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Personal journal entry of
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Wednesday June 9, 2004

I swear to god if I hear that damn "Don't want you back" song one more time I'm going to lose it. Fucking Top Of The Tops. Fucking television over here in general. I only get 4 channels and one of them doesn't even come in clearly. It wouldn't be so bad if I had something better to do with my time, but all I do these days is watch TV, workout, watch TV, eat, watch TV, sleep, watch TV and go to work. All the shows are starting to run together.

As far as work goes, this week, I face Calhoon; another tough son of a bitch who is going to try to use me to get to the top. Well I've been used by the best, so once it’s over we’ll see how he measures up to the others.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with Riggs, he's always been a good enough guy (even if his feet smell) but what he pulled on me last week was uncalled for. I don't have time to deal with petty things like egos. My mission is clear. Anything else would just be sidetracking. I can't afford to lose sight of my purpose.

It's too bad. I thought we clicked as a tag team.

Of course we could never have the kind of relationship that Salvador and I shared. That night when we got in the ring together…we moved together as one. I never thought I could be so totally in sync with another human being, but there we were… flying around as if we had know each other our whole lives. To this day I still carry around the small advertisement they ran in the paper for that first match.

At first I was a little scared (it was my first professional match after all) and the crowd had no idea who I was. But they knew Salvador. He was a god to them. As we walked down to the ring I was in awe of the response he got, the looks on the faces of the children. I suddenly realized that I wanted that… I wanted people to look at me the way they looked at him. I longed for it… I needed it…

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By the end of the night I made sure that the fans knew who I was… “The Crow” flew to new heights as I carelessly (and somewhat stupidly) threw my body around the ring like a ping-pong ball. I took bump after bump, and the people popped every time.

In the end Salvador scored the pinfall and our glorious debut was over. I was filled with relief, excitement and sadness all at the same time. Relief that the match was over (and I still had control of my bodily functions) excitement because I new that this was the beginning of a new chapter of my life, and sadness because I knew that no matter how good it gets, it was never going to be better then this.

We pilled into the old pick-up that Gill lent us for the evening and headed home. Salvador just looked at me with a big smile on his face. I shook my head and grinned back at him stupidly.

“You liked this?” He asked.

I nodded my head and brushed the hair out of my eyes. Salvador began to laugh when suddenly steam started pouring out from under the hood. We looked at each other in disbelief for a moment, then we both broke out into uncontrollable laughter.

We decided to camp at the side of the road for the night. There was no sense in walking back to the gym. After all it was a nice night and we were in no rush.

For that one night it felt like there was no one else in the world except for he and I. As we lay together in the back of that truck I was filled with emotion. Looking up into the sky we watched the clouds float past. Salvador pulled out a joint and we settled in for the night. Nether of us saying much, but speaking volumes with our combined auras.

When I awoke the next morning I almost forgot where I was. All I knew was that I was safe and warm. I almost thought I was in heaven. But those thoughts were short lived as I suddenly remembered something… something big…. WidowMaker.

I quickly woke Salvador and we flagged down a ride. Luckily for us Salvador was a local hero, so the first car that passed was only too happy to give us a lift.

As we pulled up to the gym I dashed out of the car and bounded up the stairs, ultimately awaiting a tongue lashing the likes of which I had never known. I flung open the door and was surprised to find the room empty. There was no sigh of him anywhere.

I decided to shower before heading off to look for him. I figured that I needed a little more time to build up my courage and he needed a little more time to cool off.

I thought about the events of the pervious night as the water stuck my skin, washing away the corporeal evidence of my activities. However no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get WidowMaker out of my mind. The rage he was going to display. The verbal tirade he was going to unleash on me.

I got dressed and headed downstairs. He was there. Training with Gill.

“Look who is here. I hear you had a triumphant debut.” Gill beamed.

I smiled and nodded to him. WidowMaker kept his back to me.

“I hope you and Halcon enjoyed your partnership, because the promoter has asked for you to return on a regular basis.” Gill continued.

“Yeah,” I replied, “That would be great.”

Gill smiled and left to go and make the arrangements. WidowMaker still kept his back to me as he worked out with the heavy bag.

“The truck broke down…” I began to say. He stopped and turned slowly.

“My dear Thomas. Or is it Crow? What makes you think I care?” He stared at me, his eyes burning right through me.

“I… I just thought…”

“You should refrain from thinking. It really doesn’t suit you.” He turned back to the heavy bag.

“ I could care less where you spend your evenings. I would like to remind you however that we are not here to make friends. We are here for a reason.” He said as he worked the bag over.

“I know.” Was all I could say as I hung my head.

“No my dear boy, I do not think you do know. That is why one day soon… I will have to remind you.

With that he continued his training and spoke no more. I walked away feeling a little confused and somewhat disappointed. I was hoping he would fly into a rage, throw something at the wall… throw something at me… Do something to show that he cared. Instead I walked up to my room alone.

The next few weeks were a blur. Salvador and I were wrestling at shows almost every single day. I loved every moment of it. The cheers, the parties and the thrill of competition… I felt alive again.

On top of our tag work, Salvador was still competing in singles matches. Sometimes working up to three times a night. He was born to be an entertainer. Every minute of every match he had the crowd worked into a frenzy the likes of which I have never seen to this day. He was doing so well in fact that he had been offered a contract in the NWA. The big time.

I still remember the day. The day the next chapter in my life started. A darker, more sinister chapter.

It was after a night of a big tag team tournament. Salvador and I had managed to defeat three other teams to advance to the next round, the finals. I felt a shiver down my spine as I opened the door to the gym. It was empty. As I walked up the stairs to my room I felt like I was in some sort of a dream. I opened the door and there he was… standing by the window. The WidowMaker.

He turned to me and sneered through his mask.

“I thought you would like to know. I have decided it would be good for me to get in some practice matches as well.” He told me as he walked towards the dresser.

“After all you can’t have all the fun.” He picked up a newspaper and tossed it to me.

“The paper seems to think it’s going to be a good bout. What do you think?”

I looked down and my stomach turned. I felt like I was going to faint as I read the words to myself. I looked back to WidowMaker, he grunted and turned back to the window. I looked down at the ad again. WidowMaker (Carnage as he was known back then) was indeed listed in this weekend’s main event. His opponent…. Salvador Zenon.

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