Kakony: We're sitting here with the self-proclaimed Iron Man of Pinnacle World Wrestling, the Ominous Terror himself, Dakkon. Welcome, Dakkon.
Dakkon: Thanks for having me Kakony.
Bunn: Now Dakkon, we realize you are a 2 time World Champion, a One time Television Champion, a One time United States Champion, and you were one half of the first tag team title belts to ever be won, with Damnation. What do you feel you have accomplished in PWW?
Well Bunn, I realize that I am one of the handful of wrestlers who has held every title belt in this federation, save for the cruiserweight title. I think I have established myself as a legend in this federation, an idol to some young wrestlers, and one of the all time great wrestlers of all time. I feel good about my accomplishments, and I would like to thank you for reconizing them.
Quite the gentlemen. Now Dakkon, recently we have seen a great deal of tension between you and Blade, another Pinnacle World Wrestler, what do you have to say about this feud?
As I've said before, this kid just doens't seem to understand what I'm saying. He keeps speaking of destruction of the WCW, when everyone in the WCW are jobbermouthed newbies who have never even experienced me in the ring. These children are fighting a midcard civil war and suddenly one of the warriors decides he can take on the Gods. I mean really Kakony, it's as if a Greek soldier is standing up to Zeus himself, who would you have your bet on?
Sol....Zeus, of course. It makes perfect sense to me.
Now Dakkon, You express in your speeches that you want Blade to 'Read Between the Lines', I'm not sure I know what this means myself. Could you clarify it?
No. If you don't understand what it means, you are just as stupid as Blade. It's sad Bunn; I thought you were more intelligent then that but I must have been wrong? Where did Orange recruit you again?
Well it's a funny story really, it has to do with the similarity of a rhinoceros and a tree.
. . .I don't get it, how are they similar at all?
They both have horns you imbecile. . . Well, except for the tree of course.
That makes no sense. You are a waste of flesh and should be shot and killed on sight. If I wouldn't get arrested for it, I'd choke you to death right now to avoid you talking to other people and effectively making the human population less intelligent then they already are.
Well, while Bunn is busy finding tissues to soak up his tears, I have a question for you. While you seem to be verbally bashing Blade, which I guess would soon turn to physical bashing, you also threw compliments in the way of Aaron Knight. Mind explaining to us why? You usually aren't friendly towards anybody.
Well I have a certain respect for Aaron, for one, because he's upcoming and has talent, and two, because he's going to kick the shit out of Blade in the pay per view, and theres nothing I love more then a good ol' fashion beat down. If you're suggesting something homosexual, I can give everyone at home an old fashion beatdown right here in this interview.
Of course not. Now. . .
What is that smell? Smoke? Oh my god, Bunn. . .is that. . .a marajuana cigarette?
[Coughing from the smoke] It's medicinal, I swear. I have my prescription right next to my gun cabinet at home.
You rolled it wrong moron, give it here.
[ Bunn and Kakony are stunned, and Bunn hands it over to Dakkon. He promptly gives Bunn a short, abridged lesson and hands it back to him. The interview continues ]
Well. . . After that short interruption, on to more important things. You made a major impact on Monday night, attacking Blade, Knight, and several others. Why?
Well originally, It was a way for me to release my aggression, and I was unaware of the card. Had I realized Aaron was wrestling, I would have skipped him as a target, and had I known Blade was on the card and was going to react this way, I would have made sure he didn't make it out of the arena in one piece. But that is alright, because soon after this pay per view, he will realize who is really in power here. All children need time to learn, and this is just another infant who needs care and special treatment. In due time this boy will learn why I have been so dominant over the years and why he is still a lowlife midcarder and always will be.
Powerful words indeed, Dakkon. Now Dakkon, you are about seven foot one, three hundred pounds, a towering statute. Why don't you show me just how powerful you are, and gently body slam me on the ground.
I don't know Kakony. . .
Come on, just do it. Pansy. Chicken. Bring it.
[ Dakkon calmly stands up and as does Kakony. Bunn is too stoned to figure out whats going on and is laying on the ground, studying the sky. Dakkon slowly grabs Kakony and lifts him up easily and gently body slams him to the ground. He chuckles gently and grins. Kakony doesn't move. Dakkon's smile fades slowly and he looks more concerned about the situation. Kakony doesn't move at all and Dakkon looks back at the cameramen and producers. Bunn is now laughing on the ground and rolling around, screaming about how he loves the 'Yellow Daisies'. Kakony has not moved in a full five minutes and Dakkon looks very worried. A producer slowly walks out and reaches down for Kakony's pulse. ]
What did you do to Kakony you bastard!
He asked me to body slam him, I did. . . It's not like I did it hard or anything. . .
He has no pulse at all. . . You've killed Tony Kakony, our beloved announcer! YOU MURDERER!
[ Dakkon is absolutely stunned and worried. People are frantically running around Kakony and screaming at Dakkon. Bunn is now standing up, and is running around in circles screaming about how he loves the Dixie Chicks. Wait. Kakony slowly moves and arm. Then a leg. He is helping himself up. ]
He...hel....hello? Where...where am I? Who....who are you? Why are you touching me?
Tony...Tony are you ok? Can you hear me? How are you feeling?
Dakkon...Dakkon....YOU HAVE JUST BEEN PUNK'D!!
. . .
Save for Bunn being stoned, this was all an elaborate joke, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You son of a bitch.
[ Nearly like the Hulk, Dakkon seems to grow large with his anger. He lifts Bunn into a piledrive position and drives him through the chair. Bunn still has no idea whats going on. He clotheslines Kakony over his stretcher and grabs the producer by the neck. He chokeslams him through the stretcher and stands over top of their bodies, breathing heavily and enraged. He turns to the camera crew and motions for them to come over to him. ]
Punk'd....please...nobody pulls that bullshit with me. Did you see that Blade? Are you watching? That is what you are trying to do to me, in every aspect. You are like three old men trying to punk me. And that is exactly what you will get in return. Did you see the piledriver I put on Bunn? Imagine that, from the top ropes. That's right Blade, nows the time to begin the shaking in your boots, the avoidance of me in the hallway, and stopping the barrage you're putting on me. Whatever you are trying to pull here, will be stopped in it's tracks, like a Toyota Camry into a solid brick wall. First Aaron will deal with you at the pay per view, then you will come right off that beating into me. It's brilliance at it's best Blade, and I didn't even have to put any thought into it. You came up with it yourself. You might even say, you dug your own grave this time. Now, you don't even have your pitiful Fear Factory mates to try to save you and convince you that wrestling me is a very bad life decision. I was once in that horrible group, and luckily after a short stay, noticing the wasteland I was in, I got out. Our 'Fearless' leader in Blade was a horrible wrestler, and an equally bad leader. Pathetic all-around one might say. Well Blade, I hate to leave you here, but unfortunently there is much more important matters. . .like feeding my dog and washing my car. Farewell. . .
Ich will. . .