John Cena Quotes

"Have a frickin' sleepover!" -- Cena to Bischoff/Jericho

"HBK, I'm scouting you heavy because I know there's no one better
But you're a little too friendly wearing chaps, chains and leather

And gold medal or not, Kurt Angle's going south

Forget your mouth piece, I'll put my piece in your mouth

Big Show's a giant! He's enormous! I can think of a million adjectives

But it's just another case of big things with small packages

And Carlito, you ain't cool, you're some Chia Pet puss

And instead of spitting out apples, you should be choking on deez nuts

Lita's a slut, y'all should run the other way when you see her

I shook her hand last week and she gave me gonorrhea

And you, you claim you're Money in the Bank, and you think you know me

Well John Cena's like a pinwheel, so you can go ahead and blow me

The champ is here! And I never back down, I never quit

If I gotta, I'll fight you all, because I just don't give a s---"

"Newsflash! Half the people out there think I suck!" - John Cena to Kurt Angle

"The old man's got a plan. He's chillin' in the buildin'.
Did I tell you I'm like light beer? I taste great but I'm less filling." - Cena dressed as Vanilla Ice telling Steph that her "dad" is in the building.

"Alright, stop, collaborate and listen
Ice is back with a new proposition.

Your position, is that of a failure.

I'm 'a nail ya

To Jamie Noble's trailer.

And then I dare ya,

To run around and cause a scare

Give people shakes

and make 'em change their underwear.

I'm on top, it's my fault you're under there.

You want a beer?

Ass bald, don't shave ya back there.

Fast, gotta go, it's been a blast.

Came out the lockerroom,

Stole Rey Mysterio's mask

Tried to get 'Taker's cast

But it was plastered on too tight.

Peace, gotta go, 'bout to hotwire his bike!" --Cena dressed up as Vanilla Ice

"I'm untouchable,
Straight down to the walk.
Get your cell-phones
cuz I'm calling out Brock!
(exaggerated mock fear)
Don't talk about Brock Lesnar -
He'll come up here and kill me.
Brock Lesnar sucks as bad
As the city of Philly.
Oversized oaf
His forehead, his jaw.
Let me tell you people
What F-5 stands for:
Fee, Ö Fie,
Foe, Ö Fumm
Uh, I forgot my name.
My brain went numb.
Damn, I'm dumb!
You're so cozy,
You couldn't beat a cripple in a dance-off.
You want The Next Big Thing?
Let me take my pants off!
You're smart as a third-grader
That never went to class.
And I challenge you next week,
So I can kick you ass!
Oh, you didn't get that?
Let me rewind it for ya -
(Cena mimicked with his body a VCR rewinding a tape)
I challenge you next week,
Word-Life!"John Cena rapping/calling out Brock

"Hey Iím sorry to interrupt you Steph, I had this dream of you last night
You had me standing at attention, I canít wait to see you catfight
I lost my concentration, I was staring at your ďtargetsĒ
And at Vengeance hopefully Iíll find out if the curtains match the carpet
No I mean it, Iíll be glued to the boob tube, youíll squash Sable completely
You make all five of my girlfriends jealous (holds hand up), each of them wants to beat me
You and Sable fighting, thatís good for my health
Something about you makes me get in touch with myself
Look, hereís 20 bucks, please rip Sableís top off
You see, I got this little fetish with nipples and Iíll definitely get my rocks off
And Sableís just a ho, you are a Diva with class
No oneís watchiní us Steph, why donít you let me slap that ass!" John Cena rapping to Stephanie

"Yo Undertaker, you say I gotta learn the hard way?
I got a phD in Thuganomics. I know everything there is to know.
I know we should put you out to pasture, have a seat on the porch
Youíre scared to death to pass this new legend the Torch
Going from Lucifer after Dead Man in a casket?
Donít mess with me, Iíll put you to Hell in a hand basket
Talking Hellfire, telliní people you the devil?
Youís a flamer punk AND youíre not at MY level
You canít sacrifice me, my name isnít Mideon
Iíll go Waco on your ass, like a Branch Davidian
Telliní people you devil, chanting 666
I claim heavenly Vengeance, and Iíll make you my bitch!Ē John Cena rapping about Undertaker

"You canít erase me. Iím gonna make you taste me" - John Cena, to Brock SD 2/27/03

"It's not your fault you're not this hard,
I called immigration; they took your green card." - Cena rapping to Eddie.

ĒItís a damn shame we are in El Paso.
After I take your gold, Iím gonna take your sister Homes!Ē - John Cena rapping to Eddie

"Kill the beat
Yo. Look at all the familiar faces
Hey man, thatís like the first boyfriend you cheated on. He letís you touch all 4 bases
And after you spent the night together, you couldnít walk right
Started with dinner and a movie, ended up watching a cockfight
Yo. You donít belong here. I heard about that green card you stole
You better start running south before I call border patrol
You know what? Iím looking at this picture and thereís something thatís not fittiní in
You got the U.S. title and youíre not even a citizen
Go ahead, get deported. For me thatís not a set back
Iíll beat you in the Gulf of Mexico and leave you with a broken wetback
Iíll have to punk you out in front of your family here in El Paso
Break you open like a piŮata, stick my foot up your a------!" Cena rapping to Eddie

"You fool, you don't know me.
You're Darth Vader to my Obi Wan Kenobi." - Cena rapping

"You need to listen Undertaker. Iíve been watching you Deadman
Youíre full of more crap than a super-sized bedpan
And this whole things a front man, you ainít never been deceased
You drive from funeral to funeral, just to hit on a priest
I heard rumors about you dawg, you used to hit on men often
I 2-wayíd Paul Bearer, he said you shared the same coffin
It was never Dead Man. The whole time you were fakiní
And you beatiní John Cena? You gravely mistaken
See you old news dawg. Fans wonít even miss you
You ainít a dead man. You just a dead issue
And at Vengeance Iím going to prove the Big Dog is all bark
Iím gonna claim my territory. Piss right on the mark
Word Life!" -- John Cena

"Yo yo yo. Undertaker,
Yo beat me at Vengeance. Thatís okay, you didnít stop me,
Iím still talking smack and backing it up. Iím the white Muhammad Ali
And youíre just jealous because you didnít get your hands on my python
Dead Man Inc is bankrupt, just like Mike Ty-son
And Iím gonna MAKE this statement. John Cena is amazing
You all canít see me, my flow is sicker than AIDS patients
Yeah, I broke your ribs, now Iíll break your reputation
Iíll leave you on the wrong side on a Kobe Bryant violation
Iím the real Main Eventer, you just a counterfeit
Iíll stick your head up your ass. You can it your own S---!" --Cena rapping to 'Taker

"You want to battle? I refuse to get ripped
You little bitch, you couldnít wrap a Christmas gift
Youíre not All American Kurt, you wore out the gimmick
You couldnít win a bronze medal in the Special Olympics
Iím the dirty America, look in my eyes, Iím right here
Youíre the American Dream? Well Iím Americaís nightmare
Iím just a punk, pissing off more people than crank calls
Hope you got your 3 Iís Kurt, cause you got no balls
And when God was handing out brains, itís obvious you didnít get none
Iím usually throwing up 2 fingers, but youíre special, you get one (flips Kurt off)
So hit this catís music, so the fans can say ďYou SuckĒ too
This finger doesnít mean you're #1 Kurt, it means Iím saying F--- you!"

ďHey Iím not nervous cause you got this weird fetish with butts.
Iím scared because your favourite food is sausage and nuts!Ē -- John Cena, rapping about The Assman

"ďIt makes me sick when you come out here and run your little mouth.
Weíre in the Great White North but you can bit my Great White South!Ē -- John Cena, rapping to Kurt

ďI don't know what you're doing right now, but I bet it's more than likely
You've got your grubby mitts shoved down Orlando's tighty-whities!Ē John Cena, about Undertakers and Orlando Jordan's relationship

"The mask is kinda cute, and the entrance is crazy slick.
But we donít see eye to eye Rey, because your face is at my dick!" John Cena, to Rey Mysterio

In this moment of blessing
And toss Torrie Wilsonís salad and hope there's no dressing
We could eat her breasts and thighs when I get her alone
I'm spoon-feed her white meat, and hope she chokes on a bone
I brought Banana cream, Dawn, do you want to give it a try?
For desert, I'm getting some of that Dawn Marie pie
Shaniqua, why you sitting with those Bashams at all?
He's got a plate full of sausage; he's choking on a ball
Let me give you some advice cut these losers loose
Let me put some white sprinkles on your chocolate mousse
You maybe Native American but I'm pitching the teepee
When you stand up and wanna smack my frickin' tv
You make it real steamy, just like a pressure cooker
After youíre done with me you hit the Gobbledy Gooker
You all are gonna feast on this pie, but wait a minute while I check it
Because I get my pie first, everyone else is second
Amen!" Cena raps for Thanksgiving

"Tis the season to be spreading love and holiday cheer
Iím pissed. Iíve been getting ripped off for 26 years
I asked for presents. All I ever got was yellow snow
So this year I turned Mrs. Claus into a Ho Ho Ho
Christmas Even, when Santa Claus is skipping over my house
Iíll be in his crib, with my hand up Mrs. Clausí blouse
And when his fat ass gets stuck down some small chimney
While sheíll be hanging off the balls from my Christmas tree
Yo. With all the other elves up there, I donít know who else has tapped it
So when I give her my Christmas gift Iíll be sure to wrap it
So put out your milk and cookies for Good Olí St. Nick
The longer heís gone, the longer Mrs. Claus is working my ---!" And Cena does Christmas (w)raps too!

"So, Paul Heyman said this match is for the best interest of Smackdown?
Heís just protecting that bitch Brock, because all he does is back down
Thinks that he can beat us both? Thatís a dream. He better snap out
Iíll straight up whip his ass and Benoitís gonna make him tap out
So, me and Chris fighting tonight? Thatís kinda awkward at first glance
Thatís like a Third Grade dance over at Neverland Ranch
But if we gotta fight tonight, thatís oooookay. Iíll shake my shoulder off
Iím gonna kick his ass so hard Iím gonna make his colon cough
Forget them three-ways and replays, I donít care whose feet hit
Iíll turn his gap tooth brown, because Iím gonna make him eat shit!"

"Yo, yo, yo
Untouchable, Spreading Jedi Thuganomics
Now I got my padawan learner
You're about to feel the burner
Cut the beat!
Latino Heat, why do you want to continue this feud?
I got you crapping in your pants just like Mexican food!
I see fear in your face, bro. You're worthless like the Peso
I eat you like some chips that's been covered in Con Queso.
I beat jobless, go back to bein' a car jacker
Against me you are going to choke like the Packers
I'm right here in Green Bay, you get auctioned on E-Bay
My flow is so hot you got to keep the instant replay
Untouchable clique and we are standing tall
You are eliminated first like fat chicks in dodge ball
We go yo heavy metal shows just to fight in the most pit
My dogg will eat you alive, you'll end up dog s---"

"Last week, Paul Heyman, Iím here to apologize
Because when fat a$$ was eating soap, I should have rubbed some in his eyes
It was Paul Heyman who made the match, ainít no way Iím stopping it
Last week he was chewing soap, that foolís just used to dropping it
And itís ironic that his favorite team is the New York Yankees
Who is his favorite Little Rascal: Alfalfa, or is it Spanky?
Or is it Brock? I heard they give each other naked back rubs
Big Showís got the neck brace, he was bobbing for apples-in Paulís bathtub
Tonight is just like the Rumble, competition is soft
People attack me, I throw Ďem out, they just keep beating Ďem off"

"Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo!!
Now is Atlantic City here to represent?
Now THAT is poppiní off, baby!
But then we got Big Show, saying that I live in a dream land
Iím chasing his title quicker than heís chasing the ice cream man
(imitating the Big Show) Yo man, let me get a rocket pop, or an ice cream sandwich,
one of them frogs on a stick or something, come on man, I gotta eat!
He ran down his whole resume, just to create his own buzz
That dudeís a mark for himself, just like Gastineau was
Get off your jock, heís all over himself man
He plays Black Jack alone just to beat his own hand
And the casino manager told him that money was bread
So he didnít cash in his own chips, that fool ate Ďem instead
You bet against me at WrestleMania, dude you in the wrong spot
I keep it X-rated, thatís why they call me a long shot"
-- John Cena rapping in NJ

"Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo
You see, at WrestleMania Big Show didnít think I was a fighter
I put him on an F-U diet, he came out ten pounds lighter
The Smackdown video gameís the only way he can play me I bring championships home like my name was Tom Brady
But thereís some people out there that think I disgrace this titleís heritage
Thatís cause your boyís causing more controversy than gay marriages
Cole, Cole, no offense bro, weíre still cool, right?
Plus, the FCCís cracking down on me, too
Man, those people suck, just like the Yankees do
But Iím still throwing the W up, changing the whole industry
Iím like the big dick bro, nobody can finish me!" - Cena rapping in Mass.

"Chill Chill Chill Chill Chill
Welcome to Smackdown, this is where the franchise plays
Thatís Tazz, heís a thug, and thatís Michael Cole, heís gay
Now thereís some things you need to know
Iím here to keep you prepared, bro
Donít leave your watch or your wallet anywhere near Eddie Guerrero
Fool pickpocketed me like five times, he still owes me fifty bucks, heís still got my ID
This is the most important thing, but youíll remember, this oneís easy
Donít go nowhere near a bathroom after Big Show or Rikishi
They got that funk like something up and died up in here
And get your eyes off my equipment, I donít care how bad you want some
This chain ainít for yanking, and donít touch my Magic Johnson
Those French folk got their own thing, but Iím not going to judge
Youíll do you, and Iíll do me, know what Iím saying
Iíd introduce you to these fans, but itís obvious they want none of you
Itís because they know that France sucks, plus they throwiní up the W!
Be a good time for you, donít let the door hit you when it shuts
Oh, I got something for you to do man, choke on these nuts!" -- John Cena throws a bag of peanuts at Rene Dupree

"Rene, you tried to kill me. But bitch you're still soft.
You took your best shot at me and couldn't finish me off.

I'm still standing, because I'm ready for more.

And at Judgment Day, John Cena is ready for war!

Wearing these colors *points to army camouflage* is more important than it seems to be.

You'll never understand what this title means to me.

I'm a real soldier, fighting for the true blue, white and red.

Only way you gettin' this title is if you leave me for dead.

You see that ain't gonna happen because come this Sunday night,

he will show his true French colors and not even show up to fight." --Cena rapping about Rene Dupree

"After the show, Micheal Cole is going to chase after some boy bands.
Tazz, you need to calm down your man.
He's got those weird posters of N*SYNC and he's falling in love with O-Town!" -- John Cena

"Your favorite color is rainbow, and you can't even think straight." - John Cena to San Francisco during a house show

  • ďUntouchable clique and we are standing tall.
    You are eliminated first like fat chicks in dodge ball.Ē - John Cena rapping
  • ĒI know this fat chick in high school, she was a good dodgeball player though.Ē - Tazz commentating

    ĒYou smell like crap so I know you donít like soap.Ē - Cena, to Paul Heyman

    ĒI can tell by looking at your body type that you are probably hungry. Letís see fat ass take a fat ass bite out of this soap.ď - Cena, to Heyman

    ĒDonít spit it out. We all know you swallow, so donít spit it out.ď - Cena, to Heyman

  • Question: Which WWE Superstar would you want to be stranded on a desert island with?
  • John Cena: "It would be Dawn Marie, because she's representin' Dirty Jersey, and she's got a J-Lo booty. I've got a secret fetish for her. Maybe we could make a Gilligan's Island out of it. Hopefully, good things would come of it."

    "Everyone knows that you get free health care, but looking at Test it's obvious you don't get free dental." Cena talking about Test

  • Paul Heyman: ďAre you sure Benoitís feet hit first?Ē
  • John Cena: ĒAs sure as youíre a fat tub of donkey crap!Ē

    ĒCole, why you frontiní? I know we have history together.Ē - John Cena, to Cole

    Ē...He looks hungry though.Ē - Cena, talking about the Big Show

    ĒTazz, Iím glad youíre out here acting as a buffer.
    Shoelace, you are acting like a fluffer.Ē - John Cena

    ĒBooty went out in like í84 bro. I know the retro thing is coming back, but thatís like me saying Audi 5000. Ē - Cena, after Cole asked him if he was going to kick some booty

    ĒIím wearing baggy pants, heís wearing a singlet. Whoís got the hog log?Ē - Cena, after Tazz talked about the name of one of Big Showís moves

    ĒThose are pretty strong words coming from Macaulay Culkinís little brother!Ē - John Cena, to Josh Matthews

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