Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.
--Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980) Humorist

 


 

***The scene opens with a shot of a dressing room.  Once inside we see David Dunn sit alone, on a couch, with his head laid back looking at the ceiling.  A puff of smoke floats out of his mouth and up to the ceiling.  Slowly David lowers his head and cracks a smile.***

 

DUNN:  You know I came into this match with good hopes and dreams for you Chris.  A dream which I left you breathing and you learned not to screw with the boss.  This was a business deal Chris.  I didn’t want it to be nothing more than just business.  Yet, you seem to want to make this personal.  You want to bring up my past as well as the past of Nate Crow.

 

***David shakes his head.***

 

DUNN:  Nate Crow is dead.  He’s been dead and gone for many years now.  I should know.  I was the one to stand over and piss on his grave.  Many people will tell you that he returned.  That he wanted revenge…I’m not one of those people.  Nate Crow didn’t return.  It wasn’t the same Nate Crow I had fights in parking lots with or cage matches with.  This was a shadow of a man that I use to fear.  That’s right, that I feared.  A lot of people wondered why I would piss on a man that I feared.  Then deny that it was the same person when he returned.  If you knew Nate like I then maybe, just maybe you would understand.  Of course I’m not asking you to understand.  All I ask from you is to open your ears, close your mouth, and listen to what I have to say. 

 

***David leans his head back.***

 

DUNN:  Chris you come into a world that you know nothing about and you think that a phone call from Nate Crow is going to help you sort through the pain the and the despair?  It doesn’t work that way Chris.  Not even if you wanted it too.  I’m going to open your eyes.  Sunday I’m not fighting for the Inner Sanctum.  I’m not fighting for Chris Carey.  I’m not even fighting for myself.  I’m fighting for you Chris.  I’m fighting for you to open your eyes for once in your life and see that your not who you think you are.  That you’re not the best.  That you’re not crazy.  That you’re just alone and afraid.  All the phone calls, history lessons, and old enemies that you bring up to learn more about me is going to change that.  You see I opened my eyes long time to the reality of this business and of life.  Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends...No hope. Take all that away... and what's left?  Yourself.  In the end, you're always by yourself. You're all you've got. That's the point.  You still haven’t gotten that point Chris.  You still depend on you brother Strick.  You’re new found friend Nate Crow.  The voices in your head.  The pain.  All the crap.  You’re always depending on someone or something to give you some kind of comfort.  That’s all going to change.  Trust me Chris.

 

***David gets up and walks over to a mirror.***

 

DUNN:  Why do you think I choose the SlaughterHouse for your match.  The SlaughterHouse is a place I’ve always gone to teach me a lesson about reality.  About how the world is uncaring and unwilling to let anyone stand any where but alone.  There’s no way out of this match.  The cell is going to be lowered, the match is going to begin, and your in for the biggest moment of your life.  Even knowing your not ready.  Bottom line is, even if you see it coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what you, helpless? A Puppet? No. The big moments are going to come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean.  Then you’ll understand the reality of everything Chris.

 

***The scene moves out of the dressing room.***

 

***FLASH***

 

***The scene reopens on a stage with the lights dimmed.  A man runs out of the back just as the lights hit the stage to reveal that it’s a game show.  The lights reveal a huge sign in the background which reads, “The Dirty Dozens”.  The camera moves to the right were we see three contests standing behind three stands.  Across them is a game board, kind of like Jep…never mind.***

 

SHOW ANNOUNCER:  And here’s our host for the show, MANDEEP THE GREAT!!!

 

***M.T.G. runs around the stage waving to all the fans.***

 

MTG:  I am Mandeep the Great and this is the Dirty Dozens game show.  Tonight is celebrity night here on the Dozens.  Each player will be playing for a worthy cause.  That’s what they told us any ways.  So let’s meet the players!

 

***MTG runs up to the first contestant.***

 

MTG:  Our first contestant is none other than rap superstar, MC Hammer!

 

MCH:  WHAT’S UP DOZENS!!!!!!

 

MTG:  Alright Mc what’s up.  What worthy cause are you paying for?

 

MCH:  The, “I need pants that fit” charity.

 

MTG:  Sounds like a worthy cause to me.  Let’s meet our next contestant.

 

***MTG walks down to the next player.***

 

MTG:  Let’s have a big Dozens welcome to 80’s superstar, Corey Feldman!

 

COREY:  What going on Deep!

 

MTG:  What worthy cause are you playing for?

 

COREY:  My rehab bills!

 

MTG:  I don’t think there’s enough money to win here today to cover all those bills.  Let’s move on to our last contestant, Mike Tyson!

 

***MTG walks down to the last player.***

 

MIKE:  What’s up man.

 

MTG:  What worthy cause are you playing for?

 

MIKE:  I’m playing for the M. T. K. M. A. Foundation.

 

MTG:  What exactly is that charity?

 

MIKE:  It’s the Mike Tyson kicked my ass Foundation.  It helps ex-boxers get new teeth makeup for those black eyes.  Stuff like that.

 

MTG:  Very nice!  We’ve met the players now let’s play, the Dirty Dozens!

 

***MTG runs up to his stand next to the game board.***

 

MTG:  You know the rules of the game so lets see the categories.

 

Yo Mama So Old…

 

Yo Mama So Fat…

 

Yo Mama So Stupid…

 

American Presidents..

 

Pot Luck…

 

MTG:  Mike you won the coin toss backstage so you start us out.

 

MIKE:  I’ll take Yo Mama So Stupid for $300 Deep.

 

MTG:  The answer…TV.

 

(DING!)

 

MTG:  Corey.

 

COREY:  Yo' mama so stupid, she smashed open her TV hoping to find a TV dinner!

 

(DING! DING!)

MTG:  Correct and now you have control.

 

COREY:  I’ll take Yo Mama so Fat for $200 MTG.

 

MTG:  Answer…Army.

 

(DING!)

 

MTG:  Corey.

 

COREY:  Yo' mama is so fat, when she joined the army and the soldier said head for the trenches, they all jumped in her butt crack!

 

MTG:  Correct!

 

***The game continues for a while.***

 

***FLASH***

 

***The scene reopens as Corey is standing next to MTG.***

 

MTG:  You’ve won the game today Corey.  Your taking home a total of nine thousand dollars for your worthy cause.  Now the big question is, would you like to chance your nine thousand against the Dirty Dozen’s Champion for a chance to double your money?!

 

COREY:  You know what…I’m going to go for it!

 

MTG:  That’s what myself and the fans like to hear.  So here he comes, the Dirty Dozen Champion, David Dunn!

 

***David Dunn is brought out on a lazy boy leather chair.***

 

DUNN:  The champion has arrived.

 

MTG:  Yes he has.  Now Chris, you know the rules.  You have 60 seconds to insults David’s mother so bad that he gets out of his chair and kicks your ass.  If he does that then you win a total of $18,000 dollars today here on the Dirty Dozens.  60 seconds is on the clock…let’s begin…

 

COREY:  Your mama is so poor she does her homework on an Etch-a-Sketch.

 

***David starts to move a little bit in his chair.***

 

COREY:  Yo mama's so fat she gets turned on reading a cook book!

 

DUNN:  Well Yo' mama so fat, when did the splits, she gave the road a hickey!

 

***Corey backs up for a second.***

 

COREY:  Yo' mama like a Big Mac -- full of fat and only worth a buck!

 

DUNN:  Yo mama so stupid she gave your uncle a blowjob to help him have work related help when he applied at a windmill.

 

***Corey gets right in David face like if he was going to punch him.***

 

COREY:   Yo mama's so fat, she got busted in the airport for having 200 pounds of crack.

 

***David is about to get out of the chair when the siren goes for the time limit!***

 

MTG:  It’s over!  David Dunn is still the Dirty Dozen’s champion. 

 

COREY:  I WAS ROBBED!!!!!!!!

 

***David gets out of his chair and punches Corey out cold.***

 

DUNN:  That was for Lost Boys bitch!

 

***The scene fades away as David is shaking MTG hand and waving to the crowd.***

 

***FLASH***

 

***The scene reopens with an aerial shot of a barbwire cage.  It seems to be at least three stories high into the air.  In the middle of the roof of the cage David stands looking around at the cage.***

 

DUNN:  This will be the place for your lesson Chris.  This will be the place where your eyes, ears, and mind will be opened at last.  You will be alone here.  No one is going to help you.  I won’t show you mercy or pity.  What I will show you is the reality of all things.  I won’t stop until you learn the truth.  I won’t stop until you come to terms with everything you fear.  When that moment does happen though, the moment when you realize what life and this business is all about…you will have my respect.  Maybe you’ll even have your own.  I just hope that you come to terms with reality before there nothing left of you.  Enough said.

 

***The scene fades to black.***