The Sturgeon View By: Benzilla

Here's a Fun Quote:
"The Jewvision, exclusive to ACW:NWA, your home to all things hebrew!"
-Wizard of Todd, March Mayhem 2004 [ACW:NWA Home Video]

And a 2nd quote!:
"Oh god...no, I couldn't even charge anyone to ride in this."

-Lady who was driving a charter bus or something to Miller Park

She talked about this limo she has for sale [$5,000], I asked if we get the bitchin' suit that she was wearing, but in the size for a fat ass like myself...or atleast a hat.


On Tap For This Column:

-Brewers v. Cardnals [christ that's even CLOSE to being spelled right]
-WHY I FUCKING HATE THE BREWERS!
-How Miller Park RAPED ME
-Stuff you wanna read, or else you wouldn't be here would you?
-Okay, I dunno what I'm going to write....but it'll be something


Christ, its been WAAAAAAY to long since the last time I openly ranted and raved about whatever. So, to full fill that obligation, I present this failure.

First, I really really really hate the damn Brewers. Those sumbitches cost me 2 cases of beer now! Once again I got to visit Miller Park, via limo none the less. So along with Izzy, The-Possible-One-Day-Maybe?- Mrs. Izzy, Bob, Nicole (that'd be Bob's wife, she's agressive), Ref Kyle, and Dan (no, not Dan-0-Mac) and of course our limo driver...Sprinkles....yes....Sprinkles. I dunno why, I DONT WANT TO KNOW WHY...but yes....that'd be what we all knew him as. I assume Kyle knows him as other then that, but hey...if I get to Miller Park drunk AND alive, excellent.

6 cans of Bud later, and about 2 hours later, we arrive in Milwakee [yes, that's mis spelled] and in Miller Park. We find out that it'll be $12 to park this limo, or $30 to park it in front of the stadium. We elect $12, because I don't like paying for parking. Nor did anyone else. So onwards to the $12 "you cheap fucker" parking section. Lady stops the limo, she says it's..get this, FORTY bucks. Yes, Miller Park has just asked all of us to bend over and take it, they didn't even ask or give an advance notice. So out $40 and royally pissed off the new goal is to see how exactly we can make that money back...okay, so it was mainly Izzy making it back via screwing over the guys who sell these dumbass beads and me by making the largest pig of myself as possible. I aim to make a mess now. Fuckers. So Izzy swindles as many of these dudes selling beads as he can, and even the Jew himself would be impressed with Izzy's skills to get them to sell us for hardly anything. I meanwhile made as much of a mess as I could, by leaving beer cans in my path and dumping shit over. Take that. Bastards.

The game? Pretty good. There wasn't many innings where no one was intrested, I kept falling asleep. 3rd shift does that to you. So even down to the 9th inning St. Louis almost came back to win...of course the bastards didn't and of course I was dumb enough to bet Izzy beer. Motherfuckers.

And due to my job, Q-mart, a gas station, I've missed the last 2 weeks of karoke...working 7am-5pm and then last week having a FUN (ha) employee meeting, plus having no one willing to drive me there (I'd drive but I know I'd fall asleep half way) I missed the last 2. This week, I'll return...even if it means I've got to drive smoking half a pack of smokes, half a bottle of NO Doz and as much coffee/soda as I can handle.

And as I said I would, every column up to the Nov. 2nd election, I'm going to remind you John/Jane Q. Dipshit who STILL wants to vote for Bush, why you should perhaps remove your head from a certain body cavity. Ready for it? Here we go. Hear me out. Alright, if you click the link below you'll see the TV broadcast shown on CNN the morning of Sept. 11th. Right around 40 seconds into the clip, I beg of you to view the collapse of the tower. Notice the explosion...weird eh? Now how exactly a building just kinda falls straight down is weird too. Alright, so now that you went and viewed that (I'm hoping or else this next thing is useless) so now having a gander below......one of these things has something in common....

Okay, so now that the Bush bashing for this edition has been completed (but I assure you there's a SHIT load more of it to be done) I can move onto some other stuff...like ah...well I'm going to my 1st rock concert on the 1st of October, I'll be seeing Sevendust, whom I've actually heard of before and listend too. Just as long as I get my 30 bucks of fun outta it, I'll be happy.

You know what pisses me off? Over in the Wizard of Todd's fantasy football league, I'm 0 and freakin 2...over in Dan O Mac's online fantasy football league, I'm 2 and 0! And I've almost got the same players on both teams. I don't fucking get it. Todd's conspiring against my team! That's gotta be it....the Lions lead the division. The Apocolypse is coming, first the Cubs win the World Series, then Mike Winter's gets a lapdance [smokes, drinks, likes the lapdance AND says motherfucker], and to complete the absoulte proof that the apocolypse is here and we are even more fucked then we are right now [which pretty much is going to require the apocolypse] the Detroit Lions win the Super Bowl!!! It could happen, and you know you'd shit a brick if it did.

Oh, and you all still suck [minus Dan] because none of you wrote shit...come on people, if you want me be cough up another $8.95 to keep '4ork.net' alive, let's make it seem worth it, eh? This means you Todd...and you [fill in your name]. Write me something damn it!

Alright, that's all I got....yeah, that's it. For a funny online commentary from a wrestler, I suggest Lance Storm's site, he reflected his WCW days and was trying to make his year or so in WCW seem sane...and then realized that the shithole that evolved into WCW was simply a joke 2000 on. Read by going to stormwrestling.com...look for something that says Absurdity or WCW sucks ass....somethin like that.

Now I'm done, I'll be back whenever....probably write up the Gimmick Change version of my column for the ACW site the week of the next show [Oct. 9th].


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Sturgeon View: Episode One

Sturgeon View: Episode Two

Sturgeon View: Episode Three

Sturgeon View: Episode Four

Sturgeon View: Episode Five

Sturgeon View: Episode Six

Sturgeon View: Episode Seven

Sturgeon View: Episode Eight

Sturgeon View: Episode Nine

Sturgeon View: Episode Ten