Against Evil Forces, Singin'
Whiskey for my Men, Beer for my Horses!!
(Our scene opens up in a small bar in Lubbock, Texas. Several cowboy types are sitting around drinking beer, playing poker and pool, of course chewing snuff. The bar looks very similiar to a an old throw back to the early 1900's Texas when real men like John Wayne and Clint Eastwood wore the white hats and served justice throughout the state. In the background there is a jukebox continually pounding out good ole tanging Country tunes. Suddenly the tavern doors swing open and two men walk in wearing white 10-gallon cowboy hates, tight blue jeans and brown leather chaps, and brown cow-hide cut jackets.)
FF: HOWDY BOYS!!
(The whole tavern erupts with replies.)
LG: We got rselves a job boys!
Bartender: Where you boys goin' to werk?
(At the same time the bartender slids them each a frosted mug filled with beer. Both Roger and Eric pick up their glasses and toast each other and the rest of the bar as it breaks into a big drinking social and everyone downs the rest of their beer, including the Gunz who slam their mugs down on the bar.)
FF: We are goin to werk for that new rasslin promotion, Outlaw Wrestling
Patron: Well that'll fit you guys perfectly. But who's gonna be here to chaw tabbaca with us now?
LG: Oh, don't worry about that partner. You know that the Hired Gunz won't be quittin our day job of kickin ass here. We just get to double it up and kick ass every Saturday night just down the road from good ole Lubbock.
FF: That's right partner!
(The tavern doors open again and in walks a smaller man who is greeted by a few people in the tavern as he tips his hat)
SH: Got dem horses tied up for ya fellas.
LG: Nice job, you bring in our chaw?
SH: You know I did partner.
("Sidewinder" tosses each man a bag of Red Man chew. Eric and Roger open the rolled up bags and each one pops in a big fat dip that makes their cheeks look like they have baseballs in their mouths. They sit down at the bar and pull up a large spitoon that fits between their bar seats.)
FF: *spits* You're proven good for something now Hawke. Sure ya can't fight,
(bar laughs)
LG: But you are gettin damn good at lassoing those horses!*spits*
(another round of laughs. People must be getting drunk)
Bartender: So how are the unlucky pilgrams that get to take on our own Lubbock ass kickin, tabbaca chewin tag team?
FF: Some guys from Georgia,*spits* some of those real hick types you know?*spits*
LG: Yea man, these guys think that we are going to be a pushover I think. *spits* Heck, they didn't even know that cowboys existed in the Lone Star State anymore *spits* besides the football team!
(Bar reacts much like in a Pace Picante sauce commercial. "NO COWBOYS?!?!? *spits*)
LG: Thats what I said! I think they better watch out for this Latin lover takin there lady and showing here a real good time!
(Bar resounds with hell yea's and laughs)
SH: I don't know fellas. These are some pretty big guys. They don't seem to get along so well. They want to offer you some Southren Comfort.
Bartender: Southren Comfort? Well boys, I got that on stock, y'all wanna try and take it down right now?
(Skamish and Sanchez look at each other with skum, "What the hell" looks)
FF: *spits*Why don't you bring us both some of that Southern Comfort then and we'll see what these guys are made of.
(The bartender goes back to the liquor stand and grabs a bottle of Southren Comfort. He sets it down and grabs each man a shot glass. He pours them a shot and they each down it.)
FF: Hey, that doesn't taste so bad. *spits* Hows about everyone take a round of Southren Comfort with us?
(YEEE-HA!! The whole bar floor comes up to the bar ad sits down. Most men spittin' in big spitoons as in the back someone hits the jukebox to play "Ten Rounds with Jose Querevo)
LG: Alright boys here's the game, *spits* you guys try to keep up with us if you can. Everytime they say a round we are gonna go another round with Southren Comfort *spits* and see what these boys can do!
(Soon enough the three cowboys have taken down the first bottle. "Sidewinder" drops his head on the bar and the Gunz laugh at him)
FF: *spits* WOOOO-WEEE! *spits* I think Southren Comfort got to old "Sidewinder" over there already! Like I said, not much of a guy in the fight. You ready for another one Gunna?
(Sanchez looks at him like he is crazy for a second then looks back at the bottle. He picks up the bottle and throws it on the floor and it shatters. Spits a big spit into the spitoon and looks back at Skamish)
LG: *spits* You know we ride together partner! Hell yea I'm ready for another one!*spits*
Bartender: You boys are going to run me clear out of booze one day!
(Bartender reaches back to the liquor cabinet and grabs another fresh bottle of Southren Comfort. He sets it down in front of the Gunz.)
FF: *spits* Whaddya say we do this one like real Texas cowboys to show those Geogianins just what they are in fer! *spits*
SH: Hey guysha....maybe ya shouldddaa, not drunk that 'ne huh? We'all gots a big match this Satrunday.
(The bar busts out in laughter. Sean is smashed)
LG: Hey there partner, the bathroom is back by the jukebox. *spits* While you're back there why don't you hit up that tune by Garth Brooks. You know the one I'm talkin' bout.
(Sidewinder stands up and stumbles towards the back of the bar. Once he gets to the jukebox he hits "Friends in Low Places" by Garth Brooks. The bar room sings along. Skamish tips the bottle towards the Latin Gunna and takes a big swig, ignoring the shot glasses. When he slams the bottle down it is 1/4 gone.)
FF: HHOOOOWWWDDDYYY!! If these pilgrims are as tough as there liquor then we'll have no problem whipping the entire great state of Texas with their hides!*spits*
(Sanchez takes another swig that downs just about half the bottle. The whole bar stands and applauds as he whips his mouth and spits)
LG:*spits* WOOOO-WEE! This is a lot of fun! Just like its gonna be a lot of fun for kickin ass and gettin paid for it!
FF: A helluva lot more bank then this place pays us!*spits* HA HA!
(Skamish spits out the rest of his chaw as does Sanchez as Skamish finishes the bottle just as the song gets over. Two bottles tackled in two songs. Not a bad day of drinking for the Gunz.)
LG: So Rog, how bad you thinkin we are gonna whip these boys Saturday night?
FF: Partna, you know just like I do that we as much as they want to show to this great state that they can kick our Texas' asses that it just isn't going to happen that way. Boy I can't wait to see the reaction of the people there when you hit that Sunday Hangover.
LG: Wonder if they'll horke all over the place like Sean is doin right now!
(Bar busts out laughing. Sidewinder steps back out from the bathroom looking a lot better.)
SH: What you boys wanna here next on this here disco?
(Skamish and Sanchez exchange looks)
FF: Sean, hit that theme song, were'all gonna sing along alright!
(That Texas country twang, catchy tune notes hit the bar room as Skamish starts the singin!)
FF: Well a man come on the 6 o’clock news
LG: Grandpappy told my pappy, back in my day, son
Both:Justice is the one thing you should always find
EVERYONE:We’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces
LG: We got too many gangsters doing dirty deeds
FF:It’s time the long arm of the law put a few more in the ground
Both: Justice is the one thing you should always find
EVERYONE:We’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces
("Sidewinder" jumps up on the bar and plays some air guitar)
FF:Justice is the one thing you should always find
LG: When the gun smoke settles we’ll sing a victory tune
EVERYONE: We’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces
(The whole bar busts out in celebration after they get done with their drunken sing-a-thon)
LG: This Saturday we'll find all the rope in Texas and those Georgianins will be hung from the highest tree here in Lubbock!
FF: And then there'll be plenty of whiskey for our men, and beer for our horses! We're riding off boys! Y'all take care and see ya later tonight!
(The bar room gives there good bye's as the Gunz with Sidewinder stroll out of the front tavern door and ride off into Lubbock)
Said somebody’s been shot, somebody’s been abused
Somebody blew up a building
Somebody stole a car
Somebody got away
Somebody didn’t get too far yeah
They didn’t get too far
A man had to answer for the wicked that he done
Take all the rope in Texas
Find a tall oak tree
round up all of them bad boys
Hang them high in the street for all the people to see
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we’ll sing a victory tune
We’ll all meet back at the local saloon
Singing whiskey for my men,
beer for my horses
We’ve got too much corruption, too much crime in the streets
Send ’em all to their maker and he’ll settle ’em down
You can bet he’ll set ’em down ’cause
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
When the gun smoke settles we’ll sing a victory tune
And We’ll all meet back at the local saloon
Singing whiskey for my men,
beer for my horses
You got to saddle up your boys
You got to draw a hard line
We’ll all meet back at the local saloon
Singing whiskey for my men,
beer for my horses
