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Further... Away from what I once was A legend An icon A God among men A happy carefree man Now, nothing No titles No money No prestige A broken Co-President Is this... Is this how it will All end? [How long has it been? A few weeks? A month? I can’t even remember. It might be over a year. Time has seemed to fly by and stretch out all at the same time. It was hard to even remember what I was doing yesterday. What I did remember was nothing more than a blur of moments with incoherent actions in them.] [It was all buried. It was all hidden. I kept it away from myself. I kept all the pain somewhere I would never look. But it was found. The chest was unlocked. And I was at the mercy of my own demons. And they were not showing mercy.] [Picking at my weakness. Each sting was resonating the last. They were growing. The prison of my own mind. The world around me was nothing of importance. My friend. My company. My position. My duties. All were nothing. My eyes were fixed inward on the massacre within.] [Friday Night Revolution was already being ready to be released for DVD...I think. My concept of time had been disoriented. My days passed by in flashes. Some moments took an eternity. I wasn’t sure of the time. The day. Or, hell, even the location.] [The small hotel room was nothing that I was used to. One small cramped bed. A small stand with a broken lamp and an alarm clock that couldn’t display the digital numbers right. The television was small and the remote wasn’t even in the room. The air conditioner and heating unit was broken with a paper sign displaying it’s condition. The room didn’t even have a bathroom.] [The darkness of the room was defeated slightly by the small red read out on the half-displaying digital alarm clock. My vision was like looking through glass. I hadn’t slept since leaving the last event. Whenever that was. My eyes were drying out and fuzzy with lack of sleep.] [The event at the last Friday Night Revolution was playing in my head. It was burning more and more into my memory. I had tried to defeat the images with alcohol. No success. I tries to walk them out. They were always waiting for me.] [The last clusterfuck of a match had just ended and I was alone in a small room that I had gotten into. The class rooms where just being used again for school. The chairs and desks were all neatly arranged. I sat on the desk in front of the room looking ahead.]
Draco: I have to focus on the pain. It’s the only thing that’s real.
[My words were ringing true. Everything I had was gone. My career. My possessions. My legacy. My love. My heart. My emotions. My everything. I was nothing, but a shell. All my innards were replaced with the pain that was eating the shell and oozing itself out. I was a hollow man.]
[I brought my eyes up and looked around the empty classroom. I wasn’t seeing what was there. There were my demons. The alcohol. The debt. The doubt. The pain. And two in back that I couldn’t look at without feeling a burning in my chest. Hope Finwood and Zimdela Brudon.]
[The only personified demons I had. And yet the worst. Each day was a struggle to not fight the images I saw. They seemed so real. I heard them curse at me. Command for me to pay the debt I owed. Payment I couldn’t make. I only had one thing left to give. But it wasn’t worth dirt. I wasn’t worth dirt. My empire had crumpled to the dirt. Nothing, but a–]
Draco: What?! It can’t be!
[I moved to my feet with a quickness that I had forgotten I possessed. I ran to the tall black door. It hit me. Hard. My hand shook as it reached for the handle. My hands were starting to sweat and it hit again. My eyes began to water.]
[Was I dreaming? Was this some sick dream? It was getting harder and harder to see the line between reality and the games my own mind played on me. The cold metal of the handle was grimly in my grasp. My hands stopped slipping and I whipped the door open. In one swift motion I was out in the hallway peering up and down.]
[I could feel my eyes well up with tears. The grit on my face being washed by the silent falling tear. My vision was blurred by the tears welling up in my eyes. I could see nothing, but blurs. I dropped my head to wipe my eyes and when I looked up seen something turning a corner. I felt my legs start to give and fell backwards against the lockers.]
Draco: It had to be. It must be. I couldn’t make that up!
[I closed my eyes. I was not sure if I was trying to stop the tears or trying to convince myself I wasn’t going crazy. I let my head lean back feeling the cold metal against my warm scalp. If I was crazy it would be gone...right?]
Draco: Right.
[I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. I took a deep breath through my nose. The halls stunk of chlorine from the just cleaned floors, sweat and dirt from the everyday usage of students and faculty, and something else. A scent I was hoping not to find.]
[I slid down the lockers feeling the handles and locks scratch into my back. It was a distant feeling. Almost like remembering a pain long ago. I looked down at the floor seeing my reflection. I held my knees to my chest and started to shed silent tears.]
Draco: You are someone else.
[My voice was shaky and was ready to crack. The scent wouldn’t leave. The burning. The pain. It wouldn’t leave. I started to feel a pain in my legs. I looked down and saw my own hands digging into my legs. I could feel the scratches I was leaving, but I couldn’t stop. My eyes moved back to my reflection. I didn’t recognize what I was seeing.]
Draco: And I am still right here.
[Her perfume was intoxicating me. It was the poison I so eagerly lapped up before. Now it was reeking havoc on my body and mind. I could feel my skin grow hot and my insides go cold. It felt like every neuron in my head was being fried. My chest burned. My head was going to explode. It felt like I was being overloaded.]
[All because of her. Her scent. The blurred image...was it even her? Was this even real? The fabric of my reality was slowly being torn apart. I could feel everything happening at once.]
[The rest of the night was spent that way. Trembling. Burning. Freezing. Aching. The sun came through the far windows at the hall and I could still smell her perfume in the air. It was faint, but I could pick it out. My eyes had dried out and tears made lines in my face. It was a long night. Each moment was stretched and pulled. My torture and punishment seemed to just begin anew.]
[I had my back against the paper thin walls and could feel the gritty wallpaper shift and crack as I shifted my weight. I kept my clothes and shoes on as I sat on the bed. This wasn’t the type of place where housekeeping was a regularity.]
[The darkness suited my fine. The slight reddened hazy light from the barely functional alarm clock was making it seem like a low-budget horror movie. My body was still burning and aching from the lack of sleep. It has been days...no, more like weeks since I last slept. I could feel my eyes wanting to close, but I was too scared to.]
[I didn’t want to see what lay behind my eyelids. The fiery memories of pain. The flicker of them had my chest feeling like molten metal was placed on it. I instinctively placed a hand to try and soothe the pain. It didn’t help, of course.]
[Looking at the darkness I felt a memory spring up that wasn’t etched and overflowing with pain. It was from a man I admired. A man that I respected as much as I could. It was from Edward Blake. The infamous bounty hunter. He hunted humans and supernatural alike. And each dropped at his feet with barely a struggle.]
Edward Blake: There are two choices. Always two. You can either fade into the darkness and grow numb to the world. A slow and numb death, but just before you die you begin to think of all the what if’s. What if you didn’t take this choice.
[I looked down at his hands. They were worn from years of battling in the ring. They shook from a combination of lack of sleep and remembering Edward Blake. He had lost his life and I still owed him to keep a secret he entrusted to me.]
Edward Blake: The counter to the darkness is the flame. If you take the risk of confronting it you either burn or control it. You either destroy or wield it to destroy. You feel everything. The pain of it all. All your demons are still there. You aren’t blind or numb to them. The death is as slow as eternity and twice as painful. But at least you will not ask what if. You will know.
[The words seem to echo in my head. The darkness or the flame. Either way the end was inevitable. It would hurt. It would rack my body and mind. At least I would know. I would know the truth.]
[I picked my head up at that thought. Know the truth of it all. Blow away the lies to discover the truth underneath. Burn all the deception and at least die knowing the genuine truth behind the so called truths. If I had to burn, then so be it.]
[But I will not burn alone.]
[I looked down at my hand and seemed to see a flame. It wasn’t the natural orange flame. No, it was one that was black. It didn’t give off any light. It seemed to devour the light rather than eat it. The red light was being drawn to it and vanished as it came closer.]
[This was my weapon. This dark flame. My pain. My fears. My demons. My loss. All my emotions. Everything being used to destroy the fabrications to expose the truth.]
From grace What do I have left? Nothing But scars on my chest And agonizing memories in my head I have nothing left to lose And nothing left to gain I only want the truth I only want to know Then Then this dark flame can Devour me Destory me Do whatever it has to I will get what I seek The truth |
