Bros perhaps you should hear what NeCro had to say.

Kellar: I already know, it was on GZW TV about 5 minutes ago...

Sean: WHAT???!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

Kellar: Sean... Sean...

~Kellar puts his arm around Sean~

Kellar: Where's the fun in that?

WE ARE EVERYONE, WE ARE NO-ONE, WE ARE TOXIN, THE REVOLUTION BEGINS...