Philadelphia…Da birthplace of ECW..where da hell is dat? Philly ain’t cool…dey coulda at least got Carlito St. Louis…dat would been an improvement…but instead we got Philadelphia…what in da hell is dat…
‘ Stuttering Backup ’ Matt Morgan: I th-th-th-think…
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Jus shut up man’g…we don’t got enough time for dat…like Carlito has told you in da past, you’re better seen an’ not heard…you are Carlito’s big back up…so you better be ready to back Carlito up at ECW…not dat Carlito is gonna need it. Carlito has got dis thing handled…now if dis was a face painting contest…or who could make da angriest face contest…den dere wouldn’t even be a need for Carlito to show up…but unfortunately for da angry face painter…das not what it’s gonna be. An’ he is in trouble…Christian may think he’s got da edge because he beat Carlito once already…but even a blind squirrel finds an acorn every once and a while. But he ain’t gonna get lucky again…dis time it’s for real. Dis time Carlito is actually gonna try…and dis time Carlito is gonna win…an’ das gonna be da coolest night ever. It’s a shame dat it’s gonna be in Philly…das not real cool…but when Carlito puts da nice shiny United States Champeenship around his waist, it will no longer matter. All will be good…an’ all will defientley be COOL!
Carlito looks at Morgan who just smiles at him not wanting to further embarrass himself by trying to speak.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Silence is golden man’g…an’ Carlito is gonna be golden after ECW…with dat nice shiny title around his waist…das gonna be soooo coooool! It’s gonna be da coolest night in Carlito’s life…it’s gonna be cooler dan cool…it’s gonna be da coolest. An’ da ECW will be needing to thank Carlito…thank Carlito for givin dem a cool champeen…dat will make da place cooler. Gregory Helms is holdin da place down…it’s time for da new fresh face of professional wrestling an’ da E-C-W to step up and take his spot on top of da throne…an’ das what Carlito is gonna do man’g. Gregory’s day has pasted an’ it’s time for da ECW to have a new top gun…an’ not dat Tom Cruise guy, he ain’t cool…its time for da ECW to be represented by someone cool enough to hold da World Heavyweight Champeenship…an’ das CARLITO!
Carlito looks up at Morgan who just grins goofily as Carlito reaches over and grabs his drink and takes a sip from it.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: You know what Carlito needs to do…to go see if dat betting board thing has Carlito, Bret Hart, Christian Cage an’ Gregory Helms on it…because Carlito knos dat it would have him as a favorite. An’ for all da people who see dis…you need to come to Las Vegas and put everything you own on Carlito beatin three chumps to become da new United States Champeen…because it’s gonna happen. So like Carlito has been sayin for da past few weeks, The Undertaker better enjoy his las few weeks with da ECE United States title…take some pictures or somethin man’g…because dis is da last few weeks of his uncool reign before Carlito unifies. Carlito remembers da show in WWE called “Tough Enough” well Helms you may be Tough Enough…but you are not COOL ENOUGH…an’ to Carlito dat’s all dat matters man’g. An’ Carlito is sick and tired of seein’ you make ECW uncool…because da United States Title…das cool. An’ you’ve made it become really not cool…an’ dere’s one man cool enough to bring da coolness back to life in da Title…an’ das of course Carlito.
‘ Stuttering Backup ’ Matt Morgan: Yeah Carlito…you got it ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Did Carlito tell a joke…what’s so funny man’g? Carlito was bein serious and laughin’ when Carlito’s bein serious…das not cool man’g…not cool at all.
‘ Stuttering Backup ’ Matt Morgan: I was try-trying…to say th-that you got it…got it…HANDELED!
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Carlito knows dat he’s got it handled man’g…you think Carlito needs you to let him know dat da situation is under control…Haha now das funny man’g. You are gonna make Carlito bust a rib…haha. But seriously man’g…what are you gonna tell Carlito next…dat Gregory Helms isn’t cool….HAHA I’m killing myself…if you keep dat up Matt, Carlito is gonna start callin’ you Captain Obvious…because das all you jus did man’g…state da obvious. Anyone with a half working brain…and dat means you too knows dat Carlito is gonna defeat Gregory Helms, Bret Hart, and Christian Cage to become United States Champeen…dis thing is in da bag like it’s groceries or somethin man’g…dere ain’t nothin’ Helms is gonna to do to stop it either…it’s gonna happen. All dat stands between me and Helms is time and opportunity…an’ when da time is right Carlito is gonna take advantage of da opportunity…because das da cool thing to do. An’ das what Carlito is all about.
Carlito smirks as he pulls an apple from his pocket and tosses it up and down into the air.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Matt what do you see…what is dis?
‘ Stuttering Backup ’ Matt Morgan: It’s an app-app-apple.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Good Job? But dis is more dan an apple man’g…dis is Christian’s future…dis apple is destined to be spit in his ugly grump face…an’ Carlito is destined to become da next United States Champeen…an’ it will take more dan a miracle for Christian to walk out still da Champeen…he may have dodged a bullet las time…dis is Carlito. Undertaker may be da Phenom or whatever…be he wasn’t cool enough to get da job done. But Captain Cool…haha das me…well Captain Cool is cool enough to get da job done…an’ Gregory Helms will find dis out first hand…when his reign comes to an end courtesy of Da King of Cool…Carlito…Caribbean…Cool!
‘ Stuttering Backup ’ Matt Morgan: Yeah ma-man it-it-it-it’s….gonna be the be-be-be….best night ever.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Wow…again with da obvious you gotta stop dat…what are you gonna say next…dat Gregory Helms has a big head…seriously man’g you gotta cut dat out or Carlito is gonna cut you…dis is gettin’ old havin to get a new side kick…but Carlito thought dat you were cool enough to be Carlito’s big back up and be cool enough to hold onto da job…are you gonna let Carlito down?
‘ Stuttering Backup ’ Matt Morgan: N-No-No…I a-am not.
‘ Das Cool ’ Carlito Caribbean Cool: Das better man’g…an’ das more like it. An’ Carlito is not gonna let da people down at ECW…because da United States Champeenship belongs to dis cool prestigious star…it does not belong to Helms..his time at da top is comin’ to an end. An’ dere isnt a thing he can do about it…but enjoy his last few days at da top. Because at ECW…Helms, Carlito may not be a teacher but he’s gonna take you to school…to da school of cool. An’ when Carlito gets done wit’chu you’re still not gonna be…dere’s no hope for you to become cool. But dere’s one other thing dat you’re not gonna be…an’ das da United States Champeen…because at Dead End…Carlito is gonna hit da jack pot!
Carlito smirks as he turns and pulls the lever again. This time he hits the jack pot, what perfect timing. A huge siren goes off as money starts shooting from the machine as Morgan and Carlito try to prevent it from going all over the place. As Morgan tries to control the situation Carlito smirks and turns back to face the camera.